Praise for
Raising the Perfectly Imperfect Child
“Everyone knows that Nick Vujicic is a remarkable man of great courage, passion, and grace. But most people do not know the person who invested the most in shaping Nick’s character. In this wonderful book, you will discover a father’s loving heart for the son he did not quite expect—and you will learn that there is much more to successfully raising a child with a disability than you’d ever imagine. I highly recommend Raising the Perfectly Imperfect Child to anyone who has questions about bringing up a special-needs son or daughter. Actually, its powerful and very personal message will bless any parents who long to show the unbiased love of Christ within their family. Read it and be blessed!”
—JONI EARECKSON TADA, Joni and Friends International Disability Center
“This book is a profoundly moving, triumphant testimony of what it means to be an extraordinary parent. Embracing who your child is, coupled with unconditional love, high expectations, and faith all open the door to unlimited possibilities. Raising the Perfectly Imperfect Child is a deeply inspirational, heart-wrenching, and heartwarming journey that shines a bright light on exemplary parenting.”
—ROBIN BERMAN, MD, author of Permission to Parent: How to Raise Your Child with Love and Limits
“I am so excited about this book. As someone who lost an eye to cancer at the age of five, I know my parents would have welcomed such an invaluable resource. Nick is a shining example of how strategic parenting can position us imperfect children to make a world of difference. Thank you, Boris, for this important tool.”
—LISA BEVERE, Messenger International, best-selling author of Lioness Arising, Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry, and Fight Like a Girl
RAISING THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT CHILD
PUBLISHED BY WATERBROOK PRESS
12265 Oracle Boulevard, Suite 200
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80921
This book is not intended to replace the medical advice of a trained medical professional. Readers are advised to consult a physician or other qualified health-care professional regarding treatment of their medical problems. The author and publisher specifically disclaim liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use or application of any of the contents of this book.
Scripture quotations or paraphrases are taken from the following versions: The ESV® Bible (the Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. The New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Hardcover ISBN 9781601428349
eBook ISBN 9781601428363
Copyright © 2016 by Boris Vujicic
Cover design by Kristopher K. Orr; cover image by Barcroft Media; insert photos courtesy of the Vujicic family
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published in the United States by WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.
WATERBROOK® and its deer colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Vujicic, Boris.
Title: Raising the perfectly imperfect child : facing challenges with strength, courage, and hope / Boris Vujicic.
Description: First Edition. | Colorado Springs, Colorado : WaterBrook Press, 2016.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015036781| ISBN 9781601428349 | ISBN 9781601428363 (electronic)
Subjects: LCSH: Parents of children with disabilities—Religious life. | Parenting—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Child rearing—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Children with disabilities—Care. | Vujicic, Nick.
Classification: LCC BV4596.P35 V85 2016 | DDC 248.8/45—dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015036781
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Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Foreword by Nick Vujicic
Chapter One: The Perfectly Imperfect Child - Accept, Love, and Learn from Your Unique Child
Chapter Two: A Shocking Birth - Give Yourself Permission to Grieve and Time to Recover
Chapter Three: A New Normal - Allow Family and Friends to Help You Move Forward
Chapter Four: Blessed Are His Children - Let Your Child Be Your Guide
Chapter Five: The Medical Maze - Become Chief Advocate for Your Child’s Medical Care
Chapter Six: Brothers and Sisters - Give the Siblings All They Need Too
Chapter Seven: Nick in the Mainstream - Champion Your Child’s Education
Chapter Eight: Roots and Wings - Prepare Your Child for Adulthood
Chapter Nine: Growing Together Not Apart - Keep the Bonds of Marriage Strong
Chapter Ten: A Matter of Faith - Build a Spiritual Foundation
Acknowledgments
Photo Insert
This book is dedicated to all those who have helped my wife and me to encourage and support Nick over the years, especially to our other children, Aaron and Michelle, as well as to our daughter-in-law Kanae, our parents and family members, and, of course, God, our primary Source of strength through Christ Jesus.
Foreword by Nick Vujicic
I was born without limbs, and my disabilities have brought many challenges, yet I’ve often said anyone who grows up without loving and supportive parents has far more to overcome than I did. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be.
My father and mother were always there for me. That’s not to say they coddled me or gave me everything I wanted. As my father notes in this wise and insightful book, my grandparents and others often wondered how my mother could not rush to help me as I struggled to stand as a toddler.
“Let him figure it out,” my mum would say. “He needs to do things for himself.”
I admit this approach sometimes annoyed me, especially when my parents required me to earn my allowance by vacuuming the house, cleaning my room, and making my bed. Then there were the many long nights Dad drilled me on math problems while my idle Nintendo games called me to come play.
I understand now that they were being good parents. They worked to instill a strong work ethic, personal responsibility, and a foundation of faith in me and in my brother and sister as well. They also told me nearly every day that there were no limits on my life. “You may lack limbs, but you can do anything you want,” they said.
Later my father and mother may have wondered if they were too successful at giving me the roots and wings to become an independent adult. At the age of nineteen, I announced plans for my first international speaking tour. I had arranged to travel to South Africa with the goal of giving away twenty thousand dollars in savings to needy orphans there.
My parents strongly objected to this audacious plan, as you might imagine. They were concerned for my safety while journeying through a rugged part of the world in a wheelchair. And they were shocked that I would dis
h out my hard-earned nest egg at such a young age.
I reminded them that they’d always said there were no limits on my life, and every single night of my childhood they’d made sure I prayed and asked God to help the poor children of the world.
“You planted the seeds for this!” I said.
They were not amused, but they did not stand in my way. Mum and Dad are still sometimes taken aback by my big dreams and adventurous spirit, but they are always encouraging and willing to pitch in.
They are not perfect, of course, but to borrow from this book’s title, they are “perfectly imperfect.” The older I get, the more I realize the parental warnings and rules that bothered me in my teen years were actually signs of a caring mother and father preparing me for a productive and accomplished life.
Still, it is a little disconcerting to consider that my father has been proven right about nearly everything he cautioned me against, warned me to avoid, or emphatically told me not to do! There were so many times I thought he was dead wrong, but as it turned out, he was usually dead right.
My father always seems to be three steps ahead of me. I have this nagging feeling I will never catch up. Sometimes as a child I wondered if there was more than one of him or if he had superpowers. He juggled three jobs, started several churches as a lay pastor, and helped my working mum do all it took to raise a disabled daredevil and two other lively kids.
Yet whenever we needed Dad, he miraculously appeared.
This occurred on the night after I’d tried to drown myself in the bathtub and then told my little brother my plan to commit suicide before the age of twenty-one. My parents didn’t know about the suicide attempt, and neither did my brother. But Aaron went to Dad and told him what I’d said about killing myself before I turned twenty-one.
My father came to my room and talked calmly to me. He offered assurance that mum and he loved me, that my brother and sister loved me, and that God loved me too.
Then my dad sat on my bed and gently stroked my hair until I fell asleep. I will never forget that.
Oh, we do still bang heads because we are so much alike. We have the same intense drive and strong-willed temperament. He predicted that I will probably butt heads with my kids too. When we announced that Kanae was pregnant with our first child, he smiled and said, “Now you’ll see what it’s like to be a father.”
Once again, Dad was spot on. I tell my son Kiyoshi to pick up his toys. I will one day make him do chores to earn his allowance. Already at night, I remind him to pray and ask God to help the poor children around the world. Then I put my chin on his head and nuzzle him until he falls asleep. I hope he never forgets that.
Perfectly imperfect sons become perfectly imperfect fathers. I pray that I’m as good a parent as my mother and father. Still, I can think of one thing I will do differently with my son. When Kiyoshi comes to me at the age of nineteen and announces that he’s traveling to some faraway place to give all his savings to the orphans, I will say, “I’m coming with you!”
Thanks for everything, Mom and Dad. You prepared me for a ridiculously good life. You encouraged me to pursue a life without limits, and you showed me how to love without limits.
Kanae and I will do the same for our children.
Love,
Nick
My wife, Dushka, and I were excited and more than a little nervous. The prenatal tests had looked fine for the baby. There’d been no problems at all during this pregnancy. When the baby made it known that he was ready, my wife went to the delivery room with the doctor and nurses. I prayed while waiting for the call to join her, adding to the hundreds of prayers I’d offered up in the preceding months.
Dushka was a nurse and a midwife. She and I were well aware of the potential for problems in a pregnancy and during the delivery. So many things can go wrong. I’d often thought a normal birth is a miracle.
Since this was a first pregnancy, we knew the delivery might take a long time, and it did. Twelve hours of labor passed before the call came and I was allowed into the room. The first thing that struck me was the joy in my wife’s eyes. I shared her elation when I looked to the tiny form resting upon his mother’s chest: a baby boy with two arms, two legs, and a beautiful face.
He was a perfectly formed, beautiful child of God.
Our first grandchild!
My beaming son, Nick, the proud father, was at the bedside of his wife, Kanae, the mother. It was a miracle! Nick was euphoric, so happy he seemed to levitate over his wife and newborn son, nuzzling them, kissing them, reassuring himself they were real—his own family at last.
This was a moment Nick, Dushka, and I had hardly dared to dream about. We’d feared that because he had been born with neither arms nor legs, Nick would never find a wife or have a family. But within two short years, what had seemed impossible had become a reality. Nick had met and won the heart of a beautiful, soulful, and spiritual young Christian woman, Kanae Miyahara.
One year and one day after their marriage, their son Kiyoshi was born.
TAKEN BY SURPRISE
Seven months earlier, Kanae and Nick had done their best to make the surprise announcement of her pregnancy memorable—and they certainly succeeded. We gathered at Nick and Kanae’s home for a belated Father’s Day party because Nick had been traveling. Our daughter, Michelle, was visiting, so she joined us for a wonderful dinner prepared by Kanae. After the main course, Kanae brought out a cake for dessert. We wondered at first if she’d lost her usual graceful touch as a decorator. Half of it was covered in blue icing. The other half was pink. We were clueless about the purpose of this color scheme. We took the cake but not the hint.
I didn’t even catch on to her little secret when Kanae asked, “Okay, Dad, do you want a blue slice or a pink slice?”
“Blue,” I said.
Dushka didn’t pick up on the hints either. In fact she didn’t want any cake at all.
I’d already started eating my blue cake when Kanae said with a laugh, “Well, obviously my hints didn’t work for you.”
I was way behind the learning curve as usual, but Dushka and Michelle screamed out, “You’re pregnant!”
The not-so-subtle symbolism of the blue-and-pink cake finally became clear to dull-headed Dad. I joined in the celebration of Father’s Day—the first time I had shared the holiday’s guest-of-honor role with my son, the father-to-be.
Our first Father’s Day together was truly one of the highlights of my life, and it was made all the sweeter by the emotional journey we had traveled with Nick through his childhood and into manhood. We’d had no idea that Nick would be born without limbs, and though doctors reassured our family time and again that it was not an inherited trait, we certainly were relieved when Kiyoshi was born with all the standard-issue appendages.
The arrival of our grandson washed away any lingering pain from the grief and fear we experienced when his father was born. Such a contrast between those two events in our lives. Such relief that God had a different plan for our grandson.
Yet by the time Kiyoshi was born, I’d come to have a much different view of what constitutes a perfectly made human being. My wife and I were lifelong Christians, yet we had each experienced a crisis of faith when Nick was born. We could not believe that a loving God would burden us with such a severely disabled child. Was He punishing us for reasons neither of us could fathom?
We would come to realize our reaction was very typical for the parents of a disabled child, but at the time we lacked perspective. We also lacked the power to look into the future and see what was in store for Nick, who eventually proved to be an incredible blessing, not only to our family, but also to millions around the world.
WONDERFULLY MADE
With our limited vision, Dushka and I could foresee only struggle and anguish for Nick and for us. We were so wrong, of course. Our son and our experiences with him have enriched our lives beyond measure and taught us many lessons at the heart of this book. Nick gave us a new definition of the ideal child a
nd a deeper appreciation for the complexity of our Father’s divine vision.
Nick taught us to find new meaning in the psalm that says we are “wonderfully made.” We came to see Nick as God’s beautiful creation, lovingly formed in His image. We lacked the wisdom, initially, to understand that. We saw Nick as disabled rather than enabled. We could not grasp that his missing arms and legs were part of God’s unique plan for our son.
When people around the world see Nick, they understand immediately that he had to overcome substantial physical and emotional challenges. They can imagine what it must have taken to build such a positive and remarkable life as a speaker and evangelist who travels the world helping others and giving hope to all. For that reason, when Nick speaks to them with messages of inspiration and faith, they are moved and impacted in profound and life-changing ways.
Dushka and I know now that Nick and Kiyoshi and all children are perfectly formed. It took us a long time to attain that knowledge. We went through many difficult days and nights to reach that enlightenment. The low points were deep. Yet all the pain and frustration we endured while parenting our remarkable son has only made his victories and achievements all the sweeter and more meaningful.
TWO VERY DIFFERENT BIRTHS
The arrival of a first grandchild is a special moment for every grandparent. When I saw Nick place his forehead to that of his newborn son and nuzzle him for the first time, my soul soared. Nick’s birth was such a shock and so frightening. Kiyoshi’s was just the opposite—an incredibly blissful experience.
Kiyoshi was born with a normal body and thus seemed perfect to all who viewed him. Yet just as we had no vision of the life Nick would create, we cannot foresee what God has in mind for our grandson. Will our “perfect” grandson be able to follow and surpass the achievements of his “imperfect” father? There are some big shoes to fill, but I don’t think that is really important. I want Kiyoshi to be happy and fulfilled according to his own desires and expectations.
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