Even so, Kol wasn’t like other men.
Not in the least.
He nudged her a little, gaze affectionate. “I think I lost you there. What did you want to talk about?”
She blinked a few times then laughed softly. “Sorry, I was drifting.” Her eyes swept over the cave. “Tell me about this place. Kjar said the men who sailed in with us won’t remember it. That it's a private family spot.” She appeared speculative. “So obviously Kjar wipes their memory somehow. What’s up with the secrecy?”
Kol swigged from his skin then considered her. “What would you say if I told you this was a dragon lair?”
“A dragon lair,” she murmured, trying to wrap her mind around the words. But she always did love a good fairytale. “I’d tell you it made me think of my childhood. The books my cousin Dayna used to read to me.”
A small smile came to his face. “Stories about dragons?”
Amber grinned. “Yeah, lots of those. I guess she enjoyed them.”
“You seem to have taken well to the concept of me and my brothers being half dragon. Is that why? Were you the only one Dayna read the stories to?”
“Yeah, actually.” Amber shrugged and polished off her bread. “I was still young enough to enjoy kid’s stories after Mom left and I think Dayna saw it as a way to help me through my grief.”
“She sounds like a good cousin,” he murmured.
Amber wondered at the strange octave in his voice. “She really was. Is. She and Megan have had issues since Sean almost died, but that was just Meg being scared of losing him.”
She didn’t miss the tension in his body when she mentioned Sean. And she didn’t blame him. Mention of his name usually meant she was going into ‘shut down’ mode. Yet she wasn’t. Wouldn’t.
Amber frowned, surprised when a wash of guilt didn’t roll over her. More than that, she didn’t feel guilty for not feeling guilty. Everything she’d been through since traveling back in time had started to feel like a healing process. A crazy, emotional rollercoaster ride with a heavy dose of stark terror…but a healing process nonetheless.
Determined not to get too intense right now, she glanced around. “So, a dragon lair, eh? What does that mean exactly?”
Kol shrugged and swallowed some nuts. “It was a place Naðr found for us when we were young. Well protected, it has several large caves. Enough room for us to shift to dragons and have a place to rest. A place to go when we wanted to shift.”
Her eyes stayed with his. It was impossible to picture him being anything other than a man, but she refused to let it bother her. Rather, she found it fascinating. “Couldn’t you shift at the fortress? I heard Raknar did a few months ago and that the people loved it.”
“We can now.” He frowned. “At least we could before the pact with the seers.” His eyes grew distant. “Our father was opposed to us shifting. Even when we were children. So Naðr found a place for us to embrace what we were.”
“Was your father a dragon shifter too?”
“Yes,” Kol murmured. “And though we were still boys he was threatened by his offspring. He wasn’t fond of anyone who could someday rival him. Especially Naðr, always the largest and most defiant of the three of us. Father saw him as a threat above all threats. Thankfully, he never had the chance to act on it before he was killed.” His gaze remained lost. “Father was once much different. He fished with us. Loved us.”
“What about your mother?”
“She fell in love with another man and ran off. That was why my father turned so bitter and ambitious. Naðr says she tried to come back for us, but Father would have none of it.”
Sad, she rolled a nut over and over in her hand, voice soft. “That’s too bad. It sort of sounds like we were in similar boats. Kinda sorta. Our Dad wasn’t mean to us after though. Just different. More distant I guess. Megan made a point of trying to bond with him. I think she was just trying to understand where his head was at. Veronica thought he was a waste of time and always tried to reach out to Mom.”
“What about you?” he said softly.
Her eyes met his and held, but her thoughts were a million miles away…better yet, over a thousand years in the future. “I was too young to grasp most of it…except…” She trailed off before clearing her throat. “Mostly just sad my family fell apart. Confused. A little lost I suppose.”
He squeezed her hand, about the only thing that grounded her right now.
She worked at a smile. “One good thing came out of it all though.”
He perked a brow in question.
“I started sketching like crazy. It was around then that I started getting interested in music too. It was like a veil had been lifted. I might not have had a solid parental unit anymore, but I found something else to fill the void. And, of course, I had my sisters.” She inhaled deeply. “Always my sisters. They were my rocks. Especially Meg. Even Veronica in her own way. They never abandoned me.”
“Nor did my brothers me,” he said. His warm, comforting fingers entwined with hers. “Except…” She got the impression he was filling in the blanks of what she had almost said moments ago. “Watching what happened between my parents, my mother’s betrayal, my father’s anger…changed me. They were so in love before that. Or at least I thought they were. And then an instant later, I realized it was all a lie. True love. Commitment. Two people being meant for each other. That sort of thing just didn’t exist. Could not exist. Because if it didn’t work for my parents who had loved each other so much, who could it work for?”
Amber swallowed and looked away. His words struck too close to home…literally. “I guess I can see how you’d feel that way.” She took a long swig from her skin, shrugged and told a half truth. “I was too young to be overly affected. I just wanted my parents back together.”
Determined to get away from where their conversation might be heading, she stood and yanked on her pants and tunic. Stretching, determined to look like she wasn’t running away, eager to keep things light, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and eyed him. “So you hung out in this cave as a dragon?”
Kol pressed his lips together and she knew he debated whether to draw her back into their conversation. His internal debate didn’t last long before the corner of his lip hitched up. “I did.” He stood and pulled on pants. Though not as erect as he’d been before, his girth wasn’t any less impressive as it pressed against his leather pants. Amber dragged her eyes from his groin as he grabbed her hand. “Come, let me show you.”
He led her to a ledge overlooking the incoming waves. Though she could only see a slice of the crimson sunset beyond, the wide pool of crashing water below was beautiful.
“Are you comfortable with me using a little dragon magic on you?”
The way he said it, almost half flirt, half dare, made her grin. “Sure, have at it.”
He pulled her against his side, his strong arm wrapped around her lower back and pointed. “See that slate of rock that dips into the water?”
Amber tried to ignore the feel of his body against hers and nodded. “Yeah.”
His words came close to her ear. “Close your eyes and then open them.”
So she did. Warm tingles started to spread through her veins and she knew it wasn’t sexual. No, this was his magic and it felt like warm maple syrup pouring through her. If she wasn’t mistaken, a sugary sweet smell filled the air. She sighed, lost in the sensation.
“Don’t forget to open your eyes,” he whispered. “When you do, you will see me as a child.”
Amber swallowed and slowly opened her eyes. Her gaze instantly went to the area he had pointed out. Three boys stood there. Varying in height, the tallest had jet black hair, the middle, blond, the smallest, black hair with brown streaks.
“Whoa,” she whispered and clenched his hand. “That’s you and your brothers.”
“Shh.” He offered a low chuckle. “Watch.”
“Father should teach him this,” the blond boy said. Raknar.
“But
he never will,” the black-haired boy said. Naðr. There was nothing quite like seeing the massive Viking king as a scraggly boy with long, awkward limbs that were years away from filling out.
“I do not need to learn this now,” little Kol said. “Later.”
When he made to walk away, Naðr grabbed him by the scruff of his tunic and turned him around, nudging him forward. “Yes you do little brother. Now.”
Kol pouted, crossed his arms over his chest and eyed the sky. “No.”
Raknar shook his head, less than impressed. “We can start you here or push you from the cliff above. Your choice.”
“We will start him from here,” Naðr said, stern eyes going from Raknar to Kol. “You will do this. You have to.”
Fear flickered in Kol’s eyes as he looked from brother to brother. But still he thrust his shoulders back, trying hard to mask how frightened he was as he eyed the sea then the sky.
Raknar’s eyes widened at him. “Look at how you fear!”
Naðr took Kol’s elbow and nodded at the sky. “If you conquer that, you can conquer anything.”
Kol started to shake. “I want Mother.”
“Mother is gone,” Raknar spat and paced as he eyed his brothers then looked directly at Naðr. “Tell him she is gone. Tell him he must find his own strength.”
“Yes.” Naðr looked at Kol. “Find your own strength. A man must have that.” Then he shook his head. “But your strength is also ours.” He looked at Raknar then back at Kol. “We are brothers. We find strength not only in ourselves but in each other. It must always be that way.”
Raknar huffed and strode up the incline but not that far before he turned and looked back at Kol. “Embrace who you are. Honor your dragon blood.”
Amber’s breath hitched as wind howled into the cave and seemed to twist around Raknar. Then something else. Color. Blur. Suddenly there was no longer a boy standing there but…a small dragon?
Chills went through her.
What else could it be?
Maybe five feet tall, it was covered in golden scales with wings and barbed ridges on its head and talons. It was every inch what she envisioned a dragon to be save its small size. Even so, it seemed quite sure of itself as it leaped into the air, flapped its wings then flew out over the water.
Awed, she watched the creature…Raknar…fly, partially aware of Naðr still urging Kol forward. But it seemed the youngest brother still feared. “You must do this now, little brother. We need you to be with us.”
Kol watched Naðr step away, voice firm. “We’ll always watch over you, but it is time for you to do this. For us.” He stood up straighter. “Do this for your brothers.”
As it had been around Raknar, colored wind started to swirl around Naðr. When it twisted away, a black dragon stood in its place. Easily six feet tall, it lowered its wings, cocked its head, blue eyes staring at Kol before it took off.
Kol watched his brothers fly over the ocean, fists clenched and little jaw firm. God, he was so young and obviously terrified.
But he was also brave and determined. Or so it seemed.
He took a few steps back then ran to the edge of the sea and froze. Body trembling, he eyed the sky. Then he hung his head. Meanwhile, his brothers flew overhead, close but not too close. Yet it seemed Kol wasn’t quick to give up because he strode up the rock then turned. He stood there for a minute or so, shaking, before he again ran down the rock.
This time air shimmered around him.
And he shifted.
Maybe three or four feet tall, covered in obsidian and shimmering brown scales, he bounded a few times then spread his wings. Though he flapped them, it was clear he had no idea how to work with the wind shear as his body wobbled. He hadn’t climbed all that far over the ocean before he lost control and started to nose dive.
Her breath caught in her throat as the little dragon fell.
Then, out of nowhere, he landed on the back of not a black dragon but a golden one.
Raknar had saved him.
His middle brother gained altitude then drifted. Waited. Amber got the sense they communicated and that Raknar was proud that Kol had faced his fear and embraced his other half. While she almost thought the golden dragon might show some tough love and flip him off, he didn’t. Instead, he let Kol ride him for awhile.
She smiled when Kol at last chose to leap from his brother’s back. He flapped his wings once, twice, and then coasted, learning the feel of the wind. Emotion welled up in her as Kol gained confidence and the dragon flapped his wings, flying out over the ocean between his brothers.
Their forms ghosted away as she knew Kol’s memory faded.
“That was...” Amber swallowed hard, fighting unexpected emotions. "Touching."
Her eyes turned to Kol, not a little boy dragon with a will to be as strong as his brothers, but a full grown man. A tall, well-muscled, Viking at that.
Another unexpected wave of emotion crashed over her. He had shown her something truly special to him. Something that showed that though he'd been terrified, he faced his fear. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. She got the feeling he wanted her to take something from it. “While I love that you shared, I’m wondering if you showed me that memory for a particular reason.”
Kol was looking at her a little too intently. "I only meant to share a piece of my childhood with you. A turning point in my life." He took her hand. "Why else would I have shown it to you?"
"I don't know," she murmured. "Maybe you think I fear more than just the dark."
Kol pulled her close and cupped her cheek, dark gaze meeting hers, eyes a thousand times stronger than the boy who had just struggled with his dragon. “Do you?" He skimmed his fingers over her jaw. "Maybe in some ways you're like me, like the memory I just showed you. Afraid to take that next step. Afraid to have faith in what might happen. Perhaps you have been for a very long time."
She nearly drowned in his eyes, almost agreed before she realized she was about to relent to something that she long ago learned to repress.
“No.” Amber pulled away and tried to focus on the ocean but couldn't. His words and actions had gotten to her. He was bringing her closer when they were supposed to remain apart. Layer by layer, it felt like she was becoming more and more exposed. And she didn't like looking at herself too closely and seeing the real reasons she was commitment phobic.
Amber made her way back to the fire and clenched her hands by her side. Why had watching him embrace his dragon made her so aware of her own issues? One’s that she still clearly had not gotten over. But what he had implied about her possible fears made her feel edgy and defensive. Really, the only thing she couldn’t face were mirror images of his own emotional roadblocks.
Fear of getting too close.
Fear of losing everything that matters most.
Fear of losing love.
So when Kol started to speak, she shook her head and stared into the flames. “We don't need to talk about this anymore…” She braced her hand against the rock and sighed. “Just give me some space, all right?”
But it seemed he wasn’t going to give her any more space or chance to pull away than his brothers had given him so long ago because he strode over, spun her around and pressed close. He clutched her chin and forced her eyes to his. His thumb dusted over her cheek, concern and perhaps a touch of empathy in his determined gaze. “I’ll give you space later. For now, tell me what upsets you. Tell me so that I can help you push past it.”
Their gazes held and a heady rush of frustration mixed with lust blew through her. She wanted to hate him and love him all at once. Hate him for dragging deep feelings to the surface. And love him for standing by her side to weather the storm.
“Amber?" Veronica said. "Kol?"
Kol leaned closer and his lips hovered over hers, words low, profound. “Know that I am always here, that I will always listen.” Then his lips were against hers, not kissing but brushing lightly, feeling, and drawing in her air. Too soon, he pulle
d back sharply and her next breath was cold, lacking…empty.
“Yes, we're here, Veronica," Kol said.
Raknar nodded as he and Veronica entered. “Something has changed. It’s safe enough to go home and mourn.”
“What changed?” Kol asked.
“I don’t know. That’s all Naðr shared.”
Kol nodded and stepped away. They finished dressing and he left her to walk with Veronica.
Her sister eyed her, concerned. “Are you okay, Sis?”
Amber’s hands shook as she smoothed back her hair. “Yup. Good.” She worked to set aside all the feelings Kol dragged from her. “How is Matthew?”
"He’s fine, just newborn and cranky.” Veronica took her hand and allowed the men to walk ahead, her eyes still on Amber. “How are you…really?”
She had learned a long time ago how to keep her true feelings from her sisters and was about to say fine when her sister stopped short. Where Veronica would have typically frowned at her and snapped out something like, “Get over it. Rise up,” she didn’t.
Instead, she put her hands on Amber’s shoulders and shook her head. “You know I love you right?”
Huh? Megan might pull this mushiness, this need to connect, but never Veronica. As a rule of thumb, her middle sister kept herself distanced from too much emotion. So she shrugged. “Sure, Sis.”
Veronica stared at her so long, Amber almost pulled away. The words her sister spoke surprised the heck out of her.
“When you were taken by Alrek, it scared the hell out of me. It also made me realize that there was something I wanted you to know.” Her sister’s eyes held hers. “I might’ve thought you still needed to do a lot of growing up, but I was wrong.” Veronica shook her head. “You embraced life when I couldn’t. You still do.” She shrugged and grinned. “But I think I’m getting the hang of it.” Her sister yanked her closed and hugged her. “Do you have any idea how proud of you I am?”
Viking Heart (The MacLomain Series: Viking Ancestors Book 3) Page 21
