by Dee Tenorio
“I’m trying to give to you.”
Her heart ached, almost more than her body as it strained tighter.
“Why won’t you let me?”
And just like that, it ended.
Krista woke up, blinking uncomfortably, her body wavering on the precipice of satisfaction for a single, heart-stopping second before falling backward into the definite not-satisfied arena. So it took her a few frustrated seconds to realize she was in a strange room. It wasn’t her rented bedroom, not even her bungalow. She sat up with a dawning sense of horror. She felt her chest, relieved that the pareo she’d tied was still in place. A shift of her hips told her that her panties remained as well. She blinked muzzily, rubbing at her numb cheek and trying to shake off the webs of the too-vivid—and too-pointed—dream she’d just had. So where was she?
“Oh good, you’re awake. It’s already after eleven, we thought we were going to have to come poke you with a stick.”
Krista looked up to the doorway where Ricky—no, Stevie was the one with the pierced left ear—stood with a breakfast tray. Behind him, Ricky smiled and waved. Neither seemed to realize how close her dream had come to doing just that.
“Don’t look so nervous.” Stevie chuckled, his thick blond hair falling over his forehead in perfect boyishness. “Trust me, if there was ever a safe place for a woman, it’s Cobb’s bed.”
She laughed weakly, glad for the covering miscommunication. The mortification of these two knowing she’d been having a sex dream would only be eclipsed by hearing them tell everyone they spoke to about it. One night in their presence and she already knew that no one had secrets with them around.
No one felt sexually confident, either, she’d bet. If Brad Pitt had ever been cloned, that would be the perfect explanation for them. She wondered if maybe plastic surgery was a better one. It didn’t matter. They were almost ethereally beautiful men from head to toe, graceful to match. Women who wanted them were ignored and men who stood next to them just didn’t get noticed.
They both wore only pairs of red board shorts, their gold skin and impressive muscles on open display. Part of her appreciated the sight, but most of her wanted the orange juice Ricky was holding out toward her. She didn’t like the thought in her head that the models’ perfection still managed to pale against David’s rich masculinity.
God, you have it so bad.
Stevie stuttered to a stop, tray balanced outward like a cartoon character caught mid-frame, baby blue eyes wide. “Morning sickness?”
Krista blinked. “What?”
“You made a face. And we’ve got sisters.”
A laugh unwillingly made it to her lips. “Nope, this baby is a morning person. It’s lunch he hates.”
He relaxed with a sigh and they finally brought the juice within reach. Trying not to be too greedy, Krista allowed herself a full second before grabbing for the glass. She was halfway through the sweet, pulpy goodness when Stevie offered a piece of warm golden pancake.
“So, what are you going to say to the boyfriend when you go back?”
She took the proffered fork and popped the food between her lips to buy herself some time. The men had been all kinds of accommodating when she’d showed up on their doorstep the night before, bravado gone, and asked if she could stay at the party longer. Before she knew it, she was spilling her guts to the most attentive listeners she’d ever met in her life.
Of course, then they’d gone on about their own bad breakups and shared some secrets about Cobb and Jake as well. Turned out, part of the reason for the vacation was that Jake had been dumped by the latest love of his life after he’d cleaned out Jake’s bank account and crashed his classic Malibu. The other three figured it was time to change the dating pool.
“At this point, we’d even settle for a woman,” Ricky had announced with a sigh. “No offense, but anything is better than letting him choose for himself.”
At least they’d gotten a kick out of Cobb going spastic over her ex.
“No idea,” she answered now. The only thing coming to mind to say to David was “Get out.”
Stevie grinned. “You know you don’t want him to go.”
“Oh yeah? And where’d you hear that from, John Edwards? Did you have to pick a letter first?”
The man actually managed to frown prettily. “John Edwards?”
“Psychic guy, talks to dead peop—” Krista stopped. Stevie wasn’t the kind to sit in his bunny slippers late at night waiting up for a boyfriend who couldn’t seem to get off work on time. “Never mind. Not important.”
“If you say so,” Ricky replied, still mystified. “But I still say you want to get back with him.”
Of course she wanted to get back with him. That didn’t mean she was going to do it. “What I want isn’t usually very good for me.”
“Tell me about it,” Stevie agreed emphatically. “But no one said that what’s good for you doesn’t hurt you. I mean, haven’t you ever had a colonic?”
“Stevie, man.” Ricky gave his brother a grossed-out look. “Breakfast.” He rolled his eyes before hooking his thumb over his shoulder. “Well, whatever you’re going to say, you’d better figure it out soon. He’s still over there in your bungalow. Waiting.”
Krista frowned. “How do you know that?”
“’Cause Cobb is out on the deck, watching for him,” Stevie answered. If they stood close enough, she could just about fool herself into thinking she was talking to a single person. They practically operated with the same brain. “Been there for hours. I think he’s got a real crush this time.”
“Yeah, David has that effect,” Krista grumbled around a bitter bite of pancake. At least it wasn’t just her who was turned utterly senseless by the man.
“Well, I’d at least talk to him. He could surprise you.”
Maybe. He’d surprised her by showing up there at all. But the fear of getting sucked back into a relationship that didn’t work was too strong. Ricky started out of the room, Stevie turning to follow him.
“Wait, what about you? Don’t you want any?” Krista indicated the remaining pancakes and fruit compote with her hand.
Stevie shuddered. “Oh, honey, no.” He rubbed his washboard abs. “You don’t get to looking like this if you eat things like that.”
Krista looked down at the plate, wondering if she should be regretting the two bites so far. Then again, she didn’t pose for building-sized billboards in her skivvies. That little dose of truth reminded her that the Sunshine Twins had a slightly distorted sense of reality and couldn’t be taken seriously in the slightest.
She waited until they were gone to run to the bathroom. Figuring Cobb wouldn’t begrudge her a capful of mouthwash, she did a quick ablution and walked carefully back into the social areas of the bungalow. Everyone from the party had gone. The twins had gone running and Jake appeared to be doing kitchen duty. Unhappily. Or maybe the brooding man just looked that way. It was anyone’s guess.
“Thanks for breakfast,” she said as she put the tray on the counter.
Jake, unlike the others, had some sense of modesty. He almost wore a blue shirt, but the middle hung open to reveal deeply browned muscle. It went well with the darker blue knee-length board shorts and the gleam on his black, black hair. His eyes were startlingly bright, the ocean color of the irises vivid against his tan, and his skin showed some weathering at the corners. The scar through the eyebrow probably helped rake in the prospective rotten relationships.
She sighed, shaking her head at him. If he were straight, he’d give David a real run for his money.
“Ricky and Stevie work all the lover’s lament out of you?”
She blinked at the blunt question as he tossed a dish towel over his shoulder so his hands would be free to take the tray. He tugged it, brow raised in question when she didn’t quite let go. She had to tell her fingers to release.
“What do you mean, lover’s lament?”
“I don’t mean nothin’ by it. Just, who hasn’t heard i
t before? He doesn’t pay enough attention to me. He doesn’t care about me anymore. And when your little bait-and-switch fails, it’s stomp, stomp, stomp, slam, slam, slam, it’s over, goodbye.” He put the dishes into the sink before looking over his shoulder at her. “Unless I have that wrong? Isn’t that what you were telling the guys last night?”
Krista frowned at him, hating that he was even partially right. “You’re a bitter soul.”
Jake laughed, a rich deep tone that probably made the women he knew have fantasies of turning him. But she heard the sardonic chill and was kind of grateful he played for the other team. “Oh, I’m bitter. Poor little rich girl doesn’t get enough attention and I’m the one with issues?”
“Oh please.” She rolled her eyes, ready to go out on the deck with Cobb to moon over David’s door. Except… “You know what? Yes, you’re the one with issues. All I said was ‘Thank you for breakfast’ and you jumped down my throat for breathing. You’d think you might be the tiniest bit grateful that I was here to absorb all the well-meaning fix-it rays going on in this place. If I weren’t, you’d be strapped to the wrong end of a banana daiquiri bar right about now.”
Jake’s glare held for a few seconds before his mouth twitched, amusement coloring his features as his hackles slowly lowered. “I didn’t know there was a wrong end of a banana daiquiri bar.”
Krista bit her lips together. She wasn’t even sure there was such a thing as a banana daiquiri bar, but it had sounded good in her head. She shrugged one shoulder, determined to carry it out.
“You’re right,” he finally sighed. “Between Ricky and Stevie trying to drag everyone on earth into a happily ever after and keeping an eye on Cobb’s spending, I’m probably more irritated than ever and I had no right to shit all over your mope.”
And he’d been doing so well apologizing. But even a gay man was just a man. “I’m not moping.”
Jake scratched the back of his head. “Wrong word, huh?”
“Ya’ think?” But she relented enough to sit on the stool in front of the counter. “So why are you watching how much Cobb spends?”
“Someone has to. Did you see how many people were here last night? Everyone drinking, eating, using things. He didn’t know half of them but all of them sure acted like he was handing out lotteries.”
Which answered the question of what Cobb did for a living. Like her, he must be a trust fund baby. “Still doesn’t answer the question. If his spending were a problem, wouldn’t his parents or his trustees step in?”
Jake took too long to formulate an answer.
Krista stiffened. “You’re not a stuntman, are you?”
“No, I am. But before that, I’m his friend.” His gaze switched out to the view of the window, where Cobb was sitting, tinkering with a guitar. She didn’t need to know him well to understand that look—longing. She wore it just about every day. “We met when he decided he was an actor for a few months. Everyone loved him, he just didn’t know it would be so much work.”
“The grueling schedule?”
“Learning the lines,” Jake corrected with a chuckle. “His parents don’t know what to do with him. Not in that bigotty way or anything. I mean, they’re not thrilled that he’s gay, but they were hoping for at least a little bit of ambition.”
Cobb hit a bad twang on the acoustic and put it down with a thump.
Jake’s eye squinted. “Problem is, Cobb’s only ambition is to meet as many people as he can. His father finally asked me to keep an eye on him, make sure no one tries to use him. God knows Cobb would never be able to figure it out.”
“And you thought I was out to use him?”
“You wouldn’t be the first woman to sneak into his bed.” He crossed his arms again.
“I didn’t sneak,” she informed him, although she still wasn’t sure how she’d gotten there in the first place. Hadn’t they all been on the couch talking? “And believe me, I wasn’t expecting company.” At least, not from Cobb. Her stubborn subconscious had still dreamt of David. And guilt. Which just went to prove she needed a new brain.
“Well, at least you’re smarter than the usual types.”
She didn’t bother holding in the snort of disbelief. “You’d need the brain of a ball-peen hammer to think Cobb was straight.”
Jake’s laugh this time was full throated.
“Hey, what’s so funny?” Cobb called through the open sliding glass door.
“Nothing, just something we saw on CNN.” Jake shook his head at her when Cobb picked up his guitar again. He added conspiratorially, “He’s allergic to the news.”
She nodded. “That explains his constant happiness.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
The conversation seemed at a happy end there, but something in her wouldn’t quite let her slide off the chair. Finally, she screwed up the nerve to ask, “What did you mean, a bait-and-switch?”
Jake’s gaze flickered again, remorse staining his face for a brief second. “Oh, I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did.” Vehemently. “What’s a bait-and-switch?”
Definitely uncomfortable, Jake pulled the towel off his shoulder and started wiping down counters that didn’t need wiping anymore. “It’s when you offer one thing but if the person agrees and takes you at your word, you give them something else. Gives you a reason to blame them when you want out, but really, it’s all just bullshit from the beginning so you can get your way.”
“And you think I did that to David?” The concept of Jake being unable to hold down a relationship was suddenly not so hard to believe.
“Hey, you’re not the first. People do it all the time. But yeah, I think you did. You got yourself involved with a guy you knew was the emotional equivalent of a gnat. And you told him it was okay. Then, suddenly, it’s his fault that you’re not happy with it. You lied to him, Krista. And just because you’re hurt too doesn’t make it okay.”
“But—” Except she couldn’t think of an argument. Not a good one, anyway. Her shoulders sagged. All that was left was the truth, unpalatable and cold. But Jake stood there, waiting for an explanation she hadn’t even managed to give to herself. Until now. “I don’t like who I am when I’m with him. I’m weak and I feel like I’m begging. I did that for years with my father and all it got me was disowned. I couldn’t take it if I woke up one day, twenty years from now, and had no idea who I was anymore, other than some extension of him.”
The burn in her eyes told her tears were imminent. Better not to be around Jake’s ham-fisted attempts at comfort. God only knew what kind of insult he might accidentally come up with. She shifted to get off the chair, but Jake’s hand over hers on the counter stopped her.
“There’s a simple fix for that, if you really love him.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” Damn it, a tear overflowed when she blinked, and another followed right after. And another. And another.
“Stop begging.”
Krista shot him a glance.
Jake’s earnest expression, coupled with the warm squeeze of his hand, kept her from fleeing. “Tell the man what you want from him. What you really want, not what you think he wants to hear.”
Discomfort—and yes, a twinge of guilt—settled in her belly.
“Has he ever given you any indication that’s what he wants from you? If he has, hell, I’ll go over there and kick his ass myself, but from everything you said about him, I don’t think that’s the case.”
“No. It’s not.” All David ever asked for was to hold her at night. And to spend the rest of her life with him. She brushed off the tears impatiently. “So, it’s not him, is what you’re saying.”
“Hell, I don’t know. Maybe it is. I’m just saying that it sounds at least a little bit like it’s you, too.” Jake came around the breakfast bar and planted himself in the stool next to her. She turned so they could both see Cobb on the deck, now doing some kind of bizarre stretching routine. “You’ll sleep a lot better at night if you’re honest with the person lyin
g next to you. It’s the one lesson I didn’t need to learn twice.”
Tempting, but she didn’t ask how he learned it at all. “So you don’t really care that you had another breakup?”
“Nah. Ricky and Stevie just think people not in pairs is unnatural. If I had half the drama those two imagined I do, I’d have to cut my own balls off and call myself a girl.” He tilted his head at her deferentially. “No offense.”
“You worry me, Jake. Sincerely.”
That got her a grin. “When Cobb recommended coming out to an island, I thought, hey, what the hell? Can’t beat the romantic atmosphere, right? All these flowers and water and sun. It’s the kind of place where dreams come true, you know.”
“Isn’t that ‘Fantasy Island’?”
“Yeah, I had it real bad for Ricardo Montalban when I was a kid. Tahiti sounded like the next best thing.”
Oh look, a tangent she didn’t want to follow. “So if you were me, what would you do about David?”
“Well, first I’d stop telling myself I didn’t want to be with him. Then I’d stop lying to him.”
“I’m not—”
“Stop trying to be anything but what you are, Krista. If he’s the one for you, that’s all he’ll want. Be honest with the guy. Give him a chance to be honest with you. You never know, he could surprise you.”
The same thing Ricky had said. Or was it Stevie? Either way, she guessed it was some kind of sign. Maybe one she should listen to. “Yeah, like how?”
“Well, I’m thinking if the guy followed you halfway across the ocean, it’s not ’cause you make good snicker doodle. He’s gotta care.”
“I know he cares.”
“Ever ask how much?”
No. She’d never had the courage.
Her silence must have been answer enough because Jake nodded. “Maybe you should. I mean, if you had the balls to walk away, maybe you’ve got it in you to start asking for what you want from him. At least then you won’t be wondering for the rest of your life if you did the right thing.”
“What about you?” She raised her chin to point at Cobb. The man was beautiful with his long hair gleaming like onyx and his foot stretched up in a standing split.
