by Carol Henry
“I need to talk to you. May I come in?”
“Sorry, we were busy tonight. I didn’t get a chance to take a break and join you before you left. When I finally had a break, you were gone.”
“No problem. I won’t stay long. Here, let me take those for you. Christmas cookies? They smell delicious.”
“Yes. They’re for the kids to decorate tomorrow at daycare.” Katelyn handed him the tray, and walked to the porch, digging in her coat pocket to retrieve the house key.
“I can’t imagine having the patience to deal with a handful of kids in the presence of icing and cookies.”
“It does get messy. But it’s a lot of fun.”
Once inside, Katelyn invited Mark to take his coat off and have a seat while she took the cookies to the kitchen. When she returned, he had the tree lights plugged in, and a fire going in the grate—a soft glow filled the room. Almost romantic. Almost. But Katelyn wasn’t quite feeling it. Mark’s demeanor was anything but romantic, and that was a good thing. Wasn’t it? Whatever he wanted to talk to her about had to be important if it couldn’t wait until tomorrow—or the next day. She sat on one end of the sofa and waited for him to have a seat. He didn’t. Instead, he started pacing. Uh oh, this didn’t look good.
“I owe you an apology,” he blurted, his hands sliding into his slacks’ pockets. “I need to explain about the last six years—clear the air between us.”
“You don’t need to explain anything, Mark. It’s all in the past where it belongs. We’re both in different places now.”
Should she tell him about her pregnancy? Her miscarriage? But to what end? It had no bearing on the present—on their lives, their separate futures.
“Please, Katie, just hear me out. Although there are things I can’t talk about, I want you to know I only ever had your best interest at heart when I didn’t keep in touch with you. Or anyone back home for that matter. It was too dangerous. Our missions were top secret—and hazardous. To the point that anyone connected with us could be in danger.”
It explained a lot, but mostly what she had already presumed. She waited while he paced, then stood in front of the tree for a moment, his back to her. He turned, approached the sofa, and stood looking down at her. It made her feel small and alone sitting by herself, his height towering overhead. She crossed her arms and waited for him to continue. She could see the indecision in his eyes, his face, and his stance. This wasn’t easy for him. But then, she wasn’t feeling very easy about Mark’s return to Lobster Cove or him standing in front of her, trying to put his own feeling to rest, either.
“I was given a complete alternate identity—looks, background, you name it—it wasn’t me. Even you, or my parents, wouldn’t have recognized me. I can’t go into any more detail about that part of my life, only to say it was for the best.”
“In case you have to use that disguise again?” It made sense, which meant he wasn’t going to be in Lobster Cove long after all.
“Yes. Contact with anyone back home could have put their lives in jeopardy, as well as the operations. You meant too much to me, Katie. I couldn’t let something happen to you—to my parents. I could never live with myself if that happened.”
She understood, but his defection—walking away from what they had shared, had the old hurt erupting to the surface. Keeping it in was driving her crazy. She jumped from the couch, almost knocking into him. He stepped back, his brows raised in surprise.
“I waited two years for word from you before I gave up, Mark. Two years! Do you know how your lack of communication made me feel inside? I felt abandoned. I thought we had something special. I loved you!”
In seconds she was pulled into his arms in a tight embrace, her head against his chest. She couldn’t help but snuggle into his enticing body. She drank in his male scent, his fragrant cologne. Listening to his beating heart filled her senses. It was like being held in his arms six years ago—as if he’d never left her. She was drunk on his essence. Her head spun, and she slid her arms around his neck, stood on tiptoes, and leaned into his devouring kiss—a kiss that had her heart soaring. His arms tugged her closer, his lips prying hers apart. His tongue begging entrance, she opened greedily. His strong hands bunched her sweater mere seconds before she felt the firm pressure of those fingers unfasten her bra. Her breasts released, caught in his cupped capable hands. Her knees folded. She leaned against him. He lowered her to the floor, never letting go. Wrapped in his embrace, the kiss continued. Katelyn swore she’d died and gone to heaven. His mouth left hers only to splay many tiny ardent kisses along her neck, her shoulder, then lower.
“Oh, Katie,” he murmured. “I was hoping you felt the same. Seeing you in that sexy elf outfit after all these years…God. My heart about jumped out of my chest.”
Katelyn froze. What the hell was she doing? Did he think because they once had a thing for each other she’d be willing to have sex with him because he thought she a made a “sexy elf”? He knew she was engaged. What kind of person did he think she was if she was willing to have sex with him while engaged to someone else? Oh, my God! What kind of person was she? She’d almost cheated on Sven!
“Stop. Mark. I can’t do this.”
“God, Katie, I’ve missed you. We’re made for each other.”
“But you married someone else!” she shouted. “You had a child with someone else.” Katelyn pushed him aside, pulled her sweater down over her aching breasts, away from his seductive, charismatic charms. She didn’t care if his face was full of pain—regret. That he might be hurting, too. He had no idea what she’d gone through—what she’d lost. She had to tell him.
“If it’s any consolation, I only married Natasha because she was pregnant—it was the right thing to do at the time.”
She turned her back on him and walked to the window. Did she really want to hear this? Just because he needed to get it off his chest? She wasn’t ready to listen—to hear about his love affair with another woman.
“Please. Just go, Mark. You don’t need to fill in the blanks.” She cringed, shut her eyes as he ignored her plea and continued.
“Natasha and I were paired together as a married couple for the last three assignments. We spent so much time together on those ops, we became fond of each other. Much of our time together was spent in hotel rooms, attending political events where we had to make it look as if our marriage was real. Our rooms were bugged, so we had to act the part, and well, I guess we got carried away one night.”
“Mark—”
“No, let me finish. I’m so sorry, Katie. When Kurtis was born, I wanted to make sure he had my name—make it official, make sure he was safe. So we married. But our life-style wasn’t conducive to family life—not like back home here in Lobster Cove. As soon as Natasha was able, she jumped at the chance to go back to work. In any case, she wasn’t thrilled at being a mother. She signed on for one more mission. I tried to talk her out of it, for Kurtis’ sake, but she was adamant and refused. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. I can’t discuss the particulars, only to say that the op was a setup. The entire team was ambushed. Natasha was killed, along with several others.”
“I’m sorry, Mark. It must have been awful for you. And for Kurtis.” She couldn’t imagine the hell he’d gone through living like that—always worrying, watching your back every second, day after day.
“We knew the risks when we signed on. But Kurtis wasn’t a bargaining chip. When I started getting kidnapping threats, I knew it was time to come home so my son could live a normal life.”
What could she say? Anything she had suffered during his absence was nothing compared to what he had gone through on a daily basis. And to have his son’s life threatened—she knew what it was like to lose a child. But it still didn’t justify his actions now. Their relationship was in the past.
“Katie, I want you to know how much you meant to me, how much you still mean to me.”
His hands reached for her, she didn’t resist. Couldn’t.
/> “I hope you can forgive me for walking away and leaving you behind.”
He pulled her into his arms, and once again all the old feelings washed over her. He lifted her, then gently knelt and laid her on the floor next to the fire. His lips covered hers—and she was lost in a dream where they had never parted. His touch, his scent, his tenderness filled her aching soul. Her toes curled when his hand slid under her sweater and cupped her breasts, again. Her heart stopped, and she held her breath. She clung to him, her arms around him, her head curled into his neck, her lips melting into his warm skin. The stubbles of his hair hypnotic as she unconsciously rubbed her fingers through the short strands. It took her a dazed minute to recognize that his fingers were fumbling with the snaps on her jeans. Wanting more from Mark, to continue to soak up the memories of his love-making, to regain the sexual fulfillment from so long ago, she reached down with her left hand to help him. Her diamond engagement ring caught on his shirt, pulling at it, and brought her to her senses.
What the hell was she doing? Gads! How could she still be under Mark’s spell so easily? Twice in one night? Good Lord, she was engaged to someone else? About to go to Norway to be with Sven? She was pathetic thinking what…she had no idea. Guilt washed over her, she’d never be able to look at Mark again. How could she face Sven knowing Mark could induce such deep sexual feelings for him again so easily?
“I can’t do this, Mark. You have to go.”
“I’m sorry, Katie.” He kissed her forehead and rolled off her. “I don’t know what came over me. I swear I wasn’t looking for this to happen. I only wanted to talk—explain.”
She remained on the floor, shimmied backwards against the sofa, hung her head in bended knees, and couldn’t muster the nerve to face him.
“Just go, please.”
He stood. She heard him slowly walk toward the door, then pause.
“Katie…”
She couldn’t have answered if she wanted to. Her insides were in turmoil, and she wanted to curl in a ball and cry her eyes out. The door opened and clicked shut. Only then did she find the energy to get off the floor and make her way to her bedroom, and flop on the bed. What was she thinking? She had almost made love to Mark Logan.
How in hell was she going to play elf to his Santa on Friday?
How the hell was she going to face Sven when she landed in Bergen on Saturday?
****
Mark pounded his fists on the steering wheel. Dammit! He’d crossed the line. Pushed her too far. Having her in his arms again after all these years was paradise. Feeling her soft skin, her heavenly, silky firm breasts in his hands, and her lips against his neck. Good Lord, if she hadn’t stopped him, pulled away when she had, they would have made love. His insides clenched at the thought of being inside Katie. Loving her. She’d been with him right up until whatever-the-hell had stopped her.
Of course! She was engaged, and more than likely only been caught up in the moment. Like he’d been. It was high school all over again, when he hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her, hadn’t been able to get enough of her. He’d only made things between them more awkward. What an ass! He needed to back off.
Mark leaned back against the headrest. The inside of the car was frigid, his fingers stiff as he turned the key in the ignition and cranked the heat on high. Of course she’d caved—she felt sorry for him. Losing his wife, dealing with being a single parent.
He stepped on the gas and pulled into the street. Dammit, he’d laid it on too thick—he hadn’t meant to. He only wanted to explain why he hadn’t contacted her all these years. And, yes, dammit, ease his guilt. Seeing her again had his heart racing—hoping he had a chance to mend the gulf between them. He hadn’t counted on how beautiful she’d become. How independent and caring. And engaged! Why he thought she’d still be available when he had left her behind, made him nothing short of a moron. She deserved better. He hoped her fiancé appreciated Katie’s love, devotion, and faithfulness.
He’d been too young back in high school, too full of himself, thinking he could make a difference in the world. What he’d done was make a mess of his life.
****
Katelyn’s guilt filled every inch of her shaking, sobbing being. How could she let Mark get to her like that? She was engaged to Sven and had been about to make love to Mark. She went back to the living room, unplugged the tree lights, put the fire out in the grate, and made sure everything was shut off and locked for the night. A coldness enveloped her as she made her way to the bedroom—this time slower. Going to Norway was more important now than ever. She had to prove to herself that her love for Sven was strong enough—that it was a lasting love to withstand the draw Mark’s return to Lobster Cove had on her heart. She couldn’t wait until Friday to hop a plane, meet Sven in Bergen, and renew their commitment to each other.
She changed into her pajamas, crawled under the covers, flicked the lamp off, and sighed as her head hit the pillow. She shut her eyes, but sleep evaded her. How in the hell was she going to play a happy elf to Mark’s Santa for the kids at the Christmas party on Friday? She couldn’t let Linda down. She couldn’t let the children down, either. The only consolation making any sense, right now, was that she’d be flying to Bergen Friday night and wouldn’t have to face Mark at daycare again—thankfully her class project ended on Friday immediately following the party.
When the phone rang at five the next morning, Katelyn was blurry-eyed, her head pounding, and her mouth dry. She fumbled for the phone, shutting off the alarm clock at the same time, and swung her legs over the side of the bed.
“Hello.”
“Katelyn? Are you okay?”
“Sven! You woke me. I’m fine. How are things in Bergen? How are your grandparents?”
“Not doing so well. We need to talk, Katelyn.”
“What is it, Sven? What’s wrong? Oh, my God. Is it your grandfather? Has he taken a turn for the worse?”
“No, no, he’s doing much better. That’s not it. I don’t know how to tell you this…but…well, I’m not going to make it home for Christmas.”
“Oh, no. Sven. Christmas isn’t going to be the same without you. I was so looking forward to sharing it with you as an engaged couple this year.”
“I’m sorry, Katelyn. Things have sort of gotten out of control here. I need to reassess things. I can’t walk away.”
“I’m so sorry. I understand. I want to be there to help you through this difficult time.”
“No. No. No need to worry. I’ll let you know when I have things sorted out at this end. I’m really sorry, Katelyn.”
She heard the concern in his voice, and was troubled by the distance between them, glad she planned to join him. Should she tell him? She’d wanted it to be a surprise, but…
“What if I…”
“I’ve got to run. Dad wants me to check out my grandfather’s company before he takes the helm. They have an appointment to meet with the office staff in about fifteen minutes. I really am sorry, Katelyn. I’ll be in touch.”
Had she just been given the brush off? Of course, he had a lot to deal with right now—a lot on his mind. But it wasn’t like him to be so short with her. Maybe the situation was worse than she imagined and he wasn’t able to talk about it over the phone. She knew that if her family was going through such problems, she’d certainly want to be there for them.
It was important now more than ever that she go to Norway and help in any way she could. It was the right thing to do. The more she thought about it, the more excited she became. Wouldn’t Sven be surprised when she showed up on his doorstep? They could spend Christmas together after all.
****
Katelyn made it a point to be busy when Mark dropped Kurtis off Thursday morning. She kept watch from the library nook until he left—him and Connie, talking, smiling. She’d been right to pull back from him last night. She’d been caught up in the moment, trying to revive the past. She’d done them both a favor by stopping disaster taking control.
Linda was in the kitchen arranging the cookies and icing pots for the kids to decorate when Katelyn found her.
“Wow. Your mother did a fantastic job with the cookies. The kids are going to have a blast decorating these this morning.”
“Actually, one of her chefs baked them. She assured me they were delicious. I haven’t tried one yet.” After talking to Sven this morning, she’d almost forgotten about them. They were on the kitchen counter where she’d left them the night before, but she had left the toppings in the car, overnight—thankfully they weren’t frozen solid.
The next hour was spent trying to keep kids from eating cookies and licking icing from fingers, smearing each other with red and green food coloring, and making sure everyone had the same number of cookies to decorate. After the children were washed up, Katelyn settled them in the reading corner and read them stories while Linda cleaned the rest of the mess in the kitchen, and prepared lunch.
She loved reading to the kids. She was tickled when Kurtis made it a point to sit beside her. Like the others, he was very attentive and soaked up the tales and the antics she went through to bring the characters to life. In this digital age, it was encouraging to see kids enthusiastic about reading books. But it wouldn’t do to single Kurtis out—the other kids would notice, and the repercussions could be harmful. It was important to keep their relationship low key until he was able to find his place with the other kids—showing favorites would not help.
Activities in the afternoon were just as frantic as the morning. Cutting out elf caps with red and green construction paper for tomorrow’s party took patience with the smaller children using blunt scissors and colored markers to make designs and add their names to their caps. Later, they put the finishing touches on their parent’s gift. Katelyn had spent time snapping pictures of each of the children, and printing them on the color printer so they could paste them on a background of poster board cutouts in the shape of a round ornament. The trickier part was for them to tie a red or green ribbon through the top loop so their gift could be hung on their family Christmas tree. Thankfully she had duplicates of the photographs, as some of the kids went a bit wild with the paste and smeared their pictures.
