by CJ Roberts
“It’s a shame to cover up that body of yours.” He raked his gaze up and down as I came to the edge of the bed. “But seeing you in one of my shirts is fucking sexy as hell.”
It had been weeks since we’d shared our first shower, and every day seemed better than the last. Adam had tried several times to get me to talk about my past. How I got the scars and more important, who had given them to me. I refused to go into it. Which led to an argument. But the argument led to make-up sex and in the end, the secret was still mine.
I didn’t want to think about the past or taint Adam with any of the bad memories from it. I was happy to be moving on.
I crawled on my knees atop the bed and wiggled my eyebrows at him. His arm shot out and wrapped around my waist. In my squeal of delight, he pinned me on the mattress and hovered over me. He tickled my sides and I burst into laughter.
“I see you have a weak spot.” He smiled.
I begged for mercy and he relented. He eased himself down on me, his face a few inches from mine, and brushed a lock of hair from my brow.
“You’re so beautiful.” He trailed his finger along my jaw and the scars that marred it. “All of you.” He kissed my neck. “Especially when you laugh.”
I smiled up at him. “You realize how unfair this is, right? You’ve found my tickling weakness. I have yet to find a single weakness of yours.”
He looked at my face as though he was staring at Utopia. “You’re closer to my weakness than you think.”
He kissed me and I melted for him. Lifting my shirt up and exposing my bare thighs, he shoved his bottoms down and was inside me instantly. There, surrounded by Adam Kinkade in every possible way, I let myself fall even further into the abyss.
“Thanks for coming to get Simon today,” Tim said as he rummaged through the papers on his desk. “I need to close this sale and Grace is out shopping. She’ll pick him up in about an hour.”
“It’s no problem.” I ruffled Simon’s hair and tried to keep the distaste out of my voice. I loved spending time with Simon, but hated conversing with the man in front of me.
“Simon, go see if Sue has some candy.” Tim motioned to his secretary and Simon went running.
My uncle’s dark gaze landed on me. I balled my fingers into fists at my sides and focused on keeping the anxiety from rising. I wasn’t surprised he’d figured out a way to get me alone. He knew I’d come. All he had to do was say, “Simon,” and I’d be there.
“What is the situation with you and Adam Kinkade?”
I almost choked on my own spit. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
His desk was between us. He leaned forward, teeth clenched. “It is when our companies are competing.”
Ah. Now it made sense. Adam did have a lot of real estate in Chicago and his reach, wealth, and power far exceeded my uncle Tim’s.
“Well?” He glared at me.
“Well, what? You guys do what you do. I’m not a part of your business dealings.”
“What the hell are you doing with him, anyway? You realize he dates models, right?” I tried not to let that sting as much as it did. “What does a guy like that want with you?”
I clenched my teeth. It wasn’t my anxiety I was worried about anymore, it was my rage.
“Obviously this guy has other motives.”
“You think Adam is using me to get to you somehow?” Adam didn’t need to hide behind anyone. I scoffed and turned to leave.
“Hey,” Tim called after me. “Do you even know anything about him? The guy is unstable. He has big fucking issues.”
I faced him fully and crossed my arms over my chest. “We all have issues.”
“Does he know about yours?”
I gritted my teeth. This was negative reinforcement at its finest. My aunt and Tim had always treated me as if I were my mother. Except when he wasn’t busy eyeing me and using every excuse to either grope or degrade me. Once I had thought the same thing about myself, too. Thought maybe I was just like my mother. But little by little, that fear was fading.
“I’m fine. He’s fine. There’s no need to concern yourself,” I snapped.
“Adam Kinkade is not fine. He’s dangerous.”
“No, he’s not.”
“Oh? Did you know that his own stepfather kicked him to the curb because Adam almost killed him?”
I recalled the article I had read. It had said that after Adam’s mother died, his stepfather had raised him for a couple of years, but then he went into foster care for “unknown reasons.”
No. No way would Adam try to kill someone. I have stared white rage in the face. I knew what it looked like, what it felt like, to be in the hands of someone who wanted to kill you. Adam wasn’t that way.
I didn’t dignify Tim’s accusation with a response. I walked out, picked up Simon at reception, and took him with me. These days, the only thing I liked about my aunt and uncle was that little boy…and that was about it.
Grace had just picked up Simon. I hung his latest drawing of a kangaroo on my refrigerator and grabbed an apple. Biting into my late snack, I powered up my laptop and went to work on my thesis. About an hour into it, my phone rang.
Kink.
“Well, hello there.”
“Katelyn.” His tone was dry and quick and made me feel like I was in trouble. “I’d like to see you in my office immediately.”
“Ah…why?”
“We need to have a discussion.”
“O-okay. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”
“Good.”
The line went dead and so did my breathing. Whatever was going on was not good. Tim’s words replayed in my head. Adam Kinkade dates models…what does he see in you…
My hands began to shake. I couldn’t help feeling that I was on the verge of being dumped.
“Have a seat.” Adam motioned to the chair across the desk.
“I’ll stand.” I was not about to play Master and Commander if he was just going to break up with me anyway. It took every effort I had to remain calm, and I was still failing miserably.
“It’s rude to discuss business when one party stands.”
“Business?”
He glared at me. He obviously wasn’t going to say anything until I sat, so I did. He leaned forward, all powerful and domineering, staring me down as though I had just insulted his grandmother.
“I’m going to tear down the apartment complexes.”
“What?” My voice raised an octave. “We talked about this a while ago. I told you my mother lives there.”
“Yes. Which is why I am more driven than ever to expunge that shitty part of town.”
My brain was rattling with his words. “But you said she wouldn’t be homeless.”
“There is a women’s shelter right down the street,” he snarled. What had happened? Where was my sweet, wonderful Adam?
“How can you say that? Do that?”
He tossed a manila folder across the desk and it landed in front of me. I opened it and when I saw what was in it, I almost vomited.
My medical records.
Page after page documenting every time I’d gone to the hospital for injuries. Then there were the photos…
“Where did you get this? These are my personal, private medical records.”
“Do you know how much money I have?” he asked with all the smugness in the world. “It really can buy anything.”
I shoved the folder back at him. “You had no right to do that. How would you like it if someone went digging around in your medical records?”
“Impossible,” he stated.
“You can’t do this.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t! This is my private life.”
“I gave you plenty of time to talk to me. Confide in me about what had happened to you and who hurt you. But you refused. So I found out on my own.”
“Adam, did it ever occur to you that I didn’t want to talk about this because it’s not fun for m
e?”
“I need to know these things, Katelyn.”
“Why do you need to know?”
“So I can protect you.”
“I can take care of myself.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I would have told you. Despite how awful and painful it is, I would have shared every secret and recounted every detail if that’s what you wanted.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because you never give me anything back. I took the leap, Adam. I stood in front of you with all my faults and scars bared. But you haven’t shared one thing about your past with me.”
“That’s different, Katelyn.”
My temper flared. “Bullshit. You don’t just get to play God and decide things based on how it best suits you.”
“I do when my property is involved.”
I looked down at my stomach because it felt like Adam had just run a knife through my gut. I wanted to scream. To cry. Why he was doing this?
“Are you trying to hurt me? Rub it in that you’re kicking my mom out of her home? Going back on your word to me? That’s so sick.”
“No!” He slammed his hand on his desk and I jumped. “This is sick!”
He held up a photo. A close-up of my face when I was eleven, bloodied and broken. That had been one of the worst. I still felt my mother’s nails sink into my skin like claws as she screamed at me. Hating me. Trying to cut the skin from my cheekbones and tear apart my face with her bare hands.
“I don’t know how you can care about someone who did this to you, but I sure as hell won’t.” His eyes were the darkest I had ever seen them. His breathing was coming quicker. Adam Kinkade was irate.
I took a deep breath and tried to take a mental step back. I wasn’t used to being the calm one in a situation, but now it looked like I had no choice.
He was all worked up and for what? Me? In his own way, he was protecting me. Attempting to save me from something that had been done. A raw anger seeped from him. I recognized it because I had felt it for most of my childhood. But I was an adult now, and with that came responsibility.
“She’s my mother, Adam.”
His face went stark.
He came around the desk and stood before me. I rose to meet him. When I did, he cupped my face in his palms and kissed me. Hard. Angry. I knew his intentions were good, but sometimes he set about things in a backward way. I was learning to combat this with the only thing I could.
The truth.
“I want to do something, Katelyn,” he rasped against my mouth. “I want to fix this. Make her pay for the hurt she’s caused you.”
I never would have thought Adam capable of losing his control. Standing there in his arms, I felt the heat of his rage. I was getting a glimpse of the side he refused to show me, and it was dark. A raw ache drifted off of him like morning fog along the water. That thick hatred that developed only through utter anger and shame.
I wasn’t the only one running from a terrible past. Adam was, too.
“Is that how you feel about your stepfather?” The words came out before I even realized I had spoken them.
I hadn’t said it to be mean. I wanted to know him. He demanded the truth from me, and I’d give it. But I wanted him in return. Wanted to be a source of good in his life that he could turn to.
He dropped his hands and stepped away from me. Shock plagued his handsome face. He forced me to deal with my issues head on. It was his turn to unburden himself, and I wanted to comfort him.
“What the fuck does that mean?” he demanded.
“After your mother died…you lived with him for two years before foster care.”
“I see you’ve been reading Wikipedia.”
“At least I didn’t steal your medical records.”
“My past is not a topic of conversation. Ever.”
“How can you demand all this from me? Throw pictures in my face, have me relive everything that happened, and stand there and tell me you won’t do the same? I’ve been honest with you, Adam. Yet you give me nothing.”
“Let this go, Katelyn.”
“Did you try to kill him?”
He grinned. Grinned! “Yes. I did.”
“W-why?”
For a brief moment, pain trekked Adam’s face. But then it was replaced by a mask of rage. Whatever his stepfather had done to him—
I remembered the first night I had spent with him. When I woke him and he gripped my wrist…
Bile rose to my throat and I resisted the urge to cover my mouth. I threaded all the signs together and it began making sense. Adam’s need for control. Dominance. The way he’d reacted to taking my virginity. The blood…
Whatever expression I wore made Adam’s fit of anger skyrocket. “Don’t you dare pity me!” he snarled. “Whatever the fuck it is you’re thinking, you’re wrong and you need to stop.”
I didn’t say anything, but then again, I didn’t have to. He had told me twice now that my face seemed to give away my thoughts.
“Adam, nothing will change how I feel about you.” I reached for him, but he moved away.
“We’re done here,” he growled.
He led me to the door and opened it. He damn near had to push me through it before he closed it, and me, off.
My mind raced and I realized several things had just happened. Adam’s past was much more painful than I’d ever imagined, and I had no idea how to help him.
He had made it clear that he didn’t want me right now. Maybe not ever, after this.
When the elevator took me down, I sat alone in the car and cried. Cried for Adam, cried for myself, and cried for our obviously doomed relationship.
We were two broken people who couldn’t communicate about the darkness that was swallowing us whole.
13
Megan and I sat on the couch in sweat pants, and a half-eaten pizza lay on the coffee table. I zoned out to really bad TV trying to gain a grip on today’s events, but it had totally fried my brain. Every internal organ hurt, as though I was physically aching for Adam.
He was hurting. And there was nothing I could do. There was nothing he’d allow me to do. I felt useless. Angry. I wanted to take whatever pained him away and replace it with something better. Something that made him happy, that made him smile.
He deserved to smile.
He was a strong, domineering man to his very core. I wanted to help him. The last few hours had consisted of me going from grief, to rage, to utter depression. I wanted to kill anyone who would ever hurt him. While I didn’t know the whole story, I knew Adam’s stepfather had abused him. The need to punish that mongrel was overwhelming.
This must have been how Adam had felt when he found out it was my mother who had caused all the scarring on my face.
The twisted part of me felt happy that he cared so much. Somehow, he felt the same as I did about him. Granted, his tactics were a bit extreme, what with getting my medical records. Could two people with this much baggage work out in the end?
I hoped so, because the alternative made me sick.
Megan had pressed me all afternoon about what had happened. I was obviously in a bad mood, but I couldn’t tell her much. I would never break Adam’s trust that way. I checked my phone for the millionth time and still there was no call or text from him.
“Seriously, what happened with you two today? Did he upset you? Hurt you?”
“Adam wouldn’t hurt me like that, Meg.” She wasn’t Adam’s biggest fan, but I couldn’t have her thinking the worst. “He just…he found out about my mom.”
“Oh. How did that go?”
“Not great. I’m pretty sure he hates her and is going to demolish her home.”
“He can do that?”
“Guess so.”
“Well…can you blame him?” Megan’s reply startled me a bit. “Don’t look at me like that, Kate. I hate your mother for what she did to you. It makes no sense to me how you can even look at her, let alone support her. She’s a crazy bitch.”
My eyes burn
ed with liquid fire at the comment. I knew my mom was unbalanced—crazy. But hearing it out loud stung. At the end of the day, that crazy bitch was still my mother. She was a part of me.
“She didn’t get diagnosed until I was much older,” I said, as if trying to defend her. As though if she had known she was unstable and gotten help sooner, she wouldn’t have tried to claw me to death. Or throw me across the room. Or bash my head into the floor.
“Nope.” Megan came to sit next to me. “I know where you’re going with this, and you’re wrong.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“Yeah, I do. You were going to say that at some point you could just wham, come into this disease. Turn bipolar just like her.”
Okay, so that may have been close to what I was thinking.
“Kate, you’re not her. You’re not sick the way she is. Your mom has had this illness her whole life. You are a level-headed, smart woman. You’d never hurt anyone. You have to stop running from yourself and start trusting that.”
That was the problem. I didn’t feel very level-headed. I felt out of control and lost.
A knock sounded at the door. Megan got up to answer it. “Probably Brian.”
When she opened the door I heard the familiar rumble of a deep voice. I launched to my feet just as Megan held the door open and Adam walked through it.
“Hi.” He stood, his tie loosened and his hair slightly disarrayed from the wind. His thick black coat covered his broad shoulders.
“Hi,” I choked out.
Megan looked between the two of us and said, “I’m going to my room.”
I appreciated her discretion, because right now, I just wanted to fix what had happened between Adam and me.
He closed the door behind him and in two long-legged steps, ate up the distance between us. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. My toes came off the floor. His cold wool coat tickled my nose as he hugged me tight.
“Adam?”
He let me down slowly and cupped my face, looking at me with those blue eyes burning.
“You trust me with so much.” His thumbs brushed my cheekbones. “It’s a gift, I know this, and you make me a better man for it.” He kissed me softly on the lips. “From the moment I saw you on the street, I wanted to possess you. Keep you. Take care of you. Not because I question your own ability, but because I want to.”
