Well. That got depressing in a hurry.
She rubbed her tired eyes. It was probably just as well that the dating outlook was bleak at the moment. She wasn’t ready for another relationship. Having Matt around had been nice because, even after they’d started sleeping together, there was no pressure and no weirdness with him. The last thing she needed was to get involved with someone else. And she wasn’t even opposed to being single for a while—she didn’t need a man in her life to be happy. Twice, she’d learned that having one in her life could have quite the opposite effect.
But goddammit, now that she’d been with someone who didn’t make her feel isolated and alone when they were sharing a bed, she missed it. She craved that companionship.
Sitting back in her chair, she took a deep breath.
Get yourself together, Dara. This is stupid.
The companionship wasn’t going away. Not entirely. Matt was still here as her friend, and he was still going to be a part of the baby’s life. The only thing changing was the physical intimacy.
Dara shook her head and sighed. Worrying about all this was ridiculous. She needed to focus on getting her life back in order and getting ready for the baby. While Matt headed out into the dating scene… Well, there were plenty of sex shops in Goldmount and a Walmart full of batteries.
She closed her browser and shut her computer down. Dating could wait. Contrary to her mother’s belief, the sea of men wasn’t going to dry up overnight, and even if it did, she’d be okay.
And one thing was damned certain—Matt was going to make some woman very happy one day.
Chapter Twenty-One
Matt’s stomach knotted at the Goldmount—Next Exit sign. This was it. His date with Julie.
Here we go.
Her place was easy enough to find. She lived in one of the areas of Goldmount that had been touted as “luxury, middle-class living.” Modest condos, walking distance to a million different places to eat and shop, and plenty of “nature” around—assuming a few pitiful-looking alder trees planted at regular intervals along the sidewalk counted as nature. Exactly the kind of place Adam wanted to build all over Aspen Mill.
Matt shoved that thought to the back of his mind. He was nervous enough about going out with Julie tonight—he didn’t need to work himself up over his brother’s development plans too.
A mile or so from the freeway, he turned into the parking lot and pulled into a space beneath her condo. The spaces were all compacts, of course, so his truck just fit. He mused that he should’ve brought the Ferrari, but that wasn’t a first-date car. That one would come out once he’d connected enough with a woman to know if she was turned on by him or his bank balance.
He walked up to the security door. There, he took a deep breath, put his shoulders back and followed the instructions she’d given him.
The little speaker sputtered to life: “Hello?”
He pressed the intercom. “Hi. It’s Matt.”
“Oh great! I’ll be right down.”
He gulped. Stepping back from the door, he resisted the urge to pace nervously. This was just a date. They’d meet, they’d have dinner, and then…
Then anything could happen.
Anything.
He didn’t know whether it made him a cocky idiot or a hopeless optimistic, but he’d stopped at a drug store on the way here. At least he’d been smart enough to get out of Aspen Mill first—knowing his luck, one of his mother’s friends would’ve been behind him in the checkout line.
I am way too old to be embarrassed about buying condoms.
Such was life, though. At least he had them. That would be one less thing to sweat bullets over later on if things progressed in that direction.
Behind him, the security door clicked. He turned around, and when the door opened, there she was. Her pictures certainly hadn’t been misleading. Same smile, same pretty blue eyes. Her brown hair was a little longer, but otherwise, she looked exactly like she had on her profile. She’d been completely upfront about being, in her words, “not a skinny Minnie,” and she’d been one hundred percent unapologetic about it, which he’d loved. Her photos were gorgeous, but it was the “I’m not a size zero, I’ll never be a size zero, and the number of fucks I give about that is zero” comment that had gotten his attention.
She certainly had nothing to be apologetic about either. Wow.
He realized he was staring and quickly cleared his throat. “Um, so.” He hesitated, then awkwardly extended his hand. “I’m Matt. Good to finally meet you.”
With much more confidence than him, she shook his hand. “Julie. Good to finally meet you too.” She gestured out at the parking lot. “So, there’s a place up the road where we can get drinks.”
“Sounds great. I don’t know Goldmount very well, so I’ll follow your lead.”
“Perfect. Do you want me to drive?”
“I can. Truck’s right over there.”
She turned, and her eyes lit up. “Oh, I’m not gonna say no to a ride in that.”
“Yeah? You a truck fan?”
“Any girl who says she isn’t is a liar.”
Matt laughed. As they started toward it, he unlocked the doors, then went around to the passenger side to open her door. She climbed into the cab, and after he’d gotten in, he fired up the engine. She directed him to a steakhouse tucked in the back corner of one of the strip mall labyrinths. It was early yet, so they didn’t have to wait long for a table.
The hostess handed them a couple of laminated menus and some ice water, and then ran them through the specials. “Can I get you something else to drink while you’re deciding what to eat?”
“Yes,” Julie said. “I’ll have an iced tea.”
“And you, sir?”
“I’ll just have a…” His mind went blank. The image was there in his mind. He could almost conjure it in front of him. But the word. What the hell? “Um…”
The hostess cocked her head. “Sir?”
“Uh, I’ll have—” Seriously, brain? Seriously? What the fuck are— “A Coke, please.” He laughed. “Sorry. It was right on the tip of my tongue.”
She gave a quiet laugh and wrote it down.
After the hostess had walked away, Julie met Matt’s gaze. “Nervous?”
His cheeks were instantly on fire, so there was no point in pretending. “A bit, yeah.”
Julie smiled. “Good. Then I don’t feel so bad.”
Matt laughed. “You are too?”
“Oh God, yes.” She waved a hand. “Just filling out that stupid profile gave me indigestion.”
“You and me both.” He exhaled. “Kind of makes you wonder how people did this before the Internet.”
“They went to bars, got plastered and hoped for the best?” Julie laughed softly, almost shyly. “I’m so not good at that.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “It was one thing when I was in college. These days? It’s exhausting.”
“Yes, I agree.” He picked up his water glass. “To skipping all the bullshit thanks to the Internet.”
Giggling, Julie clinked her own glass against his. “Cheers.”
He sipped his water, relieved that she had a sense of humor about these things. “So, um, how do you like living in Goldmount?”
“I really like it here.” She glanced around the rustic-style restaurant, as if it somehow represented the town around them. “I spent my whole life in cities, so the small-town life is a nice switch.”
Matt was amused by the idea of Goldmount qualifying as a small town, but after living in Chicago, he could see how it certainly appeared that way. Not everyone had grown up in Podunk shitholes like Aspen Mill.
He cleared his throat. “So, what cities?”
“When I was a kid, Seattle, Boston and Orlando. I went to college in New York, and then lived in Albany unt
il I transferred out here.”
“Wow. I’ve been to all those places, but never for very long.”
“Eh, you’ve seen one big city, you’ve seen them all. But I might be a wee bit jaded.”
“Or right on the money.”
She laughed. “What about you? Are you new to town?”
He shook his head. “No, I actually live in Aspen Mill. Born and raised, but I moved away for about ten years. Just came back last year.”
“Where’d you live?”
“Chicago.”
She sat a little straighter. “Really? How did you like it?”
“As you said, you’ve seen one big city—”
“You’ve seen them all.”
They both laughed.
“What took you to Chicago?” she asked.
“Some buddies and I started a company after college. Basically producing software and hardware to enhance security and prevent identify theft, credit card fraud and data compromise.” He shrugged. “Not the most exciting thing in the world, but it turned out to be the right product at the right time.”
“Oh wow. But you’re not doing it anymore?”
“No, I…” He swallowed, not sure how far to tip his hand. “I’m mostly working with my sister right now. Breeding and training horses, maintaining the farm. That kind of thing.”
Julie cocked her head. “That’s quite a switch from running a tech company.”
“It is. I needed that switch. The burnout was killing me.”
“Oh, I hear you, loud and clear.” She blew out a breath. “One of the reasons I took the job here? I was so burned out at my last one.”
He folded his arms on the edge of the table. “Is that right?”
“Yep. Don’t get me wrong—I work hard. But there’s only so many sixteen-hour days a person can take, especially with one day off every blue moon.”
“God, yes. That is so true. You ever slept under your desk?”
She laughed. “Yes. Have you?”
“Ugh. Unfortunately.” He leaned in closer. “You ever had a drawer in your desk specifically for toiletries?”
Julie threw her head back and laughed again. “You know, I was starting to think that was normal.”
“Where I worked, it was normal.”
She mirrored him, folding her arms on the table, and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “You ever cooked your own breakfast in the company cafeteria?”
“That’s the whole reason we had a company cafeteria installed.”
Julie giggled. “You’re funny, Matt.”
“Think I’m kidding?”
“No, I don’t. I’m pretty sure you’re completely serious. But it’s seriously funny.”
She winked.
And Matt shivered.
It was nearly midnight before Matt and Julie finally decided to take off. Matt generously tipped the waitress for putting up with them for so long, and they were still talking on the way out to the truck, down the road and into the condo’s parking lot.
“…so I wasn’t surprised at all that I didn’t get a callback after that interview.”
“Yeah, I had a few of those.” Matt pulled into a space and shifted into park. “I interviewed for an investment firm during my senior year, and impressed the shit out of them with my knowledge of Harkness & Beninato.” He groaned. “Too bad the interview was for Franklin & Chester.”
Julie laughed. “Oh, that must’ve hurt.”
“It did. Not my best moment, let me tell you.”
They both chuckled.
“Well, I guess we’re here.” She looked out at the condo and then turned to him. “I had a really nice time.”
“Yeah, me too.” He hesitated. “Maybe we could do it again another night?”
“Definitely. Give me a call?”
“Will do.”
“Or…” She glanced at the clock on the dash. “It’s not very late. Would you like to come in for a drink?” The sparkle in her eye said there was more than a drink on the line.
He held her gaze in the blanched glow of the streetlights and swallowed. She was certainly attractive, and it wasn’t a lack of confidence—on his or her part—making him balk.
His pulse went crazy. This was the part where he was supposed to do something, wasn’t it? One of those crossroads that none of his prior dates had ever quite reached.
Everything had been going great so far, so what the hell?
He unbuckled his seat belt, leaned across the console and kissed her.
She slid a hand up into his hair, parting her lips and inviting more, and he pulled her closer.
And he felt…
Nothing.
Well, not nothing. But no fireworks. No spinning. No racing pulse.
No hurtling down a mountainside.
She’s not Dara.
He ran his fingers through Julie’s hair, which was curlier and shorter than Dara’s. Because she wasn’t Dara. He was on a date with Julie, for God’s sake.
And of course kissing Dara had been different. It had been the first time he’d been kissed by anyone in ages. And that had been on the heels of her offering to take him to bed. It only made sense for that kiss to make his head spin more than this one.
Except this one wasn’t making his head spin at all.
Julie drew back and met his gaze. “The, um, offer’s still open.” She gestured at her building. “For a drink.”
Oh God.
Despite all their chatting and their conversations tonight, when it came to this, he knew nothing about Julie. All those fears from before—Will I screw up? Will I hurt her? Will she think I’m clueless?—flooded his mind because there was no telling what anything would be like once they were in the bedroom together.
Or if it would be disappointing. Like kissing her.
Damn it. He wanted to want her.
But…
He forced a smile. “I probably shouldn’t. It’s a long drive.” Shit. What if she offers to let me stay the night so I don’t have to drive back so late? He muffled a cough. “And I’m a little rusty at the whole dating scene. Maybe we could take things slowly?”
With a slightly faltering smile, she nodded. “Okay. I’m fine with that. I’d definitely love to see you again, though.”
“I’ll give you a call.”
“Great.” She came across the console this time and kissed him. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Very soon,” he whispered.
They exchanged smiles, and then she got out of the truck. He waited while she went up the walk, and after she’d gone through the security door—pausing once to wave back at him—he pulled out of the parking space.
Should he have taken her up on the offer? Maybe it really would’ve been just a drink. Or, hell, maybe they would’ve slept together. He knew what he was doing now. They were grown adults—if they wanted to spend the night together, then who the hell cared?
In the parking lot’s driveway, he paused, glancing in the rearview as if the building’s reflection might have some answers.
Am I making a mistake?
No. Next date. One thing at a time. They’d just met.
And it had only been two nights since he’d had sex with Dara. Jumping into bed with another woman seemed weird. After all, how would Julie feel if she found out after the fact that Matt had been with another woman so recently? It was going to be challenging enough to eventually broach the subject of the baby, but he didn’t know how he felt about telling a woman he’d been casually sleeping with the baby’s mother. Though he supposed he could bring that up first, but that didn’t seem like very effective foreplay.
“Oh, by the way, before we go too much further, you should know that…”
That was probably about as much of a mood killer as that porn star pulling out
and shoving his dick up the girl’s ass.
“But if you ever want to do a girl like that, you better be a goddamned gentleman about it.”
Maybe…
Maybe continuing with Dara was a bad idea if he was going to start branching out into actually meeting people. He had his confidence now, and she’d taught him enough that he wouldn’t be completely clueless in bed. And really, that was all they’d agreed to do, so maybe now was the time to bring that to a close.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dara’s stomach was wound up in knots as Matt’s truck pulled in the driveway. She hadn’t been expecting him, but last night was his date with Julie. Had it gone badly? She gnawed the inside of her cheek. Had it gone well?
She met him at the front door, and as he stepped inside, he avoided her eyes.
“Hey,” she said. “This is a surprise.”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t think this should be over the phone.”
Her heart dropped. “Oh. Okay.”
He took off his baseball cap, keeping his eyes down as he scratched the back of his neck.
She shifted her weight. “How did last night go?”
“Good.” Matt smiled but didn’t meet her gaze. “We had a really great time.”
Dara raised her eyebrows. “But…?”
He gulped.
Her heart sank deeper. It didn’t take a genius to see where this was going. She moistened her lips. “Matt, just tell me whatever you need to tell me.” Her throat tightened a bit as she added, “It’s me. Say whatever’s on your mind, and we’ll fill in the details if we need to.”
He winced. The harder it was for him to speak, the more she dreaded what she was pretty sure he was going to say.
She was a breath away from just coming out and asking him if he wanted to stop what they were doing, but he finally started talking.
Matt kept his gaze down. “Look, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me lately. Helping me get some confidence was…”
“Glad to help.”
He finally looked at her, and the faintest smile flickered across his lips, but then it was gone. “I, uh… I can’t keep doing this.”
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