by F. C. Clark
‘I know you wouldn’t,’ I say.
‘It goes no further than this room, I promise. I hope it all goes well for the three of you.’
‘Thank you, we’re all still processing it.’
‘Oh my God, Kate, it’ll take time for all of you,’ Tanya says.
I take a breath and nod.
‘Shall we change the subject?’
‘Please,’ I say gratefully.
‘OK, on a lighter note I have some info that I know will make you happy. I spoke to Valerie last night.’
‘And?’
‘She has a thing for Max. Who would have thought it – except the person who set them up?’ Tanya raises her brows.
I clap. ‘We bumped into them in the hotel foyer and Max had his arm around her waist. What else did she say? Do you think she’s on to me?’
‘I don’t think so. She never mentioned it. Apparently, they’re meeting for dinner tonight.’
A solitary tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away with the back of my hand.
‘God, look at me.’ I laugh. ‘I just want him to be happy. Did she seem excited? Oh – what about France? Did anything happen?’
‘All she said was they had a wonderful evening and a lovely day walking around Paris. She did say you were tired and Max looked after her. As for action…’ Tanya looks away. ‘I have a feeling something did happen. Valerie is not the sort of woman to kiss and tell, but I saw a sparkle in her eye.’
The day continues. ‘From a marketing point of view, IFD would be on board with advertising, et cetera, but obviously you have history with Garcia Morel.’ Maria makes notes.
‘OK, we still have our UK suppliers, but my gut instinct says IFD would be more accommodating of our ideas. After all, they want something exciting to get their teeth into – why not let that be Harper Jones?’ I’m amazed that I can hold my own. If only Luke could see me. I look across the table. ‘Mr Jones?’
‘It’s a double-edged sword, my dear. However, IFD would be my choice, merely because they seem hungry for the challenge.’
Eventually we decide that IFD is our best option – also, they offer the best prices. Valerie and Maria make arrangements to return next week for further discussions. Lunch arrives and thankfully we get some time to switch off. I sit next to Valerie – I want to hear all the gossip.
‘Have you recovered from France?’ I ask.
‘I loved every minute. What about you? Max said you’re tired a lot lately.’
‘It’s the sickness. It drains me.’
Valerie takes my hand. ‘You poor love, hopefully it will ease soon.’
‘Sorry I ditched you in France.’
‘Actually, Kate, I wanted to say something, but I’m not sure if this is the best time and place,’ she says.
‘We’re friends; the time will always be right.’
‘In that case, it’s about Max.’ She looks away for a second.
‘Go on.’
‘It’s just … I like him.’
‘He means the world to me and Luke.’
‘I know, and he thinks of Luke like a son.’
‘I just want him to be happy – and you too.’
‘I didn’t want you to hear it from someone else but Max is taking me out this evening for dinner.’
‘I’m so happy for you both. Valerie, he will protect you and look after you.’
‘I know.’ She places her hand over her heart – in relief, I think. ‘I’m so pleased I spoke to you.’
‘I want you to be happy.’
My inner cupid is having a party. I can’t wait to tell Luke… Bring it on, Sutton!
At the end of the day everyone leaves, except Mr Jones.
‘Are you pleased with how things are going?’ I remove my shoes and curl my legs on the sofa.
‘Shocked,’ he replies.
‘You did it – this was your dream.’
‘We did it,’ he replies.
‘The new collection will be stunning, and better – in a good way.’
He nods and sips his tea.
‘Are you OK? You look a little pale,’ I say.
‘I’m tired.’ He places his cup and saucer on the table and loosens his tie.
‘Have I worn you out?’ I smile.
‘Not at all.’ He unbuttons his top button, which is not like him. ‘It feels rather hot in here. I think I need some fresh air.’ He stands and walks away from the sofa.
I go towards him. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’
He nods, but he is ghostly white.
‘Look at me,’ I say. His eyes widen and he tries to swallow.
‘You’re not OK. Come and sit down.’
He tries to speak, but nothing comes out. He collapses to the floor and his body stiffens.
‘Mr Jones!’ I drop to my knees and grip his shoulder. ‘Mr Jones, look at me.’
But he just lies there, completely still.
‘Mr Jones!’ I scream.
Nothing.
‘Luke? Luke!’ I shout.
Within seconds, Stella barges through the door. ‘Kate?’ She sees Mr Jones on the floor. ‘Oh my God.’
‘Where’s Luke?’ I say.
‘Marketing!’ She almost falls over her words and leaves the room.
I shake him. ‘Please, Mr Jones.’ Christ, I don’t know what to do. ‘Come on – wake up, please.’
Stella comes running in again. ‘An ambulance is on the way. I’ve called Luke too.’
‘He looks…’ I say and swallow my words. He looks dead.
Then I hear someone running, and Luke enters the room.
‘He collapsed.’ I say through the fear that constricts my throat.
‘Move over,’ he says.
I crawl to one side and give Luke some space.
‘Stella – ambulance.’ As ever, Luke is in command.
‘I’ve already called one.’
Luke brings his ear to Mr Jones’s mouth and rests his forefinger and middle finger against his wrist, searching for a pulse, then starts CPR.
I am transfixed.
This can’t be real. Ten minutes earlier, I was talking to him, and now he’s just lying there, motionless, in front of me.
‘Please be OK… Please, Mr Jones.’
Luke carries on with CPR, but there is no change in Mr Jones. I lose track of time and how long Luke continues CPR. All of a sudden, two paramedics are brought in to my office.
Luke places his fingers against Mr Jones’s pulse and turns to them.
‘I can’t feel a pulse, and he’s not responding to CPR. Possibly twenty minutes, maybe longer.’
‘OK. Let us take over,’ one paramedic responds. ‘Does he have any heart-related illness?’
‘We don’t know,’ Stella answers.
‘Kate…’ Luke says and pulls me to his lap. I bury my face in his chest.
I hear Stella talking to the two men, and the sounds of the paramedics working, but I can’t look. I remain with my head against Luke until he pulls away.
One of the paramedics comes over to me. ‘Kate, right?’
I nod.
‘We are really sorry but…’
‘No, carry on… You have to.’
‘Kate, it’s been too long,’ Luke says.
‘No! You save everyone. Please, Luke.’
He shakes his head. ‘He’s gone.’
‘No, you’re wrong. He said he felt tired, that’s all.’ Horror explodes across my face. ‘Move out of the way, let me try.’ I crawl towards him. ‘Mr Jones, please.’ I push against his chest. ‘Come on, Luke, please help him.’ I hit his chest again.
‘Kate, look at me.’
I glance at the two paramedics. ‘Please help him.’
‘Kate.’ The pa
ramedic places his hand on my arm. ‘There is nothing we can do.’
‘No!’ I collapse over Mr Jones’s body. ‘Please don’t leave me – you can’t leave.’ I turn to Luke. ‘He can’t leave me.’
I start to shake with shock.
Eventually they place a blanket over Mr Jones’s body.
Nausea washes over me. I scramble up and run to the bathroom.
Luke follows me and gently rubs my back. ‘Kate.’
After I’ve finished throwing up, I rinse my mouth. My eyes meet Luke’s in the mirror.
‘I need to tell him I’m sorry.’
Luke frowns. ‘Why?’
‘I did this. It’s my fault. If we hadn’t started the business, he wouldn’t have worked so hard. Luke, I killed him.’
‘Jesus.’ He rakes his hand through his hair. ‘You haven’t killed him. Christ, you couldn’t hurt anyone.’
‘I did, Luke. He told me he was tired. I should have seen it was too much for him.’
‘No way! You will not take the blame for something that was out of your hands. It looked like a heart attack.’
‘That I caused,’ I say and leave the bathroom. In the office, the paramedics are loading Mr Jones’s body onto a trolley. ‘Stop! I need to see him.’ My eyes feel raw with crying. I bolt towards them. ‘I have to tell him I’m sorry… Please.’
One of the paramedics looks at me. ‘It’s fine – take all the time you need.’ He pulls back the red blanket.
‘Thank you,’ I whisper.
His face is pale. I remove his glasses and kiss his soft cheek.
‘I never started the business to hurt you. I’m so sorry. I love you so much.’ I lay my head on his chest and my tears fall. I have no way of stopping them.
‘Kate, they need to take him,’ Luke says.
He lifts me and carries me through to his office, where he sits on the sofa and holds me close while I continue to cry.
‘That’s right, let it out, baby.’
How is it possible to lose him so suddenly? Whenever I close my eyes I see him lying on the ground, motionless.
‘A cup of tea?’ Stella’s voice.
‘That’s a good idea. Thanks,’ Luke says, holding me close.
It feels as though my world has stopped.
‘Kate, please drink something.’
I shake my head and tighten my hold on Mr Jones’s glasses.
‘Baby, look at me.’
I don’t want to move. I can’t move. I feel cold and paralysed.
Luke pulls me away from his chest, trying to gauge how I am.
‘Please drink something.’ He slides me off his lap and takes a mug from the table.
I feel the heat against my lips, but no amount of heat can warm the cold, empty feeling inside me. I close my eyes. The last time I drank tea was with Mr Jones.
‘I can’t,’ I whisper and pass him the mug.
‘I’m taking you home.’
Right now, Luke could take me anywhere. I am numb to the world.
I hear him talking to Stella and Max.
‘Kate, stand up.’
I do as requested. Luke bends down, slips my shoes on, then rests my coat over my shoulders.
‘Stella, call me at home.’
‘Of course. I’m so sorry, Kate,’ Stella says.
Luke takes my hand and leads me out. I stop outside my office.
‘Kate, let’s go.’
I shake my hand free, walk to the sofa and collect Mr Jones’s navy blazer.
I look up at Luke. ‘I can’t believe he’s gone.’
‘You’re in shock. I need to get you home.’
‘Why, Luke? He was one of the kindest people who ever walked this earth.’
‘There are no rules. People are taken from us for no reason.’
He slides his arm around me and encourages me to walk away. I leave with Mr Jones’s blazer and glasses, knowing I will never see him again.
Eventually we make it home. Luke guides me through the front door. ‘I’ll run you a bath,’ he says.
He helps me out of my clothes and takes my hand as I step into the hot water. I huddle, my knees locked to my chest. Luke gets in behind me, wrapping his legs around mine and his arms across my torso.
‘Lean on me.’ Luke tries to encourage me to rest my back on him.
Eventually, I lay my head against his chest and sink further into the warm water.
‘It hurts so much,’ I manage to say.
‘I know.’ He kisses the top of my head and cradles my stomach.
‘He’ll never meet our babies.’ Hot tears fall.
‘I have a feeling he will never leave you. I remember the day you dropped off my shirt and I went rushing to the tailors, desperate to find out who you were. He compared you to silk.’
I smile through my unbearable pain. ‘He helped me make your tie.’
‘Handmade by Kate, aka damsel in distress. He brought us together,’ Luke says.
‘He did… I never thought about him like that. How can someone be in your life for such a short time, but have such a huge impact?’
‘At least you had that time with him. He loved you.’
‘I worked him too hard, Luke. Deep down inside I know I did.’
Luke tightens his hold. ‘Please don’t say that. You have nothing to apologise for – you allowed his dream to come true. Watching you walk down the catwalk in New York – I was so proud of you and Mr Jones. What you achieved together was very special. You gave him a life he never thought was possible.’
‘Do you honestly believe that? I feel so guilty making him work so hard – not only on the show but also making things for us.’
‘Your wedding dress? You looked stunning. And he wanted to make it for you.’
‘I loved it.’ I try to speak but emotion closes my throat. ‘He helped me get ready, zipping me into my dress. Now it seems like the most priceless memory I have.’
‘And what an amazing memory. You made his world – please don’t forget that.’
‘Oh God, Luke, why?’ I bury my face in his wet chest as a deep groan is torn from my body. Surely I can’t cry any more?
After attempting to eat some soup, I curl up on the sofa in Luke’s office. He’s on the phone, but I have switched off from the world.
I hear Luke leave the office and then voices echoing from the hall. Luke walks in with Dr Samantha Jacobs.
‘Kate,’ Luke says.
I look at them.
Samantha walks towards me.
‘I am terribly sorry for your loss. A foolish question, but how are you feeling?’
I shake my head and take a deep breath. ‘I don’t really know.’
‘Would you mind if I took your blood pressure, just to check on you and the babies?’
My eyes skate towards Luke’s. ‘OK.’
She has soon completed her checks, and gives me a clean bill of health.
‘Did Luke tell you what happened?’ I ask. ‘He thinks it was a heart attack.’
‘The symptoms do sound like heart failure.’
‘He was working long hours – would that have caused it?’ My eyes meet Luke’s.
‘There are many reasons for heart failure, but there’s usually a physical cause. For him to die so suddenly, I would hazard a guess that he might have had an aneurysm or sudden cardiac death.’
‘Oh! Would work or stress affect that?’
She takes my hand. ‘No. Did he have any heart problems?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘There is no positive to his death, but he went quickly and he was with you. Luke said you were extremely close.’
‘Yes.’
‘I believe he made your wedding dress,’ she says.
I smile and look at the charcoal d
rawing on the wall.
‘May I see a picture?’
Luke returns with a photo of our wedding day and passes it to Samantha.
‘You look beautiful. He was obviously very clever.’
I nod.
‘I will leave you two alone. Kate, call me if you need anything. Time will help you heal – and some rest would help too.’
Luke shows her to the door then returns to my side.
‘I should have warned you she was coming,’ he says, running his hand through my hair.
‘It’s fine.’
‘Shall we go to bed?’
‘I’m scared to sleep. I know when I close my eyes I’ll see him. I can’t cry any more, Luke, I don’t have the energy.’
‘How about I read to you in bed?’
‘Read to me?’ I give the smallest of smiles.
‘I was thinking I could read from the book of five thousand baby names.’
‘That sounds good.’
We lie in bed. My phone bleeps. I pick it up from the nightstand. I have six messages from Harry, and messages from Kiki, Molly and Barney. I put my phone down, not wanting to speak to anyone other than Luke.
‘Shall we start with girls or boys?’
‘I don’t mind.’ I look at Luke. ‘Did you know Mr Jones’s first name?’
‘Strangely, I’ve never heard you say it.’
‘Jefferson.’ I return my head to Luke’s chest. ‘But he will always be Mr Jones to me.’
16
For the second morning running I wake at four o’clock feeling hungry. I am certain that throwing up every afternoon means my appetite kicks in at this crazy hour. With a mug of hot tea and a packet of biscuits, I go to sit in Luke’s office.
When a tear traces its way down my cheek I wipe it away, knowing it will be the first of many today. Today is Mr Jones’s funeral. Funerals are for who, the living or the dead? ‘Keep me strong today, Mr Jones,’ I whisper to myself.
It’s still dark outside when I wander upstairs and check our suits, which hang side by side. Matching black Jones Tailors suits – Luke’s birthday gift and my runway suit. Straight away, I notice my tie is missing, but Luke’s is hanging with his shirt. I scurry around searching for it, opening drawers and cupboards, then it dawns on me. The show – I bet it’s at the tailors. Shit!
