“You have no idea how much I’ll miss you. But, Cassandra, my offer for you to join me will never expire.”
“I can’t.” I whispered the two words I couldn’t say earlier. “I’m going to miss you too. Please don’t think I won’t. But for the next two weeks, we’ll be on a perpetual merry-go-round, one we can’t get off. You go up, I go down, and we’ll keep spinning in the same circle.” I stared deep into his eyes, mine filling with tears. “The thought of you not being here in two weeks is too much for me to handle. I thought I was strong enough to power through and use this time we had left together to create memories, but all it’s going to do is cause agony. I’m so sorry, Dante.” The tears that threatened seeped from the corners of my eyes. “I feel like we’re avoiding the inevitable.”
Dante closed his eyes, pain etching the features of his gorgeous face. “I understand.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him as close as I could, needing to feel every inch of him against every inch of me. His long, lean body felt boneless as he buried his face in my neck. The dampness against my shoulder, and knowing where it came from, did me in. I pushed away, and Dante’s red-rimmed eyes said all we wouldn’t.
That was it.
We were over.
Chapter 24
Dante
I opened the door to my brother, Sabrina, and her son, Mikey. “You’re late. What, did you hit traffic between your floor and mine?”
“No. We had an artwork emergency,” Sabrina said before kissing my cheek.
I moved aside to let them pass, Luca’s gaze holding mine as he did.
“Thith ith for you, Uncle Dante,” Mikey said, extending a folder, his toothless smile responsible for his lisp.
I held back my chuckle and smiled. “Oh, thanks, buddy.” Inside was a crayon drawing of what I guessed was Luca, Mikey, and me playing soccer. And off to the side was Mikey’s rendition of his mother smiling. “I love it, dude. Great picture.”
“Well, we didn’t get to play thoccer yet. Luca thaid we’ll play when I vithit Italy. Thith ith for you to remember when I come there thomeday.” Luca and I lost our battle to suppress a laugh at the same time, earning a scolding glare from Sabrina.
I bent down to put us at eye level. “Great idea. I can’t wait to show you I’m better than Luca.”
“Me too.”
“Sweetie, why don’t you go play with your cars so the grown-ups can talk.”
“Okay.” He scurried toward my living room, falling to his knees and dumping out the contents of his backpack.
“How do you not laugh all the time? That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Luca chuckled all over again. “It’s very new. He lost the first one and then the second front tooth over the weekend. Cost me forty bucks.”
“What? When did the tooth fairy hit the lottery?”
“That’s his own fault,” Sabrina said with an exasperated sigh. “I said two bucks was plenty per tooth.” A pregnant pause reminded us of the real reason for their visit, dread hanging around us like a thick fog.
“So why tomorrow?” Luca asked, finally getting to the point.
“Why not?” I led them into my kitchen. “Wine?”
“Sure,” he said as Sabrina said, “Thank you.”
Sabrina sat at my island, accepting the glass of cabernet I offered as Luca stood behind her. His hands began rubbing her shoulders, almost absentmindedly. “Dante, what happened to you not leaving for two weeks?”
I passed my brother his glass before shrugging. “That was for Cassie.” Neither bothered to hide their confusion, prompting me to explain. “They wanted me immediately. The idiot in me assumed she’d be coming with me, and two weeks would be enough for her to notify work and pack up. We all know that’s not happening, so why bother prolonging the inevitable?”
“Dante, I don’t know what to say.”
“I know, Luca. Believe me, nothing you could say would change things. I thought I could have her and my dream job, and that wasn’t fair to assume.” Hating the pity I saw in Luca’s eyes, I averted my gaze into my glass instead. Like the solution to all my problems would reveal itself in the deep burgundy liquid, but it didn’t.
“It just seems…” He stopped and looked at Sabrina. “I’d never seen either of you as happy as you’ve been these past months.”
“Isn’t there a way you guys can make it work long distance? A few years will go by fast,” Sabrina offered hopefully.
“Could you live without Luca for a few years?” My question instantly caused her to backtrack with a slow swing of her head from side to side. “Right. And having her give everything up wasn’t any more practical. We both knew it had to end.” That actuality was what prompted my decision to book the first flight I could get to Milan. “Look, it didn’t matter if I left tomorrow or in two weeks. She’s not coming, it’s over, and being here longer than necessary is not helping the situation.”
No matter how many times I told myself this was the right thing to do, the finality of it still hurt. Waking to her picture on my wall, her scent on my sheets, and the memories of the time we spent together made each moment I stayed harder than the last.
“Have you spoken to her?” Sabrina asked, the same sadness in her expression as her boyfriend’s.
“Yes. We spoke about an hour ago.”
“So she knows you’re leaving tomorrow?” The crushing reminder of our second goodbye practically stole my breath.
“She does.” I took a few steps back to lean on the counter across from them. “Yesterday was torture, for both of us. It’s better this way.” The look of anguish on Cassie’s face after she decided to leave still haunted me. The crushing pain I felt in my chest still stole my breath.
“Well, we’ll see you next month,” Luca offered as a consolation.
“What are you talking about?”
They exchanged a loving glance before focusing on me. “Mikey doesn’t know yet,” he said just above a whisper. “I surprised Sabrina with a Christmas trip to Milan.”
“He also surprised me with his plan to get married. My parents and brother will be joining us.”
“That’s fantastic,” I said too loudly, and then offered a whispered apology. “Congratulations. Ma and Pa will be over the moon.”
“Yeah, please don’t tell them. Like Mikey, we weren’t planning to until like a day or two before. They’re no better than a six-year-old.”
“Ma is going to kill you.”
“She’ll get over it. Also, the gang doesn’t know. We didn’t want to screw around with everyone’s holiday so last minute.”
“Last minute is an understatement. How did you pull this off?”
“It wasn’t easy.” Luca shook his head, but the grin he sported canceled the frustration. “I’m handling everything on my end, Sabrina will have her dress, and I confided in Gianna, who is helping as much as possible. We have it covered. Except for one thing.”
“Rings?”
“Nope. I need a best man.”
“You do, huh? Good thing I’ll be in Milan. Convenient and all. You’re welcome.”
He grinned while flipping me the finger. “If I had another brother…”
“Screw you.” Luca laughed at me as I joined in. “And your maid of honor?” I asked my future sister-in-law.
Once again, she exchanged a glance with Luca. “I was going to ask Cassie, but now my mom’s going to do it.”
Things keep getting better and better. “I look forward to meeting your family and standing up for you,” I said, pushing aside my fucking sorrow.
“What time is your flight tomorrow? I can take you.”
“Seven, I think. Thanks, but I’d rather cab it.”
Luca nodded. “I get it.”
I walked to my desk and grabbed the sealed envelope with Cassandra printed on the front. Walking back into the kitchen, I handed it to Luca. “Do me a favor and give this to her.” As I packed my camera equipment and extra flash drives, the
disc I made for Cassie containing all the pictures I’d taken of her sat in my drawer. The plan was to look at them together one day, but since that was no longer possible, I wrote a quick note, stuck it in an envelope along with the disc, and sealed it.
“You know, you have time to give it to her yourself.” Luca stared back at me before accepting the manila package. When I didn’t respond, he assured me she would receive it. “Look, I know I said over and over I was Switzerland, but if you need my help, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks. But there’s really nothing you can do.”
“Okay. Even though I’ll be seeing you soon, I’m going to miss you. Having you here has been great. It’s been a long time since we’ve lived in the same city, let alone the same building.”
Luca stood, and I wrapped my arms around him. “I’ll miss you too, little brother.”
Sabrina dabbed her eyes with a napkin. “This is awful. I hate goodbyes.”
My brother dropped me like a hot potato and replaced me with Sabrina. I envied everything about their relationship. Leave it to me to find a woman I could have that with, only to lose her. What I thought had been love with Charlene didn’t hold a candle to the feelings I had for Cassie. She mentioned the irony of it all and she was right. The only difference was, back then my heart had been broken… yesterday my heart shattered.
Cassie
If my cab driver didn’t step on it, I would miss him. “Sir, can you please hurry? I need to get to JFK.”
“Lady, I’m not Moses who can part traffic like the Red Sea. I’m going as fast as I can.”
Resigned, I slammed my back into the seat. Thinking of every movie I’ve seen, I offered, “There’s an extra fifty in it for you if you get me there faster.”
“Lady. That won’t cover the ticket I’d get. Make it three hundred and you have a deal.”
“Never mind, just do your best.”
My ribs acted like a cage for my pounding heart. I was sure one would crack at any moment. But when I saw the sign for our exit, the thumping worsened. The grip I had on my credit card practically caused it to melt. No sooner did the cab come to a stop than I quickly scanned my card in the reader, gave a nice tip, and hustled out.
Running in the terminal, I needed to find the right ticket counter, since I wouldn’t be able to get past security. The only hope I had to see him was to position my body between the kiosks for his airline and the ticket agents. Like pinballs, my eyes bounced from door to door as I waited for him to walk through one of them.
I glanced at my phone, knowing time wasn’t on my side. Maybe I should have texted him, or even called him, but all I could think was that he wouldn’t want to see me. No, I told myself. This was better.
I faced door number one, thinking that would be where he would enter. The more time that passed, the more I thought I’d missed him.
“Cassandra?” That voice I longed to hear rumbled behind me.
I jumped before spinning around to see Dante, sexy as ever, wearing the black leather jacket I loved. God, how I missed him already. “Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” He glanced down, looking for my luggage.
“I needed to see you one last time.” The corners of his mouth turned down, making me think this wasn’t the best idea. “Saying goodbye over the phone didn’t seem like enough.”
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. I was definitely screwing this up. “Cassandra, it was hard enough on Sunday and then again on the phone last night. You wanted me to come to terms with your decision, but this isn’t helping, because I haven’t.”
Passengers waiting for the kiosk I blocked glared at me. He took me by the elbow and steered me away from the impatient crowd.
“You’re right, this was a bad idea. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I need to ask for one thing before you go.”
“What?”
“Will you kiss me one last time?” Desperation filled me with nausea as my eyes brimmed with tears. What the hell was I doing? “Please, Dante?” Despite the misery written all over his face, he nodded at my request.
Cupping my cheeks, he leaned down and brought his lips to mine. It wasn’t passionate or even reminiscent of the ones we shared before; it was a goodbye. I fisted the lapels of his jacket, refusing to let go, willing him to deepen the kiss, wordlessly begging him to give me what I needed… if only for that moment.
The tears that streamed down my face seeped into my mouth, leaving a taste of loss—a loss I could have prevented. He broke our connection and rested his forehead against mine. “I need to go, Cassandra.” His thumbs wiped away my tears, only for more to come. “Please, don’t cry.”
“Have a safe trip. I love you, Dante.”
“Take care of yourself.”
Not hearing him say he loved me brought about physical pain. Maybe that was what he needed to let go of me, so I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just waited for him to leave. But rather than walk away like I thought he would, he let go of his bag and pulled me into his chest. His cologne, the smell of the leather, and everything that made Dante who he was assaulted my senses.
Just like before, he cupped my cheeks, but this time when he brought his lips to mine, our kiss held all the passion I’d grown accustomed to. Our tongues searched for every crevice of each other’s mouths. It didn’t matter that we were in a busy terminal, or that people could be staring. All that mattered at that moment was that the man I loved with all my heart gave me what I asked for.
When we finally broke apart, his eyes bordered with tears. “I’ll never forget you, Cassandra. I’ll always love you.” He gripped the handle of his carry-on and slung the strap of his camera bag over his shoulder. “Smile, beautiful.”
Hearing those words reminded me of our time together. I swallowed the despair in my throat. It felt like ice had replaced the blood in my veins. With every step he took away from me, the desire to chase after him grew. Watching him hand his ticket to the agent at security was bad enough, but when he glanced back and smiled before disappearing, I broke down like I never had before.
Why was I doing this to myself… to us?
Chapter 25
Cassie
60,458 minutes.
That was how much time had passed since my lips touched Dante’s. If there were auditions being held for the next apocalyptic movie, I’d get the leading role. I was in a constant trance. Memories of him haunted me in every corner of every room, every second of every hour.
The weeks from mid-November to Christmas Eve went by in a complete blur. I skipped watching inflatable characters floating down Broadway, a favorite Thanksgiving ritual I attended each year since moving to New York. There was no evidence that the holidays were upon me. No tree, no decorations, and no one would receive any gifts this year. I’d make it up to them… eventually.
Weeks ago, when Luca gave me the envelope that Dante left for me, it felt like a cruel joke. Except for the picture I’d taken and saved as his contact photo on my phone, that was the only image I had of him. In my drawer sat a disc containing dozens and dozens of pictures of me that he had taken. The day I allowed myself to scroll through them, it wasn’t the provocative shots of me I saw; all I remembered was him behind the camera. The way he’d move around the studio effortlessly snapping shot after shot, making me feel as if I were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
Then there was the blue sticky note with three little words that held so much promise. Yet, at the same time, reading “I love you” scrawled in his messy handwriting acted as a broken vow. What good were those words if they didn’t keep people together? There was a reason those words weren’t used casually. Once voiced, they held so much power. Whether they became productive or destructive depended on the people behind them.
With every minute that passed, it became harder and harder to rationalize why I sat in New York with him across the ocean. My apartment door became a portal to interventions from my friends and family to make sure I was still existing—I wasn’t.
Of course, I expected Brae and Vanessa to constantly check in, especially because Brae loved the holidays and wanted everyone to be singing “Jingle Bells.” But my parents’ impromptu visit shocked me, not nearly as much as their opinion that maybe I should pack a bag. Mark put in his two cents and encouraged me to follow my heart.
Despite all their words, I remained sitting on my couch, bundled underneath my favorite blanket, watching sappy holiday movies. Did they all need to have a happy ending? Why did they make it look so easy? The irony that I clutched my grandmother’s pillow, her needlepoint stitches reminding me to Be Happy when I was anything but, wasn’t lost on me.
The sound of my phone ringing brought about a burst of optimism. There wasn’t one time that I didn’t hope to see the picture of Dante pop up on the screen, but that hadn’t happened. Yes, I could’ve called him, but it was too difficult. Maybe that was why he hadn’t called me.
Instead, Desiree’s name appeared. I had avoided returning any of her previous calls in fear that she would side with me. She was the rational one in the group; being an attorney earned her that right. I could predict her validation that I did the right thing. And to be honest, it should’ve been something that I wanted to hear, but for some reason, I didn’t. Did that make me a martyr, crazy, or both?
I slid the bar to connect our call.
Mustering up the perkiest voice I could, I said, “Hi, Des.”
“Don’t ‘Hi, Des’ me. It’s about time you answered. I’ve been worried sick about you.”
“I’m sorry. I planned on calling.” When, I didn’t know.
“You sound like shit. Brae filled me in on what was going on. You’re lucky you answered, or I was hopping on the next flight out of Heathrow.”
“How’s London? Meet any royalty yet?”
“No, and this isn’t a social call. What the hell are you doing, Cass?”
“Right now? I’m sitting on my couch.” There was no doubt my ass made a permanent indent in the cushion that had become my place of solace.
The Mr. Wrong Series Page 100
