“Oh, yes, I did. Many times. And now that I think about it, maybe I’ll try it again. Especially since I don’t have anyone to worry about except myself, either.”
“Are you crazy?” Alex stood, too, and glared across the table at her. “You could break your neck.”
“No crazier than you. You could be blown to bits,” she shot back.
“That’s the risk I take to do my job.”
“Not because you have to. Because you want to. And if I want to ride bareback at a gallop across an open field, I will.” Angrily, she moved past him and headed toward the door.
“Kari, wait.”
Reaching out, Alex caught her arm, halting her in midflight. She whirled around, her eyes shooting sparks, and tipped her chin up challengingly.
“What?” she demanded.
He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to turn her over his knee or grab her and kiss her until the last of her defiance disappeared. Either way, he’d no doubt cancel out any headway he’d made toward convincing her he only had her best interests at heart.
She’d resent the hell out of being bullied physically. And more than likely, kissing her would only stun her into momentary silence. He wouldn’t mind that, but there would be hell to pay later. Which left him little choice but to pacify her verbally.
Taking a deep, calming breath, he met her gaze and smiled ruefully.
“Of course, you’re free to do whatever you want. But I wish you wouldn’t take any unnecessary chances. I’d really hate for you to get hurt.”
“And I’d really hate for you to get hurt again,” she replied, that faint quaver in her voice once more. “Last time, when Devlin told me you might die, I —”
She stopped, obviously alarmed by what she’d almost admitted, and looked away.
“What?” he asked, almost afraid to hear her answer.
Was it possible that she still harbored some fond feelings for him? He desperately needed to know. And yet—
“It doesn’t matter.” Not quite meeting his gaze, she eased her arm from his grip and stepped back. “I’d better go in. I’m kind of tired.”
In the candlelight, she looked weary beyond words. Still, Alex hated to let her go. Their conversation had taken an odd, totally unexpected turn, leaving him with questions he wanted answered.
But he was afraid that if he blocked her way, she’d start to unravel. Although he’d gone out of his way to treat her with beneficence, he knew she’d been deeply dismayed to find herself at his mercy.
Pushing her too hard now could be disastrous. Especially if he pushed her in a direction she suddenly seemed determined not to go. Better to give her a chance to regroup, and do the same himself. Otherwise they both might say things they’d regret.
Much as he’d like to know that she still cared for him, what good would it do? He couldn’t admit that he still cared for her, as well. Not when he couldn’t allow himself to do anything about it.
“I usually turn the air-conditioning off at night and open the windows, but if you’d rather —”
“I like sleeping with the windows open,” she assured him as she edged toward the door. Then, eyeing him thoughtfully, she paused and asked, “But won’t that cause a problem with your security system?”
“I’ve got it rigged so the windows can be opened up to six inches without tripping the alarm,” he replied with a slight smile.
“Oh.” She lowered her gaze and shrugged with seeming indifference. “I was just curious.”
“Don’t worry,” he said. “The bogeyman won’t get you while you’re here.”
“As far as I’m concerned, he’s already got me.”
“Hey, I haven’t treated you that badly, have I?”
“Not today,” she said as she stepped into the house and pulled the door closed.
Not today, he thought, but six years ago...
Her simple statement a subtle reminder of what he’d done to her once, Alex tilted his head back, stared at the stars sparkling in the night sky and cursed himself for being such a fool.
Chapter 6
Gradually becoming aware of the birds twittering in the trees just outside the windows, Kari opened her eyes. From the pale sunlight playing across the bedroom floor, she surmised, with surprise, that it must be just past dawn. A glance at the clock on the nightstand confirmed her suspicion. Six-fifteen. The time she normally awoke.
Despite all her tossing and turning after she’d crawled under the covers and switched off the light last night, she was back on schedule. And, miracle of miracles, she actually felt rested, even though she had still been awake around midnight.
She hadn’t really expected to sleep at all. Not after the lazy way she’d spent the day. And especially not after that last little exchange she’d had with Alex.
She’d started out asking about his plans for the future, not only to make conversation but to satisfy her curiosity. Then, all of a sudden, she’d found herself baiting him purposely.
She had wanted him to admit she still meant something to him. She had given in to a contrariness she couldn’t seem to control, tossing off that comment about riding like a wild woman—something she had done years ago when she had thought she was invincible.
But Alex hadn’t reacted as she’d hoped he would. He’d been more angry than anything. And, her own temper flaring, she had almost gotten caught in her own trap.
She had come close, much too close, to revealing just how devastated she’d been eighteen months ago when Devlin told her Alex might die. She’d managed to stop herself just in time. But she had a feeling Alex had gotten her drift anyway.
Not that he had seemed to care. He’d been more than willing to let the subject drop, easily allowing her to use her weariness as an excuse to put some distance between them.
Actually, more than anything she’d been suffering from a sense of defeat, and taking refuge in the back bedroom had seemed the wisest thing she could do.
Trying to lure Alex into admitting he cared for her had been an exercise in futility. And now, more than ever, Kari knew that the time had come for her to accept that fact and move on emotionally.
Were she also able to move on physically, she’d have an easier time of it. Up until the past few days, she’d actually been able to go an entire day, sometimes two, without thinking about him... much. But that wasn’t possible now. And wouldn’t be until they’d dealt with Brandon Selby.
She could only hope Alex would have some idea how to stop him quickly and efficiently. Then she would be free of both of them. After last night, that was all she really wanted.
Wishing she could think of something—anything—else, Kari threw back the light cotton blanket and sat up. Unlike yesterday, she wasn’t woozy at all. She was wide-awake and raring to go. Had she been at home, she would have thrown on shorts and a T-shirt and gone for a run. Come to think of it, she might just do that anyway, she thought, as she stood and stretched.
Though she had closed the bedroom door last night, she noted it was now half-open. Alex, of course. He’d probably come in to check on her during the night. Come and gone again, evidently not the least bit tempted to—
“Stop it,” she muttered, taking a T-shirt and her running shoes from the closet, then moving to the dresser for a pair of shorts, underwear and socks.
In the bathroom she dressed quickly, washed her face, brushed her teeth and ran a comb through her hair, her determination to get some exercise building steadily.
If Alex could run with Devlin, he could just as well run with her, or trust her to return to the house after running on her own. She’d lazed around for the past four days, which probably had a lot to do with the maudlin turn her thoughts kept taking.
She’d definitely had way too much time on her hands lately. More than she was used to having, anyway. And she was beginning to feel it in her bones, she thought, acknowledging again the restlessness that had been stirring in her since she’d first awakened.
Pounding cross-country at a
good clip ought to use up some of her excess energy and help clear her head. Telling Alex the truth about Brandon would be easier if she felt a little more in control. As with riding, running always gave her a sense of freedom as well as a sense of power over herself and her destiny. And now, more than ever, she needed that.
Breathing in the aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafting down the hallway, Kari glanced into the other rooms on her way to the kitchen. Alex’s office and the spare bedroom were both neat and tidy—the desk in one cleared of papers, the twin beds in the other made up just as they had been yesterday.
What had Alex done last night after she’d left him standing on the deck? Come to her room sometime after she’d fallen asleep. She knew that. But had he slept in the chair by her bed again or alone in the spare bedroom?
Since he would have spent the night in her room only to keep tabs on her, she tried to tell herself it made no difference. Yet a part of her wished she knew for sure. The part of her that couldn’t quite let go of her youthful dreams no matter what he said or did to dispel them.
She expected to find him in the kitchen, but he wasn’t there. Moving to the window over the sink, she glanced outside and saw him sitting at the table, his back partially turned to her, his bare feet propped up on the railing.
She wondered how long he’d been out there. Most of the night? Knowing how little and how lightly he slept, she wouldn’t have been surprised.
He’d changed clothes, though. He now wore gray knit shorts and a white T-shirt. And be seemed relaxed. As she watched from her place by the window, he lifted his face to the morning sun and smiled slightly as the breeze ruffled his hair.
For a moment, he looked so boyish, so carefree, that her heart ached with longing all over again. She remembered seeing him like that years ago when he’d come to visit with her brother. Not at first. But after a while, when he’d finally begun to feel comfortable enough to set aside his natural reserve.
She also remembered believing she had somehow had a hand in his transformation, not only as Devlin’s often capricious little sister, but in her own right, as well. Especially as she’d grown into a young woman.
But if that had been the case, then why had he walked out on her? What man in his right mind would intentionally avoid a woman who brought him happiness?
Looking back, she could only assume she’d given herself more credit than she deserved. Perhaps she had wanted to be the light of his life so much that she’d found ways to convince herself she was.
But not anymore. As she’d reminded herself more than once already, she was older and wiser now. And by no stretch of the imagination could she think that Alex’s current contentment had anything to do with her. He was simply enjoying the early morning alone, as he obviously believed himself to be, while she spied on him shamelessly.
Forcing herself to turn away from the window, Kari bypassed the coffeepot, deciding to wait till after her run to indulge, and headed for the kitchen door. As she stepped onto the deck, Alex glanced over his shoulder, his expression guarded. Then, moving his feet from the railing, he straightened in his chair.
“Don’t let me disturb you,” she said, halting a few feet from the table as he stood and faced her.
“You’re up early.” He continued to eye her warily, as if expecting her to bolt.
“Not really. I’m usually getting ready to start work by now.”
“There’s fresh coffee in the pot on the counter.”
“I saw it.” She hesitated uncertainly. Then, determined not to let him intimidate her, she added, “I thought I’d go for a run first.”
To let him know she was serious, she crossed to the railing and began her warm-up routine of bends and stretches.
“Sounds like a good idea to me. I’ve been kind of a slug the past few days. Give me a couple of minutes to put on my shoes and I’ll go with you.”
“Sure,” she agreed, as if she really had a choice.
Granted, he had offered to accompany her. However, she knew better than to think he’d allow her to go off on her own. But then, she didn’t mind having him along. Not at all.
Ten minutes later, they moved down the drive, side by side, at a moderate pace.
“How far do you usually run?” Alex asked.
“About five miles.”
“Every day?”
“Usually only three or four times a week,” she replied, smiling slightly at the hint of awe she’d heard in his voice. “When I’m scheduled to ride most of the day, I Shorten my run or skip it altogether.”
“From the way Devlin talked, you’ve been winning a lot lately for your owners.”
“Yeah, I’ve had some good days,” she admitted, her smile widening. “And I still enjoy riding in competition. But what I really love is working with the kids who come to us for lessons. Watching them gain poise and confidence in the saddle is such a pleasure. And when they start winning at shows it’s a real thrill. Some of them have so much potential—more than I ever did.”
“What about Selby? Does he give lessons, too?”
Despite the direction their conversation had been taking, Kari was momentarily taken aback by Alex’s question. She wasn’t quite ready to talk about Brandon yet. But obviously Alex was.
“Hardly at all anymore,” she answered at last. “And it’s just as well. He’s not what you’d call patient or understanding. After he drove off three of our most promising students, I finally convinced him to let me do most of the teaching. Now he only works with a couple of boys in their late teens. Ones he considers to have the potential to become Olympic contenders. He’s also taken over most of the training of our various owners’ younger horses.”
“How many other people does he having working for him?”
“Half a dozen stable hands on average. They come and go. Mostly go, considering his penchant for temper tantrums. And about the same number of college students who help out with riding classes or stable work on a part-time basis in exchange for boarding their horses. He’s been talking about hiring another trainer and expanding, but as far as I know, he hasn’t interviewed anyone for the job yet.”
“Shouldn’t you have a say in that? Since you’re going to be partners and all?” Alex asked, reminding her, with seeming innocence, of what she’d told him yesterday.
Refusing to look at him, Kari ran on in silence for several seconds. At his instruction, they turned back toward the house. Still she didn’t speak, though she knew the time had come to tell him the truth. And neither did he, evidently willing to wait as long as necessary for her to respond.
Admit that you lied to him, she told herself. Admit it and get it over with.
“Brandon and I aren’t going to be partners.”
“But I thought you said—”
“I lied,” she cut in before she lost her nerve. Then, with a surge of speed she hadn’t known she could muster, she sprinted ahead of him, her gaze locked on the house.
She had no choice now but to tell Alex what she suspected Brandon was up to. And in all honestly, the prospect of finally coming clean with him left her feeling more relieved than anything.
Lying, even out of a false sense of self-preservation, had never sat well with her. She’d always tried to be honest in her dealings with other people, whether they were friends or foes. And from now on, she intended to be honest with Alex, as well. About everything. Even her feelings for him...if the occasion warranted.
Whether by design or due to the damage that had been done to his leg, Alex allowed her to go on ahead of him. He didn’t bother to catch up with her when she slowed to a walk so she could cool down, and he was still several hundred yards away as she climbed the steps to the deck.
Pausing, she glanced back at him. He met her gaze, his expression unreadable as he continued toward her, limping slightly. She eyed him uncertainly, trying to decide whether to stay outside or go into the house.
“Why don’t you shower and change clothes,” he suggested. “Then I think we’d
better talk.”
She nodded, then headed for the door, grateful for the momentary reprieve he’d offered her. Thinking about telling him the truth was a lot easier than actually doing so was going to be. Not because she had any qualms about sharing her suspicions with Alex. But because she had a feeling Alex was going to want to know why she’d lied in the first place. And answering him truthfully, as she intended to do, could prove to be distressing. For her, and perhaps for him, too.
Twenty minutes later, dressed in fresh shorts and the last of her clean T-shirts, Kari returned to the kitchen to find Alex at the counter, sliding a huge brownie onto a plate.
“Ah...amaretto-laced chocolate decadence,” she said as she filled a mug with coffee. “The breakfast of champions.”
Looking not the least bit abashed, Alex glanced at her. “Want one?” he asked. Then he gestured toward a box of muesli Kari knew for a fact was actually quite tasty as he added, “Or would you rather indulge in a bowl of that nuts-and-twigs stuff?”
“I should eat the cereal, but...” Kari shrugged and smiled. “If you’re going to throw caution to the wind and start the day on a sugar high, I might as well, too.”
“I had a feeling you would.” He sliced an equally large brownie for her and put it on a plate, then nodded toward the door. “Why don’t we go back outside while it’s still cool enough to be comfortable?”
Kari followed him out to the deck and took the same chair she’d sat in the night before. Suffering only a moment or two of regret for her intemperance, she dug into her “breakfast” with undisguised relish. She could easily afford to gain a few pounds, though doing so by eating sensibly would be wiser. However, considering all the explaining she had ahead of her, having a little treat first didn’t seem like that bad an idea.
To Alex’s credit, he let her eat in peace. But when he took their empty plates inside and returned with the coffeepot, Kari knew her grace period was about to end. As Alex refilled her mug, he verified her suspicions.
“So, you and Selby aren’t making wedding plans, after all,” he said.
“No, we’re not.” She turned toward him and saw that he was watching her intently.
The Lady And Alex Payton Page 10
