It’s a damn good question. One I wish I could answer. Instead, I look up at the man next to me, gazing into his pleading eyes. I really couldn’t ask for more. He’s been great, and if I’m honest, I need to have sex like I need my next breath. Dick is dick, right?
“I don’t need anything else, Rhys. I’m ready.”
“You sure?”
“I am. Very sure.”
He leans to my side of the table and kisses me. It feels good, and I remind myself that this is what I want. This man. Opening my eyes, I brush my fingers over his cheek.
“I’ve had enough to eat. Take me to bed.”
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I stare at my phone considering my next move. I could call Melissa. I could call Jill, too. I scroll through my contact list. There’s at least twenty women I could call to fix what’s wrong with me. I would do anything to get my mind off of Brooklyn and what she’s doing right now. She’s gonna let him fuck her tonight, and I can barely stand it. If I knew where he lived, I’d go over there right now and pull her away. I’d stand up and be a fucking man and tell her… I close my eyes, squeezing them shut. Tell her what? I don’t even know.
Looking back at my phone, I dial a number. All I know is that tonight, I can’t be alone.
Early in the morning, back in my apartment, I see the woman’s jacket lying on the armchair and the empty beer bottles on the coffee table. Walking to my room, I notice how silent the place is, but then I lean my ear against Flynn’s door. Just as I’m about to knock, I hear voices and rustling. I guess he took my advice and decided to call someone over. It’s my damn fault for suggesting it. Sighing, I walk into my room, shut the door, and collapse onto my bed.
The next time I open my eyes, the morning sun is peeking through the curtains. After climbing out of bed, I walk out of my room and down the hall to Flynn’s. The door is cracked slightly so I peer in expecting to see a woman beside him, but instead the bed is empty.
“Looking for me?”
I turn around and smile. “Hey.”
“Hey. I’m surprised you’re home. Everything go okay last night?”
“Yeah.”
“Want to get some coffee and talk?”
“Coffee, yes. Talking, no.”
Flynn tilts his head. “Okay. Coffee’s good.”
We walk into the kitchen where Flynn has already started a pot. I sit down at the table, thinking about last night. It should’ve been incredible, and on the surface it was, but I’m so emotionally unattached from it, I don’t even feel like it was me.
He pours me a cup and brings it over to me.
“Thanks.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. You?”
“I’m cool.”
I want to ask him what he did, who he did last night, but I don’t want to know. Probably Melissa. She’s cute, willing, uncomplicated. Yeah, it was probably her. I look up at him and smile. I want to tell him what happened last night, but how can I?
“You don’t want to talk about what happened between us?”
“No.” I can’t. I’m so damn confused.
“Okay,” he says. We sit silently drinking coffee for several minutes. “What’s your plan for today?”
“Nothing. I’m just gonna hang out here. You?”
“I need to go in and do a food order for this weekend.” He smiles. “I run out of things a lot faster these days.”
“I bet.”
“You gonna see Rhys today?”
“Not sure.”
He nods, drinking his coffee. “Things are good with you guys though?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. You just don’t seem happy. You sure it’s not because of what happened with you and me yesterday?”
I shake my head. Tell him. Tell him what happened last night. Tell him what’s on your mind. “I just… I need a friend to talk to.”
“I’m a friend.”
“I need to talk about you. And about Rhys and just a lot of shit.” I sip my coffee. “Maybe I’ll call Jill.”
“Why her?”
His quick response makes my stomach drop. “Was it her?”
“What?”
“Last night? Were you with Jill?”
“Brooks…”
I nod. “I see. I thought you would’ve picked Mel.” I rub my forehead.
“It’s not what you think.”
“No? What is it then?”
He looks down at the floor. “I didn’t want to be alone.”
I feel my eyes well up and it shocks me. “I gotta go.”
“You don’t have to. I’m leaving for work soon.”
“No, I mean…” I can’t do this anymore. “Rhys asked me last night if I’d go away with him next week.”
“Go where?”
“Florida. For some kind of convention.”
“You’re going?”
I nod, deciding in the moment. “Yeah.”
“Cool. I’m sure it’ll be fun.”
“I’m leaving Sunday and we’ll be gone a few days.”
“That’s a big step for you.”
“I know.”
“You must really like him.”
“I do.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“Are you?”
“Yeah, of course. You finally met a man that makes you want more. Maybe Rhys is the one.”
“Maybe.” I sip my coffee avoiding his gaze, noticing how he spits his words like poisoned daggers. Why are we both trying to act like nothing’s happening?
“So, the sex must be amazing?”
“I thought you didn’t want to know.”
“I changed my mind. I want to know if he’s everything you want. Everything you need.”
“I’m not talking about it.”
“We always talk about sex.” He grins, but it’s filled with tension, and his jaw twitches. “Nothing’s changed, right?”
“You think I want to hear…” I pause as my words get caught in my throat.
“Brooks?”
“I think we need to reevaluate our living situation.” My own words shock me as they leave my lips.
Flynn pulls his head back. “What? The fuck?”
“Something has changed, and it’s not like it was. There’s tension now, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose you, Flynn.”
“You can’t lose me. Brooklyn look at me.” I force my eyes to meet his. “I would never leave you. We’ll be friends forever.”
“I think that might be the problem.”
“You’re not making sense.”
Holding his gaze, I take a deep breath and decide it’s time to tell him. “What if I told you I don’t want to be just friends anymore? I don’t want to know that you’re having sex with other women. I don’t want to sleep in someone else’s bed. I met a great guy, and yet, I can’t get you out of my head. That kiss…” I pause, exhaling slowly. “The truth is, Flynn, I don’t know when or how it happened, but I know one thing. I want you.”
Flynn’s mouth falls open, but he makes no move toward me. I wait a moment for a reaction, but don’t get one.
“I figured that would be your reaction.” Standing, I put my coffee cup down. “I’m going to Florida and when I get back, I’m gonna look into getting my own place. I think we need some time apart.”
“Brooks—”
I put my hand up to stop him. “Save it, Flynn. I already know what you’ll say. You’ve said it a thousand times, and I agree with you. We shouldn’t be together. We’ll destroy each other. You and I don’t know how to have relationships. Somehow knowing all of that doesn’t change the fact that the only man I want is you.”
I turn and walk down the hall to my bedroom, closing the door behind me.
What the hell just happened? She’s leaving? She wants me? I have no idea what to do now. Do I go after her? Do I let her go? I rub my forehead. Fuck. I just need time to think about it, and so does she. I know her well enough not to push. I grab my stuff
and head out the door for work.
Once there, I walk inside to an empty restaurant. Looking down at my watch, I know it’ll be a little while before anyone shows up. I walk into my office, throw my stuff down, and slump in my chair. Why the fuck didn’t I tell her what I’m thinking? Feeling. Why did I stand there like a fucking deer in the headlights? She says the words I’m dying to hear, and I let her walk away. What the fuck is wrong with me? After staring at my phone for several minutes, I pick up my phone and dial her, but she doesn’t answer. Not that I would expect her to. Even if she did answer, what would I say? I’m sorry I’m a fucking coward? Sorry I’m not man enough to tell you that you mean everything to me? Sorry that I’m so scared that I’d have to give up our friendship to touch you, that I’d rather suffer? I shake my head. I don’t fucking deserve her.
Some time later, I walk up front and see Melissa setting up the hostess stand. She hasn’t seen me yet, so I watch her for a minute. She looks up, catching my stare.
“Hey, Chef.”
“Come here.”
She puts the menu in her hand onto the counter. “Where?”
I grab her arm and basically drag her to my office, shutting and locking the door behind us. I have to get Brooklyn out of my head the only way I know how.
“Bend over, skirt up, panties down.”
Melissa grins. “Yes, Chef.”
She follows my commands, leaning forward on my desk, and I rub my hand over her smooth caramel colored ass. It’s beautiful, and it will definitely do. I walk over to my desk drawer, and pull out the box of condoms I keep just in case.
“You can never tell anyone about this,” I say.
“Of course not.”
Stepping behind her, I wrap her skirt around my hand for grip. Closing my eyes, I try to focus on her, willing my dick to get hard, but all I can see are Brooklyn’s lips, eyes, beautiful fucking ass.
“Chef?”
Opening my eyes, I look down at Melissa looking back at me. “What?”
“Just pretend.”
I tilt my head, furrowing my brow. “Pretend what?”
Melissa offers a weak smile. “That I’m her.”
Exhaling slowly, I close my eyes again as visions of Brooklyn rubbing against me fill my mind. The way her lips feel, those tits. Instead of being turned on, it has the exact opposite effect. I can’t even fuck her out of my thoughts. Dammit.
Stepping away from Melissa, I slump in a chair. “Get dressed.”
She turns around, disappointment spreading all over her face. “I could do something else for you.”
Looking up, I shake my head. “I just need to be alone. Sorry.”
She nods. “No problem, Chef. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“Yeah.”
I rub my forehead as Melissa pulls herself back together and leaves my office. I can’t do this anymore. I have to talk to Brooklyn.
A few hours pass, and while I’m getting some work done, I can’t stop thinking about Brooklyn and what I almost did this morning. I feel like an asshole. I was gonna use Melissa out of anger, hurt, jealousy, and revenge. Revenge because I know Brooklyn fucked Rhys last night, but how fucking stupid am I? Is it revenge if the target doesn’t even know what they did wrong? Would Brooklyn even care? Picking up my phone, I dial her number again, but it goes straight to voicemail. I fucked up.
Grabbing my shit, I decide to go to the studio. Maybe she’s there and she’ll have to talk to me. I pass Melissa, who offers me a smile, and my stomach turns. I’m such a bastard. Once outside, I walk quickly to the studio. When I arrive, I peer in the glass window and see Jill at the front desk alone.
She looks up when I walk in. “Hey, you.”
“Hey, Jill. Is Brooklyn here?”
“Nope. Should she be?”
“No, I just thought maybe…” I sigh. “We had sort of a fight this morning.”
“You guys fight?”
“Not usually, but she thinks we need time apart. She told me she wants me, and I froze up.”
“Oh, Flynn. You didn’t tell her how you feel?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t know why, but the words just wouldn’t come out. I think I was in shock.”
“Well you have to tell her. It’s that simple.”
“I can’t now.” Staring at my hands, I continue. “She’s going to Florida with Rhys, and then when she gets back, she’s gonna find a new place to live.” I look up at Jill. “I’ve lost her.”
Jill makes a sad face. “I’m sorry, Flynn. I wish I could do something to help. She doesn’t talk to me much.”
“She doesn’t talk to anybody. She said she needed a friend, and when she mentioned your name, I sort of panicked. I was gonna tell her that I confided in you, but everything blew up and she left.”
Jill pats my hand. “Sounds like if the two of you could just talk instead of making assumptions, this would go a lot better.”
“Probably.”
“Just give her some time. You guys are so close, eventually she’ll talk to you.” She smiles. “In the meantime, if you need a friend to just talk, feel free to call.”
“Thanks, Jill. You have turned out to be really cool. I know it’s a little weird, because of the date and all—”
“It’s not weird,” she interrupts. “Had we slept together, that would be weird.” She laughs softly. “It’s so obvious though that you and Brooklyn belong together. I’m glad I can be a friend to you if you need one.”
Nodding, I offer a slight smile. “I definitely need one. Brooklyn’s the only person I ever talk to about serious stuff. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do if she leaves my life.”
“Let’s take it one step at a time. Give her a few days.”
“At this point, I don’t have a choice.”
Lying on my bed, I dial Rhys’s number.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he answers.
“Hey.”
“What’s up?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No.”
I nod, listening to his terse response. “Maybe mad isn’t the right word.”
“Disappointed is a better one.”
“I’m sorry, and I’d really like to make it up to you.”
“How so?”
“If I’m still invited, I was wondering if I could stay with you a few days before Florida? Just to make sure we won’t drive each other crazy.”
“You want to stay with me?”
“Yes.”
“With me, Brooklyn, or should I set up the guest room?”
I sigh, remembering last night’s awkwardness. I thought I could do it, should do it, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Flynn’s kiss. Now I’m groveling to Rhys just so I can get away.
“I said I was sorry.”
“Am I so awful you can’t bring yourself to enjoy my touch? Or…” he pauses. “Were you thinking of someone else?”
Ignoring his jab, I recite my rehearsed answer. “To be honest, I have a lot on my mind. I haven’t been paying attention to the studio much lately, and it was bothering me. When I’m distracted, it’s impossible to do anything else. Even sex.”
Rhys is silent for several moments. “Okay. What’s changed since last night?”
“I got caught up on all my paperwork.” Unfortunately for Rhys, I’m a fantastic liar. “I feel better now, and I’d like to come over.”
“Sure, Brooklyn. I’d be happy to have you over.”
“Is today okay?”
“Of course.”
“Great. Thank you for understanding.”
“I just want to make you happy, Brooklyn. I can if you let me.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. “I’ll grab a taxi and be there in a couple of hours.”
“See you soon.”
“Yep. Bye.”
Hanging up, I wipe away the tear that slips from my eye. Losing Flynn is the one thing I can’t handle. It’s like a nightmare. I read him all wrong, and freaked hi
m out and now, now nothing will ever be the same again. I really fucked up.
When the taxi pulls up in front of Rhys’s apartment, a wave of nausea hits me. It’s not right to use Rhys like this. I know I want to be with Flynn, so why am I here? Because Rhys wants me? Because he’s a distraction? Because I’m a heartless bitch? Yep, that’s why.
After ringing the bell, I wait a brief moment until he answers the door with a huge a smile on his face.
“Hey, come on in.”
“Thank you.”
Rhys takes my suitcase, and I follow him down the long marble covered hall into the living room.
“You okay, babe?” Rhys asks, putting his arms around my waist and pulling me into him. “You look pale.”
“Oh, I’m okay. I think I’m just a little nervous. I’ve never stayed with a man before.”
“Never?”
“No. It’s not really my thing.”
Rhys smiles. “I’m honored to be the first.”
You shouldn’t be. I nod and smile, then make my way to the white leather sofa. “Have you lived with someone before?”
Rhys nods, taking the spot beside me. “Yes. Once.”
“What happened?”
“I cheated on her.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Really?”
“I’m not proud of it, obviously. She was a great person, and I hurt her. She never forgave me, and I don’t blame her.”
“Why did you cheat?”
He sighs, taking my hand in his and rubbing it. “My career had just taken off and suddenly I was inundated with emails, calls, everyone that wanted a piece of me. I would go out for a run or to take care of errands and people would come up to me and want to talk about my latest review. Then the women started coming at me. Every time I turned around, there was another beautiful woman handing me her phone number, offering me her hotel room key, suggesting a private interlude.”
“Too much temptation?”
“Yes. One woman in particular…” He lowers his head, but then looks back at me. “She’s a local celebrity, very beautiful, and I guess I was star struck, in a way, that she wanted me. We were at a charity event, and I ended up at her apartment. I didn’t go home that night, and I didn’t call. Meg was worried sick, but when I walked in, she took one look at me and she knew. She said shame was written all over my face.”
If I Told You Page 14
