by Avril Rose
I don’t know who interrupts the kiss first. Looking into each other's eyes, we slowly catch our breath. At six feet, I'm at least two heads taller than she is. I’m used to model height, and here I am kissing a woman who's no more than five foot two.
“What was that?” she asks, disoriented.
“A kiss,” I finally manage to reply, just as lost as she is.
What is happening to me?
It’s not even 8 a.m. and I just kissed a perfect stranger. A stranger who I come to see whenever I can catch a break from work.
“I... I’m... I don’t know what came over me,” she says.
“No. Don’t apologize, it was...”
I can't find the words. Or rather, I can’t choose the words among the options that run through my mind: amazing, sensual, delicious, strange, unexpected.
“I have to get back,” she says in a weak voice, backing away from me awkwardly, pointing behind her with her thumb to let me know she’s leaving.
She runs into a piece of furniture and quickly recovers.
“I wouldn’t want Victor to go tell everyone I was performing fellatio on you!” she tries to joke.
"Okay.”
Oh, no, why did I say that? “Okay”?!
I stand there motionless for a few seconds, unable to move, my mind clouded by what just happened.
I try to gather myself and command my heart to stop doing somersaults, but when I walk out wearing my clean shirt, I’m still a little disoriented.
“Again, we're terribly sorry, sir,” she says, as if nothing had happened as I meet her at the counter.
I can tell she’s just as overwhelmed as I am.
“Thank you, Zoe,” I say, a bit disarmed, taking the cup she hands me.
Air is reaching my lungs again as I step into the street. I pause on the sidewalk as people pass by in a hurry, shaken by this moment, out of time and space. I let the cold air reset my neurons. The ridiculousness of the situation suddenly hits me. We just kissed. A simple kiss.
Get a hold of yourself, man! And go to work!
4
Zoe
“And you kissed?”
“For the third time, yes!” I tell Lisa, amused by her stunned voice.
I’ve already been repeating the incident from this morning for ten minutes. I wish I could see the face she’s making on the other end of the line.
“Do you think he’ll come back tomorrow morning?”
"I have no idea. I hope not. I mean, I do. I mean... Aaaah, I’m going insane. I don’t know how to deal with men anymore!”
“So you want him to come!” she confirms, getting carried away by the excitement.
“It was an accident, no need to get all worked up, you know,” I say, trying to calm her down.
"Are you joking? Have you ever kissed anyone ‘by accident’ before?” she quips.
“No. But still... The guy's a real ladies’ man. He’s probably not thinking it’s any big deal. He’s probably already forgotten me,” I convince myself.
“Or maybe he’s already thinking about the next time he’ll see you,” she says, just before she hangs up.
“If only...” I whisper.
Did I say that out loud?
I shake my head to gather myself.
I let the hot water of the shower wash over me in a fine mist as I lose myself in thought for the thousandth time today. I replay the movie in my head of that incredible kiss with that man. I remember the softness of his skin; the scent of his spiced cologne with a hint of blossoms; his brown, thick hair; his meticulously groomed facial hair, just enough to highlight his chiseled jaw line; and his green hazel eyes, darkened with desire. His desire for me. I can't get over it. Feeling his hardness between my legs almost made me faint. I could have lost it completely and done what Victor thought he had seen. I blush just imagining it.
Could I have done that? In that room with a complete stranger?
The last time I was with a man was six months ago. His name was Alex and I met him at a night club. We went to dinner together a few days after we met. My first date since things ended with Gaspard. When we left the restaurant, he invited me to his place for a last drink. I hesitated. He convinced me, assuring me it was just a drink, that he didn’t want to go too fast with me. I was special and he wanted to get to know me better before going any further. After a few drinks, which he drank at lightning speed, he decided he knew my breasts well enough – having stared at them without an ounce of shame – and that he was ready to move on to the next step. Not me.
It confirmed the rule I set for myself – never bring a guy home if you don’t know him. A rule that should never be broken.
That episode with Alex also made me realize that, after things with Gaspard, the next guy who might succeed in making me want to sleep with him probably wasn't even born yet.
And yet, with 00S, the idea had crossed my mind...
***
“You seem tired this morning, Zoe,” Victor says when he sees my weary face.
“That’s an understatement. I didn’t sleep a wink,” I admit between yawns.
“Insomnia?”
“Yep...”
“Related to what I interrupted yesterday in the back?” he asks, pretending to be uninterested.
I crack up laughing, remembering the faux sex scene Victor thinks he interrupted.
“Victor... You didn’t interrupt anything. How many times do I have to tell you?” I say, still laughing. “Can you seriously imagine me giving a customer a blow job right after I spilled coffee all over him?”
“It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for,” he teases.
“You want to know what I think? You’ve been watching too much porn,” I reply as I start the coffee machines, smirking.
“You want to know what I think? It wouldn't do you any harm to let your hair down from time to time."
Victor is in his fifties and is my partner. He started Temple Coffee with my dad a very long time ago. I know he wasn’t happy about me taking over when my dad died, not one bit. He would rather I'd sold him my shares. But that was never an option. And he knew he couldn't force me. Dad did things right: if anything happened to him and one of his daughters wanted to carry on the tradition, his partner couldn’t stop us. With forty percent of the shares, Victor ended up as the partner of a kid he had to teach everything to.
He eventually accepted the situation and showed me the ropes, such as customers’ preferences, the ranges of products we sell, how to use the cash register... but most importantly, he taught me how to make our customers feel at home here. I know I owe him a lot. Without him, I never could have kept this magical place going.
He often asks me to sell him my shares. I don’t blame him for trying. But there’s still no doubt in my mind. Temple Coffee has always been part of me, from the very first day the little yellow “Open” sign my dad made, decorated with coffee beans I painted with my tiny child hands, was displayed on the door.
Things are often tense between me and Victor, but I’m convinced it's just a facade and that the invisible barrier he has built between us is just there to hide the fact that he cares about me. The daughter of the man who, before becoming his business partner, was his faithful friend. I know that if he’s hard on me, it’s for my own good.
In any case, Victor has not escaped my nicknaming habit. He’s “Brian Flanagan,” the leading role from the movie Cocktail played by Tom Cruise. The fifty-something, charming bachelor loves the comparison.
I can tell that my lack of sleep is going to make this day go on forever. I didn’t sleep at all, and it’s all Mister 00S’s fault. I couldn't stop thinking about him. What happened yesterday morning definitely sent me reeling, there’s no denying it. But this morning, I left my place determined to forget the episode. I can’t let myself get hung up on fantasies. What happened was crazy, intense, and almost magical. Some
thing I’ve never experienced.
But I can’t forget that men can be cruel. What if 00S is an opportunist lothario? A guy who thinks only of himself? What could he possibly like about me? The little coffee shop waitress?
All I need to do is think back to those bimbos he was with before, with his friends. It cools my jets right down.
Because when I saw 00S that day, Gaspard’s face immediately came to mind. I was always there for him, in good times and especially bad ones. I was his unflinching rock; I would reassure him when he doubted. And he suddenly decided I wasn’t good enough for him or his new friends in the finance world, and especially not good enough for his superiors. Between his career and me, the little humble Parisian coffee shop waitress, he had to choose. ”Had to,” he said a few days after our breakup when he had sobered up. As if such a choice was mandatory.
00S’s face takes the place of my ex’s sneer.
That man is like Gaspard. He’s not right for you. Forget about him.
When the first customers begin to arrive, I’m relieved to see my positive energy is back. Just like my reliable memory. So I'm feeling calm and confident as I serve each regular their daily dose of personal attention. As I serve up smiles and coffees, I can’t help but glance at the door every five seconds.
five... four... three... two...
I spend the day anticipating the arrival of 00S. I try everything to reason with myself, lecturing myself on this ridiculous pre-pubescent attitude. But no matter what I do, what I say, he creeps into my thoughts, into every inch of my body. He’s there, without actually being there.
Forget him, Zoe.
Why is he haunting my thoughts? His soaking-wet shirt almost exposing his perfectly muscular pecs, his warm lips, his seeking, soft tongue, his scent, and his erect...
That's enough, Zoe!
I slap myself in my mind. Once, ten times, a hundred times. I beat myself up all day long.
When I close Temple Coffee, the small lump in my stomach since I woke up this morning is still there. But the lump is getting bigger, now the size of a basketball, at times bouncing all the way up to my throat.
He didn’t come by today. Why? Does he regret what happened yesterday? Is he even thinking about it?
***
Three days. Three long, never-ending days waiting, staring, jumping every time the little bell on the door announces a new customer coming in. Three horrible days being disappointed when I realize it's not him. Depressing. Yes, I said it: depressing. Unbelievable!
I keep thinking about that incredible kiss, that moment out of time and space. There’s no way he didn’t feel it too. Right?
“Well, well,” Victor whispers in my ear. “Look who it is...”
I look up, my face a perfect mask for the circumstances: indifference to the fact that 00S might be there.
And there he is, even more handsome than I remember. I have to try incredibly hard to keep my mouth closed so I don’t drool.
My legs go weak and my heart pounds in my chest, my hands shaking uncontrollably as a flush of embarrassment rises to my cheeks.
"Hello!"
“Good morning, sir. Um... Th... The usual?” I stutter.
I could slap myself for acting so childish.
Jesus, Zoe! You’re not sixteen anymore!
"Yes, please.”
I feel his eyes on me as I prepare his drink.
“Could...”
I feel panic wash over me when I realize he’s talking to me. I whip around, trying to arrange my face into a normal expression.
“Could I talk to you?”
“Um, sure, go ahead.”
“No, I meant... somewhere more private?”
“It’s not really a great time,” I apologize as I point to the line of people waiting.
Why do I say the exact opposite of what I want to say?
"Oh, right, of course. Would there be a better time?” he insists politely.
I motion to Victor to take over for me, and walk around the counter to meet him, his coffee in my hand, my legs threatening to collapse beneath me at any moment.
“Listen, if it’s about the other day... I don’t know what came over me. Let’s just forget about it, if that’s alright with you,” I say, trying to cut the conversation short.
“Is that what you want?” he asks, surprised.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. It was a mistake... I’m pretty embarrassed, you know?” I lie.
“Well, in that case...”
He takes the coffee cup and I watch him move away. He seems thrown by my reaction. What was he expecting?
I was so overwhelmed that I wanted to end the conversation before I fainted, but he came in to talk to me. And now I'm furious at myself for being such a coward! I didn’t even let him get a word in. I’ll never know what he came in to say to me.
What an idiot!
5
Liam
What is wrong with me?
I spend my taxi ride staring off into space, into the street, not even checking my phone. It’s a first.
I’m still in shock from our kiss, but it’s already been quite a while. I’ve thought about it over and over, again and again. I can’t sleep. I feel like her scent is on me, her lips and her eyes burning with desire.
Me! Unsettled by a simple kiss?
I don’t like it one bit. And I don’t like feeling irresistibly attracted to a woman. This is how everything started for Colin. He was confiding in me a lot back when he met Cassandra, about what he was feeling and the strong bond that was growing between them. He called her his “dose of heroine” as a joke. And that’s what she was: a hard, pernicious drug. He died from an overdose. Killed from loving a psychologically destructive woman.
That’s what I learned from that story: women who seem the most harmless are sometimes the most vicious. Cassandra is the perfect example.
Zoe seems extremely harmless, too. And our first kiss was unbelievably intense. I’ve never felt that before. The incredible sensation set off an alarm that I couldn't ignore. That’s why I didn’t come back to the café for three days. To save myself. Getting away from her was to keep myself out of danger.
So yeah, it's true, I didn’t come to Temple Coffee for a few days to get my morning pick-me-up. But an uncontrollable force did lead me to the front door several times. I watched her for a few minutes from outside. She seemed less joyful than usual, maybe even upset. But still just as beautiful. On the sidewalk just outside, I had to stop myself from crossing the street and going in, from marching right up to her and taking her in my arms, to be intoxicated by her scent, her touch, her soft skin, her taste.
Has she been thinking about our kiss, too? About me?
I was lost between my desire to see her again and the “Danger” sign that was flashing in my brain.
When I saw her again this morning, full of life with her usual bright orange lipstick, her pony tail dancing in rhythm with her movements, I made the unwise decision to ask her out.
What was I thinking? And what a slam dunk! Instead, I was rejected without a second thought. That’s a first, too!
“You wanted to ask her out? Pigs must be flying!” Hugo teases after dragging the story out of me when he saw how worried I looked when I walked into the office.
He's right. I usually don't have to ask women out on dates. All I have to do is go out to one of the city's hot spots to find a companion for the night. I fuck her there or at her place, as she prefers, never leading her on. And I rarely get her phone number. To be sure I don’t have any problems, I never take anyone back to my place.
No attachment. Never.
Most of them are extremely inventive. They see me as a challenge. But even the most complex positions from the Kama Sutra have never convinced me to change my mind.
“And she said no!” Hugo continues, almost in shock from the news.
“Alrigh
t, that’s enough, everyone heard you. Get over it.” I grumble.
I feel annoyed and hurt. I can’t get that girl out of my head.
“I’m going back there tonight, at closing time,” I declare. “You'll see, next time she'll be the one begging me to come back.”
“Or she'll think you’re a maniac!” he says laughing.
I stop listening to Hugo, too busy tapping on my phone screen, looking up the opening times of Temple Coffee. On Wednesday they close at 7:30 p.m. Now I just have to hope she’ll still be working at that time. I need to see her one last time before I forget about her for good.
***
I walk into Temple Coffee after I see Victor leave for the night. What luck: she’s alone! The timing couldn't be more perfect.
I decide to ignore the fact that by coming here, I’m playing with fire. I was supposed to stay away from her.
“Sorry, we’re closing! You’ll have to come back in the morning,” she calls out, her back to me.
I contemplate her haughty posture as a few rebellious strands of hair escape her ponytail. I can almost make out the vanilla scent of her hair from here. I didn't know I had such a strong scent memory.
I don’t say a word, fearing what reaction she might have when she sees me.
All or nothing.
My silence causes her to turn around. She’s speechless when she sees me.
“It’s you? What are you doing here?!” she asks, after a few seconds.
I don’t sense any anger in her voice, or worry. She just seems surprised. I remain quiet for a few more seconds, watching how her body reacts to my presence. She nibbles on her thumb. I smile imperceptibly as I notice the little gesture that reveals her embarrassment. Is she even aware of it? She readjusts her apron, probably trying to collect herself. Her hazel eyes sparkle as she maintains eye contact. Only a few seconds have passed and I’m starting to forget why I’m here. When she touches her lips with her fingertips, I shake my head so the real Liam can take control.
“How about a coffee?” I venture as I walk up and sit on a bar stool right opposite her.
