by Jacki James
“We’ll have to take her out sometime, and you can see how fast she is. Do you like fast cars?”
“I do like to go fast. On the ranch when we were kids, Linc and I used to take the four-wheelers out and race them. I loved it. I think that's how Linc got interested in being a paramedic. We were racing one day, and I flipped my four-wheeler. We were pretty far from the house, and Linc had to figure out how to get me back. I wasn’t hurt bad, but we were just kids, and it seemed worse at the time.”
We headed to the club, and Nathan chatted away about work and the baby shower they were having for his friend Mark’s ex-wife. It was like once it was just us he forgot he was supposed to be super-sexy guy, and he was just Nathan. Not that I didn’t appreciate super-sexy Nathan, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that wasn’t who he really was.
I didn’t know if we would have to wait to get into the club or not. I wasn’t sure how these things worked, but Nathan took my hand and led me straight up to the bouncer.
“Nathan, baby! You look amazing! We’ll have our hands full keeping you out of trouble tonight, I think,” he laughed.
“Nah, I brought my own personal bouncer tonight, Shawn. This is my friend Alex. Alex, this is Shawn. He’s one of the bouncers and has worked here forever. Are Mark and the guys inside already?”
“They are and they got you your table, so you’ll have a great view of the dance floor just like you like.”
“Thank you, sugar.” He gave Shawn a kiss on the cheek and led me inside. He pointed across the room where his friends were, and I was relieved to see Mark and his husband had dressed more casually. At least my black jeans and black t-shirt wouldn’t stand out. When I’d first seen Nathan, I’d been afraid I would stick out like a sore thumb, but I was dressed like most of the guys. It was Nathan who was the standout, but I had a feeling he would stand out in a crowd no matter how he was dressed.
As we headed over to their table, we were stopped over and over by people wanting to say hi to Nathan. He flirted and laughed and air kissed our way to the table. Somewhere along the way, a waiter named Sammy gave Nathan a cocktail and offered to bring me a beer.
It was strange to be in a place where two men together were the norm. I watched the people who passed us as we made our way to the table, and it was amazing to see everyone just being themselves. It made me wonder why I hadn’t come out like this before; it was very freeing.
“Alex, good to see you again. This is my husband, Justin. Baby, do you know Alex from the hospital?” Mark asked.
“I don’t think we’ve met, but I’ve seen him around.” Justin reached out his hand.
“Physical therapy, right?” I asked as I shook his hand.
“Yep, that’s where you’ll find me.”
Nathan and Mark had fallen into a conversation about the baby shower and Mark’s daughter’s birthday, and I sat there and watched him. Linc and Casey showed up and took their seats, and a few minutes later Matt got there. You could tell they were all close.
A fantastic looking guy came up and whispered something in Nathan’s ear. “Oh, not tonight, sugar,” he replied. “I have a date tonight, but maybe you can catch me next time.” Then he winked and blew the guy a kiss.
I told him I was heading over to the bar to get another beer. I needed a little break having never experienced anything quite like tonight. I ordered a beer from the bartender and turned around to watch Nathan. A nice-looking guy walked up next to me and ordered a drink. Then he looked me over really slowly and smiled.
“Hey there sugar, I haven’t seen you around here before. You alone?” he traced my biceps with his finger.
“Lay off, Jerry. He’s here with Nathan. Didn’t you see them come in?”
“Nurse Nathan? Well aren’t you a lucky boy? You aren’t his normal type though. Of course, I guess eventually he was bound to run out of otters and move on to bears, and you are just a yummy one.”
“Jerry,” the bartender cautioned. “You’re being a bitch. Stop it.”
I shook my head and walked off. Man, I thought women were catty and bitchy, but they had nothing on some of the guys in this bar.
I sat back down at the table and watched the guys interact. I was trying to be patient and figure out what was going on. I wasn’t one to play games, and I was pretty sure that was what was going on here. Like Nathan was putting on a show. But it seemed like it was what the people here at the club expected, so it wasn’t a show just for me. Although for tonight, I was his main audience.
It was like he didn’t want them to see him as a serious person. I knew from what I heard about him at the hospital and from talking to him, that he was an intelligent, caring person, but here he acted like a brainless sex object. And that is when my brain kicked in. What made me so good at my job was my ability to see patterns, and what I was seeing here was as clear as can be. But before I decided what to do about it, I needed to touch him.
“Hey, want to dance?”
“Sure. I love to dance. It’s kinda like having sex with your clothes on, so what’s not to like? Well, except maybe the clothes part.”
I took his hand and led him out on the floor. It was like the DJ read my mind, and the music switched from a thumping club beat to a sensual, sexy song. I slid my hand up inside the back of his shirt as I pulled him close. He fit against me perfectly, like he belonged there. I loved that while his body was all hard and male; he was so much smaller than I was. My size usually made me feel like a big oaf, but with Nathan, it felt right. I was still working out what I wanted to do about this wonderful, silly man, but the one thing I was sure of was that he was going to be mine. The song ended and we headed back over to our table. I sat down, but Nathan grabbed Mark and Lincoln and drug them out on the dance floor.
“Damn, I love to watch the three of them together.” Justin smiled as he watched his husband moving to the music with the two other men.
“They are hot together,” Casey agreed. “Always have been.”
I watched Nathan as he moved to the beat of the music. He was sexy, that was for sure. The music changed, and another guy came up to them and pulled Nathan away, and Lincoln and Mark made their way back to the table. He danced with the other guy; his body promising things I knew for damn sure he wasn’t delivering tonight.
“Is he always like this?” I asked Lincoln.
“Super flirty and slightly slutty you mean?” Lincoln asked giving me a knowing look.
“If anyone else said that, I’d take issue with it, you know?” I glared at him.
“Yeah, I know. But you know what I mean.”
“It’s like he’s two people. He’s this amazing, warm, caring man on one hand, but as soon as he realizes he’s is letting it show, he starts acting like… well, like that.” I motioned toward the dance floor where he was now dancing with two other guys. “I’m just trying to figure out which is the real Nathan.”
Lincoln smiled at me and nodded. “I know. The truth is both of them are the real Nathan, but one of them more so than the other. He will always love to dance and wear glitter and makeup. That is just a part of him. He loves to be pretty.”
“I don’t mean the makeup and the glitter and the clothes. I mean the image he portrays that he is, well, as you put it, flirty and slutty. Don’t get me wrong, I want him. Shit, with the way he looks and the way he moves, I’m guessing half this room wants him right now.”
Lincoln chuckled, “More than half probably. He’s gorgeous.”
“He is,” I agreed. “But he is so much more than that, too? Can’t they see that?”
Lincoln sighed and looked at me like he was trying to decide how much to say. Finally, he said, “The question isn’t whether they can see it. It isn’t even a matter of whether or not you see it, although I’m glad you do. The question is, does he see it?”
Chapter Seven
Nathan
Dancing with Alex was amazing. It made me wish that tonight had been different. I wished I hadn’t worn my fuck me cloth
es. I wished we weren’t at this club. I wished we had stayed home and watched a movie and talked and laughed like we did in the car on the way over here. He made me wish I was enough to make someone happy long term, but I knew better. There was a time when I thought something like that was for me, but now I knew it wasn’t, and I didn’t understand why he made me want it.
Once our dance was over, I stayed out on the floor and just danced. I always lost myself when I danced, and that is what I needed tonight. I was thinking way too hard about this whole thing, and what I wanted was to just feel. But it wasn’t working, because the whole time I could feel his eyes on me. I was aware of him in a way I didn’t think I’d ever been aware of another person. It had been like that even before the date tonight, probably from the first time I saw him at work.
Finally, I gave up and headed back to the table. I made eye contact with Alex as I walked over, making sure to put a little extra swish in my step. He looked like he wanted to eat me alive. I headed straight to him and pressed my body against his. Going up on my toes, I rubbed my smooth cheek against his beard.
“Mm,” I moaned rubbing against him like a cat. “I wondered if that would feel as good as I imagined it would.”
He leaned down toward my ear and whispered, “Does it? Feel as good as you imagined, I mean?”
“No, sugar, not even close. It feels so much better than I imagined.” I rubbed my face against his again, and he grabbed me by the ass and pulled me closer. Fuck, I loved this. He was so much bigger than me. I had never really liked to be manhandled, but with Alex, it was different. It didn’t feel threatening. It felt… safe.
“Let’s get out of here,” he growled in my ear.
“Sweetie, I thought you would never ask. Let's go.” I grabbed his hand and started for the door. We made it outside in no time.
“So where do you want to go? My place or yours?”
“Yours if that’s okay with you, and if you don’t think Linc will be home anytime soon.”
“No, he’ll stay out until the club closes. Unless Matt gets on his nerves too much, then he’ll head home,” I said with a shrug.
“Yeah, I noticed that. What’s with those two? They seem to have issues.”
“They’re just too much alike I think, but eventually, they’ll figure it out. Two of their best friends are married now, so they’re thrown together a lot.” Truth was, there was more to Matt and Linc’s problems than anyone knew, but that wasn’t my story to tell, and what I said was correct. They were going to have to figure it out. I had no doubt that they would. It was just going to take them a while to work through it.
We made it back to the apartment and went inside. I expected him to do something He-Manish like grab me and push me up against the door as soon as we walked in like big burly guys always do in romance novels. But that wasn’t what happened at all. Instead, he walked over to the bar, and sat on the stool. I stopped and look at him trying to figure out exactly what was going on.
“You are so adorable when you do that.” He smiled.
“When I do what?”
“When you cock your head to the side like that. You do it when you’re trying to figure something out. It’s adorable.”
“Adorable? Trust me, sweetie, when I was waxing and putting glitter all over my body, adorable is not the look I was going for,” I huffed out.
He chuckled and said, “You are sexy as fuck and you know it. Come here.”
I walked over to him, stepping up between his knees. His dropped his hands to my waist and drew me to him. I swear I fit there like I was made for him.
“You fit here like you were made for me, you know that?” he asked as he rubbed his beard against my neck.
“That tickles,” I laughed. “And I was just thinking the same thing.”
“I want to talk to you about something, but first, I need to know if your lips taste as good as they look.” He leaned in and licked at my lips. I opened up and he groaned as he slipped his tongue inside my mouth. I melted into him, and he wrapped his arms around me. We kissed and nipped and licked until we were both panting.
He pulled back and blew out a breath. “Wow. That was quite a kiss.”
“It was, wasn’t it? And we're just getting started.” I leaned back in to kiss him again, but he placed his hands on my chest and stopped me.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said sounding serious.
I stepped back and looked at him. “You want to talk now?”
“Yes, I do,” he said as he reached out and pulled me closer. “But I want you close enough to touch while we talk. Would you be more comfortable on the couch?”
“No, I’m fine right here,” I answered while trying to figure out what the hell was going on here.
He reached up and gently brushed his thumb across my forehead and down my cheek. “Did you know that when you’re confused or trying to think you also furrow your brow? That’s the first thing I noticed about you. How adorable you were when you were trying to figure something out.”
“Really? And when exactly was that?” I asked going for annoyed but pretty sure I just sounded charmed.
“At the hospital the day I hurt my shoulder. You made the same face at me that day.”
It’s no wonder I looked confused. I had no idea what was going on right now. He had seemed totally into me at the club. Once we got here, he’d kissed me like that, and I’d been certain he wanted me. Now he wanted to talk. So yeah, I was confused as fuck.
“Alex, what is it?”
“Nathan,” he paused trying to get his thoughts together before he continued, “I don’t want to sleep with you.”
“Excuse me?” I pulled away quickly. I had never felt so stupid in my life. How could I have misread him that badly? “Okay, well, um, I’m sorry. I guess you can just go ahead and go. I mean, I’ll let you head on home, and I’ll go on to bed.”
“Shit! Nathan, no. Dammit, I’m fucking this up. That’s why I wanted to be touching you. I need to be touching you right now.” He let out a sigh and looked at me with so much regret. “Please, just listen to me. Then when I’m done, if you want me to go, I’ll go.”
I stood there for a second looking at him. I swear, if he were anyone else, I would tell him to just go. If he didn’t want me, he didn’t want me, so what was the point. But there was something about the way he was looking at me that begged me to listen. I was still confused and embarrassed, but I wanted to hear what he had to say. I wasn’t sure why, but I did.
“Okay, but if we’re going to actually talk, let's sit on the couch.” I walked over and sat down on one end and waited for him to join me. He took a deep breath, and then got up and came to the couch, but he didn’t sit on the other end like I expected. Instead, he sat on the ottoman in front of me and took my hands in his.
Alex
He looked so wary. I couldn’t remember a time when I had fucked something up this badly. I was supposed to be good in an emergency situation. Basically, that was my job description, and yet, this thing with Nathan had me so screwed up I panicked and sounded like an idiot.
“Listen, I’m fucking this up. Just listen to me for a minute, okay?”
He nodded his head
“I like you, Nathan. I really like you.”
“You like me, but not like that. You just want to be friends or some kind of shit like that. I get it, Alex. That’s fine.” He pulled his hand out of mine and stood up, but I stopped him.
“You said you would listen,” I chastised. He rolled his eyes and shrugged but plopped back down on the couch.
“I do like you ‘like that’, and I don't want to be friends. Or at least not just friends. And I didn’t mean that I don’t want to have sex with you ever, I just meant not yet.”
“So you do want to sleep with me, just not tonight,” he asked obviously confused. I nodded and he did that thing where he cocked his head to the side and studied me like I was a puzzle. “Why?”
“Why what? Why do I w
ant to sleep with you, or why not tonight?”
“Both."
“Well, I want to because you’re sexy as fuck and because, like I said, I like you. And not tonight because, well, once again, I really do like you. Nathan, you’re the first guy I’ve met that I wanted something real with. The first guy who made me think of myself as bisexual instead of a guy who didn’t mind a hand job or blowjob with another guy if he was all that was convenient.”
“Something real?” He whispered.
I raised my hand to his face and caressed his cheek.
“Yes, Nathan. Something real. Have you ever had a real relationship?” I asked him and as soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back. It was only for a second, but in that flash, I saw such pain in his expression it broke my heart.
“No,” he said sadly. “I thought I did once, but I was wrong. Relationships really aren’t my thing.”
I probably should’ve lost hope when he said that, but as he said it, he instinctively leaned into my touch. That told me that he wanted this, and I was going to hold onto that.
“Well, I really want to try with you and see where this goes. I know we don’t know each other yet, and I think that needs to happen before we sleep together. Are you willing to go on a few dates, spend some time together, and just see what happens?”
He reached his hand out and ran it down my chest “Hmmm,” he hummed. “How long do we have to wait? And does this waiting period include all things sexual or just actual fucking?”
I groaned as he touched me and reached behind his head and pulled his mouth to mine and kissed him.
“Definitely no fucking,” I said between kisses. “But let’s play the rest by ear.” I reached under his ass and pulled him into my lap on the ottoman. He wrapped his legs around my waist, and we just stayed like that. Kissing and learning each other's taste and smell. He reached under my shirt and started to push it up over my chest, and I broke our kiss.
