“‘Go put some clothes on,’” she said, mimicking his voice. “Does that sound like someone who’s interested?” She folded her arms over her chest. “No. It fucking does not.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you.” In that moment everything about him bothered her. His politeness, the way he was standing. Everything.
“Why are you talking to me like I’m your goddamn neighbour or something?”
He leaned on the counter casually. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Nothing.” She stepped back, breathing heavily. “I don’t want you to say anything anymore.” She turned to leave but halted. “And for the record …” She turned to look over her shoulder. “I’m not offended. I’m fucking pissed.”
She didn’t wait for his reply. She left the room and headed for Azrael’s bedroom, where she slammed the door shut behind her. Minutes later, tears filled her eyes. He didn’t care. Had he gotten bored of her? Was that it? Did the thought of touching her repulse him? Feeling way too exposed, she grabbed her dressing gown from the bed. She had literally begged him for sex out of desperation. If it had been about the physical act itself, she wouldn’t have been half as hurt, but it wasn’t. To her, it was about so much more. She wanted to share something with Azrael that she had never wanted to share with anyone else. To her, it was a way to bond them together forever, but he didn’t seem to want that with her.
The door flew open so hard it cracked off its hinges. Lilliah jumped back. A furious Azrael stood in the doorway.
“Do you really think I’m not interested?” He gritted his teeth, hands fisted at his sides.
Lilliah gulped. “Obviously.”
She turned her back to him to wipe away her fallen tears, not wanting him to see her crying.
“Are you out of your mind?” He stalked into the room.
“No!” she shouted back. “But why else would you turn me down again and again!” Tears were falling fast and a lump had formed in her throat. “It’s so humiliating.”
“I’m not turning you down because I don’t want you.” His features softened slightly. “I’m turning you down because I do want you.”
Lilliah stared, completely confused.
“It’s not you.” Azrael took a step forward in her silence. “It’s me.”
“Get out.” Her temper flared again. “Get out of this goddamn room right now!”
“What?” It was Azrael’s turn to look confused. “What did I say?”
“You’re breaking up with me, and with a line like, ‘It’s not you, it’s me’?” She shook her head. “No. Just leave.”
“I’m not breaking up with you!” Azrael roared. “I don’t even understand what the hell we’re fighting over!”
“Because you don’t want to have sex with me.” She cringed as the words left her mouth. “Because, let’s face it, you’re not exactly a virgin, are you?”
“No, I’m not!” In the blink of an eye, he was in front of her. Lilliah’s breath caught, but she refused to back down. “That’s why I don’t want to rush into this!”
“That makes no sense.”
Azrael grabbed her by her face and crashed his lips against hers. Lilliah protested for a second before caving in and wrapping her arms around his neck. These weren’t soft kisses; they were rough and demanding.
He broke away slightly, their lips still touching. “You’re the most precious thing to me in this entire universe, Heaven or Hell.”
Azrael stepped back and ran his fingers through the ends of her hair, his fingers grazing her breasts.
“I want you to be mine in every way, body and soul, but I don’t want you regretting anything.”
Lilliah frowned. “Why would I regret this? I love you.”
“I’ve taken away any chance you have at living a normal life.”
“I don’t want a normal life. And I’m an angel too, don’t forget. I’m not normal!”
“I know, but you don’t get to choose now. I took that. I’m trying to make the rest of your life as normal as possible.”
She leaned forward and whispered, “Sex is very normal.”
She was full on beaming. Azrael wasn’t breaking up with her. The anxious feeling in her gut dissipated.
“But after two months?” He quirked an eyebrow.
“For some girls, yeah.”
Azrael grabbed one of her hands, running his thumb back and forth over the palm. “I fucked up so much of your life already that I want everything else to be perfect.”
“You know what’s not perfect? Getting turned down again and again.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “I just want to do things right. Have you completely forgotten that you were attacked today? How can you go from that to this?”
Lilliah almost threw herself at him. He caught her and pulled her tightly into his arms.
“I want this. I want you.”
She didn’t wait for him to protest and instead reached up and kissed him with everything she had. He opened his mouth in surrender, and she drove her tongue in. As always, he tasted divine. Azrael ran his hands down her back and squeezed her bum. She jumped and wrapped her legs around him. She wanted to be closer, always closer.
“Are you sure about this?”
Lilliah had barely nodded when her back hit the mattress. Azrael stood over her, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, his eyes never leaving her face.
“I’ve wanted this for so long.” Too long, she wanted to add, but really didn’t want to ruin the moment.
“You’re so beautiful. You have no idea how beautiful you are.”
He opened her dressing gown and ran his hands down her body. His movements were controlled and determined. Lilliah bit her lip and shivered with excitement. With everything going on around them, this was what she wanted—what she needed.
She had seen Azrael shirtless many times before, but tonight was different. This time it was for her, solely for her.
“Breathe, baby.”
Azrael leaned down and kissed her neck. She shivered as she held him close.
He lifted his head, his eyes searching. “Last chance to back out, because if I carry on, I won’t be able to stop.”
Lilliah tightened her legs around his waist. “Neither will I.”
Those words were, it seemed, all Azrael had needed. As soon as they left her mouth, he went to work, ripping her panties off her body and dropping the lace on the floor. His eyes burned into hers.
“Amazing.” He stepped between her legs and kissed her. “Keep your eyes open, always.”
Leaning up on her elbows, Lilliah tugged at his shirt. Seeing his abs just wasn’t enough, she wanted to see all of him. “Please take this off. I’m way too naked for you to be this dressed.”
Azrael stepped back, shrugging out of the shirt and letting it drop on the floor before resuming his position.
“Now you.” He pulled Lilliah up, his finger softly brushing her skin as he unclasped her bra. Lilliah let him take it off and then watched as he dropped it on the floor. She had never felt so exposed in her life, but at the same time, she had never felt so safe.
Grabbing the back of her head, Azrael kissed her hard, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth. Still holding the back of her head, he scooped her up and laid her further up on the bed.
Lilliah was high on his kisses. The friction his trousers caused in between her bare legs was almost too much to take. Focus, Lilliah. She pushed him back and smiled wickedly.
“Tell me what you want, Lilliah.”
She wanted it all—all of him, all the time. She never wanted this feeling to end, but how could she even try to put what she was feeling into words? If was impossible, so instead, she simply whispered, “You. I just want you,” because that was true too.
Azrael took charge, moving her into position and guiding her when she needed it. She was too lost to think clearly, so swept up in the feel of him. Even with him this close, she couldn’t get enough of him. Her hands were constan
tly roaming, needing to feel more. She fisted her hand in his hair and brought his lips close to hers.
“I love you so much.”
Azrael lifted his head. “Good, because now I’m going to make you mine forever.”
Chapter 4
Lilliah was lying in bed the morning after. She was sore but content and couldn’t stop smiling. She felt so giddy. Last night had started off crappy, but had ended in the most amazing way possible. She still couldn’t quite believe it had happened. Azrael, like always, was already up. She could hear him in the kitchen making breakfast. She spread out, enjoying the extra room. Azrael’s sheets smelt like him, and now her.
Stretching, she reached for her phone and wasn’t surprised to see that Rebecca had texted her.
Rebecca: So, how did it go? ;)
She grinned and wrote back: I don’t kiss and tell.
Her phone buzzed almost immediately.
Rebecca: Oh please. You did more than kiss. Please tell me you did more than kiss.
Refusing to have this kind of conversation by text, Lilliah dialled her number.
“You need to tell me everything,” Rebecca greeted.
“Not happening. That’s just gross. You’ll have to be content with knowing that it did happen, he wanted me, and I won’t be a single Pringle.”
“You would have ended it had he not slept with you?” Rebecca burst out laughing. “You’re so full of crap.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I wouldn’t have ended it. Who am I kidding?” They giggled. “I feel so girly. I want to do something today. Let’s go shopping or something. We can invite Jeremy.”
“Wait, I’ll call him and we can have a three-way.”
Lilliah waited while Rebecca tampered with her phone. Lilliah, Rebecca, and Jeremy had been inseparable growing up, but their friendship had hit a stumbling block when Lilliah had started dating Azrael. Jeremy had been furious and had even stopped talking to her for a while. He only started speaking to her again when he began dating a girl, Sadie, from college.
“Jeremy?” Rebecca asked. “Is this working? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” Jeremy said. “You need to learn how to use your phone. Read the instructions.”
“I already know how to use it. We’re having a three-way conversation, aren’t we?”
“Whatever,” he said dismissively.
“Where are you?” Lilliah asked. The noise from a nearby road made him hard to hear. “I can hardly hear you.”
“I’m at college,” he spoke louder. “You know, like normal people our age.”
Lilliah snorted. “Yeah, I’m still in bed. How is college life?”
“Still in bed?” He didn’t sound surprised. “Oh, the life of the unemployed. I thought you were getting a job with your boyfriend?”
“Huh?” Lilliah had no idea what he was talking about.
“That’s what Rebecca said.”
They fell silent, waiting for Rebecca to explain.
“Oh yeah, I did say that.” Lilliah spoke instead. She paused, trying to work out where she was going with this.
“Of course she’s going to get a job. Why else would she have left college?” Rebecca’s laughter sounded forced.
“Yes,” Lilliah joined in, realising Rebecca must have lied to Jeremy. Making a mental note to tell Rebecca to start writing down her lies, Lilliah thought quickly. “But it’s not with Azrael. It’s with one of the companies that works with his company, if that makes sense.” She knew it didn’t.
“I guess …” Jeremy drawled out. “So what do you guys want? I need to get to class.”
“Remember when we used to talk for hours? What happened, hmm?” Rebecca sighed dramatically. “I miss those days.”
Lilliah fluffed the pillow behind her. “We want to go out tonight. Want to come?” She settled back, waiting for his reply.
“Sorry, guys. Can’t hang out tonight.”
“Oh, come on.” Lilliah’s shoulders slumped. “You didn’t even think about it.”
“I’m meeting Sadie’s parents tonight. It’s a big deal.”
“Damn, that’s soon.” Lilliah pulled a face, glad that her friends couldn’t see her. “Don’t you think it’s a little too soon?”
“You and Azrael moved so quickly that I blinked and you were together,” Jeremy said simply.
“That”—Lilliah pursed her lips and then said—“is very true.”
“And they had sex last night.”
“Rebecca!” Lilliah shot up in bed, pulling the bed sheet up with her. She was horrified at the turn of conversation, but she couldn’t ignore how her heart had leapt for a second.
“What?” She laughed down the phone. “Jeremy’s our best friend, and best friends share.”
“Congrats, Lil.” Jeremy snickered. “We can go for a ‘well done, you popped your cherry’ drink tomorrow if you want?”
“That’s never happening.” Running her hands through her hair, Lilliah silently praised that no one could see her. What she and Azrael had shared the night before had been amazing—and private. She didn’t want to cheapen it by talking about it with her friends. “I’m not even sure I want to have a drink with you losers now.”
“Oh, come on.” Jeremy laughed. “I really am happy for you, and I do want to see you guys. It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.”
Lilliah smiled as Azrael walked into the room with a steaming cup of tea in each hand.
“Yeah.” She didn’t take her eyes off Azrael’s face. “Text me when and where.”
“Same,” Rebecca answered.
“Okay. Wish me luck tonight!”
“Good luck,” Lilliah and Rebecca answered together.
A few seconds later, they all hung up, and Lilliah stretched out on the bed. She reached up to take the mug. “I could get used to this.”
“I always make you tea.” Azrael sat beside her on the bed, their arms just touching.
“Because you make the best tea.” She smiled sweetly, her cheeks warming, though after the night they had shared she didn’t know why.
His deep chuckle did things to her that she didn’t think was possible, and made her feel a whole new set of emotions. She loved it. Before last night she had thought her relationship with Azrael was amazing, but afterwards, they had somehow entered a whole new phase, a deeper phase of their relationship.
“I just love you.” She leaned forward and pressed a light kiss on his cheek. “That’s all.”
He took a sip of his tea. “Last night was one of the best nights of my life. I really want you to know that.”
Lilliah’s eyes widened. “That’s so unbelievably sweet.” Then she smiled playfully. “It probably came in on my top five.”
“Oh, really?” His eyes narrowed. “Guess I’m just going to have to try harder.”
Lilliah burst out laughing. “Harder, huh?”
Azrael nodded, looking innocent.
“That was a gross joke.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Who said it was a joke?”
“Later, baby.” Lilliah smiled so wide her cheeks hurt.
“All these promises.” Azrael’s hand trailed over the sheet.
Lilliah swore she could feel his touch from under the quilt. He reached for her hand and turned it over, his pointer finger tracing small circles on her palm. She loved it when he did that. The small movement of his fingers sent shivers through her body. He had started doing it absentmindedly when they would watch TV, but now he did it all the time. Lilliah would never complain; she loved it.
“Who was on the phone?”
“Rebecca and Jeremy—the let-downs.” She pulled her hand back. She couldn’t think when he did that. “We were all going to go out for drinks later, but Jeremy’s meeting his girlfriend’s parents tonight.”
“How dare he.”
“I know, right?”
They snickered.
“Why don’t we go out?”
Lilliah frowned. “Go out where?”
/> “Drinking?” Azrael suggested. “Or to eat? What would you do with your friends?”
“Probably drink.” Lilliah wasn’t sure. When she was with her friends they either got completely drunk, or stayed in and watched Netflix all night. “I can’t imagine you in a bar or a club.”
“I own a club,” he said, reminding her of his club, Purgatory.
“I know that.” She squinted her eyes, trying to suss out whether he was being serious. “But it’s not the same. I can’t imagine you in a pub drinking beer.”
She liked the idea, though.
“So you don’t want to go?” he asked, clearly confused.
“Oh, we’re going.”
She tapped Azrael’s arm in excitement. They didn’t go out on dates much. They mostly stayed in his apartment, with him cooking and her slowly making her way through his extensive wine collection. She was turning into a hermit, but she didn’t mind.
“Good.” Azrael gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “I have something I need to do first. Be ready at seven?”
Lilliah nodded. “What did you find out yesterday?”
Azrael looked thoughtful for a second. “Nothing concrete.”
Lilliah narrowed her eyes. “But you did find something out?”
“Benedict doesn’t think Lucifer is back. Not fully anyway.” Azrael stood. “He thinks the doors to Hell weren’t fully closed after Ada. He believes Lucifer is more seeping through the crack than fully liberated.”
Lilliah had lost her smile. “But that’s still bad. He can still kill people, even if he’s not fully here.” Lips set in a thin line, she remembered the girl’s eyes from her dreams.
Azrael cupped her face. “Try not to worry.”
She faked a smile, more to reassure him than anything else. “I’ll try.”
“Look, I need to go and see a few people today. Want to come?”
Lilliah cocked her head to the side. Why would she want to go with him? He’d never asked her before, so why now?
“I’m going to see the werewolves. The head werewolves. They might know something.”
Lilliah was off the bed and picking up clothes before Azrael had even finished speaking.
“I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes,” she called out behind her.
Ruthless (The Seraphim Series Book 2) Page 4
