by Tina Duncan
Katrina pressed her hands against the granite bench-top, welcoming the coolness against her heated skin. ‘I…I don’t know what to say.’
‘Then don’t say anything.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘Unless you’re ready to change your mind and come to bed with me.’
When Katrina shook her head and looked away, Alex sighed. ‘I didn’t think so.’
He was resigned to the fact that Katrina was going to make him kick his heels for several weeks before letting him into her bed. Her reasoning was a whole lot of gobbledegook that didn’t make a lot of sense to him.
OK, he’d treated her badly. He was the first to admit that his behaviour had been appalling.
But she still wanted him—whether she wanted to admit it or not.
What was the point in making them wait? Frankly, he couldn’t see any.
And while he was prepared to give her a bit of leeway he didn’t plan on waiting for for ever. Maybe it was time to remind her of that.
‘Just be aware that I won’t let the current state of affairs continue for too much longer,’ he warned softly.
Katrina, who now had her back to him as she busied herself at the stove, swung around. ‘And what, pray tell, do you mean by that?’
Alex wasn’t the least fazed by her snippy attitude. ‘The situation will come to a head at some point. When it does, I won’t take no for an answer.’
Her chin angled. ‘Yes, you will. Otherwise it will be rape.’
Alex scowled at her. ‘I’ve never had to force a woman to share my bed and I’m not about to start now. When the time comes, you’ll be more than willing…you’ll be begging me to take you.’
‘I don’t think so. You’ll be lucky to even get to first base if you keep on avoiding me. The whole idea of waiting is so that we can establish a relationship before we sleep together. I need to learn to trust you again. I can’t do that if I never see you.’ She waved her spatula through the air. ‘And have you even given a thought to the fact that by avoiding me you’re also avoiding Sam?’
Alex frowned at her. ‘I always pop into the nursery before I leave in the morning and again before I go to bed. I see Sam every day.’
‘I didn’t know that.’ She turned to the stove, stirred the eggs for a moment and then swung back to him. ‘But it’s still not good enough. Not by a long shot. Sam’s asleep then. I thought you said you were going to accept your responsibilities. But if you’re not willing to make an effort to spend time with your daughter when she’s awake then you’re honouring diddley-squat!’
Alex immediately took offence. His glass landed on the granite bench-top with enough force to almost shatter it.
His father had neglected many of his responsibilities and had out-and-out abused others. The accusation Katrina had just thrown at him was totally unjustified. Couldn’t she see how much effort he’d gone to to make sure his daughter was well provided for?
‘How can you say that?’ he demanded, his back ramrod straight. ‘Sam has wanted for nothing since you moved in here. The second hand pram and capsule you had her in have been replaced by new ones. She has a wonderful nursery and heaps of toys. Everything that money can buy.’
She glared at him. ‘This isn’t about money. Or things. This is about love.’
‘You know my opinion of that emotion,’ he bit out coldly.
Her eyes grew so wide they dominated her face. ‘I thought you were talking about your feelings regarding women—not your own flesh and blood.’
‘Love is just a word that in and of itself means nothing. It’s usually used as a substitute for something else. Between men and women, that something is usually lust. With familial relationships, it as often as not represents a combination of liking and respect.’ He gave her a hard look. ‘Sam will, without a doubt, have those things from me.’
‘Well, you can’t hope to bond with her on any level if she’s not even awake when you see her,’ Katrina shot back at him, each word like a weapon she was using against him.
She really was Little Miss Confrontational these days, particularly where Samantha was concerned. ‘That will happen in time. It’s only been a couple of days.’
‘Well, just remember that they are a couple of days you can never get back.’ Katrina stared him in the eye, her face serious. ‘Babies grow and develop so quickly; Sam has already changed so much since she was born. You’ll both be missing out if you don’t start spending time with her.’
Alex topped up his wine. In truth, he had been avoiding Samantha as much as he’d been avoiding Katrina—not that he intended to tell Katrina that. Nor did he intend to explain why he had been avoiding their daughter.
For the first time in years, the nightmares were back. Dreams of incidents from his past.
Some were of real beatings he’d been on the receiving end of. Beatings that had damaged his body but never his spirit.
Others were of his younger brother being similarly abused—despite Alex’s attempts to stop it from happening.
Each image was so real it felt as if it had only just happened. Each vision was so authentic that he broke out in a cold sweat and woke trembling.
He knew why the dreams were back, of course—because he’d just learned that he was a father.
Now he had to face his greatest fear: that lurking somewhere inside him was the same monster that had lived inside his father.
Rationally, Alex knew he would never deliberately hurt any child, least of all his own, in the way his father had taken pleasure in doing.
But what if he hurt Samantha through thoughtlessness or ignorance? What if he lost his temper and lashed out without thinking?
He’d done that once before, many years ago.
The thought of it happening again terrified the life out of him.
He would rather cut off an arm or a leg than hurt a single hair on Samantha’s head.
But Katrina was right. There had to be a middle ground. Somewhere where he could build a relationship with his daughter at the same time as keeping her safe.
‘OK. You’ve made your point, Little Miss Confrontation. I’ll make sure I spend more time with her. Satisfied?’
She nodded. ‘Tomorrow is Friday. I presume you don’t work at weekends?’
Alex shook his head. ‘I usually spend a couple of hours reading reports and doing emails, but, no, I don’t work all weekend.’
‘Then you have no objection if I arrange a couple of family outings for us, then, do you?’
If the quickest way into Katrina’s bed was to spend time with her, then Alex would willingly spend every spare minute there he possessed.
And this conversation with Katrina forced him to acknowledge that spending quality time with his daughter was something he must do.
He’d spent so much time focussing on the practicalities of Samantha’s care that he hadn’t given a thought to the relationship itself.
Mind you, that was hardly surprising. It was easy to forget what a real father-child relationship should be like when you’d never had it.
Not that that was excuse. He’d watched his friends with their fathers. He’d been envious of the way other fathers had played ball with their sons, and how they’d told stupid jokes and teased each other.
There and then, Alex made a vow to himself: he was going to be a better father than his dad had been.
He would do things with Samantha. Lots of things.
And what better way of doing them than with Katrina at his side?
She was as fiercely protective of their daughter as a lioness with her cub. Nothing would happen while she was around to prevent it.
Alex shook his head and smiled, anticipation making his heart beat strongly in his chest. ‘No. I have no objection whatsoever. In fact, I’m looking forward to it!’
The following day Katrina had just started to undress Samantha in preparation for bathing her when a sound made her turn.
She found Alex standing in the doorway, watching them.
He was wearing one
of his to-die-for suits and a dark tie dotted with tiny diamonds.
He looked way too handsome for his own good, and Katrina had to swallow before speaking. ‘Alex. I didn’t hear you come in. You’re home early.’ Glad of an excuse to take her eyes away from him, she turned back to her daughter. ‘Look who’s here, Sam. It’s Daddy.’
‘I took what you said last night seriously. And, since I managed to put out the fire on that deal earlier than I’d expected, I thought I’d surprise you.’ He splayed his hands wide. ‘So here I am, reporting for duty.’
‘Well, you’re just in time for Sam’s bath. Why don’t you join us?’ she suggested softly.
He nodded. ‘OK. What do I have to do?’
Katrina smothered a smile at the way Alex had asked the question. He sounded so serious and industrious, as if he had an important job to complete and he was waiting for a list of instructions.
‘Well, since you’ve never bathed a baby before, I’ll take care of the actual washing.’ Katrina kept her face serious and her voice sober. ‘But you have two very important tasks.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘And they are…?’
‘First, you need to quack.’
Alex stared at her as if her skin had just broken out in a series of multicoloured spots. ‘Quack?’
Katrina nodded and pointed to the yellow rubber-duck already bobbing on the water. ‘Yes, quack. Sam likes the rubber duck but she likes it even more when you make quacking noises.’
‘Really?’ He looked and sounded sceptical.
‘Yes, really.’
‘And the second task?’
She placed a hand on his arm and leaned closer. ‘Relax. Don’t forget, you’re meant to be having fun.’
Alex stared at her for a moment before his mouth turned up at the corners. ‘Am I taking this too seriously?’
‘Uh-huh.’ She nodded. ‘You certainly are. But then, you’re an over-achiever. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you.’
His eyes glinted metallic blue. ‘You’re mocking me.’
‘Maybe just a smidge,’ she said, holding up thumb and forefinger with barely a hair’s breadth between them. ‘I used to love bath time. I want Sam to enjoy it too. So we try to have fun, don’t we, poppet?’
Samantha cooed her total agreement.
‘I see,’ Alex said, still not sounding totally convinced.
‘My mother was usually in charge of bath times, so it was a special treat when my dad came home early and supervised. I had a whole heap of toys, and Dad had sounds for each and every one of them.’ She wrinkled her nose at him. ‘He set the bar pretty high so you have a lot to live up to.’
‘That’s just great,’ Alex muttered, as if the pressure of expectation was riding on his shoulders. ‘You’ve never mentioned your father. Where does he live?’
‘Nowhere. He died in a work accident when I was little.’
Alex frowned. ‘How old were you when your mother died?’
‘Thirteen.’
‘What happened to you then? You said you had no other blood relatives.’
Tension slithered inside her. ‘I went into foster care.’
‘I never knew that.’
Katrina shrugged. ‘I don’t talk about it much. They weren’t the happiest years of my life.’
He touched her arm. ‘I’m sorry.’ He glanced at Samantha then back to her. ‘That’s another reason you pushed so hard to make me accept Sam as my daughter, isn’t it?’
Katrina nodded. ‘I’d had quite an idyllic childhood up until then. But afterwards…’ She shivered. ‘I don’t want Sam to have to go through that—ever!’
‘She won’t have to.’
‘I know. Thanks to you.’
‘There’s no need to thank me. She’s my daughter.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Now, enough of this serious talk.’ He shrugged off his suit jacket and hooked it over the door knob. Pulling his tie free, he neatly folded it before slipping it into his trouser pocket. Finally, he rolled up the sleeves of his business shirt to the elbows. ‘I’m ready. Let’s do it.’
Katrina finished undressing Samantha and slid her into the water.
The baby cooed and smiled. Quickly, Katrina used the soft sponge to give Samantha a quick all-over wash and then said to Alex, ‘OK. It’s over to you.’
Alex moved closer. His body brushed up against the side of hers, and the smell of male skin mixed with soap invaded her nostrils.
Katrina wanted to move away but it wasn’t feasible. Instead, she tensed her stomach muscles and tried to pretend that it wasn’t Alex standing beside her.
Alex hesitated and picked up the duck. He gave her a sideways glance. ‘I feel ridiculous doing this.’
Katrina conceded that he did look uncomfortable. ‘You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.’
He dragged in a breath. ‘No, I’ll do it.’
Again, Katrina smothered a smile. He sounded as thought she’d just asked him to swallow a tablespoon of particularly obnoxious medicine and was screwing up his courage to do so.
A few half-hearted and less than enthusiastic quacks followed. Samantha appeared fascinated by the fact that it was her father wielding the duck, but a little unsure about the sound he was making.
Katrina touched his arm for a moment before quickly retreating. ‘Relax, Alex. Just remember what you liked when you were a kid and do the same thing.’
‘I didn’t have those kinds of bath times.’
Katrina looked at him. ‘What sort of bath times did you have?’
His eyes met hers for an instant, the expression in them sending a shiver running down and then up her spine. ‘Not the fun kind.’
Her heart wrenched. Not only had he gone to bed hungry but he hadn’t had fun bath-times. What else had he been deprived of? she wondered, her heart going out to him.
‘Well, just imagine what you would have liked and do that instead,’ she suggested lightly.
Alex looked back at the duck, studied it for a moment and then let out a quack that immediately made both Katrina and Samantha smile.
Later, Katrina would wonder whether that was the moment she started falling in love with him all over again.
He raised a brow. ‘Better?’
She smiled with genuine warmth. ‘Much better.’
Katrina was thrilled with the effort Alex was making. Coming home early had earned him a brownie point. Helping with Samantha’s bath had earned him another.
There was just one down side to all this. She was seeing another side of Alex. A softer side that she hadn’t seen before.
The problem with that was that it made Alex more attractive.
And that was the last thing she needed, because she was already finding him attractive enough.
‘I never knew bath time could be so much fun. Or so wet,’ Alex said ten minutes later as he looked down at his drenched shirt-front.
Katrina giggled. ‘I hope you’re not planning on blaming our daughter for that.’
‘I certainly am,’ he replied indignantly. ‘If she didn’t laugh every time I whizzed the duck through the water and made those waves, then I wouldn’t have kept on doing it.’
‘Well, I hope you don’t intend being that enthusiastic all the time. I’m saturated.’ She plucked at her buttercup yellow blouse which was plastered against her like a second skin.
‘I don’t know,’ Alex said huskily. ‘I rather like the wet look.’
In fact, he more than liked it. Katrina’s shirt was not only sticking to her like glue, but the water had also made the material semi-transparent. Alex could see the outline of her low-cut cream bra and the texture of the lace running along the edge. He could also see the outline of her erect nipples at the centre.
Unable to resist, Alex tunnelled a hand beneath the fall of her hair, bent his head and kissed her.
He’d barely had a chance to do more than taste the sweetness of her lips before Katrina dragged her mouth from under his. ‘Don’t, Alex.’
> ‘Why not?’ he demanded.
Her eyes didn’t meet his. ‘Sam is getting cold.’
Because there was a grain of truth in Katrina’s statement, Alex didn’t argue. But before he let her go he looked her in the eye and said, ‘The day is coming when you’re going to run out of excuses.’
Her eyes flashed quick-silver and she tossed her head.
Without saying a single word she’d managed to convey—graphically—exactly what she thought of that suggestion.
How had he ever thought that Katrina was biddable? Alex asked himself.
She was about as docile as an atomic bomb.
For some reason he found that fact as arousing as he found it irritating.
He wanted to reach out and haul her into his arms. But he resisted the urge. ‘I think you’d better take Sam and get out of here before my baser instincts get the better of me.’
He heard her breath catch, but she didn’t move. She just stood there staring at him.
‘You have until the count of three,’ Alex warned softly. ‘And then you’d better not tell me that I didn’t warn you. One. Two…’
She scuttled from the room with Samantha, swaddled in a fluffy towel, still in her arms.
Alex dragged in a deep breath. And then another. Slowly his heartbeat returned to normal.
When he felt that he was under control he went through the door to the adjoining nursery. Katrina had just finished dressing Samantha in a pair of pyjamas dotted with pink, blue and yellow teddy-bears.
‘What happens now?’ he asked lightly.
‘It’s bed time. I fed her before she had her bath. She seems to prefer it that way.’
‘Well, I’d better kiss her goodnight, then.’ He stepped forward. Before Katrina had time to object, Alex closed his arms around both of them. ‘Goodnight, Princess,’ he whispered, brushing his lips across Samantha’s forehead and then her cheek.
Sam cooed with pleasure.
The simple sound was as powerful as a sword being thrust through his heart.
