He smiled and waited expectantly. I fought to control my nerves, finally launching into the first notes of “Crazy Train.” I heard a couple whoops from the back of the crowd, and I kept my eyes on Cole, who just sat there staring up at me. I finally looked at Tony, who was watching me as though dumbfounded. After about twenty seconds, I stopped playing and held the guitar out in front of me, pretending to be mulling it over before I handed it back to its rightful owner.
“I better leave that to the professionals,” I explained, while several people in the audience cheered. I shrugged at Rachel, who was clapping emphatically.
“Sorry, I have to say it,” Tony said, stepping out in front of me. “Parker, your girlfriend rocks!” I stared out at Cole, who was nodding in agreement, and suddenly the embarrassment began to creep in again.
“Okay then, let’s get this over with,” I stated. “What song are we doing?” Tony set a piece of paper in front of me, and I looked down to see that it was “Just a Girl.” I nodded and smiled, and then I reached out to rub the top of Tony’s mohawk, gaining more laughter from the crowd and a warning look from Tony himself.
“Ready?” he asked. I nodded, and they launched into the beginning of the song.
You can do this, Camdyn.
I brought the microphone up and started singing, admittedly a bit timid at first, but once people started cheering, I really belted it out. I started making hand gestures and attempting to make funny faces while I moved around on the stage. Tony was giving me the thumbs-up, and I started feeling pretty confident. I was totally channeling Gwen Stefani, and as an added bonus, I didn’t trip or anything. When the song was over and I sang the last note, without the band cutting me off, almost everyone cheered. (There were still a couple of girls giving me the evil eye, naturally.) Cole was standing up and applauding me with one of his perfect smiles, and I felt pretty good. Once everyone quieted down, Tony stepped up to the front of the stage.
“This never happens,” he said, turning to me. “You’re in the band!” I threw my fist in the air as though I was celebrating, and then I smiled out at Cole again.
“Parker, I’m sorry to do this to you man, but I feel compelled,” Tony stated, dropping to his knee in front of me. “Camdyn, will you marry me?” I stood there silently as the inevitable laughter ensued. I couldn’t help but look out at Cole, who was standing there waiting for me. I knew deep down that the proposals he saw on TV had to be the reason he was angry with me before, so I cringed on the inside as everyone giggled at Tony’s gesture. Cole didn’t look too upset, though, shaking his head and gazing at the floor.
What am I supposed to do now?
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I sighed into the microphone. “It wouldn’t be fair to my boyfriend.”
Tony dropped back as though I had wounded him, and Cole held his hand against his eyes as though he was embarrassed. I secretly hoped that he was just pretending, because the last thing I wanted at that moment was to disappoint him. Eventually Tony stumbled back to the front of the stage and motioned for the audience to quiet down.
“If you insist on breaking my heart,” Tony began, “will you at least agree to a duet?” I looked up at the ceiling as though I was pondering his offer, and then I brought the microphone up once again.
“That I can do,” I told him. He stepped back to consult with the band for a moment, and then he returned to his previous place next to me near the front of the stage.
“Camdyn,” he stated theatrically, raising his hand and pointing at me, “you…give love a bad name.”
I smiled as I glanced out at Cole and was relieved to see that he was laughing. Maybe I had actually avoided making him uncomfortable. As the band started the song, I kept my eye on Tony so I could follow his cues and try to play off him. He held off on a couple of the lyrics so I could sing them, and when we got to the chorus, I started harmonizing with him, prompting him to hold his fist against his heart as though I was killing him. As the song wound down to a finish, Tony leaned close enough that I could hear him away from the microphone.
“Totally cool,” he said in my ear. “Thank you.”
“Thank you! That was fun!” I told him.
“Let’s hear it for Camdyn!” he yelled to the crowd, and I took a bow before stepping off the stage. Rachel and Lily grabbed me right away, energetically asking me all kinds of questions and telling me how exciting the whole thing was from their point of view. I listened to them until they had exhausted themselves, and then I turned around to see Cole standing behind me.
“I hope I didn’t embarrass you,” I said self-consciously. He smiled and slid his arms around my waist, simultaneously picking me up and pulling me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laughed as he held me in his strong arms.
“Do I really have to give you my t-shirt?” he asked with a laugh.
“A deal is a deal,” I told him seriously.
“Just tell me you’re not going to cut it up for rags or something.”
“Actually, I was thinking about sleeping in it.”
“Lord have mercy,” he said. “That is a very noble purpose for such a t-shirt.”
“You’re rotten, Cole Parker,” I told him.
“So why didn’t you tell me you could sing?” He let me sink to the ground and pulled back to look at my face.
“I don’t sing, really,” I said with a laugh, “unless you include car karaoke, or the shower.”
“Somehow you continue to absolutely fascinate me,” he told me then, linking his fingers in mine again as other people began to make their way to us to tease Cole or congratulate me on a job well done. Cole spent the rest of the evening playing the doting boyfriend, putting his arm around me or holding my hand, and paying me compliments when people came over to chat. He even looked at me as though I was the only girl in the room, and I had to keep reminding myself that it was all an act.
I so desperately wished it wasn’t, but I knew it had to be.
When the night was over, I said my goodbyes to Rachel and Lily and Cole drove me back to Rosalie’s. He talked to me about the guitar in the truck, and I had to assure him that I really wasn’t as good as I seemed – I only knew a few things and those were just from repetition. Still, he seemed impressed.
When we pulled into Rosalie’s driveway, Cole said he would let me in the back door since he had a key, and he walked over to the passenger side of the truck and opened the door. I smiled as he helped me out of the truck, and then we walked side by side to the back of the bed and breakfast. The porch light wasn’t on, so once we stepped around the side of the house, we were in the shadows. I stood near the door waiting for Cole to pull the keys out, but instead he reached out and smoothed his hand across my cheek and then my neck, moving towards me slowly. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest as I realized he was about to kiss me, and then a crushing thought rushed through my head:
I can’t do this.
I lifted my hand up and put my fingers against his lips, causing him to pull back slightly.
“I’m sorry, Cole,” I whispered. “I thought you were pretending.”
“I’m no good at pretending,” he whispered back, hand still resting against my neck. He pressed his lips against my forehead and then moved in to try to kiss me again, but I backed away.
“I’m so sorry, Cole,” I said quietly, on the verge of tears. “I can’t.” He let his hand drop and looked at me with sad eyes.
“What did I do wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I told him. “You were completely perfect. It’s just something you said this morning…”
“I knew you weren’t going to forgive me that easily.”
“I have forgiven you, it’s not that,” I continued, taking a deep breath. “You told me this morning that you had to overlook certain things in order to like me. That’s not good, Cole. I can look at you right now and say that I like you. Period. I don’t have to overlook anything. But if you were to say the same, you would say, ‘I li
ke you, but…’”
“Camdyn…”
“Can you honestly look at me right now and say that there is nothing holding you back? Nothing you would change if you had the chance?” He stepped back and raked his hand through his hair, shaking his head.
“Well, you can’t expect me to not feel a little…” he paused, as though trying to come up with the right word, “…a little manipulated.”
Manipulated? Ouch.
“And there it is,” I whispered sadly. “Until you can honestly say that you like me, period, no strings attached, I just can’t do this, Cole.”
“You’re right,” he said, breathing out heavily and fumbling for the keys in his pocket. “I think maybe I shouldn’t see you for a few days.”
“Okay,” I agreed as he slid the key into the lock, gently easing the door open. “Thank you for tonight. I had a great time. Goodnight, Cole.”
“Goodnight, Camdyn,” he whispered, sliding the keys back into his pocket and turning to stride away. I locked the door behind me and made my way to the bedroom, watching out the window as his headlights moved up the driveway and finally out of sight.
I brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, and sunk down under the covers. All this time I had been so slow to be honest with guys while I had the chance, waiting until it was too late and the damage was done. Why did I finally have the courage to be honest with Cole? And why did I do it right before he was going to kiss me?
If tonight had any consequences, the only one I was aware of at that moment was that I had completely fallen for Cole, just in time to push him away.
I truly, truly felt like an idiot.
Chapter Eleven
I woke Sunday morning to the sound of laughing and dishes clinking, and I figured the overnight guests must be eating breakfast. Rolling out of bed, I went out to find Rosalie in the kitchen, where she was rinsing her cookware in the sink. She gave me a sideways glance and then looked back at the sink.
“Camdyn, what time did you get in last night?” she asked me. “You look terrible.”
“Thanks a lot,” I muttered, swiping a blueberry muffin from the counter. “Only about midnight, but I didn’t sleep very well.”
“How did you get in the house?” she wanted to know. “I figured you would bang on the door or call me or something.”
“Cole let me in the back door,” I told her, earning a quizzical look with a raise of the eyebrows. “He showed up at B’s, and then he drove me home.”
“Well…isn’t that something?” she said with a grin, turning to scrub a skillet. I stood there silently picking at the muffin, thinking back to the night before. It was no wonder I tossed and turned all night, after doing one of the stupidest things I had ever done in my life. I finally met someone I actually wanted to be with, and I turned him away.
Because you care about him, that’s why. He could have easily broken your heart.
Well, it’s too late for that. I’m pretty sure I’ve broken it myself.
“You want to go to church with me today?” Rosalie asked, turning to face me while she dried her hands on a dishtowel.
“Yeah, okay,” I decided, trying to offer her a smile that I am certain ended up looking more like a plea for help. She laughed and came over to pat me on the back.
“Whatever it is, it’s not as bad as you think,” she chuckled as she headed toward the dining room to help her guests. I plodded off to the bathroom to take a shower and groaned loudly when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, hair sticking out all over the place and mascara smeared beneath one eye and across my cheek.
What do you know? You look as terrible as you feel.
Oh, shut up.
I spent a few minutes in the shower, and then I put my pajamas back on and headed outside for a minute to clear my head. As soon as I opened the door, I realized it was fairly cold outside, so I went back to the bedroom and grabbed a sweater and my tennis shoes before I made my way down the path by the river. I spent a few minutes sitting at the bottom of the steps watching the river slowly flow by, listening to the gentle gurgling sound of it passing over the rocks, and hearing the birds chirp in the treetops above. My thinking slowed for a moment as I let myself soak in the beauty of nature and the sensation of just being still enough to notice what surrounded me. A bird flew down across the river, pecked at the ground a couple of times, and tilted its head when it noticed me. It sang a few notes, and then flew back up to the tree.
I thought I caught a glimpse of a small bunny, which had to be a baby, and I stood to my feet to see where it went. One more time I caught a glimpse of it, but only for a second through the tall grass. Straining to find it, and not paying particular attention to where I was going, I walked abruptly into a tree branch that sent me sprawling backwards. My arms flailed in the air as I felt myself tumbling down awkwardly, and I had no way to catch myself. Within a few seconds, I had managed to plunk myself clumsily into the water. Backside wet and chest burning, I pulled myself out of the river and walked back over to the steps. I tilted my head down to find the source of pain on my chest, and discovered that I had a large red scrape mark in the center of my collarbones.
Oh, that’s just perfect.
I sloshed back to the house and removed my wet tennis shoes at the back door, trying to sneak inside, only to come face to face with Rosalie as she headed toward her bedroom. Eyes wide, she stood there staring as I shut the door behind me.
“What in the…” she started, but I held my hand up and shook my head.
“You don’t want to know,” I said, walking into my bedroom as she chuckled softly.
-§-
I decided to wear my white lace dress to church that morning, pairing it with a mint green sweater since it had been cold outside, and topping it off with a skinny brown belt. My brown knee-high boots were the last piece of the puzzle, and once I slipped them on I took a final check in the mirror. I had decided to embrace the curls today, which meant that I had to help them along a bit. My crazy hair was neither straight nor curly, so any style I went with meant some work. I looked well enough at that moment, though, considering the way I looked when I woke up. The red mark on my chest was still stinging, and it was clearly visible, but I decided to leave it alone. I doubted anyone would notice.
I made my way to the living room and sat on the couch while I waited for Rosalie. The house had grown quiet. All the guests were gone, and all I could hear was the quiet buzz of the refrigerator behind me, and then finally her footsteps coming across the floor.
“Ready to go?” she asked, and I stood to meet her. When I realized she was wearing a dark pair of jeans and a pink cardigan, my heart sank.
“I’m overdressed,” I muttered, but she shook her head.
“Nonsense. You’re as pretty as a picture. Come on, let’s go.” She marched out the front door and I followed her out to her car, sliding into the passenger seat. She made small talk while we drove to the church, but I only half listened to her as I stared out the window and watched the scenery fly by.
I should have asked Rosalie what to wear – why hadn’t I done that?
It was apparently going to turn into one of those days where I did nothing right.
We pulled into the parking lot of the same church where we had attended the wedding the day before, and I took a minute to smile at Rosalie before I opened the door and exited the car. I waited for her to start walking toward the church, and she put her arm through mine and we walked ahead together. As soon as we swung the door open, I was greeted by a familiar face.
“Good morning, Rosalie,” Cole’s dad stated, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. “It’s Camdyn, isn’t it?” He held out his hand to me, and I reached out to shake it.
“Yes, Mr. Parker. It’s nice to see you again.”
“You can call me Ted,” he said with a wink and a smile, and I nodded as Rosalie started to move along. She introduced me to so many people on the way into the sanctuary that there was no way I could remember al
l their names. When she started talking to one of her friends about someone who was sick, I began looking around the room for a familiar face. I didn’t have to look long, because Rachel spotted me and waved me over. In the process of walking toward her, I was stopped halfway by a hand on my arm. I turned to see Tony, the singer from the band the night before, who had his hair styled into a pompadour that morning instead of a mohawk.
“Hi, Tony,” I said, noting that he was wearing jeans with holes in them, but he had on a vest and a tie.
“Camdyn, I want you to meet my wife, Sara,” he said, gesturing to a petite blond beside him. She smiled and reached out her hand, and I extended mine to her as well.
“It’s nice to meet you, Camdyn,” she said sweetly. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“That can’t be good,” I joked. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
“I should probably tell you, Sara, that I did ask Camdyn to marry me last night,” Tony told her with a mischievous grin. Sara immediately started giggling.
“Oh, that is hilarious!” she exclaimed. “I mean, because of the proposals… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.”
“No, it’s okay,” I told her with a smile. “That’s the first time a married man has proposed to me…that I know of.”
“We should get together soon,” she said, still laughing. “I can’t wait to get to know you.”
“Okay, thank you!” I stated as they moved on and I continued toward Rachel. As soon as I was close to her, she had me in a hug.
“Camdyn, you always look so pretty,” she stated, pulling away and gesturing to her own dark jeans and white peasant-style blouse. “This is dressing up for me.”
“Well, I think you look great,” I told her. “Anyway, I’m overdressed and I feel awkward.”
“You shouldn’t,” she said, “no one will care. Come on, I want to introduce you.” I followed Rachel to where a woman with shoulder-length brown hair was standing and holding a little girl sporting brown ringlets. I watched as Rachel took the adorable little girl in her arms and she sunk down bashfully against Rachel’s chest.
A Reason to Run (The Camdyn Series Book 1) Page 15
