#79 EVERY YOU AND EVERY ME
While Mia was eating her dinner, Julian watched her very carefully. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't dare to speak out loud.
She smiled and raised her eyebrows.
-What? – She asked finally.
-I would like to ask a question.
-You don't need my permission. – Mia said stunned. She already knew it would be something concerning her family. So far, they had been busy talking about him his story. Now it was her turn.
-What’s with your family?
Mia didn't move, but her body rapidly became tense.
Julian noticed it of course, but he didn't show it in any way.
-I don’t have family. – She said after a short while. She didn't look at him and her eyes didn't show anything.
Julian knew it already from following Sebastian's thoughts. Mia was an orphan. But she had to have someone to live with. She had a tragic past but it was hidden from him.
-What happened? – He said, in a calm voice, sad and quiet.
-It was an accident. My parents died when I was three years old.
She said it with one breath and she still kept looking at something without seeing it.
-What happened? – He repeated his question.
-They were murdered. – She didn't move and she didn't look back; she was like a violin with steel strings that were tense up to maximum.
-Oh. – He was noticeably shocked. He didn't expect it. What he was expecting was a car accident or something like this. Surprisingly, a murder didn't come to his mind, although it was indeed possible.
-And your further family? – He asked after a longer break.
-I don't have any. – She lied without any reason.
The words just slipped her tongue and she was shocked how she could say something she didn't intend to say. She wanted say she had just the grandmother, but there were different words coming out of her mouth. She was surprised and at the same time, she couldn't move. Something was holding her shoulders and forced her to remain sitting on her chair. It was her voice, it was her words, but it wasn't her intent. It was as if something with an own will was inside her, using her to communicate. It was a strange feeling.
Julian saw her uncertainty of emotions and her confusion. He put it down to bad memories and apparently, she wasn't able to speak freely about it. He didn't force her. Later on in another occasion he would ask more questions, now it was better to drop this topic. He left her sitting in the kitchen. Her thoughts kept spinning around the question why she had lied to him. She didn't mind having done it; the words just came out. She should tell him the truth as soon as possible. He was honest to her and she just plainly lied to him. It was rude, it was tricky, and it wasn't her.
Her inner voice tried to calm her down, but it didn't work.
She was still on edge and irritated, too. Later that night, when they were lying in bed, she tried again to tell him the truth, but she couldn't speak aloud, she just stuttered the beginning of her sentence and couldn't say more than “I... I...”.
-Hush, hush. – said Julian who was lying next to her, caressing her
Mia gave up and closed her eyes. She was desperate. She was terrified. She couldn't understand what was going on. Maybe this was the reason why she slept very unsettled. He was watching her and considered to ask. Julian had already seen many traumatised people. He was sure she was one of them. They will have to work this out eventually. Now, she should just rest and sleep well.
Quietly he mumbled a song into her ear, which relaxed her. Her breath was regular and she didn't move much anymore. Mia turned to him while sleeping and laid her hand on his shoulder. He was lying on his right side, whispering the same song all night long.
Lovefool (Introduction) Page 81
