He reads my expression. “We can’t, not like this. You still belong to somebody else.”
I ignore him, I don’t belong to anyone other than him. I scoot my body closer in over-exaggerated slowness, making my intentions clear. He doesn’t stop me. My thigh lightly brushes against his hand. He quivers in reaction to my skin touching his and closes his eyes. My breathing hitches taking in his expression after he swallows. Then without any warning, Liam takes the hand that rests against my leg and pleadingly wraps his fingers around the inside of my thigh, pulling me around so that I’m facing him. His other arm wraps around my waist, forcing my body closer to his. I gasp in surprise while he stares deep into my soul with eyes like tropical glaciers. As Liam searches my face, he hesitantly moves his mouth to my neck and I can feel that his lips are a mere millimeters away from my skin. His breath tickling my flesh gives me goose bumps, but definitely not because I’m cold. Liam runs the tip of his nose along my throat to my jaw and back down. My lungs feel like they aren’t getting enough air. I tilt my head slightly back and close my eyes, hoping that he’ll give in and kiss me.
I feel his face move away from my neck after a few short moments and I open my eyes to look at him. His beautiful eyes are at the same level as mine as he remains very close to me. Gently, he removes the hand that he had wrapped around my thigh so desperately and moves it to my face, slowly stroking my cheek with just his fingertips before moving his hand into my hair. He pulls my face to his and stops when his lips are at an immeasurable distance from mine. He’s breathing heavily like me, his breath whispering against my skin as he holds me in place.
“You have no idea how much I’d like to kiss you,” he breathes.
Our bottom lips very lightly brush together when he speaks. I put my hands on either side of his face and then let my fingers trail from his cheeks, down the sides of his neck, to his shoulders. He catches my hands when they start to trail over his bare chest and I feel that he has goose bumps, too.
“Please, Breckin,” he says with his lips still threatening to touch mine.
“No one is here to see. It could be our little secret,” I answer just as breathless.
In the back of my head a very tiny voice is screaming, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!, but I ignore it. Under any other normal circumstances I would never act like this. I know this was wrong. I know my behavior is forbidden but yet I can’t stop myself. Something about Liam has me losing my mind.
He runs his nose along my chin. “Believe me, I’ve thought of that. But you’d have to live with yourself after. You would feel guilty and I refuse to be the cause.”
He pulls away and releases me. His eyes are tortured again and I feel bad. I don’t want him to feel any kind of misery because of me. That alone causes me to feel a little guilty.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, feeling slightly ashamed of myself. “I can’t help myself. My body takes over before my brain can react.”
“I know exactly what you mean. I’m sorry. That was inexcusable.”
“I didn’t mind,” I mutter.
“That’s part of the problem,” he says so low I’m not sure if he had meant for me to hear.
I sit quiet, staring into the rippling water while I endeavor to calm my breathing. Liam is silent too, but I refuse to look at him just yet. I listen to the crickets chirping in the distance and watch what’s left of the fireflies buzzing around in the air above us. The stars are bright and the sky is unusually clear being it’s quite humid tonight.
“We should probably go.” Liam says quietly.
I only nod, afraid my voice will betray me and step out of the pool – I don’t want to leave yet and I’m afraid I’ll try and talk him into something inappropriate if I open my mouth. My will is weakening with every passing second. Water splashes from my legs and I walk to grab one of the towels I'd brought. I wrap it around my body and then hand the other towel to Liam.
“Thank you. Are you ready?” he asks.
No. “Sure.” I say grabbing my jeans. He scrutinizes my face.
“Are you not ready to go?” he asked with a smirk.
I shrug my shoulders, trying not to give away how I feel.
“Well, I just thought maybe you’d had all the friendly activity you could handle for one night,” he laughs.
“All I can handle, or all you can handle?” I challenge. Holy crap, where is this courage coming from?
Liam laughs again and comes to wrap his arm around my shoulders – a very friend-ish move. “Maybe both,” he answers.
I scowl like a small child. Of course I want to spend more time with him. How is he ready to leave already? I want to be selfish and have as much of him as I can. Liam glances over his shoulder to me as we’re heading out of the gate and apparently can tell what I’m thinking.
“Do you want to know why we should go?” he asks then.
“Why?” I snap. I am definitely pouting.
“I'm very grateful for your company tonight. I haven't been able to talk to someone in a very long time. And what I feel for you, it doesn't make sense and I'm shaken by it. Breckin, I'm losing all sense of reason. I meant what I said before, but everything I told you about waiting is starting to sound like a pile of rubbish when I can't keep my composure around you. If we don’t leave, I’ll do something I’ll regret.”
Regret? Boo-hiss to that. He looks desperate for me to listen and understand, though. And it’s hard to ignore his plea when he looks like that.
“Okay,” I nod. “I get it.” And I do. I understand what he is so desperately trying to tell me. I feel it, too. If we don't leave now, we very well may do something inappropriate.
I turn off the pool lamps and Liam drives his motorcycle around again so that I can see in the sudden darkness. He politely dismounts the bike, handing me my pretty helmet and packing the now wet towels in the tiny compartment beneath the seat. Climbing on the bike is getting easier and easier with every time I manage it. I still feel too open and exposed on the back of such a death trap, but as long as I can tightly wrap my arms around Liam's waist, I can reason with myself for it to be okay. As he’s pulling around to head out of the drive, his headlights flash across someone standing far in the distance of an open field.
I gasp in surprise.
Liam must’ve heard me through the speakers in his helmet. He brings the bike to a jerking halt and lifts the shield to his helmet.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks in a worried tone. He looks to my expression and then his eyes dart into the black night ahead.
My eyes quickly go back and forth to him and to where the figure stands, and I realize then that I am the only one who can see it. It mirrors what happened to me just a few short nights ago and I suddenly become sick to my stomach. My mind recalls the quick glimpse I’d managed that night and compares it to the ghost I have just seen in the distance. They are the same person, of that I am sure.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m fine,” I croak. It’s clear that Liam doesn’t believe me as his eyes crinkle around the edges, but he lets it go. He lowers the cover to his helmet and maneuvers the black bullet back into gear as he edges toward the road.
In those short few seconds I managed a little better look at the strange ghost tonight. It was a man and he appeared to be quite old with his complexion gray in color. His eyes were black and cold. Empty. His cheeks were sunken in, making the bones of his face harshly protrude from his skin. He was dressed in simple slacks and a button up shirt that appeared to be old and faded. His posture was slumped and when he looked at me, it was as if he were looking right through me. He absolutely petrifies me and I shiver.
Liam notices my quivering. “Are you cold?” he says over his shoulder, even though I can hear him loud and clear in my ear.
I shake my head and our helmets clunk together from my clumsy movement. I want to apologize for my lack of coordination with the helmet, but settle for shutting my eyes instead. Luckily the ride home is fairly short and I actually do become quite cold
from the rapid night air whipping against my damp skin. When we arrive back to my house, I practically fall off the back of the bike.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Liam says worriedly. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
I blanch.
“What is it, Breckin? All the color has drained from your cheeks. Are you feeling sick?” he asks in a harder tone.
“No, I’m not sick.” My voice cracks.
Really worried now. “Then it’s something. Please tell me what’s wrong!”
I want to. I want to tell him that I had just seen a ghost. It was a ghost, of that I’m positive. For some reason I feel that it is out to get me although I have no explanation to back up my paranoid theory. A gut feeling that I can’t justify.
I wish that I could explain to him that I have the ability to see those who have passed on and that I have a best friend that he will never meet. That some of my most personal and private conversations are with someone he won’t ever be able to hear. He’d think I was crazy.
“I’m just tired all of the sudden. It’s been quite an eventful day.” I say as I try to manage a smile.
“That’s true,” he allows. “Laying your feelings out there for someone and not knowing how they might react – I can see how that’d be exhausting,” he says in a teasing tone. But I’m sure that he isn’t talking about me.
I unwillingly think of the ghost's empty face again and shiver. Liam gathers my things but only watches me now as if trying to study my every movement – never saying a word. I look up to him with the best smile I can manage and then begin for the front door after he hands me my belongings.
“Sweet dreams,” he murmurs in a low voice.
“Good night.”
He smiles as I turn away, but I can feel his eyes on me still. It isn’t a far walk to the front door, but I half-run because I can't shake the image in my head of the man I just saw a short time ago. I won’t be any safer in my home than if I’m standing out in an open field, but it’s still a comfort when I reach the house and shut the front door behind me.
“Why is the ass of your pants all wet?” Elly asks as I walk through the living room.
Whoops.
I glance to the back of my jeans and then to my mom. She doesn’t look upset, only curious.
“Well, my suit was still wet from earlier today, so I decided to go swimming in my underwear. It’s like a bathing suit.”
She considers that for a second and then agrees. “That's true. They probably cover more of you than your swimming suit does. They look like pants I wore back in the day, and that wasn’t for swimming, I can tell you that.”
“That’s what I said.”
I start walking to my room, hoping that she won’t ask who my friend was. Of course I won’t be that lucky.
“So who’s this friend driving you around today? I assume it’s not Ben, because he called while you were out.”
I whirl around to face her as color rushes to my cheeks. Elly has a speculative look, eyeing me with those what-are-you-up-to eyes. Lying is out. She’d know if I’m not telling the truth anyway. And now I have to think about what I will tell Ben. Ugh. I don’t know how Claire managed to juggle three guys this summer. This is exhausting.
I blow out a gust of air and then answer her truthfully. “I was with Liam.”
“Oh?” Elly cocks her head to one side. “Well, I kind of figured as much I guess.”
“How… what… why would you think that?” I look shamefully down to my toes. Holy balls, I feel so guilty.
“Breckin, you ran out of here like a fire was lit under your butt. You also had a stupid grin spread across your face, which clearly was a dead giveaway. When was the last time you were that giddy going out with Claire or Morgan?”
“Do you think I’m a bad person?” I ask in a small voice.
A small wave of guilt crashes over me. And as I let remorse overtake me, I realize that Liam was right; I would only feel worse if I had managed to kiss him. But I never would’ve blamed him. The only one to blame here is myself. As much as I had wanted to put my lips to his, I’m glad that I hadn’t. I want our first kiss to be special and filled with the emotion I feel for him and only him. I don’t want Ben popping unbidden into my head when it happens and then have some cloud of guilt overshadow the moment. That would surely kill the mood.
“I suppose you haven’t broken up with Ben, being he called earlier.”
I shake my head pitifully.
“Did anything happen?” Elly asks before she answers my question.
“No, not really. We just talked.”
“And you and Liam are just friends, right?”
“Yes…” I answer hesitantly.
I want more. Oh, God, do I want more. Considering Liam to be just a friend isn’t enough. I want every part of him and I want him to be mine. It’s getting too hard to fight with myself. My brain is surely going to lose the battle it constantly fights with my body. My urge to touch him is unbearable now, those magnets shaking and pulling every time I’m near him. Every day, it’s just painfully worse.
I am going to have to suffer a little while longer, though. I owe it to Ben to at least break up with him in person. I won’t be a coward and do it over the phone, although the thought has crossed my mind more than once. No, I won’t do that. I won’t see Ben until next weekend, so I have a very long week ahead of me. And there’s still the gloomy thought of Axel. He’s told me that he thinks Ben is a dick, and that he doesn’t feel that he treats me right, but I secretly feel that he’ll be utterly disappointed.
“… Breckin?” Elly is speaking to me, and I’m brought back to the present.
“Huh?”
“I asked if you had fun tonight. So did you?”
“Yes, I did. A lot of fun actually.” I giggle to myself. Fun isn’t really the right word for it. It had been more than fun today with Liam. It had been wonderful, incredible, unbelievable, amazing… I hadn’t noticed before, but Elly had been reading one of her many books when I walked in. She looks back to the pages of her novel and I know the slight interrogation is over for now.
“Night,” I call as I drift toward my room.
“Good night, sweetie.”
I was expecting Sera to be waiting for me, but she’s nowhere to be found. I decide to take a shower. After being in the sun and chlorine all day, my skin and hair show the signs. I set the water a little hotter than I normally would, but it feels too good for me to mind. I stand with my face under the hot water stream for a long while and then turn so that the hot water can beat against my back. I’m not sure exactly how long I’ve been standing here, because as usual my mind wanders.
I recall the day and whenever I remember Liam, I become childishly giddy. My stomach fills with butterflies and I don’t fight the huge smile from spreading across my lips now. My limbs tingle again with a slow burn and I feel anxious to see him even though it’s only been less than an hour since I have. And when the memory of Liam wrapping his arm around my waist, his hand on my thigh, his face so close to mine, the way he traced his nose on my neck and my chin… my heart starts pounding and I have to put my hand against my chest. My ribs are sure to break.
I turn the water off and step out of the tub allowing my feet to wiggle in the plush bath mat. As I dry, I abruptly remember the cold, empty man that stood in front of me. I glance at the girl in the reflection of the bathroom mirror and now understand why Liam was so upset. I am white as a sheet – all the color has drained from my face. My breathing is uneven but not from excitement; it’s pure fright that is stealing my breath now.
I hurriedly dress for bed and Abigail is waiting for me outside the bathroom door. I open the door and rush to my room. She trots behind me, anxious, and when I climb into bed she jumps up and lays at my feet. Normally I would scold her and tell her to get down, but it makes me feel better having her so close. Animals can see spirits, too – or so I’ve noticed in my experiences – and so I am counting on her to warn
me of an intruder.
It’s hard for me to be overtaken my sleep. The empty black eyes of the man keep reappearing in my head every time I close my eyes. I shudder from the memory and I tuck myself into a ball, wrapping my arms around my knees. I’m not cold, but somehow laying like this causes me to relax a little. Abigail shifts her body in response to my movement so that she can lay against my legs. I try to shove the thought of the old man far away from my mind.
There’s a ping from my cell phone, signifying a text message has been received. My bedroom lights up minutely from the glow of my phone and I wonder who would be texting me so late. Maybe Morgan got her phone back and is just too excited not to share the news. I sigh and grudgingly rip the covers off myself and practically stomp over to my desk to retrieve my phone. It’s from a number I don’t recognize.
Thank you for today. I look
forward to the next time I’m
honored with your company.
Dream of me, because I’ll be
dreaming of you. -Liam
The grin that has spread across my lips is face splitting. I don’t remember giving him my number, but Chad could easily have given it to him. It’s not like my number is a big secret. I dreamily walk back over to my bed, hugging the phone to my chest like it’s a source of life. I finally fall asleep when all thoughts are consumed with Liam’s face and his spellbinding eyes.
Chapter Eight
I finally get my Bronco back after enduring two more days of Morgan’s treacherous driving. The last day I had to ride with her was the worst. She applied mascara while using her rearview mirror and it would’ve been perfectly acceptable if she hadn’t been driving sixty miles an hour as she did it. It was terrifying. She handled the steering wheel with both of her knees and totally ignored one stop sign. I offered to drive for her if she needed to apply makeup, but she insisted that that wasn't necessary; she did this every day.
The rest of the week passed quickly to my pleasant surprise, and if it hadn’t been for the previous weekend, I would never have known that Liam was at all interested in me. The only time I caught a glimpse of him was when I occasionally passed him in the hall and the three days we had math class together. He was obviously trying to keep his feelings for me hidden – for his own benefit or for mine, I don’t know – and also keeping his distance. This drove me insane of course, but I understood why he was doing it. If Liam felt in anyway the same as I did whenever I was near him, he would be aching for some type of contact or touch or… something. And, of course, neither of us is permitted to do that right now. I’m still very stupidly and regrettably “involved” with Ben.
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