“Okay.” When I didn’t say anything right away, he continued. “That’s not what you’re upset about, is it? That I’d be mad? Because I liked thinking I was the only one, but it doesn’t matter—”
I cut him off. “No. That’s not it.” I made myself look at him. “I’ll show you.” I pulled off my shirt, and watched the look of confusion cross his face. I pulled down my bra to show him the marks he’d obviously noticed but had been kind enough to never bring up.
“Who did that to you?” He pulled me back into his arms. “Who hurt you, Becca?”
I glanced down at the scars. They had faded over the years, but the two lines were still pink and raised. I ran a finger over one. I still hated to touch them. “It was senior year of high school. Mom was away, and I was sleeping. The police said he’d probably been following me for a while, waiting for the chance.” I paused, trying to build up the strength to continue. I hadn’t shared this with anyone since it happened.
I felt Gavin’s arms tighten around me. “I woke up when he pulled down my blankets. I could barely see him in the darkness, but his voice chilled me when he asked me if I’d been waiting for him. I tried to fight him, but he was so much stronger. He got my pajamas off and his pants before pinning my arms above me so he could tie them to the headboard. Before he actually did it, he turned on my lamp and made those marks, saying they’d help me remember him.”
I choked down sobs. “The cuts hurt, but it was nothing compared to how much it hurt when he took me. He definitely tried to make it painful, like he was trying to punish me.”
“Oh god, Becca.” Gavin squeezed my hands.
“I struggled after, and he told me to stop because he wasn’t done with me. Then he did it again.” I paused to regain a semblance of composure. “So now you know.” I pulled away and reached for my t-shirt, but Gavin stopped me by taking my hands in his again.
“I am so sorry you had to go through that.” The compassion on his face was obvious, but I also knew he’d never look at me the same way again. Now I was the victim, nothing more.
“It’s the past.” I remembered how he said the same thing about his injury.
“I need to kill that son of a bitch.”
I didn’t doubt his statement. Underneath the compassion lurked a lot of anger.
“Listen, I’ll make it easy on you.” I gathered my courage.
“What?” He looked startled.
“I know this changes things. Don’t worry, I understand. It’s been fun.” I reached again for my shirt.
“Are you trying to break up with me?”
“So you don’t have to.”
He put a hand under my chin and made me look at him. “Yes, this changes things. I now know I need to be more careful, but it doesn’t change how I feel.” He released my chin and pulled me in for a hug.
“More careful? See, that ruins everything.”
“How? How does that ruin anything?”
“I don’t want you pitying me, afraid to hurt me.”
“I don’t pity you. I just don’t want to give you another flashback. That’s what happened, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “I think I should tell you the rest. You should hear it all.” I was tired of half-truths. I wanted it all out.
“Okay.”
“They caught the guy from the description I gave, but they didn’t have enough evidence to convict him. He’d been nice enough to use a condom both times.”
Gavin nodded, so I continued, but I felt his body tense.
“That was when I decided to become a prosecutor. I wanted to spend my life putting those kinds of people behind bars.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Gavin
I could have killed. I tend to think of myself as a fairly calm guy, but hearing that some low life had done something so horrible to the girl I loved made me sick. I tried to push away the anger and focus on what was most important: taking care of Becca. So much more made sense now: her drive to work in the D.A.’s office, her fears. It was like someone had finally turned on a light.
“I’m going to make sure you feel safe from now on. You know that right?”
“This doesn’t involve you. It’s been years, and I’ve dealt with it on my own the whole time.”
“Of course it involves me.” I tried to keep my voice calm. I didn’t want to scare her, but I didn’t like her trying to push me away.
“Why? You can’t go around trying to protect everyone.”
“In what alternative universe are you in the same category as everyone? You’re my girlfriend. A man is supposed to protect his girlfriend.”
She got a wistful expression. “You still want to call me that?”
“What?” I pulled her onto my lap. “I keep telling you nothing’s changed. I don’t know how to make you see that.”
“You say it, but do you mean it? If you’re going to dump me or treat me differently, just get it over with.” She clutched a couch cushion as if her life depended on it.
“Okay, how do I show you that I mean it?”
She scrambled off my lap. I reluctantly let her go.
She stood up and unbuttoned her jeans, slowly sliding them off. “If nothing’s changed, prove it.”
Was she really saying what I thought she was? She wanted me to prove nothing had changed by having sex with her?
“I don’t want you treating me differently. I don’t want you to treat me like I’m broken, or delicate, or anything like that. Either you show me that nothing’s changed between us, and you can still be with me in the same way, or I leave right now, and I’m not coming back. You’re right, Gavin. I am crazy about you, but I only want to be with you if things really are the same. I refuse to just be the girl you feel bad for.”
I looked at her, taking in the beautiful woman in front of me. She was crazy if she thought anything would ever make me want her less—could make me need her less.
“That’s a challenge I more than willingly accept.” I pulled off my shirt, wanting her hands on me nearly as badly as I needed mine on her. I stood up and kissed her hard on the mouth, pulling away without warning.
“I want you, Becca.” I had her bra off in seconds, running my fingers over the scars I’d so carefully avoided before. “All of you.”
I lowered my head, letting my mouth run over the same spot. “Every inch of you.”
She moaned, which just turned me on more. “I’m not borrowing you. I’m not returning you. You’re mine now, and that’s never, ever going to change.” I pulled down her panties slowly. “Do you understand?”
She nodded before moving to undress me.
***
It was nine thirty at night before we ate dinner. We finally got out of bed long enough to make a frozen pepperoni pizza. She sat with her legs curled up under her, wearing one of my t-shirts. I loved seeing her dressed that way. She looked so right in it. So mine. Sometimes it was hard to believe this amazing woman was actually my girl, and considering how disastrously the evening had started, I was feeling very grateful to have her snuggled up next to me.
She ate three slices of pizza. The only time she ever ate a lot was after sex—as though I needed to find another benefit of sex with Becca.
“Do you have everything you need for work with you?”
“Yeah, I have an outfit.”
“Okay, good. Otherwise, we were running by your place to pick something up. I need you tonight.”
“You need me? I think it’s the other way around.”
“No, definitely not.”
“Let’s just say we both need each other tonight…”
“I’ll take that.”
We were just cleaning the dishes when my phone rang. “It’s my Mom.”
“Get it,” Becca insisted.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, before you miss it!”
I went for it, but of course it had already gone to voicemail.
“Call her back. I want to take a shower anyway.”
“Am I invited?” I wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her against me.
“No, you’re going to call your mom.”
“Fine… but you might be taking two showers tonight.”
“Gavin.” She moved out of my arms.
“Okay, okay.” Before she could walk away, I pulled her close again so I could kiss her. “Have a nice shower.”
“I always do over here.”
“You know what? I don’t even care if you’re using me for my bathroom, as long as you keep coming over.”
“Good.” She glanced back to give me a flirtatious look. And she expected me to call my mom?
I stepped outside on the balcony, letting the fresh air clear my head before I called.
“Gavin? Finally. I haven’t heard from you in ages.” It had only been a few weeks, but she was the kind of mom who wanted me to call daily.
“Hi, Ma. Sorry, I’ve been pretty busy.”
“Too busy to call your mother?”
“Well, if you knew Becca, you’d understand.” I braced myself for the reaction I knew was coming.
“Becca? You met someone? How long have you been seeing her? How’d you meet? What’s she like?” The questions spilled out.
I laughed. “We’ve been dating for about two months.”
“What? You’ve been dating a girl for two months, and I’m only hearing about it now?”
“I wanted to make sure before I told you.”
“Make sure of what?” I could hear the hope in her voice.
“That she’s the one. I didn’t want to get your hopes up for no reason.”
I had to pull the phone away from the screaming. You would have thought I was a bachelor at fifty for the way she reacted. “When are you bringing her home?”
“I thought about inviting her to your anniversary party…”
“Perfect, that’s only a few weeks away! But continue. I want to know everything.”
“Okay, but I don’t have too long.”
“Is she there?”
“She likes my shower better than hers.”
“I am going to pretend I believe that.”
I laughed. “Okay, so what were those other questions again?” I leaned my back against the railing.
“How’d you meet her? Is she new in town?”
“She’s in town working at my friend Matt’s law firm this summer.”
“Is she an attorney?”
“A law student in Boston.”
“What brought her to Clayton Falls?”
“Her best friend’s from here. Remember that girl I liked last summer?”
“Molly, right?”
“Yeah. See, that’s why I didn’t tell you about Becca right away. I didn’t want to give you another name for no reason.”
“So, Becca is Molly’s friend.”
“Yeah.”
“How many more years of school does she have?”
“Just one.”
“That’s wonderful. Then you two are free to move anywhere after she graduates, even back home. Although I’m sure her mother will want you to move there.”
“Her mom actually passed away recently. She’s all alone now. But that’s beside the point. You’re getting way ahead of yourself.”
“But you said you think she’s the one. You’ve never said that.”
I heard some serious squealing in the background. “Amanda’s home?”
“We had the kids tonight. She just got in to pick them up.”
“I take it she overheard you.”
“Gavin? Who is she?” My sister had grabbed the phone and was clearly overjoyed by the news.
“Hey, Manda, her name is Becca, and she’s probably going to start wondering where I am, so I can’t talk long.”
“Oooh, she’s over then?”
“Yes.”
“When are you bringing her home?”
“Hopefully for Mom and Dad’s party.”
“Why only hopefully?”
“I haven’t actually invited her yet.”
“I’m sure she’ll be excited. I can’t wait to meet her. Go have fun.”
“I will. Tell Mom goodbye for me.”
“Can do.”
I hung up and walked back inside, glad to hear the water running. Becca liked long showers—it looked like I’d get to join her after all.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Becca
“You want me to come home with you?” I tried to wrap my head around the words coming out of Gavin’s mouth. I stopped short about a quarter of the way down the beach.
“Yeah, it’s their forty-fifth anniversary, and they decided it was the year to celebrate. We can go after work on Friday and come back Sunday.”
“Is this because you feel bad leaving me? Because it’s okay. I don’t mind spending the weekend alone. Things are normal with Jake again, so I’m sure we’ll hang out.” Molly and Ben were flying out to see her family in Seattle. I had a feeling they were going to share the baby news.
“And that’s supposed to convince me you should stay?” His expression was serious, but there was a playfulness to it that let me know he wasn’t really worried.
I laughed. “Please don’t start in on Jake again.”
“I won’t. But you’ll come with me, right?”
“I don’t know, Gavin. Doesn’t it seem a little early for this sort of thing? We haven’t even known each other that long.” Things were moving fast—almost too fast.
“It’s just a weekend. Two nights. I want you to meet my family, and that’s going to be hard to do once you go back to Boston.”
He always talked like it was assumed things would work with me going back, but I wasn’t so sure. I had no experience with relationships, let alone long distance ones. It wasn’t going to be easy.
“Please.” He stopped walking, and took my hand. “Please.”
That puppy dog face was impossible to say ‘no’ to. “If you really want me to…”
“Really? That’s awesome. Everyone’s going to be so excited.” He pulled me against him, kissing me gently.
Talking about meeting his family made me a little tense. “Are you okay?”
I suddenly felt vulnerable, and my mother’s words flowed through my head. “You can never trust anyone but yourself.” I couldn’t do it—I couldn’t take such a big step forward. “I don’t think I can go with you. I’m sorry.”
“Nuh uh. No backing out now. It’s going to be fun.”
“You can’t be sure of that.” I started to panic.
“Yes, I can.” He still hadn’t dropped his arms.
“Okay, how about we drive separately? That way if your family hates me, I can leave.”
“What?” He laughed deep in his chest. “Please tell me that’s a joke.”
“No… It’s only a five hour drive. I don’t mind doing it myself.”
He dropped Max’s leash. “Becca, we’re not driving separately, and my family is going to love you. I have a better idea.”
“What?”
“How about you agree to come for one night, and if you really want to leave, we can come back late Saturday after the party? Otherwise, we’ll stay until Sunday.”
I knew I was making an important decision. Telling Gavin ‘no’ would ring a death knell for our relationship. I’d be telling him I wasn’t serious enough, and I’d lose him. But going meant I was opening myself up to being hurt even more. It was with some surprise that I found myself nodding. “Okay, it’s a deal.”
“Good.” He kissed my forehead. “Ready to head home?”
He always said stuff like that—referring to his place as home, as if it were mine too. I wondered if he knew that part of me wished it were. It wasn’t going to be easy leaving him at the end of the summer. I’d miss him, and I’d miss how incredibly safe and comfortable I always felt in his arms. Just being at his side allowed me to live so much more. I wasn’t looking over my shoulder. I wasn’t worried about anything or anyone hurting me.
&
nbsp; “Sure. Let’s go.”
***
“Becca, we’re almost there.” Gavin nudged me, speaking softly.
I yawned and stretched. “Wow, I was out a while, huh?”
He laughed. “Yeah, but that’s okay. The way you tossed and turned last night, I doubt you got much sleep.”
“No. I was pretty nervous.”
“I figured, but there’s nothing to be nervous about.”
“That’s easy for you to say.” I tried to get out a crick in my neck. Sleeping in the car wasn’t always the best idea. “I know you didn’t want to do this, but I’m glad you agreed to come. It’s important to me.”
“You’ve made that clear.”
He reached over and took my hand. “We’re doing this together. I’m not going to dump you at my house and run or anything, I promise. I’ll be with you the whole time.”
I forced a smile. “Okay, let’s do this.”
Gavin pulled into a long driveway in front of a large, white, colonial style house. “This is it. Home sweet home.”
I unbuckled my seatbelt, but was still sitting there when Gavin came around and opened my door. He’d already pulled our stuff out of the back. “You’re not going to stay in the car all night, are you?”
“They’re here!” A woman’s voice broke through the quiet night. Gavin helped me down, and I grabbed my purse before he could close the door.
“Hi, Ma.” Lit only by a few outside lights, it was hard to get a great look at the woman in front of me, but I did notice the way Gavin hugged her. He definitely loved his mom.
“And this must be Becca.” She stepped in to the light and smiled warmly, pulling me into a hug as well. “It’s so nice to have you here.”
“Thanks for having me, Mrs. Powell.” I was so not used to this. I’m sure my nerves showed.
“It’s Annie. Just Annie.”
I smiled. I was too nervous to know what to say. I pulled my bag out of Gavin’s hand.
“I’ll help you with that.” A man as tall as Gavin came out of the house and took my bag.
“Hey, Dad.” They exchanged a hug.
“Dad, this is Becca.”
“Hi, Becca, it’s so nice to finally meet you.” He reached out a hand. “I’m Todd.”
“It’s nice to meet you too.” I smiled politely. I felt Gavin’s strong hand on my back offering comfort.
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