Spencer leaned forward, shaking his head in disbelief. “Let me understand. You have no need for my money? You did this for Miranda so she could find happiness and love?”
“Precisely.”
“Forgive me if I take a moment to comprehend what this means.”
“Please do.”
“You do realize, when she finds out, she will be furious with you.”
“Yes, well, that is why I need your promise not to tell her. She need never know.”
“I’m not comfortable lying to my new wife.”
“Come now, nephew, you need not lie. Just omit the truth.”
“Put that way.” He stood, came around the desk and bowed. “I am forever in your debt for bringing us together.”
She flicked her wrist. “Nonsense. All I ask is you treat her with kindness and love. She deserves no less.”
“True. And you can count on me.”
Aunt Violet left him leaning against his desk with his heart pounding and his mouth hanging open at her confession. Perhaps she should confess to a priest because he could not give absolution for her sins. But he was indeed so thankful for them.
What a conniving aunt Miranda had. He had her undying respect and gratitude. Now, if only he could get his lovely new bride to fall in love with him again. It certainly was more attainable since they were married. He could woo her anytime day or night. Her aunt hinted at their past. Could he believe Miranda still had feelings for him?
That was, if she wasn’t miffed at his desertion on their wedding night. Which made him wonder if she was upset and disappointed he didn’t consummate their marriage? Perhaps she thought he didn’t want her? His stomach twisted up in knots. No. She would never believe such an untruth, would she?
Bloody bugger, he needed to find her and clear the air.
Only when he inquired to her whereabouts, the housekeeper informed him she accompanied his sisters shopping on Bond Street, and they would be gone all day.
Great. As guilt burned a hole inside his body, his wife was out shopping.
***
Miranda, after having a restless night sleep, found it hard to enjoy herself. Shopping on Bond Street would normally be something she would love. However, she found it hard to keep up with Liz and Mary as they visited one dressmaker, hat shop, and shoe shop after another. How much did they receive monthly in pin money? Because, if Miranda calculated all their purchases it totaled a very large sum.
She bought nothing. How much would Spencer allow her for monthly spending on such frivolous items? Her marriage, after only a day, seemed strained, and she wouldn’t want to upset him by making purchases without his permission. Which made her eyes tear and her throat burn at the memory of him leaving her alone on their wedding night. What type of man did that? She’d lain in bed, broken-hearted and angry. When Liz and Mary asked if she wanted to go shopping, she’d jumped at the chance to get out of the house. Away from him.
Call her cowardly, but she’d even taken her breakfast in her room. Afraid she would see her husband and cry over her eggs and make a scene in front of his family. Not the way she wanted to start her marriage.
Now, at this very moment, when her body wanted nothing more than to crawl beneath the covers of her bed and sleep for two days straight, she found herself being hustled out the door of one establishment and into another.
“Let’s go for ices at Gunter’s,” Liz, holding numerous packages, said.
“That sounds wonderful, I haven’t had one in years.” She could finally rest her weary body and sore feet since going home to bed anytime soon obviously wasn’t an option. Liz and Mary were tireless shoppers.
As they exited the shop, the man who hadn’t been far from her mind the entire day leaned against his phaeton with an intense look on his face which made her insides tighten.
“Ladies.” He bowed and grinned. “I was hoping to persuade my dear wife to accompany me for a drive in the park.”
“By all means,” Liz said before Miranda could answer for herself. “Mary and I have one more stop to make before we go home. “If you happen to see Amesbury riding through the park without a care in the world, kindly tell him I’m still upset with him.”
Obviously, it didn’t matter whether she wanted to go for a ride with her husband or not. The decision had been made, and she found herself being helped into the vehicle by Spencer. “What was that about?” she asked once they were both seated, and he took the reins and urged the horses forward into Bond Street traffic.
“Edward Worthington, otherwise known as the Marquess of Amesbury, one of Wentworth’s closest friends and Liz became friendly during the Season. I even believed he would offer for her. Then one day he didn’t call. He didn’t send flowers and a light extinguished from her eyes.” He paused and spared her a quick glance full of concern. “Don’t let her happy demeanor fool you. She has a broken heart and I’m at a loss as to how to help her.”
“Have you tried talking to her or even Amesbury?”
“Yes and no. Lizzie won’t tell me what happened. And I don’t think it’s my place to confront Amesbury?
“Why not? Since your father is no longer living, I would think you have every right to get involved.”
“Perhaps if things don’t improve between them, I will. In the meantime, I’ll be available if she feels the need to confide in me. Of course, I blame myself as I should’ve paid more attention to what was going on around me. Instead I was giving all my undivided attention to Bella in hopes she would marry me instead of Myles.”
“Oh.” Her stomach dropped. “So the rumors are true?” She’d known they were, but hearing it come from his lips made it all the more real. Her nerves were already stretched to the breaking point and his confessing only added to her tension. Not to mention the hit to her self-esteem making her more insecure where their marriage was concerned. For some reason, deep down inside her heart, she’d believed, perhaps not right away, but in the near distant future, their marriage would be real.
“Afraid so. Myles and Bella belong together and I knew it from the start. I was deluding myself into thinking I had a chance with her. She told me and never led me to believe otherwise.” He paused and pulled the carriage off Rotten Row and down a narrow path. Turning toward her, he placed his free hand over hers. “Deep down inside I knew it never would be. You don’t have to worry, I love Bella, but not that way.”
Miranda didn’t know what to say. Was he implying he loved her? Or reassuring her he didn’t love Bella? Was she supposed to pretend she had no feelings for Spencer? Because clearly, after his snub last night, he’d made it perfectly clear he didn’t want her.
No wonder she’d woken with an upset stomach today. “Thank you for clearing that up. You no longer love Bella.” The words came out more harshly than she intended.
His eyes registered shock. “Not what I said, but close enough. Miranda.” He lowered his voice and his eyes softened. “I want us to have a chance at a happy marriage. You must not hold whatever it was I did to you twelve years ago against me.”
Her back straightened. “You know very well what you did.” How could he not remember promising to ask her father for her hand and lying? Her hands began to tremble as well as the rest of her body.
“I beg to differ.” He looked truly perplexed. Why? Then his eyes drifted across the way. “Bloody hell, are those storm clouds? We better make haste.”
The moment they pulled up in front of Spencer House the clouds burst open, the wind kicked up, and rain pelted them to the point they were drenched by the time they entered the foyer.
Spencer gave orders to the butler to find Mrs. Noble and have baths readied for them both.
Miranda didn’t know how she felt about their conversation being interrupted. Especially since she felt they were getting somewhere. Perhaps he would have explained why he didn’t come for her all those years ago. Anything would have been better than what her imagination led her to believe. She remembered all too well the pain of bei
ng forgotten by Spencer. She had felt old and inadequate. She didn’t want to live like that anymore. Yet here she was, one minute feeling hopeful in her relationship with Spencer and the next spiraling down in despair of ever having a true marriage. She didn’t think she could take much more.
After her bath, her maid informed her that her husband requested her company in his study.
Standing outside his closed study door, she rested her hand on her stomach as butterflies fluttered around. Would the family move out already. And she chastised herself for being hopeful once again. Before she could knock she heard his deep voice. “Come in.”
“How did you know I was outside?” she asked as she sat in a comfortable chair facing his desk.
“The soft sound of slippers on the wood floors.”
“I see.” She smoothed out her skirts to the pink and cream satin day dress. More to stall for time as the butterflies had only increased their flying velocity.
“I asked you here so we could continue our conversation without interruption. I believe I will have a glass of brandy. Would you care for some sherry?”
“No, thank you.” She wanted to keep her wits about her.
After he settled back in his seat with his glass of amber liquid he looked at her with all seriousness. “I want you to know that I did not abandon you twelve years ago. I went to your house and spoke with your father. To my utter dismay, he refused my offer. Told me you never wanted to see me again and you were in love with another.”
Her stomach plummeted. “You did? He did?” Her voice sounded strange to her ears.
“Yes.”
“How do I know you’re not lying to get into my good graces?” Where had those words come from? Never had she not trusted him before. Deep down inside, where her rational mind resided, she knew he told the truth. Except...it was his word only. Only her father said she loved another which wasn’t true. Nor did she ever utter the words she never wanted to see him again. Her father had lied and refused Spencer’s marriage proposal without consulting her.
“Now why would I not tell the truth? I was devastated by it. Why do you think I haven’t married all these years?”
Her hands became the object of her fascination as she stared at them resting on her lap entwined together almost painfully. “Did my father say anything else? Give you another reason why he refused you?”
“Yes. Because of William and the rumors he killed Geoffrey and Katherine. He felt my family name was tarnished beyond repair.” The pain in his voice and in his eyes was painful to bear. “That losing estates back to the crown was a better fate than marrying his only daughter into a murderous family.”
“I see.” Her throat and lungs burned. Her poor father. What a dilemma he had had. Obviously, he felt strongly against her marrying into the Spencer family that he even made up the story about her loving another. What it must have cost him to refuse. Fortunately, her father did not lose his estates, although they lived like paupers. Since his death the title went to a distant cousin they never even knew existed.
How much he must have loved her, believing in the rumors and thinking he was keeping her safe. How they all suffered. Even Spencer. My God, what he must have gone through. All these years she had no idea he suffered right along with her.
When she found her voice she spoke quietly. “I’m terribly sorry for what my father said. I had no idea. I was led to believe you never called. My father said he hadn’t seen you.” She fought back tears threatening to spill but eventually gave up and let them trickle down her face. So many people had suffered from her father’s choice. She wanted to hate him for his deceit, but she couldn’t. He’d made those difficult decisions to protect her.
“Don’t cry. It is in the past,” Spencer consoled as he came around the desk, hunkered down, and took her hands in both of his. “Your father believed he did the right thing. He lied to protect you. How could he have known William didn’t commit the crimes? If memory serves me, both your parents died several years later, and you moved to the country to be with your aunt. I should have sought you out then. I should not have given up. I should’ve know you didn’t fall in love with another.”
He brought her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Without gloves separating them, the warmth from his lips sent heat sliding up her arms to curl around her heart until it was encased in soothing warmth.
“What I want to know is can you forgive me for not fighting for you. For not pursuing you after your parents’ death.”
Hearing the anguish in his voice and viewing the desperation on his face startled her. “There is nothing to forgive. It is as much my fault as yours. I didn’t have to run away. I could have stayed and confronted you. Except I thought you rejected me and hated me.” She cried as a sob escaped.
Next thing she knew, he pulled her up. Folding her into his warm, comforting arms, he ran one hand up and down her back as he whispered, “Don’t cry. All is right now. We are together. Married. The future is ours to make of it what we will. And please know, I could never hate you. I’m not capable of hating you. Anything but.”
How could he be so forgiving for what her father had done? Could she, now that the truth was known, forgive her father? Yes, because he loved her and believed he was protecting her. “But all those wasted years. I understand what my father did was out of love and the need to protect me, but still he knew how much I loved you.”
“They weren’t wasted.” He rubbed his cheek against the top of her hair and breathed in. “Besides, all that matters is now.”
She inhaled and exhaled, willing her tears to stop. Her head lifted from his chest and she ventured a glance at him. Her heart melted at the concern on his face and in his beautiful, blue-green eyes. Leave it to Spencer to not have blue eyes or green, but a mixture of both. Eyes which presently were looking at her so intently she squirmed.
“I need to kiss you. May I?”
Words escaped her, so she nodded her head and his lips descended upon hers and it felt like coming home. Everything about the kiss was familiar. At first he took it slow. When his tongue ran across the seam of her lips she opened her mouth to him and moaned as he swept his tongue inside her mouth tasting her. Why should he have all the fun? She tangled her tongue with his and heard him moan as well as felt the vibration in his chest. His arms tightened around her waist, pulling her closer so their bodies molded together from head to toe. Her body melted against his, reveling at the muscle hardness of it. When she first felt his arousal pushing against her stomach she almost backed up in panic. But her mind calmed her down by telling her it was Spencer not Mr. Baker. Everything about being close to her husband was different from her aunt’s third husband.
Eventually, needing air, she broke the kiss and rested her head against his chest once more. His heart pounding against her ear made her smile, knowing she was responsible for making it throb.
“I want you so desperately I can’t think straight.” The deep sound of Spencer’s voice had her knees weakening.
“I want you too.” And she did. She might be frightened to death about the sensual act, but she did so want him to make love to her. She’d waited a lifetime for this. Thought about it for most of her life. Dreamed about it many nights, causing her to awaken aroused and frustrated at how to make it go away or even to understand what was happening to her body. How to keep her heart from shattering on a daily basis for twelve lonely years.
“Do you think it scandalous if we retire to our chambers before dinner?”
His question surprised her and she giggled. Giggled? She couldn’t recall ever doing that before. “We are newly married. What can be scandalous about that?”
“True indeed.” He took her hand and while they strolled through the house and to the wing which housed their chambers, she struggled with the panic trying to overtake her. How mortifying if she cast up her accounts on the hallway rug?
This was Spencer. The man who loved her. The man she loved. He would never hurt her. Never force her t
o do things she wasn’t comfortable doing. But what would he say when he found her no longer a virgin?
Would he be angry?
“Relax.” He leaned close to her ear and murmured, “I can feel the tension in your fingers, never mind radiating off your whole body. If you’re not ready for this just say the words.”
The words she needed to say would not come forth. What would he think of her if he knew the truth? Would he be revolted and disgusted? Not ever wanting to touch her, love her?
Once inside the room, she dropped his hand, walked toward the hearth and hugged herself, hoping to ward off the sudden chill taking over her mind as well as her body. She needed to win the battle because the last thing she wanted was to freeze Spencer out. But how to let him in? Let him into a truth about herself so horrifying she hated herself for it. Could hardly look in the mirror somedays. She knew what happened to her was not her fault, but the degradation and pain went deep, too deep to ignore. Even deeper than the hurt she had carried from Spencer’s rejection.
“You’re cold. Perhaps taking that ride in the park was a bad idea.”
“No. It was perfect.”
He grabbed the fireplace poker and stoked the embers until the flames licked up. “Here, let me warm you.” He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tight against him. “If you are having second thoughts. I understand.”
She tried to relax, she really did. “No. It’s your right.”
“Damn it, Miranda.” He dropped his arms and paced the room. “I am your husband. Not some brut from medieval times who ruts with his wife, then grunts and rolls off until he feels the itch again. I love you, have always loved you, and will until I take my last breath.”
Chapter Nine
Did he have any idea how much those words meant to her? How much they moved her and almost made all her nightmares and fears dissolve? “I love you, too,” she said through her tears. “Have since the first time I saw you. You were the only gentleman I saw at the ball that first night of my Season. Nobody else mattered now or then.”
Spencer meets his Lady Love Page 9
