by Maisey Yates
“Says the woman who was shaking when I helped her mount up earlier.”
She surprised him by releasing her hold on the reins with one hand and waving it in the air. “Well, I’m getting the hang of it.”
“You’re a regular cowgirl,” he said.
Suddenly, he wanted that to be true. It was the strangest thing. He wanted her to have this outlet, this freedom. Something more than a small apartment. Something more than struggle.
You’re giving her that. That’s what this entire bargain is for. Like she said, she’s a gold digger, and you’re giving her your gold.
Yes, but he wanted to give her more than that.
Just like he had told her the other day, what he wanted to give her wasn’t about an exchange. He wanted her to have something for herself. Something for Riley.
Maybe it was a misguided attempt to atone for what he hadn’t managed to give Shannon. What he hadn’t ever been able to give the child he lost.
He swallowed hard, taking in a deep breath of the sharp pine and salt air, trying to ease the pressure in his chest.
She looked at him again, this time a dazzling smile on her lips. It took all that pressure in his chest and punched a hole right through it. He felt his lungs expand, all of him begin to expand.
He clenched his teeth, grinding them together so hard he was pretty sure his jaw was going to break. “Are you about ready to head back?”
“No. But I’m not sure I’m ever going to be ready to head back. This was... Thank you.” She didn’t look at him this time. But he had a feeling it was because she was a lot less comfortable with sincere connection than she was with sarcasm.
Well, that made two of them.
“You’re welcome,” he said, fixing his gaze on the line of trees beside them.
He maneuvered his horse around in front of hers so he could lead the way back down to the barn. They rode on in silence, but he could feel her staring holes into his back.
“Are you looking at my butt, Danielle?”
He heard a sputtering noise behind him. “No.”
They rode up to the front of the barn and he dismounted, then walked over to her horse. “Liar. Do you need help?”
She frowned, her brows lowering. “Not from you. You called me a liar.”
“Because you were looking at my ass and we both know it.” He raised his hand up, extending it to her. “Now let me help you so you don’t fall on your pretty face.”
“Bah,” she said, reaching out to him, her fingers brushing against his, sending an electrical current arcing between them. He chose to ignore it. Because there was no way in the whole damn world that the brush of a woman’s fingertips against his should get him hot and bothered.
He grabbed hold of her and helped get her down from the horse, drawing her against him when her feet connected with the ground. And then it was over.
Pretending that this wasn’t a long prelude to him kissing her again. Pretending that the last few days hadn’t been foreplay. Pretending that every time either of them had thought about the kiss hadn’t been easing them closer and closer to the inevitable.
She wanted him, he knew that. It was clear in the way she responded to him. She might have reservations about acting on it, and he had his own. But need was bigger than any of that right now, building between them, impossible to ignore.
He was a breath away from claiming her mouth with his when she shocked him by curving her fingers around his neck and stretching up on her toes.
Her kiss was soft, tentative. A question where his kiss would have been a command. But that made it all the sweeter. The fact that she had come to him. The fact that even though she was still conflicted about all of it, she couldn’t resist any longer.
He cupped her cheek, calling on all his restraint—what little there was—to allow her to lead this, to allow her to guide the exploration. There was something so unpracticed about that pretty mouth of hers, something untutored about the way her lips skimmed over his. About the almost sweet, soft way her tongue tested his.
What he wanted to do was take it deep. Take it hard. What he wanted to do was grab hold of her hips and press her back against the barn. Push her jeans down her thighs and get his hand back between her gorgeous legs so he could feel all that soft, slick flesh.
What he wanted was to press his cock against her entrance and slide in slowly, savoring the feel of her desire as it washed over him.
But he didn’t.
And it was the damned hardest thing he had ever done. To wait. To let her lead. To let her believe she had the control here. Whatever she needed to do so she wouldn’t get scared again. If he had to be patient, if he had to take it slow, he could. He would.
If it meant having her.
He had to have her. Had to exorcise the intense demon that had taken residence inside of him, that demanded he take her. Demanded he make her his own.
His horse snickered behind them, shifting her bulk, drawing Danielle’s focus back to the present and away from him. Dammit all.
“Let me get them put away,” he said.
He was going to do it quickly. And then he was going to get right back to tasting her. He half expected her to run to the house as he removed the tack from the animals and got them brushed down, but she didn’t. Instead, she just stood there watching him, her eyes large, her expression one of absolute indecision.
Because she knew.
She knew that if she stayed down here, he wasn’t going to leave it at a kiss. He wasn’t going to leave it at all.
But he went about his tasks, slowing his movements, forcing himself not to rush. Forcing himself to draw it out. For her torture as well as his. He wanted her to need it, the way that he did.
And yes, he could see she wanted to run. He could also tell she wanted him, she wanted this. She was unbearably curious, even if she was also afraid.
And he was counting on that curiosity to win out.
Finally, she cleared her throat, shifting impatiently. “Are you going to take all day to do that?”
“You have to take good care of your horses, Danielle. I know a city girl like you doesn’t understand how that works.”
She squinted, then took a step forward, pulling his hat off his head and depositing it on her own. “Bullshit. You’re playing with me.”
He couldn’t hold back the smile. “Not yet. But I plan to.”
After that, he hurried a bit. He put the horses back in their paddock, then took hold of Danielle’s hand, leading her deeper into the barn, to a ladder that went up to the loft.
“Can I show you something?”
She bit her lip, hesitating. “Why do I have a feeling that it isn’t the loft you’re going to show me?”
“I’m going to show you the loft. It’s just not all I’m going to show you.”
She took a step back, worrying her lip with her teeth. He reached out, cupping the back of her head and bringing his mouth down on hers, kissing her the way he had wanted to when she initiated the kiss outside. He didn’t have patience anymore. And he wasn’t going to let her lead. Not now.
He cupped her face, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “This has nothing to do with our agreement. It has nothing to do with the contract. Nothing to do with the ad or my father or anything other than the fact that I want you. Do you understand?”
She nodded slowly. “Yes,” she said, the word coming out a whisper.
Adrenaline shot through him, a strange kind of triumph that came with a kick to the gut right behind it. He wanted her. He knew he didn’t deserve her. But he wasn’t going to stop himself from having her in spite of that.
Then he took her hand and led her up the ladder.
Seven
Danielle’s heart was pounding in her ears. It was all she could hear. The sound of her own heart beating as she climbed the ru
ngs that led up to the loft.
It was different than she had imagined. It was clean. There was a haystack in one corner, but beyond that the floor was immaculate, every item stored and organized with precision. Which, knowing Joshua like she now did, wasn’t too much of a surprise.
That made her smile, just a little. She did know him. In some ways, she felt like she knew him better than she knew anyone.
She wasn’t sure what that said about her other relationships. For a while, she’d had friends, but they’d disappeared when she’d become consumed with caring for her pregnant mother and working as much as possible at the grocery store. And then no one had come back when Danielle ended up with full care of Riley.
In some ways, she didn’t blame them. Life was hard enough without dealing with a friend who was juggling all of that. But just because she understood didn’t mean she wasn’t lonely.
She looked at Joshua, their eyes connecting. He had shared his past with her. But she was keeping something big from him. Even while she was prepared to give him her body, she was holding back secrets.
She took a breath, opening her mouth to speak, but something in his blue gaze stopped the words before they could form. Something sharp, predatory. Something that made her feel like she was the center of the world, or at least the center of his world.
It was intoxicating. She’d never experienced it before.
She wanted more, all of it. Wherever it would lead.
And that was scary. Scarier than agreeing to do something she had never done before. Because she finally understood. Understood why her mother had traded her sanity, and her self-worth, for that moment when a man looked at you like you were his everything.
Danielle had spent so long being nothing to anyone. Nothing but a burden. Now, feeling like the solution rather than the problem was powerful, heady. She knew she couldn’t turn back now no matter what.
Even if sanity tried to prevail, she would shove it aside. Because she needed this. Needed this balm for all the wounds that ran so deep inside of her.
Joshua walked across the immaculate space and opened up a cabinet. There were blankets inside, thick, woolen ones with geometric designs on them. He pulled out two and spread one on the ground.
She bit her lip, fighting a rising tide of hysteria, fighting a giggle that was climbing its way up her throat.
“I know this isn’t exactly a fancy hotel suite.”
She forced a smile. “It works for me.”
He set the other blanket down on the end of the first one, still folded, then he reached out and took her hand, drawing her to him. He curved his fingers around her wrist, lifting her arm up, then shifted his hold, lacing his fingers through hers and dipping his head, pressing his lips to her own.
Her heart was still pounding that same, steady beat, and she was certain he must be able to hear it. Must be aware of just how he was affecting her.
There were all sorts of things she should tell him. About Riley’s mother. About this being her first time.
But she didn’t have the words.
She had her heartbeat. The way her limbs trembled. She could let him see that her eyes were filling with tears, and no matter how fiercely she blinked, they never quite went away.
She was good at manipulating conversation. At giving answers that walked the line between fact and fiction.
Her body could only tell the truth.
She hoped he could see it. That he understood. Later, they would talk. Later, there would be honesty between them. Because he would have questions. God knew. But for now, she would let the way her fingertips trailed down his back—uncertain and tentative—the way she peppered kisses along his jaw—clumsy and broken—say everything she couldn’t.
“It doesn’t need to be fancy,” she said, her voice sounding thick even to her own ears.
“Maybe it should be,” he said, his voice rough. “But if I was going to take you back to my bedroom, I expect I would have to wait until tonight. And I don’t want to wait.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t have to be fancy. It just has to be now. And it has to be you.”
He drew his head back, inhaling sharply. And then he cupped her cheek and consumed her. His kiss was heat and fire, sparking against the dry, neglected things inside her and raging out of control.
She slid her hands up his arms, hanging on to his strong shoulders, using his steadiness to hold her fast even as her legs turned weak.
He lifted her up against him, then swept his arm beneath her legs, cradling her against his chest like she was a child. Then he set her down gently on the blanket, continuing to kiss her as he did so.
She was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the intensity of his gaze, by his focus. Overwhelmed by his closeness, his scent.
He was everywhere. His hands on her body, his face filling her vision.
She had spent the past few months caring for her half brother, pouring everything she had onto one little person she loved more than anything in the entire world. But in doing so, she had left herself empty. She had been giving continually, opening a vein and bleeding whenever necessary, and taking nothing in to refill herself.
But this... This was more than she had ever had. More than she’d ever thought she could have. Being the focus of a man’s attention. Of his need.
This was a different kind of need than that of a child. Because it wasn’t entirely selfish. Joshua’s need gave her something in return; it compelled him to be close. Compelled him to kiss her, to skim his hands over her body, teasing and tormenting her with the promise of a pleasure she had never experienced.
Before she could think her actions through, she was pushing her fingertips beneath the hem of his shirt, his hard, flat stomach hot to the touch. And then it didn’t matter what she had done before or what she hadn’t done. Didn’t matter that she was a virgin and this was an entirely new experience.
Need replaced everything except being skin to skin with him. Having nothing between them.
Suddenly, the years of feeling isolated, alone, cold and separate were simply too much. She needed his body over hers, his body inside hers. Whatever happened after that, whatever happened in the end, right now she couldn’t care.
Because her desire outweighed the consequences. A wild, desperate thing starving to be fed. With his touch. With his possession.
She pushed his shirt up, and he helped her shrug it over his head. Her throat dried, her mouth opening slightly as she looked at him. His shoulders were broad, his chest well-defined and muscular, pale hair spreading over those glorious muscles, down his ridged abdomen, disappearing in a thin trail beneath the waistband of his low-slung jeans.
She had never seen a man who looked like him before, not in person. And she had never been this close to a man ever. She pressed her palm against his chest, relishing his heat and his hardness beneath her touch. His heart raging out of control, matching the beat of her own.
She parted her thighs and he settled between them. She could feel the hard ridge of his arousal pressing against that place where she was wet and needy for him. She was shocked at how hard he was, even through layers of clothing.
And she lost herself in his kiss, in the way he rocked his hips against hers. This moment, this experience was like everything she had missed growing up. Misspent teenage years when she should have been making out with boys in barns and hoping she didn’t get caught. In reality, her mother wouldn’t have cared.
This was a reclamation. More than that, it was something completely new. Something she had never even known she could want.
Joshua was something she had never known she could want.
It shouldn’t make sense, the two of them. This brilliant businessman in his thirties who owned a ranch and seemed to shun most emotional connections. And her. Poor. In her twenties. Desperately clinging to any connection she could forge because each
one was so rare and special.
But somehow they seemed to make sense. Kissing each other. Touching each other. For some reason, he was the only man that made sense.
Maybe it was because he had taught her to ride a horse. Maybe it was because he was giving her and Riley a ticket out of poverty. Maybe it was because he was handsome. She had a feeling this connection transcended all those things.
As his tongue traced a trail down her neck to the collar of her T-shirt, she was okay with not knowing. She didn’t need to give this connection a name. She didn’t even want to.
Her breath caught as he pushed her shirt up and over her head, then quickly dispensed with her bra using a skill not even she possessed. Her nipples tightened, and she was painfully aware of them and of the fact that she was a little lackluster in size.
If Joshua noticed, he didn’t seem to mind.
Instead, he dipped his head, sucking one tightened bud between his lips. The move was so sudden, so shocking and so damned unexpected that she couldn’t stop herself from arching into him, a cry on her lips.
He looked up, the smile on his face so damned cocky she should probably have been irritated. But she wasn’t. She just allowed herself to get lost. In his heat. In the fire that flared between them. In the way he used his lips, his teeth and his tongue to draw a map of pleasure over her skin. All the way down to the waistband of her pants. He licked her. Just above the snap on her jeans. Another sensation so deliciously shocking she couldn’t hold back the sound of pleasure on her lips.
She pressed her fist against her mouth, trying to keep herself from getting too vocal. From embarrassing herself. From revealing just how inexperienced she was. The noises she was making definitely announced the fact that these sensations were revelatory to her. And that made her feel a touch too vulnerable.
She was so used to holding people at a distance. So used to benign neglect and general apathy creating a shield around her feelings. Her secrets.
