Diving In (Open Door Love Story)

by Stacey Wallace Benefiel

  “Ah, Miss Garrett. Excellent.” She stands up – I can see now that she’s wearing a little gold name tag that says Caryn on it – and escorts me the four feet to the conference room door. “Bottled water and coffee are set up on the table along the wall and it’s self-serve.” Caryn opens the door and holds it for me, her helpful smile still plastered across her mouth.

  All conversation in the room stops and I feel everyone looking at me. I pay particular attention to the gray speckled top of the conference table.

  A woman stands, extending her hand to me. “Emily McFarling, attorney for the Rileys. Thank you for agreeing to speak with us.”

  I limply take her hand. “I was legally forced to be here,” I mutter, sidestepping to the table along the wall and grabbing a chilled bottle of water.

  Glancing around the room, I see that my seating choices are limited. I go for the most neutral territory I can find and sit on the end, between Izzy’s attorney and Gabe’s.

  “Okay, now that we’re all settled in, we can begin,” Ms. McFarling says, turning to me. “What we’re all here for today, really, is to facilitate a discussion about how Mr. Riley’s accident happened and what the legal ramifications are.” She pulls two pieces of paper out of a manila folder. “Earlier today my client asked me to withdraw charges against Mr. Chandler.” She passes the papers to Izzy and Travis’s lawyers. “Mr. Riley feels that pressing charges against Mr. Chandler is not necessary and would like to come to a settlement agreement.”

  “That’s fine,” Travis blurts, despite his lawyer trying to quiet him. “I’ll still turn myself in though.”

  “You’ll find the paper I’ve given your attorney states explicitly that you are not to turn yourself in to the police.”

  “What?” Travis says, looking to Gabe.

  Gabe checks with his attorney before speaking and she gives him the go ahead. “If you turn yourself in they’ll go for manslaughter, and being who you are, Travis, I … ultimately, it was an accident.” He glances at me and then Izzy. “What I want is to hear exactly what happened and for Travis to reimburse my parents for all of the medical bills, for Mom’s loss of wages, and for the modifications they had to make to the house. That will make it right and I know that he’s good for it.” Gabe gives Travis a half-hearted smile.

  Izzy shakes her head. “I think you’ll regret this decision.”

  “Thank you!” Gabe’s mom says, and then less loudly, “We’re obviously not in total agreement with Gabe’s choice in this matter.”

  “Enough, Mom. My life isn’t ruined, it’s just not as we expected it to be.” Gabe points this comment directly at me.

  So. He’s had a change of heart. He spent a month being depressed and pestered and smothered by his parents and then he remembered that he’d been on the cusp of having a real adult life. Good.

  But where do I fit in? Was I a factor in this decision? I don’t know how I feel about it. I don’t know how I feel about him.

  I’m glad he realizes his life isn’t ruined, I just wish he hadn’t taken so long to come to that conclusion. A lot has happened to me in that time and I needed him and he hasn’t been there.

  “Miss Garrett, if you could, please begin telling us all what happened on Labor Day 2010 at approximately three in the afternoon at the Chandler residence?” Ms. McFarling asks.

  ~

  I stand up and leave the conference room, hoping they don’t notice that my hands are shaking. I absolutely never want to tell the story of Gabe’s accident ever again, especially with all of the players present. Travis looked like he was going to hurl the entire time and Izzy had such an air of shame about her, you could practically see it. One foot in front of the other, I tell myself, and nearly make it out of the office.

  “Brynn, wait,” Gabe calls.

  I stop and turn, holding the door open, letting Gabe catch up to me. “What? You’ve heard the whole thing now. Let’s just let it be.”

  He wheels through the doorway into the hall. “Why didn’t you tell me you were protecting Liam?”

  I lean against the wall next to him and cross my arms over my chest. “It wouldn’t have made a difference then.”

  “You’re probably right, but it does now.” Gabe reaches out and grabs for my hand. I let him. “Can we … I miss you so much. Can we talk? Will you have lunch with me?”

  I shake my head. “I can’t. I’ve already missed too much work coming here and I need to get back and finish some stuff before it’s my shift taking care of Mom.”

  “How is she?” Gabe runs his thumb over the back of my hand. Why couldn’t he have come to his senses sooner?

  “She’s at home … I moved back there for the time being, until she—”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” He squeezes my hand. “You’re going through that and on top of everything we drag you down here and … God. I’m sorry.”

  “Okay,” I say, wanting to give in, but I can’t. I can’t go through the falling again. “Listen, I have to go be an adult. I have a lot on my plate right now. I’m glad you decided to settle.”

  “Well, when I thought about it, that seemed like the only way we all get to move on. I don’t think Izzy agrees, though.”

  “She’ll get over it.” I drop his hand. “Izzy just needs to figure out how to get her own closure and stop trying to co-opt everyone else’s.”

  “So, you’ve got closure? Things between us are … final?”

  I avoid what he’s getting at. “Travis gets his monetarily. I don’t have to hold onto any life changing secrets anymore. You’ve realized you’re still a very capable and worthwhile person. Izzy will get there.” I take my phone from my purse and check the time. “I’m really late. I have to go. Take care, Gabe.”

  He furrows his brow. “Take care? Really, Brynn? Everything that went on with us and that’s all you’re going to give me?”

  One foot in front of the other. I head to the elevator.

  “I’m sorry, Gabe. But that’s all I’ve got.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Three-ish months later…

  The sky is bright blue and splashed with wispy white clouds on my way to pick up Liam and Dani from the airport. I park in the short-term lot and hurry over to baggage claim. According to the airline app, their flight has gotten in early.

  I spot them standing by the luggage carousel, a suitcase next to them, Dani straining her neck looking for another one.

  “There it is!” she says, barging through the wall of people blocking her way and hauling her enormous suitcase off of the belt.

  “I could’ve gotten that for you,” Liam says, not noticing me.

  Dani’s eyes light up. “Hey Brynn!” She drops the suitcase handle and drags me into a hug, letting her luggage topple over. “It’s so good to see you!”

  “You too,” I say. And it is, even though the circumstances suck.

  Liam rights Dani’s suitcase and pulls his and hers along behind him. “So, everything’s arranged? I feel like such a slacker for not helping with anything.”

  “I told you, Mom had it all planned out. I didn’t really have to do much besides make some calls and send her obituary to the paper.”

  He shakes his head. “I just … I don’t know. It’s strange being removed from it all, even though she chose to shut me out.”

  Dani hooks her arm with his and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “You were here taking care of her every other weekend. You did what you should’ve. Besides, her problem was never about you. She wanted perfection and couldn’t see that what she had – the great kids, the patient husband, the good job, the nice life, was as perfect as anyone could wish for. I can guarantee no one else who loves you will ever take you for granted the way your mom did.”

  Liam smiles at Dani. “I love you,” he says and then makes a kissy face at her.

  “Well, who wouldn’t, really?” She laughs. “I suppose I can think of a few people.”

  We get to the car and cram their luggage into the trunk. “W
here to?” I ask, pulling out of the short-term lot. “I’ve closed the store for the rest of the afternoon and all day tomorrow, although I am going to teach my swimming class tonight since it’s the first class of the session.”

  “Is it awful that I’ve really been craving Sunny’s pizza?” Liam asks, grimacing.

  “Seriously?”

  “It’s good pizza,” he says matter-of-factly.

  “I’m down,” Dani chimes in from the back seat. “Eugene sucks for pizza. Who the fuck actually wants chia seed crust and vegan cheese? Live a little, bitches.”

  “Can you marry her please?” I ask my brother.

  “Planning on it … in like five years.” He looks over his shoulder at Dani.

  “He wants to give me enough time to decide on a theme. I waffle back and forth between pirate and Moulin Rouge.”

  “As one does,” I say.

  “Are you actually going to take us to Sunny’s?” Liam asks. “I was only half wanting to.”

  I roll my eyes. “Uh huh.” I shrug. “It’s been a couple of months since I’ve seen Izzy, so it will be awkward but I can handle it. Who knows? She might not even be working.”

  ~

  Unlike the last time I was here, the parking lot isn’t packed, probably because it’s three o’clock on a Friday afternoon. Like the last time I was here, so is Gabe. I park next to his van, which isn’t in the handicapped spot for some reason.

  “Ouch,” Liam says. “Double whammy. Are you sure, B?”

  I nod. “I’m sure. No more avoiding. I have to live in a world where Izzy and Travis and, more importantly, Gabe live. It’s not going to stop being weird until I let it stop being weird.”

  “You’re like a million times more evolved than you were last spring,” Dani says, “and I thought you had your shit together then.”

  “Well, watching your mom die of cancer and bitchery will do that to a person.” We all get out of the car. “I realized I’m in charge of how people see me and that girl that Mom created doesn’t have to be me any more.”

  Liam slings his arm around my shoulders and Dani hugs me from the opposite side. “Neither one of us have to be anyone but who we want.”

  “In Liam’s case,” Dani says, “that just happens to be multiple people.”

  “Sexy people,” Liam says, holding the door to Sunny’s open for us.

  We grab a table by the front windows and Liam and Dani peruse the menu, listing off the pros and cons of various toppings.

  “When it comes to pizza, I don’t think things that make you fart more should be taken into consideration,” I chime in. “Pizza, by and large, is the number one cause of farting amongst people our age.”

  “I disagree,” Gabe says, rolling over to our table, a tray of waters balanced on his chair arms. “Number one has to be anything Taco Bell.” He passes the waters out and nods at my brother. “Hey, again.”

  “Hey,” Liam drawls, checking with me. “This is my girlfriend Dani, and you remember my sister Brynn, you were in love with her.”

  I kick Liam as hard as I can under the table and shoot him the look of death. Dani elbows him in solidarity.

  I’m about to gloss over what Liam said and go straight for the professional small talk, but then Gabe says, “I still am. Do you guys know what you’d like to order? We can start with drinks if you still need time.”

  Liam smiles like a maniac and reaches over, offering his knuckles for Gabe to pound. “Dani and I will have a Coke. Brynn probably will too, but I don’t know if she can drink with her mouth all open like that.”

  “Liam Garrett,” Dani chides, “will you knock it off?” She smiles great big and winks at me. “I’ve told you countless times it chaps my ass when you order for me.” She winks at Gabe, too. “I’ll have a Coke, please.” And then, because my brother and his girlfriend are two effing peas in a freakazoid pod, she says, “Brynn told me you were a hottie, but she didn’t really do you justice. Your biceps are to die for, dude.”

  Through all of this, Gabe takes an excruciatingly long time to write down Coke x 3. I’m glad I’m not alone in not knowing what to say.

  He looks up. “I’ll be right back.”

  Mr. Sundall comes over, grinning at me, and drops a small order of cinnamon sugar pizza crust in front of me. “How ya doin’ Brynn?” He ruffles up my hair. “I heard about your mom. Wanted to give my condolences to you kids. I’m sorry for your loss.” He looks at me, his eyes sad. “You’ve had a heck of a time of it, like my Iz, but you girls are gonna be okay. I don’t doubt that.”

  “Where is Izzy?” I ask. “I hope she’s not hiding from me—”

  “Ah, no, sweetheart. She went to stay with my brother and his wife in Portland for a while. She needed a change of scenery.”

  Gabe brings the drinks and begins setting them on the table. Mr. Sundall pats him on the back. “Left me without a server though, and this one needed a job, so we thought we’d try it out.”

  I take my Coke from Gabe. “I’m sure he’s doing a good job. He was great at the dry cleaners. The customers loved him.”

  Gabe blushes. “Upside to here is I can’t lose one hundred pizzas.”

  We both laugh and I can feel everyone staring at us. Liam kicks me under the table.

  “Um,” Gabe says, a goofy grin on his face. “I should probably take your food order now.”

  ~

  I drop Liam and Dani off at home and then head over to the pool. I’m an hour early, but have seriously been slacking on my equipment duties the last two months, as if they were all that great to begin with, and since I have the time I figure making the storage room look less chaotic is a good use of it.

  I get changed and go out to the pool deck. Someone has been making a loud racket, like the scraping of metal on concrete, the entire time I was in the locker room. The culprits seem to be two maintenance men, bent over the newer, larger, chair lift. The old one was a portable, but they’re screwing the base of this lift into the pool deck.

  “Wow, this is cool,” I say to them. “Will it be ready for the Senior class this evening? I have a new student that could use it.”

  “One last tightening of the screws and we’ll be done,” the bigger of the two guys, Hank, says to me, scooting over and blocking my view of his work.

  “Awesome.” I go to the storage room and start working on the jumbled mess. A little while later my boss Carol, comes in.

  “Hey, Brynn. You don’t have to be here, sweetie. I can take your class tonight.”

  “It’s fine,” I say. “It gives me something to do. Something that I enjoy doing. Plus, Mrs. Benedetto is suspicious of change.”

  Carol grins. “Okay, then.” She turns to leave.

  “Hey, what’s up with the new and improved chair lift?” I ask.

  “Oh,” she says, averting her eyes. “I figured you knew all about it. Travis Chandler donated the lift. I guess he and your, uh, friend Gabe are going to be using the pool to train Gabe for the Paralympics.”

  “That’s … wonderful,” I say, hoping I don’t sound too surprised. “I hadn’t realized that was … happening here.”

  “Yeah, they’re actually going to be making several changes and turning this place into a regional training center. It’s really an awesome opportunity for us.” She knocks on the wall. “Now, get back to work,” she jokes.

  A bizarre sense of pride washes over me and then my eyes tear up. Gabe is moving on, and in a big way! A new job and training for the Paralympics? I can’t think of anything better. It’s exactly what he should be doing and I have zero doubt he’ll be great at it.

  So, why do I want to cry?

  Sure, I’m probably overly emotional because of Mom. I just know I’ll be a wreck at the funeral tomorrow. I’m counting on it even – to let all of my confusion, anger, and loss go in one massive cry – but it isn’t just that.

  I’ve wanted and still want for Gabe to grow up and move on. To be his own person without always needing his parents, to discov
er he can make it on his own. I guess I thought I would play a part in it. That we’d be supporting each other through the hard times and growing up together. Instead, we’ve done it apart, alone. It isn’t the best way, but the way it’s happened.

  Again, the unfairness of life is getting the best of me. What does it matter, ultimately, how Gabe got to where he is, or I got to where I am, if we come out on the other side happier and having learned something?

  But he said he was still in love with me earlier today. At the time, I shrugged it off, too embarrassed to really feel or hear anything else.

  My heartbeat speeds up just thinking about what that could mean. Is it what I want? Is it not too late?

  I think about the way he looked at me when we were snuggled up together on his chair. The way he did everything in his power to make me laugh and it was easy, because he got me. That was the crux of it. Even though there had been a lot of difficult secrets between us, falling in love had been easy.

  If he still wants me, I can be with him now. I can close my eyes and fall, knowing he’ll be there waiting.

  The hardest part is having the patience to let him come to me.

  I finish tidying up the shelf I’m working on and go out to the pool deck to meet my class. I’ve got two new students, one of whom relies heavily on a walker. Several of the people in my class are standing around the new lift, checking it out.

  “Hey, Brynn,” Mr. Anders calls to me. “Come look at this. You’re famous.”

  “What?” I ask, sliding my hair under my swimming cap. “Don’t tell me you’ve already had time to tag the chair lift. You’re speedy for an old dude.”

  “The mouth on you!” he says, shaking his head at me in mock frustration. “Just come look.”

  The class parts to reveal the lift.

  “What?” I ask again, not getting what I’m supposed to be so excited by. “It’s a shiny, happy new lift. You guys wanna take it for a spin?”

  “We want you to look down, sweetheart,” Mrs. Caswell says, putting her hand on my forearm and pulling me closer.