#90 (I CAN FEEL YOUR) HALO
The Saski Park was shining in the sun like a precious jewel. The trees were green and the sky was blue. She ran as fast as she could. Her body sent her signals to stop running in this condition. Her stomach was crushed, her hand was crushed, and her entire body was crushed. Every doctor would order her to stay in a hospital for some days and rest.
Her face was looking tired. Mia had cleaned herself from the blood today, but the feeling of having blood all over her face stayed. Her hand was damaged and needed medical care. Her stomach was wounded, and every doctor would order a surgery. But Mia didn’t feel anything of it. She was running. She was running away from the apartment where Julian’s family members came to visit. She ran away from her thoughts and her past.
In that moment, she realized, she was running to the bridge where she had met Julian once. Not long ago he had come towards her from the pillars. She was running to a place where her hopes had met him once. She wanted to believe that it would happen again. All she needed was to see his face, to see his smile, to feel his hand on her cheek, and to see her face in his eyes. Julian, where are you?! Julian, show up!
Her body warned her long enough about its bad condition, and now the rest of her bodily problems started to follow through with their own claims. Some meters away from the place where she had met Julian, Mia collapsed and fell on the green grass. Her mind could be occupied with as many thoughts as it wanted, but her body had its needs, too.
She fell in the grass, but she still didn’t feel pain. Her eyes saw the blue sky, reminding her of Julian's sapphire-like eyes. She was addicted to his love, and still loved him with the same strength. This love went wrong. Now, she had lost herself.
She remembered how she laid in Julian's arms and with a glimpse of an eye she saw Julian appearing. He shouldn’t be there. He wasn’t supposed to be killed. But she killed him twice.
She looked at the sky and observed how it changed during the day. She tried to stay focused at what was happening in the sky. Then her thoughts couldn’t attack her anymore and she finally had some peace in her head.
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Mia was so alone. Her love was gone. She wished her life would end in this moment. She was too emotional to cry. There were so many tears inside her and she was so sad that it would be enough for the whole universe. She had built walls around her and when she had an opportunity to tear them down, she didn’t do it. She should have told Julian about Jonas. Julian broke his rules; she should have broken hers as well. She didn't have any doubts about Julian and still she destroyed everything, because she didn’t trust him enough to tell her story. She should have broken every rule she had. Now it was too late.
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
She would never see him coming to her again. He was her past. He was her past like so many other people. Everything she loved was her past already. She was screwed forever. From them both, from the duo of an almost immortal and mortal being, this was the end of the road for the first one. How probable was this?
Only in the moment, you realize what happened, you can see the entire battle field. You can see losses and the risks that were taken. Mia was aware of the losses. Mia thought that she should have died instead of Julian, he should have stayed alive. Her longing for Julian was overwhelming her like a black hole. There was no future without him. There was no life, no happiness, no hope and no sense in this world without him. It would be easier to know that he was invisible, that he was somewhere else on earth, and that he was alive. Such thoughts would help her to wake up every day. Even if she would never see him again, the certainty that he was alive would be a reward itself. She had no hope left. The black hole swallowed her.
She should keep away from every being on this planet to save it. She was the messenger of death. She was the herald of damage. She was screwed and she was screwing anyone who was in contact with her. What remained were her memories. Julian came to save her. He was fighting for her. He still loved her after what she had done to him. He loved her and he will always be a part of her. Her love killed him. His love saved her.
Julian wouldn’t leave her no matter what would happen. She shouldn’t leave him either. She had to fight for him against the one who took them apart. She had to raise up against the one who had stolen her luck. There was no escape anymore, there was just a stop sign and the certainty that sometimes there was nowhere to hide from all the pain inside. Sometimes you had to use this pain to go on. Sometimes you had to use your anger to fight.
Mia had to find her anger and her fury. She had to feel Julian’s halo. She had to stand up.
Lovefool (Introduction) Page 92
