by Amy Gamet
A future of which he wants no part.
She wouldn’t have thought he could have become so important to her in such a short time, but he had. Even Selena cared for him, that was clear. Jackie had been alone for years, but this was the first time she could remember truly being lonely, and it hurt more than she would have expected.
“Mama?”
She turned to find Selena out of bed and lifted her arm in invitation. “Come here.”
“When are you coming to bed?” asked Selena, coming around the couch.
“Soon. I just want to watch the news for a bit first.” The girl cuddled against her side, and Jackie wrapped her arm around her daughter’s shoulders, kissing her head.
The newscast came back from commercial break. “Speculation has been running high around the country about the paternity of Jackie Desjardins’ daughter.” Footage of Jackie and Selena at the airport rolled on screen. Jackie’s eyes went wide, the temperature in the room feeling a hundred degrees hotter than it had just moments before. She frantically looked around for the remote control, already knowing it was too late to prevent the inevitable revelation.
“Tonight, News Channel 13 has exclusive access to Selena Desjardin’s birth certificate, and has the answers you’ve been looking for. Selena Desjardin’s father is not Douglas McGrath, but a former United States Navy SEAL named Ian Rhodes. He and Jacqueline Desjardins can be seen in this footage from the Democrat National Convention taken yesterday.”
Selena sat up slowly and turned wide eyes to her mother. “Razorback is my dad?”
Jackie opened her mouth, not sure what she wanted to say. Lying was bad, almost always the worst choice even in times like these. But in light of the developments of the last few days, the truth felt cruel. “Uh…” Jackie hedged, still floundering for the clicker.
A female newscaster said, “They’re a handsome couple, too, Frank.”
“That they are,” said Gough. “We wish them all the best.”
Jackie found the remote and turned off the television. “This wasn’t how I imagined telling you this.” She sighed heavily. “Let me start at the beginning.”
35
Razorback stood at the edge of the reflecting pool, watching the sun rise behind the Washington Memorial. He’d woken before dawn and been drawn to this place, needing to be here like he needed to breathe. It was unseasonably cool, a light breeze blowing in his face as he thought about all he had lost, and what he was going to do about it.
He’d spent the better part of the last three years focusing on what was gone. His appearance as he knew it. His wife, his vision for the future. His place in the Navy SEALs. At least he’d replaced the last one, finding a new home at HERO Force, but the loss of the others he’d let define him for far too long.
A young family was walking toward him from the other end of the mall, their distant voices one of the only sounds. The sky was alight with yellow, pink, and blue, and he stared at the reflection of the monument in the still water.
If he left here today, he was unlikely to ever see Jackie again. But if he stayed, even just to talk to her one more time—hell, maybe ask her on a date—he would be venturing down a completely new path.
His eyes closed. The future was a complete unknown. He couldn’t have predicted what would happen to him or the effect it would have on his marriage, just as he couldn’t predict what the future held for him if he pursued Jackie.
Life was a crapshoot, a risk, a chance. There were no guarantees. Then there was Selena. It would be far too easy to get attached to her, and that added a whole new dimension to any relationship he might have with Jackie.
He checked his watch. His flight to JFK was leaving just over an hour from now. He should have left for the airport already, yet here he stood.
The family passed by him and continued on their way. He didn’t look to see if the children stared, and if the parents noticed his face, Razorback wasn’t aware of it.
This place, this park, this moment. He was at a crossroads where his military service, his marriage, the time he’d spent recovering at Walter Reed, and his choices for the future all collided like spokes on a wheel. He could pick any path, and in that moment he chose to walk toward the World War II Memorial at the opposite end of the reflecting pool.
There would always be another plane. Right now he was right where he needed to be, acknowledging the roads he’d traveled and those not taken before he embarked on a new journey.
36
The news report was long over, Selena asleep on the couch with her head in Jackie’s lap. The conversation Jackie had been dreading since Selena was born had gone better than she expected. She hadn’t even lied, though she’d left plenty of the story out, including Doug’s name. It would tide the girl over until she was older and a more detailed accounting was required.
She stroked her daughter’s hair. Selena had been disappointed to learn Razorback wasn’t actually her father, which took Jackie by surprise. Selena and Razorback had gotten off to a rocky start, but they seemed to have forged a bond along the way that was stronger than Jackie realized.
Good friends were easy to make in times of great difficulty, which also might explain why Jackie felt as strongly about Razorback as she did. They’d been through so much together in such a short period of time.
And in time, I’ll forget all about him.
She doubted that was true, but she wanted to believe it just the same. There was a knock at the door. “Come in,” she said, figuring Jessa saw her light on and knew she was awake. But it was Razorback who entered, and Jackie’s stomach pitched.
“I hope you don’t mind. Jax told me I could come on up.” He wore a black shirt fit close to his chest, accentuating his wide shoulders and muscular frame.
Her cheeks heated, her pulse picking up speed. “I thought you went back to New York.”
“Missed my flight.” He moved to stand in front of the couch, staring at Selena. “Is she ever a sight for sore eyes.” He leaned in, stroking her hair just as Jackie had done. “I was so worried. How is she?”
“Pretty good, considering everything she went through. We’ll have to see how she is after a few days.”
“And how are you?” He sat on the end of the couch past Selena’s feet, his arm along the back of it.
“Honestly? Exhausted.”
“Me, too.” He looked away and sighed heavily. “I missed my flight on purpose.”
She held her breath. Had he come back for her?
Calm down. You don’t know that. It might be a different reason.
She worked to keep her voice normal. “Why?”
“On the news tonight, they reported I’m Selena’s father.”
So, he hadn’t come back for her at all. He was regretting his decision to let her use his name on the birth certificate. “I know. I’m sorry about that.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. That’s why we did it, right? To keep her away from McGrath.” He chuckled. “I have some explaining to do to my mama, though.”
“So you’re all right if we leave it?”
“Of course.”
She exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Selena saw it, too. I had to get crafty and explain the truth without telling her about Doug specifically.”
“How’d that go?”
“Pretty well. She was disappointed it wasn’t you.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “Maybe you two can keep in touch. Write letters or something.” Just because she didn’t get to keep Razorback didn’t mean her daughter had to lose him, too.
He shook his head. “I’m not a very good pen pal.”
She tried to hide her disappointment. She felt stupid for bringing it up. Clearly, the time she and Selena had spent with him meant far less to him than it had to her. “Oh. Okay.”
“Are you pissed?”
She shrugged. “No, of course not. Why would I be pissed?”
He laughed. “You are so pissed.”
“Fine.” She glared at him. “I was hoping you’d want to keep in touch with her, but that’s all.”
“That’s all you were hoping for?”
She wanted so much more, but damned if she was going to let him know it. “Yes!”
“Oh. Well, I was hoping I’d get to see Selena when I’m in town for our dates.” He smiled.
Had she heard him correctly? Was he asking what she thought he was asking? “Our dates?”
“Yeah. You want to go out sometime? Maybe catch a movie?”
She reached over Selena and smacked his arm. “You ass! You made me think you didn’t want to see me again.”
He laughed again. “Gotcha.”
“You are not funny, mister,” she said, kicking his thigh.
“Oh yes, I am.”
She kicked him again, harder this time, and Selena awoke. With sleepy eyes, she looked from one to the other. “Razorback!” She sat up, moving into his arms for a tight squeeze.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he said. Jackie’s heart warmed at the sight of the two of them together.
Selena leaned back. “I know you’re not really my father.”
He nodded. “That’s right.”
“But can I tell people you are?”
A flash of emotion crossed his features, and he shot a questioning look at Jackie. It was the first time she was being asked to share her daughter. “You definitely can, kiddo,” she said. This was going to change things between them, almost as if Selena really was his daughter. Yet she didn’t feel scared or anxious or worried. Razorback would be there for them in any way they needed him to be. “You definitely can.”
37
Jackie walked up a carpeted flight of stairs and unlocked her apartment door, a bottle of champagne in her hand and a bag of groceries balanced on her hip. The furnishings were sparse, but bit by bit, she was making it her own. “I’m home!”
“Hi, Mom!” called Selena. “Did you get the job?”
“Yeah, did you get the job?” called Razorback, both of them walking into the kitchen just as she put the groceries on the counter.
She frowned. She’d interviewed for a production assistant position at the local television station, having finally decided she was ready to step out from behind a reporter’s desk and do a different type of news. “It didn’t go quite as I’d planned.”
Razorback leaned on the counter and put a hand on his hip. “What happened?”
“The station manager felt my experience at the newspaper left me overqualified for the production assistant position.” She did her best to look as disappointed as possible, letting her shoulders slump forward and keeping her eyes down, before picking up the champagne with a smile. “So he’s giving me a shot at producer.”
He laughed, a deep, rich sound she was getting used to hearing in her household. He hugged her, lifting her off her feet. “Congratulations, baby.”
“Good job, Mom!” said Selena.
“Thanks, kiddo!” She and Selena had moved into the Tarrytown apartment two weeks ago, and while Razorback didn’t live with them, he was there almost every day he wasn’t out of town on a mission with HERO Force.
A large box in the corner caught her eye. “What’s this?”
“UPS guy brought it by,” he said.
“I didn’t order anything.” She brought it to the counter and opened it, lifting out another box. “A sous vide cooker? What is this?”
Razorback chuckled and rolled his eyes. “That would be Sloan.”
She pulled a paper from the bottom of the box. “Happy housewarming. Love, Sloan. P.S. Don’t let Razorback put bread in this thing.” She shook her head. “There’s a story there someplace. That was nice of him.”
She unpacked groceries. “I also stopped at the town office complex and officially had my death certificate revoked, so I can get my social security card tomorrow and actually be able to work, and get my driver’s license so I can prove who I am and the judge can finally rubber-stamp my divorce. What did you guys do today?”
“I installed a rescue ladder under Selena’s window.”
The girl was beaming. “Now I won’t have nightmares.”
“And I finished painting your room.”
“Aww, you did?” She kissed his cheek, then handed him the champagne. “Will you open this? I feel like celebrating.”
Selena ran to the radio while Jackie poured their drinks, taking a sip of the refreshing bubbly drink. “I can put on some party music,” Selena said, choosing a pop song with a thumping beat.
Razorback danced, badly and boldy. “This is my jam!” Selena and Jackie laughed. He took her hand and pulled her into the middle of the kitchen floor, spinning her around to the music.
The song ended and a slower one came on. Jackie fitted herself more tightly against him with a sigh. “Everything’s falling into place. Is it wrong that I keep waiting for it all to fall apart?”
He rested his forehead against hers. “It’s going to be different this time, Jackie. Nothing’s going to fall apart. You’ll see.”
“And if it does?”
“Then we’ll deal with it together. I’m not going anywhere, are you?”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
“Except Louisiana,” he said. “Dire and I go wheels up in the morning for a couple of nights on a private security detail.”
Already she hated that he traveled so much, but she didn’t expect perfection. “I’ll get a nice loaf of Italian bread to boil up for you when you return.”
“I’d like that.” He kissed her. She opened her lips, changing the tenor of the kiss to something entirely different, and his arms tightened around her.
Selena grabbed their legs, moving along with them. “What’s for dinner?” she asked.
Jackie and Razorback lifted their heads. “Meet me after bathtime,” he whispered.
She grinned and traced a line down his jaw to his chin. Ian Rhodes was one hell of a man, and they might just get to have one hell of a relationship. “You got it, hot stuff.”
38
Mac rested his shovel against the skewed picket fence and wiped the sweat off his forehead. The late-summer Alabama heat surrounded him, its moisture seeming to boil him alive. Small fluorescent flags marked utility lines running underground. He stared over the one-acre lot that surrounded the old abandoned farmhouse, opening his throat as he downed his tonic water and missed the remembered tang of gin.
He’d stayed sober—give or take—since that private investigator had given him his first genuine lead on Ellie, the promise of finding his wife after so many years enough motivation for him to haul his sorry ass back on the wagon. And now that search might be at an end.
Please don’t be here, Ellie.
Be off in New Orleans, married to a man younger than me and richer, too. Be happy, damn it.
Just don’t be dead.
He’d always thought he would know if she died, that the blood that circled through his body would reverse direction or stop moving entirely if something happened to his wife. But now, faced with the possibility she’d been murdered, he didn’t know what to think or feel. If Ellie really was gone, maybe it was time to eat a bullet instead of drinking himself to death.
He sighed heavily and wiped his brow again, finding it just as wet as the first time. He stretched his back and picked up the shovel. The heavy equipment he hired would be arriving in the morning, along with an FBI investigator he’d damn near had to beg to be here. But Mac didn’t want to stop digging if he found any bodies, and he was pretty darn certain he was going to find bodies.
The sound of a vehicle coming down the road made him turn his head, dust flying up behind it on the gravel road like smoke. It was a red pickup, the biggest they made, and as out of place in this part of Mobile as a Rolls Royce.
It pulled in beside his rental sedan, two men inside. One Mac recognized, one he didn’t. Leo fucking Wilson.
Cowboy.
He must have gotten his email
and decided the ego blow was worth a personal visit. What a dick. That guy needed a good pop to the head. Maybe knock a few teeth out of that pompous redneck mouth of his in the process.
They were peers, goddamn it, but Cowboy had no respect for Mac or his team. The only reason Mac had taken this damn job was to find his wife, but the job had taken on a life of its own. It was important to help these men, like reaching into hell’s waiting room and dragging them back out. And screw Leo Wilson if he didn’t think so, too.
The men on his team changed the moment they’d been hired. They were useful again, highly trained, and with something to prove—all too often, to themselves.
Cowboy climbed out of his truck and strode toward Mac.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Mac asked.
“Razorback told me what you’re up to.”
“This is my time, Leo. I ain’t on the HERO Force dime.”
“Neither am I.”
“Then why are you here? Got your nose out of joint and need to push somebody around to get it back into place?”
“No.” He walked back to his truck. Mac sneered as Cowboy reached in the bed of his truck and pulled out a shovel, then walked back and stuck it in the dirt, folding his hands on top. “I thought you might need a hand.”
“You came here—from Atlanta—to help me?”
“Ain’t that far.”
It was four and a half hours, one way. He narrowed his eyes. “Why?”
“Because we’re brothers, you and me. I forgot that for a little while. And brothers help brothers, especially with the hard shit. Especially when they’re down.”
Mac could count on one hand the number of people who’d stick their neck out for him, and all of them called him boss. His throat tightened uncomfortably, and he gestured to the truck. “Who’s that you got with you?”
“That’s Doc. Logan O’Malley. One of the guys from my team. He’s younger than we are, so I figure he can do the heavy lifting.” He raised his voice. “Get out here, Doc.”
