by Mae Nunn
Jacqueline looked shocked by Stella’s offer, but she immediately recovered. Handing the gift she held to Mac, she said, “I’d love to! But first, let me wash my hands.”
Joiner showed her into the kitchen, where Mac could hear him introducing the rest of the clan.
“They’re getting the food ready,” Stella explained to Mac. Then, more surreptitiously, she added, “She’s gorgeous!”
Mac nodded, feeling color rise in his cheeks. “I know. She’s really nervous about meeting all of you guys.”
“I hope we don’t overwhelm her,” Stella whispered as Jacqueline came back into the room. “Mac, you may have to help me. I’m still not supposed to lift.”
Mac took the sleeping baby from Stella’s arms and handed her to Jacqueline, who settled on the couch. An electric current seemed to pass between them as he settled Lilianna into her arms. Taking his seat beside Jacqueline, he tucked the baby’s fleece blanket around her tiny toes. Jacqueline cooed and cuddled her.
“You’re pretty good at this.”
“I’ve had a little practice.”
“Really, where?” Stella asked, joining in the conversation. “Through your job?”
While Jacqueline explained her work with KARIS to Stella and Cullen, Mac slipped into the kitchen to say hello to Hunt and the other ladies. He smelled Hunt’s famous brisket along with twice-baked potatoes and sourdough rolls. Hunt looked up from where he was slicing the brisket long enough to give Mac a thumbs-up and say, “Hey, man!”
“You’re not allowed to have a girlfriend that pretty.” Gillian squeezed Mac’s arm.
Sarah agreed. “No kidding. I already have one supermodel for a sister-in-law. That’s enough.”
Gillian made a face at her and turned back to Mac. “She’s great, Mac. I’m glad you finally let us meet her.”
“Try not to scare her off.” Mac smiled at them both, but narrowed his eyes at Hunt.
“Like I’d ever do a thing like that.”
“What’s this?” Mac walked over and took the lid off a pot that was warming on the stove.
“That’s Mac and Jac—I mean mac and cheese.” Hunt snickered as Mac kneed him in the rear. “Come and eat!”
Stella was the first to appear in the doorway of the kitchen. “Look what Jacqueline gave Lily.” She held up an outfit, sized for summer. It was pink on top, a cowboy boot print, with ruffled denim bloomers for the bottoms and a matching hair bow.
“Oh, my goodness! That is so cute.” Sarah grinned.
“I love it!” Gillian said, coming closer to examine the detail on the top. “It’s perfect.”
Jacqueline, who followed behind Stella carrying Lilianna, looked pleased.
Dinner around Stella and Joiner’s enormous table was a lively affair. Buster joined them and was his usual entertaining self, telling stories from his rodeo days and embarrassing Stella with a few about her babyhood. Mac noticed that Jacqueline, while cordial, was unusually quiet. Offering to hold the baby while Stella ate, she sat with Lilianna’s head tucked under her chin, one hand under her miniscule bottom and one rubbing the downy golden head. Unless someone was speaking directly to her, her eyes seemed far away.
“You okay?” he finally asked Jacqueline later as he drove her home.
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay? You seem kind of pensive.”
“That’s a good word.” Jacqueline slipped her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder.
“Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know.” Her voice sounded a little shaky.
Mac pulled up in her driveway, leaving the truck on because of the cold, and turned to face her. “You feel like talking about it?”
“I’m being selfish.”
“What do you mean?”
She looked straight ahead, but Mac thought he saw a tear fall in the dim glow of her porch light.
“I’m jealous of you. Of all of you.”
“What? Why?” That was certainly unexpected.
“Because you have each other. It’s so obvious—this network of support—this love you all feel. I don’t know, this deep, deep connection. I’ve never had that with anyone.” She looked at him now with wide eyes. “Do you understand me? Not with anyone. Ever.”
“What about your parents? Not even your brother?”
“He’s the closest thing, but no, we’re not like that. And certainly not my parents. I don’t think they even believe in that.”
“Connection?”
“They’d say they believe in connection. But for them it’s metaphysical. I’ve never seen it played out in daily life like you all do it. Never.”
“Hmm.” Mac rubbed his chin.
Jacqueline laughed softly. “You don’t know what to say, do you? I’ve stumped you, because you’ve never known anything different. You just take it all for granted.”
“I hope I don’t take it all for granted. I value and appreciate what I’ve got.”
Jacqueline sniffed. “You’re right—that was unfair of me to say. I sound bitter—and I’m not. Or don’t want to be.”
“Jacqueline,” Mac began slowly. “Do you want that in your life? Roots?”
“I don’t know, Mac.” She wiped her eyes. “I honestly don’t know. It’s not just roots. It’s this daily, physical engagement, too. Your lives are completely intertwined. I can tell you I think it’s beautiful, but I don’t know if I’m cut out for it. Maybe I’m too private, or too selfish for that? I’m so confused.”
“You don’t have to know today or tomorrow. Let’s just back up, and take one day at a time.” He was trying to comfort her, but his heart hammered in his chest. The ground seemed to be shifting beneath his feet.
“Thanks for inviting me. You have a wonderful family.”
“Thanks for going.”
They stood in the pale light as an awkward silence enveloped them. Jacqueline lingered by the door, and Mac was hesitant to leave her. But to take her in his arms seemed as impossible now as reaching across the Grand Canyon.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THINGS WERE UNUSUALLY slow in the office the next day, at least at the front desk. Mac seemed consumed with his work. Jacqueline supposed he was finishing the tax documents she’d prepared for him for the customers who had come by during his absence. He wanted to be completely caught up, he said, because there was always a second wave of customers in March. In years past, he worked around the clock for most of March and the first two weeks of April. As she had nothing pressing at the moment, Jacqueline decided to answer some emails.
Dear Mom,
The King of Kilgore says to be patient, that winter is a bad time for real estate, blah blah blah.
I talked to Mac about your predicament. He thinks he can find a way that you can pay out the back taxes rather than having to come up with the money all at once. However, oddly enough, he has a new idea about the land. A surveyor friend of his thinks it may have oil under it. He did a preliminary survey but needs to do more to be sure. Does this change your feelings about selling it at all?
Love,
Jacqueline
She pushed Send, then opened the email she had received from Therese regarding the situation in Afghanistan and other work options. Hitting Reply, she typed:
Hey there, T,
Sorry to hear about operations in Afghanistan. Those poor folks. I really hope the situation improves soon.
I’m not looking to relocate just yet. I’m trying to sell some land for my parents in Texas. I wonder if there are any projects that need my attention a little closer to home. Keep me posted if you hear of anything.
Thanks,
Jacqueline
Her mother must have been on her computer, too, because a reply came quickly:
; Jacqueline,
You probably know this already, but I wouldn’t want to participate in a drilling operation on the land. No offense to your friend, but that’s against our principles. If you can sell the land, sell it and we can pay off our debt. I’m glad there may be a way for us to pay it out, but that’s not ideal. We’d like to put this tax thing behind us once and for all.
PS: I’d also like to see you sell it so you can get out of there, move on with your life. Hate to feel like we’re tying you down, especially in a place like Kilgore. You should spread your wings and fly!
Peace,
Mom
Peace. Her parents, hippies that they were, threw that word around a lot. It came up in KARIS literature fairly often, as well. But for Jacqueline it was an elusive term. She never could quite define it, and certainly never felt she grasped it in her own life, at least not for very long. She recalled the words to a poem she memorized in college by William Butler Yeats:
I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet’s wings.
I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.
Jacqueline didn’t know why she always loved that poem, but it concerned memory and a longing for home. With her nomadic existence, she had no real sense of home, but had to acknowledge an impulse for it that was sometimes stronger than others. Yeats seemed to think that’s where peace could be found. She decided to call her grandma.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Grandma.”
“Jackie! Boy, it’s good to hear your voice.” Her grandmother was the only one who ever called her Jackie.
“It’s good to hear yours, too. How are you doing?”
“I’m just fine. We’ve had a snow—there’s about six inches on the ground.”
“Oh, wow.”
“But I’ve got plenty of good groceries and toilet paper, and a nice warm heater.”
Jacqueline laughed.
“Is it cold where you are?”
“Yes, but not that cold. I’m in Kilgore, Texas.”
“What are you doing there?”
“I was in Afghanistan, you know.”
“Yes, I know. I was praying for your safety.”
“Well, we were evacuated from there because of safety issues.”
“I see.”
“So I came back to the States, and Mom and Dad asked me to try to sell their plot of land here in Kilgore for them.”
“Oh.”
“Since I’m kind of in limbo, I decided to get a job and work while I’m trying to sell the land.”
“Where are you working?”
“I’m working for a CPA named Mac Temple.”
“Doing accounting work?”
“Some. I’m mainly running his front desk. He does the accounting.”
“That sounds good. Are you enjoying it?”
“Yes, I am. Very much. It’s a nice break from what I was doing.”
“Do you plan to go back overseas?”
“Probably at some point. I’d like to continue my work with KARIS. Just don’t know where it will take me.” Jacqueline sighed. “We’re all kind of waiting to see what happens in the Middle East.”
“How are your parents, and Sam?”
“Sam is in Hawaii working as a missionary.”
“Yes, I knew that. Good for him.”
“And my parents are still in North Carolina with that foundation for horses. They’re doing okay.”
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“Grandma?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Can I come see you?” It had been a long time since she’d seen her.
“Well, sure you can. Anytime. When are you coming?”
“I’ll have to work it out with my boss, but maybe a long weekend after tax season?” Jacqueline was sure Mac would be okay with it.
“I would love that!”
“Me, too.”
“Okay, just let me know when you’ll be here.”
“I’ll let you know for sure as soon as I do.”
“Sounds great.”
“Okay. Well, love you. See you soon!”
“Love you, too, sweetheart.”
As Jacqueline hung up she felt almost giddy at the thought of their upcoming visit. Seeing what a close family Mac had made her miss her grandma more than ever.
* * *
AT LUNCHTIME, JACQUELINE walked back to Mac’s office and knocked on the open door. He looked up at her through his glasses and said, “Hey.”
“I’m just going to get some lunch. Would you like me to pick anything up for you?”
“No, thanks. I brought a sandwich from home.”
“Okay, then. I’ll be back in about an hour.”
He smiled at her. “I’ll be right here.”
She took her coat, a red down parka, from the stand in the foyer and slipped on her matching red gloves. She was wearing a long, crisscross black sweater dress with heels and had felt quite toasty at her desk, but as she opened the door to go out, she pulled up the hood of her coat. A gust of wind ripped through the sweater material. She quickly zipped the coat to ward off more cold. A quick check of the weather app on her phone showed temperatures were dropping, and there might be freezing rain that night. She decided to stop by the grocery store to stock up on a few things so she wouldn’t have to go after work.
Judging from the line at the store, many people had the same idea. Jacqueline grabbed milk, eggs, fruit and the ingredients for chili, and checked out as quickly as she could. She loved making chili when it snowed. Then she hurried home to her little house. After unloading her groceries, petting Nemesis and making sure her cat had plenty of food and water, she gulped down a serving of leftover lasagna. She brewed herself a chai latte and poured it into a thermal mug to take back with her to the office. “I’ll see you in a few hours,” she told Nemesis, who was purring at her ankles. “We’ll snuggle up on the couch and watch some Downton Abbey.”
Back at the office, Mac had work for her to do. He wanted her to go over the final packets he had prepared for several clients and then call them all to let them know they were ready to pick up. As she immersed herself in checking every detail, she didn’t notice the ice starting to fall outside.
“Jacqueline?” Mac’s boots clacked on the polished wood as he walked down the hall toward her.
“What’s up?”
“I just got a text from Cullen that he’s stuck at the university. Apparently, it’s icy outside—so icy the school is advising no one to leave.”
“No way!” Jacqueline scrambled up from her desk and joined him at the front window where he was looking out. The parking lot, along with their vehicles, was covered in a thin sheet of ice. “How did this happen? When?”
“I feel stupid for not even noticing,” Mac said.
“Me, too!” Jacqueline agreed. “But it must have really happened fast.”
“Cullen says it’s just in the last fifteen minutes.” Mac read from his phone. “Really a strange situation. Everybody at the school is wondering what to do, but the advice right now is to stay wher
e you are. It’s too dangerous to get out on the road.”
“Wow.” Jacqueline returned to her desk and pulled up the local weather on her computer. Sure enough, the weather service had issued an advisory not to drive if at all possible.
Mac cleared his throat. “Well, I guess we can just work and keep checking in? If there’s a window of time when it’s safe to try, I can take you home in my four-wheel drive.”
Jacqueline scanned her computer screen for information. “I don’t know if that window will open. Looks like it’s not supposed to get above freezing till tomorrow.” She was relieved she had checked on Nemesis at lunch, but what if she and Mac were forced to spend the night in the office? Together? Things had felt a little awkward since the night before. This might make things really awkward.
Mac took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Hmm. That’s crazy. Crazy Texas weather!”
“No kidding.”
“I guess we’ll just do what we have to do.” He put his glasses back on and sauntered down the hall. Jacqueline wondered if he felt as conflicted as she did. It was hard to concentrate on work when her feelings swung back and forth like an inner pendulum. On one side was her discomfort level—her fear—of committing herself to a family network and losing her privacy, her sense of independence. On the other side was the wonderful warmth of Mac and the rest of the Temples. The growing need she felt for roots. The possibility of belonging with them and to them, something she’d never experienced before.
Not much more was said till quitting time. If either of them found updated information, they shared it, but since ice was still falling and the temperature stayed below freezing, there wasn’t much to say. A little after five, Mac called her on the office phone.
“I’m really sorry you’re stuck here. It’s not that big of a deal for me, but it’s a bummer for you.”
Jacqueline laughed. “Yeah.”
He continued, “Don’t feel like you have to work. Can I do anything to make you more comfortable?”
“Not unless you have a pair of sweats or pj’s.”
“Believe it or not, I actually do.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I have some I can change into if I want to go jogging before I go home.”
