#57 BLEEDING IN LOVE
Mia heard knocking at the door and was very surprised about it. She was even more surprised when she opened the door and nobody was standing there. She looked around and didn't see anyone. She looked down at the doormat and found a small piece of paper. She bent down with pain and misery. But she took it. She looked around once more and closed the door. Then she read the message: “Meet me today, my dear, before I leave. Zoological garden, main entrance, in two hours.”
She had really hoped it would be so easy to be left in peace for some weeks. Apparently, she didn't get the promised holidays. Mia was disappointed. She had two hours. It wasn't far away. Normally, it would take five, maximal ten minutes to reach the main entrance of Warsaw Zoological garden. It was only around the corner. She had visited the ZOO a couple of times, because she could take long walks there. There was enough room to go walking and to watch animals and it was relaxing.
However, in her condition she had to plan in at least half an hour or even an hour to get there. She went back to the bathroom and washed herself. Her whole body was one big pain and the water didn't make it easier to bear. Her skin was itching and scratching. She needed some medicine. She wanted to buy it on her way back home.
Mia dressed herself and was angry, because she was so limited. She hadn't enough strength to think about anything, and tried to concentrate in what she was doing next. She was approaching the main entrance. It was forenoon and hardly anybody went into this direction. Mia was almost there, when suddenly a sweet, little boy, maybe ten years old, stood in front of her. He didn't want her to move on.
He was blond and felt very important. He looked at her and he seemed to be worried or dissatisfied. He closed his left eye because he was facing the sun and said:
-I have got something for you.
She was confused.
-For me? What you’re talking about?
-A message.
Quickly, he handed her a piece of paper and wanted to leave. He was already going away, when Mia caught him on his arm and pulled him back. He was surprised. He usually was quick enough and she really got him!
-Who gave it to you? – She asked quickly, but emotionless.
The boy’s eyes became bigger and he smiled coldly:
-I am not allowed to tell you. However, he knew, you would ask it.
She let him go and had to cough. She was very weak inside and everything she wanted was to go home and sleep and never ever stand up again. She was one with her pain. She envied Sleeping Beauty for the hundred years of quietness and peace. Mia looked at the piece of paper and read the message: “Got ya!”.
It wasn't Jonas' style. He never said “ya”. He tried to speak like an intelligent, well-educated person and used many “clever words”. However, Mia could see that he wasn't as much educated as he pretended to be. He was smart, he was intelligent, but he never studied. He just tried to make a better impression.
“Got ya!” Mia read it again, and again, and again. She caught these words like a pill against the pain. She concentrated on the line, on two words, which should give her strength to go.
At the same time, she was disappointed. Was that all she had come for? And now what? Should she go home or stay here? “Do we play “punk’d” right now? Smooth criminal won’t let me in peace.” She turned around and started heading back home. An hour ago, she thought she was mad, but that was nothing compared to now. She was furious. She was unbelievably angry.
It was Friday and actually, she should be at school. She didn't care about it right now. The great long weekend was coming. On Monday and Wednesday were holidays and therefore, they got Tuesday as a free day as well. In addition, even if she would miss school at Thursday and next Friday, it wouldn't be bad. She could easily write an excuse and sign it like her grandmother would do. Actually, her grandmother would never write her any excuse, she never did it. Now it didn't matter. Whatever!
Mia needed some free time to pull herself together again and she was so relieved about these days off. Yesterday, she felt like losing the ground beneath her feet and now, she had a minimal hope to get back to reality.
She hadn't made six or ten steps when she saw Julian standing near his car. He was quite close and looked for something in his blue Mustang. He didn't seem to notice her. She tried not to catch his attention and looked in another direction. It was a strange feeling: when you don't want something to happen, exactly this is going to happen willy-nilly. When you wish for something, it hardly ever becomes true. Whatever happens, it turns out to be completely different than you wished for. She tried to avoid a meeting. She didn't look good, she knew it. Secondly, she didn't feel well, either. She didn't have enough energy to talk. All she wanted right now was to change places with the Sleeping Beauty. She wished for silence, quietness and wanted to be alone. She made two more steps when she heard his friendly voice:
-Hello Mia!
She shut her eyes shortly and took a deeper breath. She didn't look in his direction and made two more steps. What was he thinking now? Last time, he was almost behaving like her enemy and now, he was playing the greatest friend ever? She was too tired for such games. She didn't show it and overplayed it quite elegantly.
Slow it down, make it stop. Mia’s heart was beating faster and faster. Just because she knew that he was there. Moreover, she was too exhausted to control her breath. She wasn't able to be a good actress right now. Well, when she wanted to escape and ignore him, she should be faster. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to. Her stomach was one source of pain. She couldn't locate any specific place of soreness. Everything was hurting. In addition, as she wanted to step forward, the world started to rotate. Mia stopped. Girl, focus, stay focussed!
She wasn't sure what was worse: to ignore him and fall down after some meters or to talk with him for a while, pull herself together and then to go home by hook or by crook.
-Mia, Mia! – Julian screamed twice and there was a kind of request in his voice.
She stopped and turned around slowly. She looked at him and waited for his next reaction. He apparently noticed that she wouldn't come to him and he was already coming towards her.
-Mia, what you are doing here? – Julian asked friendly and he looked gorgeous.
He was so beautiful with his wide smile, his perfect profile and with his sparkling deep blue eyes. He seemed to be very happy to see her.
She smiled back, but her joy wasn't as obvious as his. Now it was her turn to say something. She searched for excuses and couldn't find any.
-Just bunking off. – It seemed to be probable and reliable.
-Oh. Alone? – Apparently, Julian wanted to start over again and didn’t intend to let her go without at least some obligatory small-talk.
-Yes. All alone. – Mia tried to stay emotionless, but her voice wasn’t very assertive and confident as it usually was. She noticed that Julian realised it, but he didn't comment it.
Then, they stood there for a while without saying a word.
The wind was playing with her hair. Some flying curls shrouded her eyes. Mia breathed calmly, but louder than normally. She waited for his next question and looked for an excuse to leave him. Today, she wanted to run away from the world. Today, she wasn't prepared for any contact with the world. She was wounded too much to gather the strength to be a part of life, society, small talk.
Julian did something very spontaneously and surprisingly: he stroke her hair off her face and stroke her cheek. Mia was shocked. Up to now, nobody had ever touched her cheeks. Maybe her parents did, but it was too long ago and she didn't remember the feeling. She was so shocked, she just stood still like a rock. Only her eyes showed that she was alive.
This was too much for her. She didn't expect it. Mia hated it and loved it at the same time. There were too many things at once for her to deal with. He just caressed her cheek. She needed time, she needed space, and she needed more patience from the world.
Nevertheless, his touch was very deli
cate and sensible. Every move was a pleasure and she could let him stroke her face for the whole eternity if this would be possible. It was even better than leaning her head on his shoulder.
Her pain brought her back to reality, she squeaked shortly, but so quietly, he could hardly hear it. She made a face and came back to reality. He took his hand back and looked at her carefully. He was scared and she didn't know why. Then the worst happened: she coughed up blood. Even her sleeves at her mouth couldn't hide the truth. He noticed it and was extremely moved.
-Ok, thanks for asking, have a nice weekend, bye. – She said through the sweater and turned around. Mia started to go away but Julian didn't stay behind and followed her. It was easy enough. She wasn't fast.
Julian walked next to her and watched each of her movements.
-Mia, you can’t just walk away. I will take you to a doctor. – He suggested.
She didn't look at him. She ignored him, although she was well aware of his presence.
-Mia, it doesn’t look good. Please, let me help you.
She kept on walking. She was so angry and embarrassed about this situation that she found enough strength to walk quite normally. Her pain lost its battle against the feeling of humiliation.
-Mia, just stop. Stop! – Julian demanded and caught her hand.
The pressure of his hand made Mia stop and she was forced to turn around towards him. She almost fell into him. It was the second humiliation within such a short time. She was angry, and this time she didn’t even feel the pain.
-Just let me go! – She snapped irritated and looked him into the eyes.
There, in his deep blue eyes, she found compassion and mercy, which annoyed her even more. The last thing she wanted was compassion. In addition, his compassion was not acceptable. All this gave her an extra dose of strength so she was able to run away from him. Even though she might not be able to move at all for a week, she was ready to face the consequences. She was too proud to admit how broken she was and how much help she needed. She had built walls and didn’t intend to let anyone in.
Mia didn't know how she managed to set herself free from him. She ran and didn't look back.
Lovefool (Introduction) Page 59
