Austen tapped his fingers on the side of the couch. “What? You think I’m going to lecture you or something?”
“No. I just don’t even want to think about him.”
He leaned back against the cushions. “You did the right thing. I know giving them the money was hard, but at least you could move on with your life. They haven’t been back, have they?”
“No, not a word. I paid them every cent.” I placed a hand on Austen’s arm. “Thank you.”
“I wish I could do more.”
“It’s not your job to. I’m the one who got messed up with Tim in the first place.”
“You like to see the best in people.” Austen turned toward me. I shifted my legs to give him more room, but he trapped them and pulled them onto his lap. “That’s a good trait, but not if you let people hurt you.”
“That’s a nice way of putting it.”
“How else could I?”
“My friend, Mel, says I just like to save people. She claims I like to go for guys who are broken and try to fix them.” It’s true that the few dates I’d been on since Tim had been with guys with their share of problems, but I never tried to save them. I didn’t have the strength.
Austen didn’t say anything for a moment. “You did marry a guy with anger issues…are there more I don’t know about?”
“Is that your way of asking about my recent dating history?” I teased.
“Maybe.” He finished off his soda and set it down on the floor next to him.
“I met a guy, but it’s not going to work out.” I felt a pang in my chest when I thought about Jake. I knew he’d probably have that reaction, but I liked the fantasy that things could work out.
Austen watched me for a minute, probably trying to make sure I wasn’t going to continue on my own. “Why not?”
“He wasn’t too excited when he found out about Noah.”
Austen ran a hand over my legs through the blanket. “He’s an idiot then. Any guy who’d give up the chance to be with you and Noah has to be out of his mind.”
“Or normal. What guy our age wants to date a single mom? It kind of takes the fun out of things.”
“Why? It doesn’t have to.”
“Come on. Would you really want to date someone like me?” I sat up a little.
“No.”
“See.” I tried to pull my legs away.
He gripped them so I couldn’t. “I would love to date you—not someone like you.”
I couldn’t ignore the chills that ran up my spine when he said it. I’d dreamed of those words coming out of his lips for years. Austen’s face wasn’t classically handsome like Jake’s, his features were more rugged, but he was definitely attractive.
“This is when you’re supposed to tell me you’d love to date me too.” He smiled.
“Even if you were being serious, which I don’t actually believe, how could it work? On top of balancing Noah, I’m supposed to do long distance?”
“Let’s deal with the second part of that first. I have a job opportunity in Wilmington. I just need a reason to take it. As to the first part—I’m serious. Completely serious.”
“Austen…”
“Does it really surprise you that much?”
“Yes. Why now?”
“When was it supposed to happen before? Your brother would have killed me if I asked you out in high school. And, well, you didn’t give me any time after you graduated…” He didn’t need to finish that sentence. I was pregnant before the end of senior year.
“Let’s not do this. We both know you don’t want to move to Wilmington, especially since we don’t know if it would work.”
“I already told you I’d do it if I had a reason. Do you really think I’d rather stay in Ridgeview alone? And the only way to find out if it works is to try it.”
“Try it? I’m only here for the weekend.”
“That leaves tomorrow night. I can make a big impression in one night.” He wriggled an eyebrow even though we both knew he wasn’t talking about us having sex.
“I can’t. Not now. It’s not that I don’t like you. I—”
“It’s that guy, right? You’re hung up on him.”
“Maybe.” Dating Austen would feel like a rebound so soon after Jake, and I could never be with Austen in that way. It would have to be all or nothing.
“Okay. Take some time. I’m not rushing this.”
“I don’t expect you to wait around for me.”
“I never said I was going to. But don’t be surprised if I check back in.” He shifted my legs so he could lean in closer to me. “Soon.”
His breath was warm on my face, and I thought he might kiss me, but instead he just kissed my forehead. “Good night, Em.”
“Good night.”
He smiled before walking around front to his car. I leaned back against the couch. I hoped I hadn’t just made a huge mistake.
I waited until I heard his car pull out of the driveway before I went upstairs and took a hot shower. I’d just pulled on a t-shirt to sleep in when I noticed a missed text message on my phone. I reacted like an idiot. Any way you’d give me another chance?
Seeing Jake’s name on the screen brought back memories from the night we spent together. Memories that hurt to think about.
I didn’t respond right away. I finished getting washed up and slipped into bed with a book. I never had time to read anymore, but I needed a distraction.
Finally, when my eyes got heavy, I put my mystery down on the bed stand and picked up my phone. You didn’t react like an idiot. You reacted like most guys would. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I wanted to add more, but I didn’t.
He responded right away, like he was sitting with the phone. How about the second chance?
I wanted to say yes. If I was just thinking of myself I’d say it in a heartbeat, but I had Noah to think about. Could I really get involved with a guy who reacted the way he did? I don’t think so. There are plenty of less complicated girls out there. Have fun.
I don’t want uncomplicated. I want you.
My stomach knotted when I saw the words. Why did it matter so much to me that he wanted me? I want you too, but it’s not just me.
How old is Noah?
I smiled. He remembered his name. Almost two.
He didn’t reply. Instead, my phone rang. I hesitated but decided to pick it up. “Hi, Jake.”
“Hi, Emily. I wanted to hear your voice.”
“I see.” I leaned back against my pillows, enjoying the familiar feel of my childhood bed.
“So almost two…that’s cool.”
I smiled. “Yes, very cool.”
“I like his name. Did you name him after the guy in the bible?”
I laughed. “The guy in the bible? I suppose every Noah is named after him in a way, but that’s not what I was thinking.”
“So you picked it?”
“Yes. His father wanted to name him Ted, but I won.”
“Oh. I like Noah better. I guess you have better taste than his dad.”
“Maybe.” I had a feeling this was Jake’s way of getting me to talk about Noah’s father. I didn’t want to, but holding it back wouldn’t help anything. “Noah’s never met his dad.”
“Oh…that sucks.”
“It does. Tim died in Afghanistan a few months after Noah was born.” I could still remember hearing the news. I felt like I’d been pulled under by a wave. How was I supposed to raise Noah alone? But then another side of me was relieved, and I felt horrible for feeling that way. Austen was right about me liking to see the best in people, because I never accepted that Tim’s anger issues were more than a short temper until I was already pregnant. I didn’t find out about the gambling until after he died.
“Afghanistan? He was in the military?”
“Yes. But before you start calling him a hero—he wasn’t. Or at least not before. He only joined because it was that or jail.”
“Jail? Geez…”
“Yeah. He
had a crazy temper.” I was glad we were having this conversation on the phone because it was easier, but I wished I could see Jake’s face. I needed to know how he was reacting. “He got in some bar fight.”
“Oh?”
“All I know is that it had something to do with him smashing a guy’s head through a table.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this…”
“No. It’s good. Or not good, but better than I thought.”
“What did you think?”
“I thought maybe his dad was back home and you were always planning to go back to see him. Like you used me or something.”
“Used you? Because girls use you for sex all the time?” I thought about what Mel had said about his reputation. Maybe it wasn’t so far off.
I expected him to laugh but he didn’t. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t have cared, but I do care. I don’t want to be a guy you had a one night stand with.”
“It can’t be more.”
“Why not? You made it sound like you wanted it to be. That note you left sure hinted at it.”
I heard rustling and wondered if he was in bed. I wanted to be in that bed. “I can’t believe I wrote that. I can’t believe I slept with you.”
“I can. I relive it in my dreams.”
“You aren’t ready to deal with someone like me. You have enough to worry about.”
“So this is about me? This isn’t about you?” He sounded defensive. I couldn’t blame him.
“It’s about Noah. It’s about what’s best for him.”
“And it’s bad for him if you date me?” The way he asked made me think he didn’t really want to hear my answer.
I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “I need to make a stable life for him.”
“So you’re just going to stop dating until he’s eighteen?”
“I don’t know.”
“Does he like to watch football?”
“Football? He’s not even two.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s too young. Does he like junk food and crowds?”
I laughed lightly. “Yes, I guess so.”
“If you’re not working Friday, would you guys want to come to Clayton Falls? It’s the first home game I’m coaching.”
“Come to your game? That’s the date you want?”
“I’ll take you both out for ice cream afterward.” I could picture him smiling as he said it.
“Even if you don’t win?”
He laughed. “We’ll win, but either way you two get ice cream.”
I thought about it. Noah might like the game, and I’d get Mel to come. I missed Friday night football games. My brother played and I was at every game. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good. Enjoy the rest of your time at home.”
“I’ll try. Have a good weekend.”
“Whoa. Not so fast. You’ll try? Don’t you like visiting home?”
Great. Why did I have to say that? “Maybe I just miss you.”
He laughed. “I know that’s a complete lie, but I’ll pretend it isn’t. Good night, Emily.”
“Good night, Jake.”
I hung up and replaced the phone beside me. I was far too antsy to sleep. I peeked in at Noah. He was peaceful and sleeping away. I went back to my bed and lay awake. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of Jake—again.
Chapter Fifteen
Jake
I’m not sure why I invited them to the game. I could have come up with a better suggestion, but at the time it seemed smart. I knew the kid was young, but most boys liked watching sports, right?
Texting Emily had been an impulse—but calling took a lot more nerve. I never chased girls. They either came to me, or I forgot about them. Of course, there was the stupid thing I did to Ben and Molly, but that had more to do with jealousy than trying to get a girl. Maybe I was delusional, but sitting back and waiting was usually a good plan. I’d never had a problem getting girls, and I’d never played their games. That was for pathetic guys who were desperate. Maybe I was desperate.
Emily wasn’t going to come to me. If I wanted her, I was going to have to do the work. It may have taken a few days, but eventually I realized I liked her too much to stay away. My biggest worry was that she wouldn’t want me around Noah, but that was for her to decide. I had to at least try.
As soon as she said my name, I knew it was worth the effort. I had to see her again. The question was how I was going to convince her of the same thing.
I hung up with her on a mission. She said she might come to the game. If she did, I’d have to make sure I made the right impression. I had no idea how to make that happen. I needed advice, and there was only one person I wanted to ask. I only had one female friend, and she was back in Boston finishing up law school.
Becca picked up on the first ring. “Hey, Jake. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Did I wake you up?” I glanced at my watch. It was eleven thirty, still early for a Friday night.
“Nope. We’re up.”
I heard some mumbling in the background. I laughed. I’d definitely woken Gavin up. I had no problem with that. There was no love lost between her boyfriend and I, but he made her happy.
“Good.”
“How are you feeling? I’ve been so worried.”
“I’m fine. Thanks for the flowers and card, by the way.”
“Of course. I wish we could have been there.” I didn’t doubt it. Becca really cared.
“It’s fine.”
“Okay. So what’s going on?”
“I need girl advice.”
“Really? Ohh, this is going to be so good. Hold on a sec.” She tried to muffle the phone but I heard her talking to Gavin. “I don’t want to keep you up. I’ll go talk in the other room.” I’m guessing he said something like, “don’t take too long,” because she continued, “Jake’s never asked for girl advice, I have to talk to him.”
I heard her moving around, and waited as patiently as I could.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“What exactly did you need to get ready?”
“A sweatshirt and a glass of water.”
“Okay…because that’s not random.”
“Do you want to make fun of me, or do you want advice?”
I could practically see her glaring at me. “Advice.”
“Good. Now what’s up? Who’s the lucky girl?”
I sat back against the couch. “Her name’s Emily, and she’s incredible. Absolutely, incredible.”
“Incredible meaning the sex is good or…”
“Seriously? That’s the first question you’re going to ask me?”
“Okay. Good. That response means it’s more than that. Keep going.”
“Like I said, she’s incredible. In bed and out.”
“Jake.”
“Okay, you started it. So things were going great until she dropped a bomb on me and I didn’t exactly have the response she wanted.”
“What kind of bomb?” Becca’s voice got kind of high. She was probably on the edge of her seat.
“She has a kid.”
“Wow.”
“Wow? Is that all you’ve got?”
“It’s just surprising. Is she older or…”
I yawned. Either I was getting old, or it was an after effect of the accident, but I got tired so much earlier than I used to. “She’s twenty-one.”
“How old is her kid?”
“Almost two. She had him young.”
“How did you react? Or do I not want to know?”
I ran a hand through my hair. I didn’t want to repeat this again. “Not well. But how could I have acted? It was surprising.”
“But you’re still interested?”
“Very. I don’t care whether she has a kid. I like her.”
“Do you know anything about the dad?”
“He’s dead.”
She didn’t say anything for a second. “Oh…wow.”
“Yea
h. Wow.”
“Does she know about what happened?”
“She was my nurse.”
“You picked up your nurse? Are you kidding me? Wait. Scrap that. It doesn’t surprise me at all. But that means she knows about you drinking and driving. You’re going to have to work extra hard then.”
“Extra hard?”
“To convince her you’re mature enough to be with her. You have to be the man she needs for herself and her son.”
“What, like be his daddy?”
“No, Jake.” She sighed. “But no mom wants an overgrown adolescent around her child. Does that make sense?”
“I guess. But how do I show her I’m mature?”
“Be patient, be respectful and be what she needs.”
“How do I know what she needs?” I put my feet up on the ottoman.
“You need to figure that out.”
“How?”
“Jake?” A gruff, pissed off voice took over.
“Hi, Gavin.”
“Do you realize it’s almost midnight?”
“Yes.” I held back the snicker that wanted to come out.
“I think it’s time you said good night to my girlfriend.”
Before I could respond, I heard Becca. “Give me the phone.” I could just picture Becca pouting.
“Sorry about him.”
“As much as it pains me to say this, he’s right. I’ve kept you up enough. Thanks for the advice.”
“No problem. Call anytime.”
“Thanks. Have a good one.”
“You too, and good luck. It might be hard, but if she’s really as great as you say she is, it’s worth it. Love’s worth it.”
“Love’s worth it? Maybe if the law school thing doesn’t work out you can get a job at Hallmark.”
“Shut up, Jake.”
“Now that’s the way to end a conversation. Bye, Becca.”
I hung up and decided I might as well get some sleep.
Chapter Sixteen
Emily
Noah had a hard time leaving my mom. It shouldn’t have surprised me at all, but I found myself torn by his reaction to being buckled into his car seat. I was thrilled he’d gotten so close to his grandmother, but I also felt jealous that he’d built that bond with someone when I wasn’t there. It made no sense, and I pushed myself to focus on the good part.
Wrecked (Clayton Falls) Page 9
