“Yeah, I know their names,” he repeated. “It’s a little obsession of mine lately.”
I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, staring at the wall to try to regain my composure. The last thing I needed was to cry right now and blow things out of proportion. Still, I didn’t know how to begin talking about this knowing that he had spent so much time thinking about it.
“So you’ve had two proposals…” he stated. I bit my lip and said a little silent prayer before looking at him guiltily. He cringed and sighed audibly. “Okay, I will try this again. I am talking actual, ‘here is a ring, will you marry me’ proposals. You’ve had how many?”
“Five,” I whispered. He stood up and started pacing again, both hands in his hair this time.
“Five?” he asked rather sharply, then glanced back toward where Charlotte was asleep. “Five? How is that even possible, Camdyn? I’m having a hard time processing this.”
“Please don’t get angry right now when I’m trying to be honest with you,” I said gently, watching him move around the room. He exhaled loudly and then sank back down on the couch.
“I’m not going to get angry,” he said, staring at the floor. I pulled my legs up onto the couch cross-legged so I could sit facing him.
“In case you are thinking it, I don’t try to get people to propose to me, like some kind of trick or spell or anything,” I explained, staring at his profile. “Charlie describes it by saying that the guys overplay their hands. They just sense that things are going wrong, so they throw all their cards on the table hoping for the best.”
“Overplay their hand?” he repeated rather sarcastically. I stared at him until he turned to look at me. “I’m sorry, I’m listening.” He reached out his hand toward me, and I held it between both of mine as we sat there looking at each other.
“So, Peter,” I started, taking a deep breath. “I met Peter’s mom when I was researching for the book I’m writing now. She’s an expert on plantation life. I spent quite a bit of time talking to her, and we became friendly. She invited me over to her house for dinner a couple of times, and not long after she introduced me to Peter. I knew as soon as we met that he wasn’t right for me, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I agreed to go out with him one time. Wow, it is super uncomfortable talking to you about this.”
I paused and took another calming breath, and Cole didn’t say a word. He was just sitting there staring at me, making me completely nervous.
“Okay, so Peter,” I continued. “We went out to dinner, and then he took me to a piano bar where they were playing big band 1940’s style music. We talked about music most of the night. He’s a high school music teacher, and a really nice guy, but seriously, he has no other interests. He asked me out again, and I should have just said no, but I made excuses because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings…” I paused for a minute to gauge Cole’s reaction, but he just continued studying me while I held his hand, so I kept going.
“Anyway, the next couple of times I went to Peter’s mother’s house, he would just show up. She assured me that it was a coincidence, but I guess that really doesn’t matter now. And he sent me gifts a couple of times, but I just viewed it as more of a nuisance, really. They weren’t big gifts, just music that he wanted me to listen to, things like that. He did give me tickets to see Michael Bublé, but he took his mother with us, so I didn’t consider that a date. A couple of times he awkwardly touched me on the arm or something, and I would just back away from him, and he never really pursued it. I mean, he never tried to kiss me or anything, so how was I to know?”
Camdyn, you are such an idiot.
“So, when I decided my research there was finished, I told Peter’s mom that I would be moving on. She was really insistent that I call him, because ‘he thought so highly of me.’ Those were her exact words. Honestly, I didn’t want to because I felt like it wasn’t necessary, since we weren’t dating or anything like that. I waited a couple of days, and then I called him intentionally while he was at school so I would get his voice mail, but he answered the phone. He wouldn’t really let me say anything, but told me that he couldn’t talk and asked me to come by after school. That afternoon, when I got there…well, you saw the rest.” I watched Cole’s face as he was mulling it over, and I couldn’t help but notice that he looked confused.
“So you wouldn’t go out with him again, but he still proposed to you?” he asked. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know, it doesn’t make sense,” I told him, pleading with my eyes for him to believe me. “After it was all over, and I basically accosted him about it, I asked him why he would think we were a couple when he hadn’t even kissed me, and do you know what he said? That first night we met, his mom and I had been talking about courting rituals in the early 1800’s, and I had made some comment about how it made sense to get to know someone intellectually, and more people might stay married if we used courting practices today. He had this bright idea in his head that he was somehow courting me by only being around me with his mother, and he was showing me respect. He thought that’s what I wanted. Ugh, I was so mad at him, but he left me a message last week and told me how sorry he was. I really think he does feel bad about everything.”
“So this is the guy you were running away from?” Cole asked with a pained expression.
“No, no,” I told him, looking down at his hand. “The news media found my apartment, and I panicked. I just…didn’t want the attention, you know? My leaving had nothing to do with Peter.”
“Okay,” he said, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair again. “So he definitely overplayed his hand. What about Trey?”
“Trey,” I sighed, taking a minute to look up at the ceiling and catch my breath. “Charlie and I met Trey at a Cardinals game. His uncle works at the stadium, and we happened to be sitting right next to him. He and Charlie struck up a conversation, and when the game was over he asked for both of our numbers. Charlie wasn’t available nearly as much as I was, because he had Trina, so Trey would call me and ask me to go to the games with him. Sometimes he would come over to Charlie’s house and watch the game there. All we ever talked about was baseball, and we were just buddies.”
“You didn’t kiss him either? I saw the video, and he’s a pretty good looking guy,” Cole said skeptically, and I shook my head and tried to smile even though I was terribly uncomfortable.
“He had this weird thing where he would chest bump Charlie every time the Cards scored a run,” I explained, feeling my face grow hot. “When I was with him, instead of a chest bump, he would just lean over and plant one on me really quick. The first time he did it I was really uncomfortable, but after a while it just sort of felt like our version of a fist bump or something. I didn’t read too much into it, and I liked going to the games for free, so I didn’t complain.”
“Sheesh, Camdyn,” Cole faintly laughed, shaking his head at me.
“I know, believe me, I made a lot of mistakes,” I said. “So, long story short, this went on for a couple of months, and then Trey asked me on an official date. We had nothing in common at all, except for baseball, and he spent the entire night talking about batting averages and which pitchers had the best ERA. I felt like I was watching a rundown on ESPN or something. When he kissed me at the end of the date, I knew that it had gone too far and I couldn’t go to the games anymore. I called him the next day to tell him that I couldn’t see him again, but before I could get the words out, he told me he had tickets to the World Series. It was completely selfish, I know – I put off being honest because I wanted to go to the game. I guess I wound up paying for it in the end, because after Trey proposed, I spent the last three innings down on the street waiting for Trina to pick me up.”
“That’s sort of pathetic, and a little funny,” Cole said, attempting to smile.
“I know, right?” I laughed. “That describes me pretty well – sort of pathetic and a little funny.” Cole appeared to relax a little after that, and
he leaned back against the couch, still holding my hand.
“I feel slightly better,” he admitted, “although now I’m curious about the other three.”
“Can’t we just forget it?” I pleaded, shooting him a pathetic look. He pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed it gently, eyes smiling.
“Would you be able to forget it?” he asked with a laugh. “Come on, who was number three?”
“Jamie was the third one,” I stated reluctantly. “He was a history professor in Oklahoma. We became friends when I was doing research on the Trail of Tears. We spent hours together talking about history, and I really thought he was my friend. One day I was complaining about how Charlie and Trina were getting married, and I was going to be at the wedding and feel like a third wheel because I basically had no friends, and he offered to go to the wedding with me. I sort of laughed it off and said ‘sure, why not,’ and didn’t think anything else about it. The next day he e-mailed me to say that he had bought a plane ticket for the wedding.” Cole laughed and I looked at him sternly before I continued.
“One night, he asked me to read through some of his lecture notes at this little coffee house, and out of the blue he decided to kiss me. It was so awkward and random that I didn’t even know what to do. I avoided him for a few days, and then I remember calling Trina to ask her what I should do, because I knew he already had that plane ticket. She told me to just let him come to the wedding, and then break it to him after.”
“That sounds like awesome advice,” Cole laughed, moving his finger across my hand.
“Yeah, doesn’t it?” I joked. “Jamie came to the wedding, and I guarantee you to this day Trina regrets giving me that advice, because he decided to get a little tipsy. I really don’t think he was accustomed to drinking at all, because he didn’t handle it well. When it came time for the toasts, he took the microphone from the best man and chose that as the opportune time to pop the question, and not in a very eloquent way, I might add.”
“What did he say?” Cole asked, grinning mischievously. I laughed and shook my head at him.
“I believe he said something along the lines of, ‘Camdyn, you are really hot, and you totally get me.’ It was beautiful. If you ever want to hear it, Charlie and Trina have it on the wedding video.”
“Nice,” he said, taking a deep breath. “These stories really are sad, aren’t they?” He laughed when I squinted my eyes at him.
“Oh, they get worse,” I told him. “My second proposal was in college. It was Blake, and he was actually my boyfriend for a while, so he has that distinction going for him. When I first got to college, I had this terrible roommate who would stay up until three or four in the morning, and I was always up at the crack of dawn. After a couple weeks of dealing with her moods, I decided to get out of the dorm early in the mornings so I wouldn’t disturb her, so I started jogging. After that first semester, my roommate flunked out of school, and then I had Trina, so life was much better. I still jogged, though, even though I wasn’t a serious runner. I liked to clear my head, and it helped me think.”
“That’s why I started jogging too, while I was in Nashville,” Cole interjected. I thought about asking him to elaborate, but figured I better finish my story.
“Anyway, during the last semester of my junior year, I was jogging and I stumbled onto Blake quite literally – he was tying his shoe and I tripped over him. He ran cross country, so he was a very serious runner. We hit it off, and we became jogging buddies in the mornings, with him slowing himself down naturally. Eventually we just sort of became a de facto couple. We dated for a few months, until it was time for him to graduate, and then I told him we should break up. He didn’t really want to, but I wasn’t as serious as he was, and I didn’t want to be tied down all summer. After just a couple of weeks I knew it was the right decision, because I wasn’t even upset about not seeing him.”
“I’m starting to feel sorry for these guys,” Cole said, raising his eyebrows.
“Shut up!” I told him with a laugh. “So I didn’t see Blake at all that summer, and then my senior year I went back to college like before, didn’t hear from him or anything. One morning, I was sitting in my Chinese history class, and all of a sudden Blake barges into the room, walks right up to the front, and proposes to me in front of everyone. The worst part of it was, the professor docked my grade because of the distraction to the class, as if it was my fault!”
“Ouch!” Cole joked. “You don’t want your love life to interfere with your grade point average, am I right?”
“It wasn’t funny at the time,” I told him, turning to lean my back against the couch. I picked up one of Charlotte’s toys from the coffee table and began twirling it in my hands while I stared at the wall.
“So there’s one more, right?” Cole asked. “Come on, you have to bring it full circle.”
“Yeah, I really don’t want to talk about it,” I told him, keeping my gaze on the wall. He touched my chin and turned my face so I looked at him, and then he smiled.
“Come on, we’re being honest here, aren’t we?” he asked. “It can’t be that bad.”
“It can’t?” I asked, mulling over the information in my head. “I will tell you, but no snide comments, and no laughing, okay?”
“I promise,” he said, the smile leaving his face. I sighed loudly before I continued.
“When I graduated from high school, my mom sent me a plane ticket,” I told him. “I hadn’t seen her in years. I was probably about six the last time she showed up at my grandma’s, and then she got married and moved to Italy. She would send me birthday presents, really extravagant ones, but that was our only contact. So, when she sent me the plane ticket, my grandma really tried to convince me not to use it. She had sent one to Charlie when he graduated, but he tore it up.” I stopped talking as I thought about watching Charlie tear up that ticket, the way his face had contorted angrily right before he did it. I doubted I would ever forget that day.
“Sorry,” I said when I realized I was drifting. “I don’t know what made me want to go – I guess I was just curious about her. When I got to Italy, she wasn’t there to meet me at the airport. She sent a taxi instead, and when I arrived at her house, she greeted me as though I was a girlfriend, not her daughter. We went shopping and sightseeing, and it was the strangest two weeks of my life. Every night for dinner, we would eat with her husband and his younger brother, Roberto. Roberto would sit across from me and stare at me, sometimes talking to me in Italian, but I never understood a word he said.
“On the next to last day of my trip, after dinner, Roberto started talking profusely, and then he pulled out a ring. I honestly didn’t realize what was happening for a minute, until I looked at my mother. I’ll never forget what she said: ‘You should say yes, Camdyn. He’ll be good to you.’ I went straight into my room, packed my things, and made my way to the airport. I literally hitchhiked through a foreign country when I was eighteen years old to get away from my mother. I spent the night in the terminal, and she never came looking for me. Anyway, I’ve never seen or talked to her since that day.”
I felt a tear slide down my cheek, and I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath, trying to hold back the emotion I felt after telling that story. I looked over at Cole, and he was just staring at me in silence.
“Sorry,” I whispered, brushing back a tear. I felt Cole put his arm around me, and then he was pulling me toward him, embracing me in a hug. I rested my head against him for a minute, and then I shook my head and sat back, attempting a smile.
“Camdyn, I feel terrible,” he said. “Your mom… Wow, that’s just heartbreaking. I’ve been really wrong about all of this. I shouldn’t have been so jealous or obsessive about it.”
“No, it’s okay,” I told him, grabbing his hand. “I completely understand why you felt that way. Rosalie told me about you and Stephanie.”
“Me and Stephanie,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Nobody knows what happened with me and Stephanie, becau
se I’ve never told a soul.”
“You didn’t propose to her?” I asked quietly, watching his face for a reaction.
“Oh, I did propose to her,” he said, nervously tapping his fingers against his jeans. “Steph was my girlfriend in high school. People just expected us to be together, for one reason or another, and she was a great girl, so I was okay with that. When I went to college, though, I broke up with her, and she was devastated. I’m ashamed to say it, but all I cared about was myself and playing baseball. If I hurt people in the process, it didn’t really matter. I made more than my share of mistakes, and after a couple of years, I realized what a mess I was making of my life. I decided that I didn’t want that kind of lifestyle anymore, so I moved back home. Steph was still here, and we started talking again just like old times, and things seemed like they hadn’t changed. I knew what having a normal life here entailed, and I started to feel like I was under this pressure to settle down, that people expected it, and the only logical thing I could think to do was to propose.” Cole stood up and began pacing around the room, and I nervously watched and waited with apprehension to see what he would say next.
“So, I bought a ring, and one night I decided to do it. I thought I was doing pretty good - I picked a place I knew she would like, you know, I was thoughtful about it. I tried to be romantic, but when I asked her if she would marry me, she said no. I don’t know how else to describe it other than to say I was shocked. She told me she had loved me for as long as she could remember, but she couldn’t marry me. I remember asking her why, and how crushed she looked when she told me that I didn’t love her. She said that in her heart she wanted to say yes, and she knew I would be a faithful husband, but one day I would run into a woman I wanted to be with, someone I really would love, and she didn’t want to be the one who kept me from being truly happy.” He turned to face me then and brushed at one eye, smiling and shaking his head.
A Reason to Run (The Camdyn Series Book 1) Page 24
