After talking to my mom, I feel a tiny bit better, but I still feel lonely and I’m not entirely sure why.
“Can I help with that?” Sera says as she appears at my side, sitting cross legged like she’s been there the entire time.
I turn my head to look at her. “Help with what?” I whisper.
“You were thinking about how lonely you are. So, let’s see what I can do to fix that.”
I sigh long and hard. I blow the air out from my lungs as long as I can stand it and then suck in another breath. I make a face and shrug my shoulders. “It’s just been hard, all of this. I’m not really sure why I’m feeling lonely. Silly, huh?” I keep my voice low for fear of being heard even though the door is tightly closed and no one seems to be around. Even so, I think it best to be on my guard.
“No, I wouldn’t say silly. You’ve been through a lot in the last few months with all of this ghost non-sense,” she says with a smirk. “And let’s face it, Breckin, you’ve never really embraced what you can do and now you’re sort of being forced into it. Maybe you’re feeling lonely because somewhere in the back of your mind, you know you have to accept your gift and that is something you have fought your entire life. But, too, it's something you have to do on your own. No one can help you with that. You’ve spent so much time pushing it away and ignoring it and trying to be normal, that maybe this is just your mind’s way of protecting itself from what’s to come.”
“You lost me.” What on earth was she prattling about?
“All I’m saying is that you’ve spent so much of your life trying to be something that you’re not, and ignoring your ability for the sake of being like everyone else. When you finally realize that that may no longer be possible, and that you’re the only one in your life with gifts, the world can seem like a pretty lonely place.”
“I ignore it because it’s freaky,” I say bluntly.
“Okay, okay,” Sera laughs. “I’ll give you that. When you’re here in human life, seeing people who have passed can probably seem a bit grotesque.”
“Grotesque, hell! It’s unnatural!”
Sera shakes her head. “Not for you. This is what is natural for you. It’s what you were meant to do, Breckin. But somehow I think you already know that.”
“Sooooo, anywaaaaaay…” I stammer, hoping to take the subject away from solely myself. “Please tell me you’re here because you have some answers for me on what exactly has to happen tomorrow night. Because let’s face it, I’m no good at this and I’d kinda like to have some instruction as to what I’m going to be doing.”
“Yes, as a matter of fact I do,” she answers pleasingly. “But where’s Liam? I’d rather explain it to you with him next to you. I find that you take bad news better when he’s around.”
“Bad news?” I choke.
“Bad. Not good. Unpleasant, displeasing, not what you want to hear… however you want to take it. But either way I say it, you’re not going to like it.”
“I seriously can't take any more bad news tonight,” I admit glumly.
“You're going to have to.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I sit in bed staring at the crackling fire at my feet with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around my legs. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting like this as time seems to have stopped. After the news Sera had dropped on me, I’m surprised I was able carry myself up to my room for the night at all. My body is in dire need of rest and sleep, but my mind refuses to shut down long enough for that to be possible.
My mind keeps repeating the words Sera had spoken, over and over and over again like a broken record. Complete with static and words skipped because of a worn needle. When she’d said she had bad news, my body automatically had become all hot and tingly inside, tensing for what was to come. But not a good hot tingle; it was the type of hot tingle that closes your throat and sets your skin on fire where you stand while your ears ring loudly inside your head. I’ve had enough to deal with in the last few days – well, last few months if I’m being honest – and for Sera to come to me and say that she had bad news... well, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so-to-speak. I don’t think I passed out when she had told me, but I definitely zoned out much like I’m doing now. I really wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through what I have come so far to accomplish as it was, and now this. I really wish I’d listened to her and waited for Liam so that I would’ve had him for support, but I’d convinced her that I’d be okay without him – he had his own issues at that moment.
And so, even though she knew I’d panic and shut down when she announced that she couldn’t come with Liam and I to the Hollow Site, and then that spirit attachment can be fatal for the living person the spirit has attached themselves to, she told me anyway. She knew that I’d react like this, but better to get it out of the way I guess. I already have no clue what-so-ever what I’m going to do when it comes time, and now I’ll have to do it without any help from her. And I also have to face the fact that if I don’t act soon and cross Joseph over, Liam will die. I have less than twenty-four hours to model a plan.
Sera, however, was helpful in the way of explaining that I not only need to get Joseph to the Hollow Site somehow, but that I have to then keep him there to relive the accident. If this is considered helpful, I guess.
“Relive the accident?!” I had said, feeling even more helpless and lost. “You never said anything about any of them reliving the accident!” It seemed like such a horrible thing for a misguided ghost to endure, even if he had meant nothing but pain for me.
“Yes, I did. You must not have been listening. It is what must be done,” Sera had said simply.
I remembered that I hadn’t talked to Sera since learning Evie hasn’t crossed over either – leaving out the part about her threatening me – so of course that makes things more interesting, and in my head just plain dreadful. She’d thought about it and said that the same rules applied to Evie. Lure them in and lock them there. But how do you keep a ghost in any one place? I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to get either of them there to begin with, and now I have to keep them there, too? They can move about freely and without cause, so how exactly am I supposed to convince either of them to stay? And what about this reliving the accident business? I would think they’ll both flee once that starts to happen. I definitely would.
The day ahead looks glum. I’ll have to bring Joseph to me, take him to the Hollow Site, all while enduring agonizing and blinding pain. Then I’ll also need to bring the sadistic and detestable Evie along as well. I’m beginning to greatly question my reasons for coming.
I need Liam desperately now, but I’m not sure he wants me. I lost count of how many times I had convinced myself to go knock on his door so that I could talk to him. Each time I muster up the guts to do it, I quickly come up with a reason not to. But my reasons eventually turn into excuses, and no matter how I word it to myself, it comes down to the conclusion that I’m just a big ol’ chicken. I’m still wounded from him shaking me off at dinner and although I know in my head that it’s ridiculous to be so sensitive from it, I still am unable to push that particular memory away. It brings back too much remembrance from the day Liam had forced me out of his life. A rainy day so many months ago that still causes my chest to ache and eyes to burn with unshed tears. The more I think about how hostile his face had looked and the way his voice had sounded, just like it had that day he’d told me he didn’t really love me, the more frightened I become to the thought of facing him. I know that I wouldn’t bear it if he shut me out, even now.
So part of the reason I’m still sitting and staring at a bright, crackling fire is because I finally have met my breaking point. With Liam having disappeared since dinner, and I not knowing how or if I should go to him, and also with Sera telling me that she won’t be able to accompany me to face something I am absolutely terrified of, and then to know that Liam’s life is more in danger than my own, I have finally snapped.
I imagine that this is what it must feel like in the beginning stages of crazy.
But the bigger reason I stay staring into nothing, I am more afraid of these two daunting ghosts now that I’m alone – all alone – sitting in a room I’d been horrifyingly threatened in just a few short hours ago. I don’t see Evie anywhere, but my room feels oddly cold and peculiarly dark. I feel the heat of the fire at my feet and I have changed into my flannel jammie pants. I’ve even thrown on a hooded sweatshirt over my T-shirt along with wrapping myself in every blanket I found in the little hutch under the window seat. However, with all of that snuggled around me, I’m still shaking. I’d turned the lights off in hopes to fall asleep, although there’s still plenty of light coming from the fire. But the darkness and cold I feel is coming from the shadows that are being cast by the flickering flames that crackle and hiss at the foot of the bed. As the yellow and orange flames blaze and dance in the fireplace in front of me, the black shapes and outlines that are cast from it across the room carries with them an unnerving sense of malevolence.
Each shadow seems to dance and scurry across the wooden floor and walls to their own accord. Dark outlines slink up and down in front of me, and some I’m sure even come away from the wall and reach out to me as if they’re trying to tear at my skin. Elongated boney claws stretch and manipulate into the form of misshapen hands just to get a handful of me. When the fire pops and hisses, the shadows relish in the sound. They, too, hiss and whisper as the fire brightens and licks its way higher and higher into the fireplace. I hear my name a couple of times as the murmurs become louder, calling out and beckoning to me. I want to run, to get away from this room, but I’m too scared. And where will I go? As I’ve told Liam time and time again, you can’t outrun a ghost.
I’m letting my mind definitely get the best of me with chilling thoughts of the unknown lingering in the mysterious silhouettes that surround me. What brings me out of my daze is the sudden lowering of my bed mattress toward the footboard. I jump back from the movement, pressing my back into the headboard, and suck in air, waiting for blindness or pain or some kind withering reaction to an unwanted visitor. Instead, what my wide, terrified eyes fall upon is a very wary and apologetic looking Liam. His soft turquoise eyes penetrate mine in a way that makes my stomach flip. I put my hand to my chest to make sure that my heart hasn’t stopped beating from the fear I’ve consumed myself with. Liam reaches out to my quivering arm very slowly – I can’t imagine what he sees while looking at me – and takes my hand in his.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly.
I nervously shake my head and bite my lip. The motion is too fast, more twitchy than anything.
“I knocked, but you didn't answer me.” He looks worried.
“I'm sorry.”
“Would you like me to stay with you tonight?”
“I’d like that.” I answer quietly. “But, would it be okay if we stay in your room instead? I don’t want to be in here.” My voice sounds rasp and dry. “Or would that get you in trouble?”
“Breckin,” he rolls his eyes, “stop worrying about getting me in trouble. I think it a bit late for that anyway.”
Liam helps me remove the mound of blankets I’ve encased myself with and scoops me up in his arms. “I missed you,” I whisper into his neck. “I was going to come find you, but I wasn’t really sure you’d want me to.”
“I’ll always want you, no matter what.” He answers as he opens the door and walks into the hallway.
“You were pretty mad,” I murmur quietly.
“Yes, I was.”
“I guess I just figured you’d want to be alone,” I admit softly.
“Breckin, my love, I wasn’t mad at you. And even if I was, you can always come to me. I’d rather you come and talk to me than sit alone letting your imagination run wild with God only knows what kinds of thoughts.”
We’re in his room now, and the only light that shines comes from a tiny lamp on one of the bedside tables – the table that housed Evie’s picture, which is now gone. As he sets me down on the bed, I notice papers splayed out across his comforter while his guitar rests against the side of his mattress.
“What’s all that?” I ask curiously.
Liam walks around the other side of his bed, moving the papers aside and then picks up his guitar to place it back in its stand next to his desk. “Just goofing around,” he answers. “I haven’t played in a while, so I was just seeing if I still had it.” He turns around and gives a mocking smile, clearly poking fun at himself.
“And…” I prompt, refusing to be swayed by his devilish good looks. I’m very surprised to see that he’s had his guitar out. He had made it very clear that he used to play, but didn’t ever really intend to again. Another piece to his jagged little puzzle that I haven’t quite put into place yet.
“And I think you should tell me what has you so scared,” he says, sitting down on the edge of his bed.
“I’m not scared,” I lie, as I tear my eyes away from his stare. I don’t want Liam to know that I’m petrified although it’s very obvious that I am. I know that he’s afraid as well, and I have convinced myself to try and stay strong and capable through what we need to do – at least in front of him. I feel a tiny bit braver now that I’m with him, so I decide to go with it. I give the best smile I can manage even though the thoughts of the dark menacing shadows that await me back in my room still manage to make my skin crawl.
“That was pathetic,” Liam chortles.
My quick moment of valor weakens instantly. “It’s the best I’ve got,” I admit. “I’m a bit on edge, I guess.”
“Why? Did something happen? Something else?” Liam is up on his feet in an instant, fists balled against his sides and eyes dancing with anger.
“No,” I answer calmly, shrugging it off. “But my room was kinda giving me the creeps. Probably just my mind playing tricks on me.”
I reach my hand out to Liam and gesture for him to come join me on his bed. He relaxes and entwines his fingers with mine as he plops back down next to me. He kisses the skin at my wrist and gives a weak smile.
“And you said I was pathetic!” I laugh. “That was just pitiful.”
“I’m feeling a little… pathetic,” he says as if admitting a huge cowardice.
“Why?” I gasp, suddenly worried.
“I’ll make you a deal,” he answers back, his mood shifting unexpectedly. “I’ll promise that I will show you what all of that was,” he says, gesturing to the papers he’d knocked to the floor, “if you first promise to tell me what has you so scared.” I won’t forget that he’s ignoring my question about feeling pathetic.
“I told you, I’m not.” I’m unable to meet his playful although concerned expression. A dead giveaway that I’m lying.
“Rubbish.”
I sigh heavily in defeat. He’ll never let it go until I tell him, so it’s easier just to give in. Even in his own patient way, Liam always has a way of getting me to spill. I nod resentfully in agreement.
“Good. Excuse me a minute, I’m going to change into appropriate night attire and then we’ll get comfy.” He winks.
“Wait, don’t leave,” I say too quickly. Liam squints his eyes to the terror in my voice. I refocus. “What do you mean by appropriate?” I ask, making a face and taking the subject from me.
“Um, well… I usually sleep in… not so nighttime-ish clothes…” he trails off. Did his face just get pink?
“OH!” I giggle. I realize what he’s getting at. “I keep forgetting that I haven’t seen you in your pantaloons because you’ve certainly seen me in mine.”
“That was all you. If you want to strip down to you knickers, then who am I to stop you?”
“Yeah, yeah. Go change. But I’m not opposed to seeing you in your boxer-briefs, just so you know!” I’m laughing as Liam heads off to his bathroom. I’m relieved to find that he only cracks the door so I’m not entirely alone again – he understands that I am absolutely terrified to be by mys
elf, even if I won’t admit it. I probably couldn’t have handled any type of separation from him anyway. Now that I’ve felt the safety of his presence, my already cracked demeanor would have crumbled to dust and blown way with the slightest breeze.
I lay back onto his bed waiting for him to return. I play with a stray piece of hair as I allow my mind to wander, and of course, after the suggestive conversation we’ve just playfully had, I’m thinking about Liam in a way that makes my heart pound and stomach quiver. I can’t get too lost in thought though, because as always he’s quick to return to me.
“Very nice,” I admire, taking in his dark blue cotton pants and gray T-shirt.
He smirks. “Okay, you first,” he says, not wasting any time. “What has you so scared?” Liam lays down next to me but props his body up with his elbow so he can look at me. I stare at the ceiling again trying to focus my fears so that I will explain it without him losing it, too.
“Sera came to me,” I start.
“What did Sera have to say?” he asks as he sweeps hair away from my face. It’s a calming motion, nothing too intimate about it, yet it has all the implications intimacy suggests.
“Nothing good,” I answer glumly, looking over to his beautiful face.
Liam puckers his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“Okay, well… she um, she told me that in order for this to work tomorrow night, I have to somehow get Joseph to come to me. And then I have to keep him with me and get him to follow us to the Hollow Site.”
Liam’s face becomes a mask of non-emotion, but I see the fury in his eyes. His eyebrows have furrowed as he contemplates, and he now holds one of his hands to his lips, hiding the thin line they’ve become. I continue anyway.
Hollow Sight Page 56
