by K. S. Adkins
Only it was.
The only positive thing to come out of getting here early was that my work was done and I could replay the tapes of her over and over. Especially the one of her outside the bathroom when she was defending me. Fuck, but she is something when she’s pissed. I keep watching it because it’s a way to feel close to her, knowing she doesn’t want me anywhere near her, and that it’s my own fault is a crushing weight sitting on my chest.
Rafe asking me if she was Hitler in the sack is on replay, too. No she wasn’t Hitler; she let me take the lead. Come to think of it, she’s always let me take the lead. She let’s go for me, she allows only me to command her. Picking up the phone to call her and aplogize, I put in my security code when it starts to ring. I am disappointed it isn’t her, but I am even more curious as to why the Captain is calling me.
“This is Max.”
“I’m hoping since you’re wife refuses to give me answers as to what in the hell is going on, that you will.”
“You know as much as I do, Captain,” I tell him. “I’m in the dark.”
“She can’t run around my city stirring up trouble and expect me to sit on my hands, Max. She tell you she paid me a visit? Threw her status around? She’s pissing people off, and since she won’t listen, you need to rein her back in before she gets hurt.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know what I meant, Max,” he says. “She came into my department accusing my cops of being traitors. I got enough on my plate without her throwing this shit at me. She won’t give me any intel and threatened to shut me down! Do you have any idea the shit I deal with on a daily basis? Now I’ve got her putting her nose where it don’t belong. She’ll listen to you, so do something, because if I have to the others aren’t going to like it.”
“I don’t like what you’re saying, Captain, and I really don’t like how you’re saying it. I don’t control her. If she says you have traitors, then you do. She has a lot of pull, so I suggest you work with her instead of against her.”
“If I have to focus on her shit, I can’t do my shit. This is a trickledown effect, Max. She’s pissing off a lot of people, cops included.”
“Yeah, well, she’s leaving, so that should make you happy.”
“She is?” he says, relieved. “Look, I love that kid, but she can’t come back here and start trouble like this. Her leaving is best for everyone. We may not see eye to eye right now, but I’ll miss her.”
“I’m sure you will,” I say dryly. “Thanks for calling, Captain.”
Disconnecting the call, I throw my phone across the room. Before I can think better of it and pick it up my office line rings, and its Hank calling. Fucking perfect.
“What?”
“Hello, son,” he says. “I’m calling because it seems your wife has filed for divorce, which I’ll admit I didn’t see coming. Now that she is out of the way, you and I need to discuss a few things.”
“About that,” I start, hoping this works. “You were right. It’s difficult to admit, but marrying her was a mistake. Since she’s been here asking questions business has been down. I know you’re making money off this club without my consent, and I want in.”
“Is that right?” he asks, skeptical. “What’s changed, hmm?”
“I’m tired of being played,” I tell him. “I’m sick of busting my ass while everyone else gets a payoff. I want in, Hank. If you don’t trust me then I’ll shut the doors.”
“Say I want to trust you,” he says. “But that kind of trust requires an act of faith.”
“Name it.”
“I’m afraid you’re going to have to kill her, son,” he says casually, and I lose the ability to breathe. “Or if you prefer, bring her to me and I’ll have one of my men do it. I’ve got a man in particular that is quite taken with her. Either way, you’re to be a part of it. Do it yourself, or watch it be done.”
“I’ll think on it,” I tell him while I hold on to my desk to keep from hitting the floor.
“You do that,” he says. “Oh, and son?”
“Yeah?”
“That act of faith starts now.” When he disconnects I stare at the receiver, confused. Wondering how it starts now, I scratch my head thinking about it, but then the hair on my neck stands on end. Before I can turn my chair around I’m blasted upside the head, and my last thought is of my wife and how once again I failed her.
Venessa and Macy had each other; Lina had me. I worried that my leaving would send her in a spiral, but she assured me she’d be fine. I asked the girls to check in on her, but Lina didn’t like babysitters, so it was rare they ever heard from her. The thing about Venessa and Macy is they both try really hard, but sometimes we have to work things out on our own. That’s true for Lina as much as it is for myself.
One day the four of us would be together again, and I was looking forward to that.
I was overdue for a jail stay anyway.
Sitting at Macy’s house was more relaxing than I thought it would be. It would be even better if Venessa would stop talking. I don’t blame her for helping Max, and if she mentions “girl code” one more time I may suffocate her. I don’t even know what a girl code is… Odds are she doesn’t either, and it’s probably something she heard from Macy.
They also keep pushing me to go to circus school. I keep saying no. Explaining my life is already a circus doesn’t matter, because it didn’t consist of trapezes and leotards. What happened to these two since I’ve been gone?
Once the guys get here it becomes a little more tense and a lot more stifling. I know they have things they wanted to say, but didn’t know if they should say them. In an effort to put their minds at ease, I speak first.
“I appreciate what you both tried to do last night,” I start. “But this thing with Max and me is over. I filed for divorce and once I wrap a few loose ends up, I’m gone.” Which is partially true anyway.
“You got in you to give him a chance to explain?” asks Rogan.
“No,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Explanations aren’t necessary anymore.”
“You gonna just let him go down with Hank then?” asks Rafe, who can’t meet my eyes.
“Yo. Captain,” says Macy, elbowing him. “Eyes up if possible.”
“Sorry, Princess,” he says. “Flashback.”
“Uh-huh,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“What I do or don’t do with Hank doesn’t concern you,” I say, looking him in the eye, then looking at the others. “Any of you. But no, I’d never let him go down.”
“Ain’t too sure going rogue is a good idea, Jules,” says Rogan, seeing right through me. “I’ve seen that look before and you got a team here willing to help; just say the word.”
“If I choose to continue looking into Hank I have my own team,” I tell him. “Max cares for you all; if you want to help anyone, help him after I’m gone and things go back to normal.”
“What about you?” asks Macy, looking worried. “Who looks out for you?”
“I do.”
“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” she asks. “I love you, Jules, you know I do, but damn. You’ve got us. Why not use us?”
Standing up and heading over to the door, I keep it simple. “I’ve got backup, all right? I’m keeping each of you safe and clean. Just let me do my job.”
“Backup,” says Venessa, rolling her eyes. “Back up is code for Lina, right?”
When I don’t answer she gets that I’m-going-to-kick-your-ass look in her eyes. Only we both know who would win in a fight so she, being smart, stays seated. There will be plenty of moments in the future to flex my muscles; this moment isn’t one of them. However, she does need a reminder that we all have our struggles, and that we don’t always call for backup.
“Glad I was on speed dial when Gary was giving you problems, V.”
After I dropped that bomb on her, I walk out the door leaving Venessa with her mouth open. Yes, the four of us are as close as we can be, but where Venessa and Macy
are a pair, so are Lina and I. I don’t fault her for that, and quite frankly she has no right faulting me for it, either. When Venessa was going through her dark time she didn’t want anything from Lina or me, and after a while we stopped offering. For the first time in years both Venessa and Macy are in a good place, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put them in a position to lose it. The only thing I had to lose is already lost, so I’m breaking even.
Leaving the house, I head over to the club. Needing to get it out of the way, I need to speak with Max before I take his father down. When the take down happens I need him as far away from it as possible. Pulling up to the club I see his car, but no sign of Max. When I bang on the door, no answer. When I call the office line, no answer.
Waiting ten more minutes and calling ten more times, nothing.
Pulling away from Lush I call Bishop, who patches in Duffy. Asking them to meet me at Max’s place, I make it there in record time. Only when I get there, he isn’t there, either.
When the guys give me that look, I know they’re feeling what I’m feeling. This is all wrong.
“Hank got to Max,” I tell them. “When I find him…”
“Boss,” says Bishop. “We got your back.”
“Boss,” says Duffy, getting my attention. “You ready for this?”
Looking at each of them, I nod “Let’s rage.” Gathering up all the reasons meeting with Hank was inevitable took seconds. This man must be held accountable, and I’m happy to do it. I’ve got one mission right now.
Kill Hank Allen.
The day she surprised me by showing up at my loft is one I’ve never forgotten. She told me she would be away for at least forty-five days on a live training mission overseas. The second I knew her plane deployed, I was a wreck. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I sure as hell couldn’t stop worrying about her. When she was working she didn’t check messages; she couldn’t. I hadn’t heard from her for three weeks. Tony couldn’t even locate her, she was in that deep.
So when I was cleaning my bike getting it ready for the break in the weather, the last thing I expected to find in my garage was my wife. Dressed in her fatigues with her bag over her shoulder and wearing that smile she saves just for me. I ran to her, swept her up, and kissed the hell out of her.
“You’re here,” I growl when she wraps her legs around me. “When?”
“I flew into Metro,” she says, kissing my neck. “Took a cab. I had to see you, Max.”
“You didn’t tell me. Fuck, I missed you, Blue.”
“Surprise.” She giggles. “I missed you too, Max,” she says, hugging me tight. “I thought about you every day and night.”
“You’re not hurt? Everything went well?”
“Safe and sound, and yes, it went well.”
“I love you so much; I can’t keep this up being apart from you.”
“Not much longer,” she whispers, touching my face. “This is temporary, remember? We’re half way there.”
“I miss my wife, being inside of her, waking up with her.”
“I miss those things, too.”
“I need to get you upstairs.”
“You were getting your bike ready. Can I help you and maybe go for a ride first? Once we get indoors we aren’t coming back out until I leave, Max.” She giggles, righting herself. If she wants to help she can help. I’d love nothing more.
We polish the bike while catching up. I’ve only got four days with her, and I didn’t plan to squander them. We spend them riding through the city, trying the restaurants she hasn’t seen, and our nights are spent in my loft, alone. Even though her friends are here she doesn’t leave my side.
I held onto those days in the months to come when the distance started to grow and I couldn’t get the time away I needed to be with my wife. I took her patience for granted. I used our distance as an excuse not to stand up to my father. Jules was a forgiving person. I erred in thinking she would wait for me indefinitely. I erred in thinking she should.
Seems like forever since I had been back in Hank’s house. It’s been ten years at least, but even half-conscious, it smells the same. The smell you never forget, like cigars and hookers. Trying to roll my neck to ease some of the soreness out, I slowly open my eyes to find myself in my old bed.
How did I ever fit in this bed? Okay, so this is my bed, but this isn’t the house I grew up in. Hank has another house, though? Where? Stretching out and finding my equilibrium I stand up and test the door. When I find it unlocked I ask myself why he would trust me in his home. Then it hits me: this house is full of his men, so what the fuck could I do to him here? Making my way down the hall, it looks the same as our West Bloomfield house in terms of decor. Pictures of me, of my mother, and of Hank with us in the past. Jesus, maybe she was right? Maybe he wasn’t always this way.
Judging by the knot in the side of my temple I remind myself that the Hank of today is fucking insane. The Hank of today wants me to kill my wife to prove my loyalty. The Hank of today plans to kill her whether I agree to it or not just to teach me a lesson. Trying to keep us apart was one thing. I’ll admit I thought it nothing more than it being an outlet over my leaving. But that’s not it; he truly fears her.
Once I hit the dining room I see him there, alone. When he motions me to the seat across from him I take it. When he pours me coffee, I take that, too. I decided the less I say the better.
“In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons,” he says, deep in thought. “Herodotus said that.”
“Enlightening. Are you trying to tell me something?”
“She would have taken you down right along with me,” he says, sipping his coffee. “I couldn’t allow that to happen. How many times do I have to warn you before you listen? She was a cancer, son. Her kind always is.”
“So you expect me to believe that you did all of this for me?”
“Son, everything I’ve done has been for you.”
“Why am I here, Hank?”
“Maxwell,” he says, standing up. “The lengths you’d go to in order to protect her are admirable. Stupid, but admirable. We both know you are no more able to walk away from her as you are to take her life. So while you’re here, she’ll be handled for you. When that’s done you’ll be signing the club back over to me, you’ll remove Ms. Cross and yourself from the deed, or I’ll bury you next to her. That’s why you’re here, son. You’re weak like your mother. I’m afraid between trying to keep you two apart and keeping her out of my business, I should have kept a better eye on you. With trash you know what to expect, because they come straight at you. But you Max, you are a disappointment. You thought you could betray me? Jesus, I thought I raised you better than that. You are a pawn, useless, but a pawn just the same.”
“What did she ever do to you? What did I ever do to you?”
“She is the product of a whore,” he spats. “She is a bottom feeder, trash, a rabid dog.” Pacing the room, he’s so agitated he can’t stay still, and when he leans over me I see my father for the man he really is. “And you, Maxwell, fell in love with her.”
“You hate her because her mother didn’t want you, isn’t that it, Hank?” When he blanches, I continue. “Her mother, a woman so poor she’d leave her own daughter on the streets to fend for herself. Her mother who treated her so badly a kid preferred those streets to her own parent. That’s who you wanted, Hank; you wanted her drugged out mother, and even she turned you down. A woman with nothing told Hank Allen no.”
Getting in my face I can smell his coffee and bad breath. My father doesn’t scare me; he’s half my size with more balls than brains. But I do need answers. I want to know why he zeroed in my wife and why he used me. “She paid for her defiance,” he spits. “And so will your wife.”
“You killed her mother,” I accuse, and when he smiles my stomach drops. His lunacy knows no bounds.
“I didn’t kill her, Maxwell.” He says laughing. “I just helped her along; she would have gotten there event
ually and she did with your wife’s help. That girl, though, she never cared for me. I tried with her. What do I get in return? She attacks me like a pit bull. She needs to be put down like her mother was.”
Staring at him more closely I look at his face, like it’s the first time. When I notice a faint scare above his left eyebrow, Blue’s words come back to me. “And that one?” I asked, touching her. “That one was from one of my mother’s boyfriends who didn’t like my mouth, but trust me, he has one that matches.”
“You put your hands on my wife?”
“Oh son, I put more than my hands on her,” he says, laughing. “Unfortunately for me, she was a lot stronger than she looks. Bitch has only gotten stronger with time, too.”
“She kicks your ass, her mother dumps you, and you spend your life trying to ruin her?”
“Of course,” he explains. “She’s nothing, no one but a pest to be extinguished. Then my son brought her home! The bitch needs to learn a lesson, and soon she’ll be receiving it. There’s a lesson in this for you too, son; her bite is far worse than her bark. She’s got fight in her, I’ll give her that, but get her on her back and she’ll do as she’s told.”
“You tried to rape my wife?” I ask, clenching my fists.
“Try is to imply I failed, Maxwell.”
For the first time in my life everything clicked into place. The man in front of me wasn’t a father, he was a monster. In the ten years I’ve known Jules she’s been right about everything, including my not coming for her and allowing him to control me. I can’t blame him for what happened, although he played a part. I made the decision to hurt her, and to have that clarity come to me right now was not good timing.
“It’s really too bad you’ve lost so much time, son,” he says. “A lot can happen in three days.”
“Three days? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Did I forget to mention that? I apologize. That’s how long you’ve been… indisposed.”
