by Robin Banks
“Getting into places. Making contacts.”
“That’s what you’re doing now?”
“Duh. Alya’s clearly hell-bent on antagonizing everybody. This way we’re still gonna have a chance if she fucks things up. Hell, give us a few months and we could take over, if they give us a pilot.” He says that so casually it chills my blood.
“You’re kidding, right? You wanna take Alya’s job? Kolya’s?”
“No. I wanna cover my own ass in case they fuck shit up and lose their jobs. Which at this point seems fairly likely. Alya is used to being in charge. Times have changed and she’s not adapting. I’m just looking after us, is all. Not trying to screw anyone over.”
“Who’s ‘us’?”
“Us two.” He sits up on the bed and glares at me. “Me and you. I know you like Alya and Nicky, but they’ve got their own priorities. You can’t let them fuck our lives up. Too much rides on this. You want us to be on the street again? You weren’t too happy in Hestia and things were easy there. We were just playing. You know that. You wanna do that for a living?”
“No. I don’t. But I don’t want to shaft my friends to get ahead. They’ve looked out for us.”
“Are they? I’m sure they mean well, but they might fuck shit up for us without meaning to. Alya doesn’t know how to get along with people.”
“And you do.”
“And I do. You know that. I’ll look after you. I’ll look after us. Thinking ahead doesn’t mean that we’re trying to shaft anyone. Ok?”
“Ok. I guess.”
I know the morning is gonna suck, so I get out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off. I want to get a good start on the day. Instead, I get an unexpected dose of weirdness.
I’m just climbing down my steps when Alya bolts out of her ATR and runs into Kolya’s bunk. I hope she’s ok. I’m sure she’d have said if she needed anything. I’m sitting on the kitchen steps drinking my cofee when the boy who turns on the life support walks through on his way to the front of the show. Alya opens Kolya’s door right then and nods at the passing boy. She doesn’t get back to her ATR until he’s out of sight.
I’ve no idea what any of that was about, but I don’t get a chance to think about it. The day degenerates so fast I can’t even keep up with it. Tom needs to be at the rehearsals – we knew that. Kolya needs to be there too to discuss what the animals can and can’t do, so Alya comes to help me in the stables. The two of us can’t do the work of three people, but we can do our best. After less than a half hour, though, Tom comes to call her over.
“Alya, they need you in the big top. Now. Things are going to shit.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Fucked if I know. Everything and nothing. Nicky is getting so wound up that his English isn’t working. Nobody’s paying any notice to him anyway. They want us to start taking the animals over, too.”
“What? Why?”
“To try stuff out, I guess. I don’t know. I’m just passing the message along. I’ve gotta go back. Please be quick.”
So she goes, and leaves me alone. We’ve not even started watering and feeding the animals. They’re not happy about the delay. I have to try to work three times faster than normal around a bunch of pissed off animals, and it really isn't working. Meanwhile, the guys keep rushing in and out taking animals to the big top in no order I can make out. That’s not helping either. I never realized how important having a fixed routine was to the smooth running of the place. Now that it’s fallen apart, I understand why Kolya is so strict about it.
By the time the guys come back, lunchtime has been and gone and I’ve not stopped yet. I’m so behind and everything is so scrambled that I don’t even know whether to carry on, start all over again, or just give up.
Alya takes a look at me and her eyes widen. “Are you alright?”
“Not really. I’m just super behind. I tried to keep up, but failed. The animals are really angry at me.”
“Can’t blame them. What do you need us to do?”
“If you’ve finished taking them out, maybe feed the fuckers? I’ll clean them after.”
“We’ll clean them after. Sorry we’re so late.” She rushes off to make up feed bowls while Kolya does the water. After all the animals are fed, we stand in the middle of the mess that used to be our stable.
“Alya, I’m sorry. It’s impressive how quickly I’ve left this place go to shit. Literally.”
“Not your fault. If I’d known how long that shit was going to take, I’d have told you to just feed and water and forget about everything else. Aside from having to explain to them that you can’t just change an animal act from one day to the other, we had to fight every single fucking point of their fucking schedule just to avoid having to be in two places at the same time. Fucking Isabella couldn’t have been less helpful. Her nose was so far up Sean’s ass I’m surprised she managed to pull it back out.”
We get down to cleaning. I’m wheeling out the umpteenth barrowload of shit when I see Tom. I’ve been so busy I’d not clocked on that he wasn’t here. He’s up by the big top, and he’s not alone. Sean is talking, and Tom is smiling and laughing. He makes a good audience, Tom does. I understand what he’s trying to do and why, but right now I’d still like to strangle him.
Alya comes out with a load of her own. When she sees Tom, she drops the handles of her barrow and lets it clang on the ground.
“Why am I even surprised? Once a cocksucker, always a cocksucker.”
I’m tired, hungry, angry, and I’ve had enough of everything. I drop my barrow too. “Don’t you fucking dare talk about Tom like that.”
“Oh yeah? Tell me he’s not trying to run game on Sean right now. If Sean wasn’t straight, his dick would be in Tom’s mouth as we speak. Or somewhere else.”
“You really wanna talk about where Sean sticks his dick? Really?” I know that’s going way too far, but right now I don’t care. I just want to hurt her. Looks like I managed.
She growls at me through gritted teeth. “Your bestie is a two-bit hustler and you know it. Worse than that, he thinks he’s smarter than anyone else, and he isn’t. He thinks he’s running game on all of us. He doesn’t have a fucking clue. Only person he’s managing to run game on is you.”
I’m so fucking angry that I have no idea what’s gonna come out of my mouth next, just that it’s gonna be loud, when Kolya barges in between us and hisses “Shame on you! Circling like dogs, barking at each other? Outside where he can see? So he wins. You make him win. Shame!”
I look out of the corner of my eye and of course there’s a whole bunch of people watching us now, Sean included. Shit.
Kolya holds his arm out to Alya. “Come here. Now.” She walks over, still furious, but he ignores that. He wraps an arm around her and kisses the top of her head.
That’s weird.
She doesn’t bite his throat out or anything like that.
That’s even weirder.
Instead she takes a few breaths, and when she speaks to me again it’s at a normal volume. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. None of this was your fault.” She’s looking so sorry, tired, and scared that I don’t know how I could have shouted at her. I’m still angry, but I know it’s not at her.
“I’m sorry, too.”
Kolya beams at us. “This is better. Good children. Do not fight. If you fight, you fight inside. You do not make scene. And I will speak with Tom.” We both try to interrupt him, but he lifts his hand up. “No. You are too close, and you are too angry. But now we finish job, and then I cook nice dinner. Today is over soon. We do good work. One big problem solved. This is good. So we finish work, have nice food, relax.”
I’m not convinced. “You won’t flip out at Tom, will you?”
“I hope not. I try. You don’t worry. And you,” he steps back from Alya to eyeball her, “don’t bite your friends. We do not have so many.”
I wonder for a moment whether he’s going to ask us to apologize and shake hands, but I guess
he knows better than to try that. He just herds us back to work.
Tom joins us soon after, looking unusually sheepish. I wonder how much of the argument he heard. It doesn’t take us long to get done, but we never catch up with the work. That pisses me off. It’s not the animals’ fault if we fucked our day up. They’ve had a shitty enough time in the last few weeks. I’m still really glad when we close up shop, though.
Kolya smiles at us. ”Half hour, I have food ready.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Tom runs his hand through is hair and smiles. “I’m going to turn in.”
“You do not want food? You are well?”
“I’m ok. Just tired, I guess. I’ll catch you tomorrow.” He bounces over to his bunk, not looking tired in the least.
I really wish I had something smart to say about this, but I don’t. I’ve got nothing. I just stand there and watch him walk away. Kolya follows him, shaking his head.
Alya tugs at my sleeve. “Luke? Come on. You look dead on your feet.”
“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
“I’m sorry I made you yell at me. I wanted to have it out with Tom since yesterday, but I knew that would have been counterproductive. Taking it out on you was plain shitty, though.”
“I’ll live. Please go easy on Tom, ok?”
“You know that I really don’t want to, right?”
“Yeah. I’m asking as a favor to me.”
“As a favor to you.” She nods. “I definitely owe you one. But a day may come when...” She trails off.
“I know. But not today.”
When I get up in the morning, Alya does that running about thing again and holes herself into Kolya’s bunk. She comes out just on time for the boy doing the morning rounds to spot her. I don’t know what kind of weird theatre they’re putting on and I’m too tired from yesterday to even contemplate puzzling it out.
The morning sucks, again. Kolya and Tom are still in rehearsals. Alya has to help ferry the animals around. I’m determined that I’m not gonna fuck the day up again, but I fail. By lunchtime everyone’s been fed and cleaned, but I’ve not even started turning animals out. I just can’t do it. I can’t keep up.
Alya rushes in on her way out again, but stops when she sees me. “What the hell are you still doing here? Go and get yourself fed.”
“If I carry on without breaks, I might not fall behind for the afternoon.”
“If you carry on without breaks, you’re going to fall ill. Get yourself some lunch. You look like shit.”
“Thank you.”
“Well, you do. If you really want to help, you can get something ready for us, too. I’m starving and we won’t get long to stop.”
“Alright. I can do that.”
“But stopping to feed yourself would take too long? Kid, you need to sort your priorities out. Ideally before you wreck yourself.” She squeezes my arm on her way out.
I drag myself to the bunks and get lunch ready for everyone. We’ve not been shopping yet, so I can’t produce a culinary masterpiece, but I can make something that’s going to keep everyone going until dinner time.
Kolya and Alya rush over. They look like they need a break, too.
“Sit down. Food will be ready in no time at all. It’s going to suck, but I can’t help that.”
“Kid, you’re a bloody angel, you really are. I’m hungry enough to eat my own leg. I’m too old for all this rushing around.”
“How’s it going?”
“Better. Still difficult, but better. Sean isn’t there, so we’re managing to have them listen to sense. It’s going to be ok. It really is. I’m sorry this is taking so damn long, though. It’s not fair on you.”
“It’s not fair on anybody.” I shove their plates under their noses and they jump on the food. “Feeding you guys is worse than feeding the ponies. Where’s Tom?”
“Oh.” Alya winces. “He’s not coming.”
“What do you mean he’s not coming?”
“Sean said he can eat at the café. For free. As a thank you for being so helpful.”
The only reason I don’t throw Tom’s plate across the kitchen is that I’d have to clear it up.
“Run this by me again. Tom is getting a free meal for standing about and occasionally holding an animal.”
“Yup.”
“While I’ve been busting my ass doing all my work and his, and I don’t get shit.”
“That about sums it up.” She sees my face and takes Tom’s plate out of my hands. “It’s not Tom’s fault. And it’d be silly for him to turn the offer down. It wouldn’t gain anyone anything, and he’d miss out. But I’m willing to bet that Sean is doing it on purpose. He’s trying to create a rift, and he’s succeeding. He’s also trying to make us fuck up. He’s not managing that, though. I know things here are shit, but once the show is back on we should be ok. We’ve made sure that our schedule will be ok. We shouldn’t have had to fight for that, but…”
“I know. You’re doing great.”
“I just wish I could make things easier on you for the next few days.”
“I’m alright. It’s the animals I’m worried about. Oh, fuck it. That’s not true. I’m pissed off. I’m so pissed off I could scream.”
“Four more days. I’ll try to sort something out. How would you feel about getting an extra helper?”
“One of those boys? I’m sure it would suck.”
“Not quite. There’s another option. It’s not a good one, though.”
“Out with it.
“We’ve picked up a tourist.”
“Say what?”
“A little twerp wants to be in the circus. His father sent him over for a trial with us, so he can try different jobs and see if he really likes it.”
“And he wants to shovel shit?”
“He might not have an option. He sucks at everything else. It’s not a solution to our problem, but it may help tide us over. Or not. He really is a twerp.”
“If he’s got arms and legs, I can use him.”
“You might change your mind. I’ll see if I can send him over. If it doesn’t work out, please don’t feed him to the tigers. He’s got a rich daddy.”
I was convinced Alya was exaggerating. She’s not the easiest person in the world to please at the best of times and she’s been in a foul mood. I change my mind after about five minutes working with Hugh. If you can call it working.
Our work is not that complicated. You see shit, you clear shit. Hugh seems to understand that well enough. He just doesn’t seem to be able to do it. Instead he picks up a couple of bits with his shovel, then leans on it and tells me all about his dad and how he’s gonna get him a circus if he gets on well, which of course he’s going to, because it’s so cool being here and he can’t wait to go off planet, though our ships don’t look as good as his dad’s, etcetera. I have to constantly remind him to keep shoveling. This works a few times, until he just puts the shovel in his barrow.
“Dude, you need to keep shoveling.”
“My hands hurt.”
“You still need to keep shoveling. We’re not finished. And this is our first pen.”
“Isn’t there something else I could be doing?”
“No. And if you don’t do your share of the shoveling, I’ll have to. The work doesn’t magically disappear because you don’t want to do it.”
“I guess.”
He picks his shovel up again, but he doesn’t do shit. He just vaguely rummages around the bedding, trying to look busy. I give up on the idea of doing half the pen like I do with Tom, because then the other half won’t ever be done. I start to fill his barrow up.
“You can take my barrow to the muck trailer.”
“The what?”
“The pile of shit where we got the barrows from. Outside.”
“Ok.” And on he goes.
By the time I’ve filled up his barrow he’s not come back yet. When I go to the muck trailer, the barrow’s there, and so’s the shit, but there’s no sig
n of Hugh. I spot him on the way back to the stable, chatting to some of the boys doing fuck-knows-what by the back tunnel.
“Hugh!” I bellow.
He looks put out, but walks back over. “What?”
“We’ve not finished yet.”
“But I took that barrow to the trailer like you said.”
“But you didn’t empty it. And it’s not the last one. If you don’t want to shovel, you can empty the barrows, but then you have to come back.”
“Oh. Ok.”
So we try that. I do all the shoveling. All he’s got to do is empty the bloody barrows. You’d think that’d be simple enough, but it doesn’t work either. In the stable he keeps talking at me and getting vexed if I interrupt him to send him out with a load. When I send him out he wonders off, going to look at what other people are doing. When I finally give up and take my barrow to the trailer, I find that instead of putting the shit on top of it, he’s just dumped it in front. He left a trail of barrow-loads snaking out into the path. I go and get a shovel and a broom, wondering where the little fucker’s got to. I’m happy I can’t see him, because then I can’t kill him. I guess I owe Alya an apology.
The rest of the morning continues in the same fashion. Hugh’s either not there or useless. Making him do what he should be doing in the way he should be doing it is harder than just doing it myself. By lunchtime I’m glad to see the back of him.
I’m so wound up that I’m wondering whether it’s a good idea for me to have a coffee when Alya and Kolya turn up. No Tom, again. I’m not even going to bother asking.
Alya takes a look at my face and winces. “Sit down. I’ll cook. I’m guessing things are not going smoothly, then.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with that kid, but something definitely is.”
“That kid is two years older than you.”
“Yeah, well, something’s not right with him.”
“He’s a first classer, is all.”
“And that makes him incapable of handling a shovel?”
“His air is paid for. Anywhere that’s Fed, he can just turn up and live there, no air to buy.”
“Because he’s first class?”
