My desire to speak to the girls paled in comparison to how desperately I wanted to talk to my husband. I craved being able to curl into his strong arms, put my head in the crook of his neck, and sob as he gently rubbed my back. Bryce deserved better than to have to console me now, after everything I did to him.
I guess the old saying was right. Desperate times call for desperate actions. And the only person I could think of to turn to for help was Beatrice. Wasn’t life ironic? My best friend spent most of her life having a non-existent relationship with her mom, and now, after they repaired some of their rifts, she was the one I turned to for help?
I had never been to Bea’s house before, and I did a double take when I pulled into the large circular driveway and parked behind her small sporty black Mercedes. Anna always described her childhood home as being ginormous. She’d share stories how she and her brother had their own suites rather than bedrooms. She claimed they often communicated with walkie-talkies. I always thought she exaggerated, but now as I stared up at the monstrous brick structure, I couldn’t help wonder if she had actually understated the size of her childhood home.
“The door is open,” Bea called out, as I was just about to ring the front door.
“Hi,” I said as she approached and gave me an air kiss. “I really appreciate you making time to see me.”
She glanced down at her gold Rolex. “You were in luck. You caught me at just the right time.” She held her left hand up and studied it, “I already had my manicure, and it was too early for me to head over to the club to have lunch with the ladies I play bridge with. I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with them today, by the way. They drone on and on about the same things, day in and day out. If my friend Wilma doesn’t stop babbling about her daughter’s new house, I think I’m going to scream. As I explained on the phone, Walter isn’t home today.”
“I know,” I gave her a small smile. “I’m actually glad, just don’t tell him that, okay? Seriously, though… I really did want to talk to you, not him.”
“Very well,” she replied as she started to walk down a long marble tiled corridor, her Prada shoes clicked loudly.
I followed her to a door, which led outside. I guess you could say we were in her backyard, however it felt more like a national park to me. The house must have sat on three acres of immaculately landscaped property. The grass was emerald green. There was an enormous deck, which featured an aluminum table that sat twelve people. There were also six matching lounge chairs. In addition, there was an outdoor kitchen featuring a huge built-in Viking barbecue and Sub-Zero refrigerator.
“Let’s sit by the pool,” Bea called over her shoulder as she descended the deck stairs. I trailed behind her as she walked along a bluestone pathway towards an Olympic sized pool, complete with a water slide and a diving board. The same style of aluminum furniture from the deck was placed around the pool. There were two tables, with four chairs each, and another eight loungers. White umbrellas were scattered about. “Sit anywhere,” she instructed.
I did as I was told. As I sat down by one of the tables facing the pool she walked over to what appeared to be a bar near the back of the pool deck. She reached down and pulled out two wine glasses and a bottle of white wine. “Usually I prefer a gin martini, but it’s too hot today. A glass of Sauvignon Blanc, Cecelia?”
“Yes, please.” I replied as she opened the bottle and poured some into both glasses.
Beatrice sat down opposite me and raised her glass. I clicked it. “So I hear you have made quite the mess out of your life, dear.”
I took a very large gulp of wine, “You can say that again. I guess you’ve been talking with Anna.”
“Yes. She gave me the Reader’s Digest version. For you to come to me for support, things must be even worse than I thought. So speak.”
I took a deep breath, “I don’t even know where to start.”
Beatrice glanced at her watch again. “I don’t know where you should either, but start somewhere. I don’t have all day you know.”
“Fine,” I took another sip of wine. “So I followed your advice. Remember when I called, and you tried to convince me to call Keith and hear him out?”
She nodded.
“You told me I needed to stop living my life wondering what could have been. You said I needed to find my happy. Well, I listened to you. I reached out to Keith, and we had dinner. Then one thing led to another,” I looked up at the sky. “Now my life is a complete and utter mess. Forget about happy. I’m miserable!”
She leaned in and glared at me. Her eyes were as cold as ice. “Good. You should be.”
“What?” I asked, shocked. This was completely not the reaction I expected.
“You heard me perfectly clear, Cecelia.” She shook her head from side to side, “If you came here looking for some wine and sympathy, you picked the wrong person to come and see, because you’re sure not going to get any from me.” She folded her arms across her chest, “As you already know, I’m not a patient person by nature. And one of the things I have zero tolerance for is infidelity. I’m sure Anna filled you in. My husband cheated on me for most of my marriage. He paraded his mistress in front of my face on a weekly basis. He made a fool of me and a mockery of our marriage. He…”
I cut her off. “I don’t understand. You urged me to see Keith.”
“Yes, I did. But seeing someone is not sleeping with them, Cecelia, now is it?”
My voice was barely audible, “No.”
Bea took a sip of her wine and smiled, “Now that we have that straight; I do want to help you. I didn’t lie when I said you reminded me of myself. You do.” She gently patted my hands, “I know you try to hide it, but you can’t fool someone like me. I’ve been where you are. I’ve spent years putting on a brave face living lies, portraying the perfect life everyone expected of me. I built a gigantic wall around my heart and isolated myself from those closest to me. I wasted a lot of years of my life. I will never have those years back. I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you, dear.”
I sniffed and reached into my bag for a tissue.
“What is your plan, Cee?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
Beatrice patted my leg, “When Walter and I had lunch with you, I was sure your sadness and insecurity stemmed from the failed relationship with Keith, but now I’m not so sure. I think your feelings run way deeper.”
“You’re probably right,” I sniffed again.
“Of course I am. Also, if I am to help you, you’ll have to be completely honest with me, and more importantly, yourself. Can you do it?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CECELIA
Perception is blurry. You look in a mirror every day and see what you want to. I’ve always thought if I put on a brave face, pretended to be confident and happy, everyone would see me that way. Ten minutes with Beatrice Buchanan and I realized my life long act clearly wasn’t as award winning as I perceived it to be. With nothing else to lose, I knew I had to open up to her. Sure, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure she’d be able to help me, but I knew I couldn’t keep everything I felt inside for much longer. My thoughts, feelings, and fears were choking me.
“Now where should we start?” Beatrice asked.
Before I could reply, she continued, “You can’t clap with one hand, Cecelia. You need two hands in order to make the sound. You didn’t get into this predicament on your own. However, you are the only one who can get yourself out of it. And you are the only one who can figure out what you truly want and need.”
I nodded.
“So on the phone you told me you just found out your father died two weeks ago.”
I took a deep breath, “Yes. My half sister, Delanie, called me. I don’t know what’s worse? The fact he never wanted anything to do with me while he was alive or that he passed away and I was told after it was too late for me to attend his funeral.”
“Would you have gone?”
I rang my hands and thought for a momen
t. “Honestly, I don’t know. I would have appreciated the opportunity to have made the decision on my own.” I paused for a second. “You know what?” I nodded my head. “Yes. I think I would have gone. Maybe, by just seeing his face, I would have been able to finally have some closure.”
“How old were you when he left?”
“Four. He left and he never came back, not even once. During the first few years, he sent me birthday and Christmas presents, but he never included a card with them. It was as if he couldn’t even bear to communicate with me at all.” I took a sip of wine. “Then when I was about ten, several years after his presents stopped arriving mind you, he called me out of the blue. He didn’t call my mom he called me! Oh my God, Bea. I was so happy when he told me he wanted to spend some time with me. I was sure I would be able to make him love me again.” I picked up my wine glass but didn’t take a sip. “I was bouncing off the walls in anticipation of his arrival. I was wearing my favorite outfit,” I closed my eyes as I remembered dressing so carefully for our visit. “When the doorbell rang I raced to the door. I expected him to reach down, scoop me up in his arms and twirl me around as he hugged and kissed me. I was positive he’d feel just as much joy to see me as I did to see him. In actuality, he just looked me up and down and patted my head, like I was a poodle.”
I swallowed hard, “I wasn’t discouraged yet. I figured he just needed time to warm up to me. After all, years passed since we were together last. His car was parked across the street from my house. I skipped to the passenger side, still on cloud nine. As soon as he pulled away, I noticed he kept glancing in the rearview mirror, smiling. I turned my head. I expected there to be a present on the back seat he was waiting for me to discover.”
“Was there?”
“Oh, there was a surprise in the back of the car, all right.” I sighed, “Holding a worn pink teddy bear sat a little girl who looked almost exactly like me. We both were the spitting image of our father, except she inherited his dark brown hair.” I nervously twirled a strand of hair. “I got the red from my mom.”
Bea nodded as I spoke.
“Delanie had a huge grin on her face as she kicked her little feet in the air while waving to me. She seemed so excited to have a playmate or just another audience member. It was clear she was used to being center stage. My father grinned from ear to ear as he introduced me to his precious baby.” I pointed at Bea, “Those were his words, not mine. Precious baby. To hear him describe this other child like that was like a knife to my heart. Why did he love her so much when he didn’t give a damn about me, I remember wondering. I was still hopeful, though. I was sure by the end of the day he’d care about me again. But that didn’t happen since he proceeded to ignore me the entire day.”
Beatrice topped off our glasses. “Are you exaggerating, dear?”
“I’m afraid not. He showed no interest in me, whatsoever. All he kept talking about was Delanie.” I closed my eyes as I remembered the day as if it was yesterday. “Seriously, Bea, a blind man could see she was the love of his life. Fortunately, our outing wasn’t long, just lunch at a diner and a quick trip to the park. I was never so relieved to be back home.”
“Did your mother ever remarry?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “About a year after my dad left. They had a little girl too. Stephanie.”
“What is your stepfather like?”
“He’s a great guy.” I smiled, “He moved to Virginia about a year after my mom passed away. He’s remarried now, too. I don’t speak to him as much as I would like to. His new wife and Stephanie do keep me updated on his comings and goings. I loved him from the very beginning. He was always so kind to me. He always tried to make me feel special. When he first started dating my mom he often included me. I used to feel so grown up and special going to fancy restaurants with them. When it was time to propose to my mom, he let me do the honors. We were out to dinner at this quaint Italian restaurant near my house. Right before dessert was to be served he gave me the sign. I turned to her and asked if she’d let David be my stepfather. As tears of joy streamed down her face, the waiter brought over a bottle of champagne for them and a chocolate ice cream sundae for me.”
“How beautiful.”
“Yeah,” I gave her a closed mouth smile. I looked down at my hands. I had picked my cuticles raw. But I continued to pluck at them as if I needed to destroy myself further. “I was so excited to have a dad again. But nothing ever really works out as you plan, does it?”
She leaned in closer, “What happened?”
“Life just wasn’t what I expected it to be.” I ran my fingers through my hair, “It was great to have David around every day and night, but I missed all the quality time I used to have with my mom. And after Stephanie came along things changed again, which I guess was to be expected. Don’t get me wrong; David was always great with me, but there was always a distinction between Stephanie and me. I prayed he’d adopt me so she and I would be on equal footing. Well, that never happened. I was the only Donovan in a household of Harrisons. I was stuck with the name of a man who didn’t love me. Over time, I clung on to my name the same way I held on to the hope that one day Jack Donovan would want me back in his life. Hell, how pathetic was I?” A tear rolled down my cheek as dark clouds filled the sky. “I even named one of my sons Donovan in honor of the dad who never wanted me.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CECELIA
I was thankful for the sudden and strong rain shower. As Beatrice and I gathered up the wine and glasses and rushed back to the house I was able to gather my thoughts. I don’t know how Anna was able to talk so easily about her past and her feelings. I found it completely exhausting to relive painful memories.
“Here, dry your face off,” Beatrice instructed as she handed me a plush beige towel. I was sitting in her den on a large white leather sectional. “Are you sure you don’t want a change of clothes?” She had already changed outfits.
“Nah. I’m okay. I didn’t get too wet.”
“Suit your self,” she replied as she filled up our wine glasses. “So now let’s talk about Keith, shall we?”
I took a deep breath, “Okay.”
“How did he react when you told him Bryce found out about your,” she cleared her throat, “activities.”
I couldn’t face her. I looked down at my lap. “I didn’t tell him.”
“What?” she screeched. “What do you mean you didn’t tell him? From Anna’s report of the situation, Bryce found out about your infidelity and left you a week and a half ago. Correct?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “He did.”
“Well, I find it very hard to believe, especially after the way you’ve apparently been carrying on with him. During this entire time you haven’t informed your paramour what happened with you and your husband.”
“I know, I don’t know what to say to him.”
“Well, that’s pretty pathetic if you ask me.”
“I know.” I scrunched my face. “I’m pathetic. To tell you the truth, I’ve been avoiding Keith. He keeps calling and texting me, but I’ve been making up lame excuses as to why I can’t see him or even have a decent conversation with him.”
“I don’t understand. Considering you couldn’t get,” Beatrice tapped her fingers against the coffee table, “enough of him two weeks ago, why don’t you want to have anything to do with him now?”
“Because I am confused about what I want, and I don’t want to make more of a mess of my life than I already have. Mostly,” I signed, “I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what, Cecelia?”
I stood up and walked over to the large window and stared at the deck as the rain continued to pelt down.
Beatrice cleared her throat, loudly. “I asked you a question, dear. Come back over here and answer me.”
Slowly I made my way back to the sofa and sat back down, facing her. “I’m afraid of his reaction. The way things were going were simple and easy, well for him anyway. “Bryce finding out about us and
walking out on me complicates things quite a bit, I think.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the way I see it is, Keith had no worries about spending time with me. After all, I’m married with children. He didn’t have to worry about me wanting too much from him. He’s still free as a bird. If I tell him Bryce found out about our affair and left me, he may feel responsible. He also may feel like I’m looking for him to express his real feelings about me. I’m totally not ready to be rejected again.”
“And why do you think Keith would reject you?”
“Why wouldn’t he? After all, every man in my life has.” I started to tick off on my fingers. “First my dad, then Keith. My stepfather has no time for me but whenever his real daughter calls he is miraculously free and available. And now Bryce doesn’t want me.”
“Um, I don’t think it’s fair to throw your husband into the mix, Cecelia. You’re responsible for him walking out the door. What did you expect him to do? Award you wife of the year?”
She didn’t wait for me to answer.
“Face the facts. There was only one reason your husband left you. He walked out because you were busy lying and screwing another man behind his back.”
I buried my head in my hands, “You’re right.”
“Of course I am. I’ve no idea what Keith’s intentions are with you. Here is what I do know. Keith and Walter both were severely affected when their colleague, Jacob, died. His death hit them very hard.” She picked up a framed picture of her and Walter taken at the wedding. She ran her finger down the glass, gently. “So many of the men at the firm were all cut from the same cloth. All they did was work, work, and work. They put their careers first, the firm became their only family. When they watched Jacob deteriorate so quickly, they realized it could have been them dying in the hospital bed, alone. After he passed away so many of them reevaluated their priorities.”
Plan Cee (Secrets, Lies, and Second Chances Book 2) Page 18
