Faking It d-2

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Faking It d-2 Page 7

by Jennifer Crusie


  Three people stared at him: Gwen, a pretty little blonde who looked a lot like Nadine, and a tall blond man who had clearly decided to dislike him on sight. Behind them, Steve the dog eyed him warily in front of a huge pink-and-orange bubbler jukebox playing some woman singing “I’m into Something Good.”

  “Hi,” Davy said, not sure what to do next.

  “You rented the room to a thief,” Betty said to Gwen.

  “Actually, I’m not a thief,” Davy said.

  “Oh.” Gwen nodded. “I knew there was something wrong with you.”

  “You’re the burglar in the closet.” The little blonde dimpled at him.

  “The guy who stole the wrong painting?” the tall guy said, hostile as hell.

  “The burglar thing was a one-time deal,” Davy told the little blonde.

  “Evict him,” Betty said to Gwen. “Refund his rent.”

  “We could use him,” the blonde said, and Davy thought, Whatever you want, honey.

  Then the other shoe dropped. “Wrong painting?” Davy said.

  The little blonde held out her hand. “I’m Eve.”

  I’m Adam. “I’m Davy.” He took her hand. “Very pleased to meet you.”

  “I’m Nadine’s mama,” she went on, more wholesome than he’d thought possible in a woman over twenty. “And Vilma’s sister.”

  “And this is Andrew, Nadine’s father,” Gwen said pointedly.

  Damn, Davy thought and let go of Eve’s hand. He nodded to Andrew who did not nod back, which made sense since he’d been ogling Andrew’s wife.

  “And you know Tilda,” Gwen said.

  “Tilda?” Davy said, turning back to Betty, starting to grin. “As in Matilda?”

  “Yes,” she said, her voice like ice.

  Davy shook his head. “And you got mad when I called you Betty.”

  “I didn’t get mad,” she began. “I-”

  “How important is it that we get the painting back?” Andrew said to Tilda, and Tilda abandoned Davy in a nanosecond to focus on him.

  “Very important,” Tilda said. “But I can do it.”

  Andrew shook his head at her. “No. You stay out of there. Let this guy do it.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Davy said. “But no.”

  “No?” Eve looked crushed. “Can’t you wait to go to Australia?”

  “What?” Davy said.

  “Nadine said you were on your way-”

  “Oh.” Davy shook his head. “No, it’s not Australia.”

  It would have been fun to comfort Eve, but Andrew already didn’t like him. “I stole you a painting already, remember?” Davy said to Tilda. “Everything you asked for, square board, night sky, stars…”

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Gwen said, her voice fair. “They do look-”

  “I said a city scene,” Tilda said. “The one you stole had cows in it.” Her tone was not warm.

  “Be nice, Tilda,” Eve said. “Describe the one you want him to steal and send him after it, and all our problems will be over.”

  “Honey,” Davy said to Eve, “if I could steal another painting, I would, just for you, but I can’t get back in there.”

  “Why not?” Tilda said, and he transferred his attention back to her.

  “Because there may be people in the house,” he said. “And I have recently learned that’s a very bad idea.”

  “So if there weren’t any people in the house, you could do it?” Gwen sounded as if she were heading for something, and Davy focused on her.

  “Yes,” Davy said.

  Behind them, the jukebox changed records and someone who was not Linda Ronstadt began to sing, “You’re No Good.”

  “Because I might be able to get them out of that house,” Gwen said. “Mason wants to look at the files. If we take out all the Hodge files first, I could invite him over, and Clea would follow him to keep an eye on him, and he could shuffle through the records as much as he wanted. And his house would be empty.”

  Tilda rounded on Davy, switching tactics so fast he was surprised she didn’t leave skid marks. “You didn’t get what you wanted, either. You could go in and get the painting and whatever-”

  “No.” Davy stared her down. How Eve’s pale blue eyes could be so sweet, and Tilda’s same blue eyes so icy was beyond him.

  “Why not?” Tilda said.

  “Because I’m not letting four complete strangers send me off to commit a crime for them,” Davy said. “That would leave me pretty exposed, don’t you think?”

  “You can trust us,” Eve said earnestly.

  “You, maybe,” Davy told her. “But your sister has conflicted feelings for me. She’s tried to maim me several times now, so ratting me out to the cops wouldn’t bother her at all. She goes with me.”

  “It’s okay,” Tilda said to Gwen. “I looked in most of the rooms already, it’ll only take a few minutes. I checked every place but Clea’s closet and the third floor.”

  “You didn’t check the closet?” Davy said.

  “I was attacked when I tried,” Tilda said.

  “Because I didn’t look there, either,” he said. “I found the cows on the next floor up. Big room, full of wrapped and packed paintings. I took the first one I saw that was the right size and shape and had stars.”

  “I would have done the same thing,” Eve said, nodding at him, and Davy thought, What a sweetheart.

  “So it’s probably in her closet.” Tilda took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”

  “I’ll call Mason,” Gwen said and headed for the gallery.

  Davy smiled at Eve, and Andrew took her arm.

  “We have things to do,” Andrew said, keeping an eye on Davy as he dragged Eve from the room.

  Davy turned to look at Tilda, now standing all alone in front of the jukebox, eyeing him as though he were something hissing the dog had dragged in.

  “So, Betty,” he said cheerfully. “Let’s get to know each other.”

  “Oh, hell,” Tilda said, and collapsed onto the couch.

  Chapter 5

  T HE LAST OF “you’re no good” tailed off, and Davy looked around to see what he’d gotten himself into. It was a medium-sized room filled to capacity by a huge old leather sofa and an equally huge old walnut desk that looked as though it might have once been valuable. They flanked the jukebox and a large round oak table with beat-up, mismatched chairs that didn’t look valuable at all, everything including Steve the dog sitting on a very beautiful and very worn Oriental rug.

  “Cash flow problem?” Davy said to Tilda.

  “It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’ve done for me,” Tilda said. “It’s that I think it’s creepy that you know where I live.” She frowned at him, her blue eyes cold behind her bug glasses, her Kewpie-doll mouth flattened to a tense line.

  “I followed you home last night,” Davy said, and went over to a row of photos on the wall.

  “I’m supposed to be reassured by that?” Tilda said as he looked at the array of school portraits and holiday snapshots. “You stalked me.”

  “That’ll teach you to neck in closets,” he said. “Aren’t you supposed to be doing something with files?”

  She was quiet behind him for a minute and he tensed, but then he heard a chair scrape as if somebody had yanked it across the floor and then a file drawer open, and he went back to the pictures, fairly sure she wasn’t going to attack him.

  The pictures must have been up in no particular order since there was one of an angelic-looking blonde baby next to one of three teenage girls in fifties bubble hair and big skirts, leaning together with their chins out, over a pen scrawl that said “The Rayons.” One looked like Eve, but that couldn’t be, she was much too young to have been a teen in the fifties, and on the other side-

  “My God, you’re wearing a poodle skirt and big hair in this picture,” he said, turning to look at Tilda. “How old are you?”

  “None of your business,” Tilda said, bent over a card catalog. Steve glared at Davy from her la
p. “Get away from my family.”

  “There’s no reason to be bitchy,” Davy said. “If you’d told me your name when I asked nicely, I wouldn’t have had to stalk you.”

  “It was a high school talent show.” Tilda slammed the drawer and opened the next one. “Nineteen eighty-five. Retro kitsch.”

  “And your talent was…”

  “Singing. And no, I’m not very good at it.”

  “The Rayons?”

  She took a deep breath. “Gwennie raised us on girl group music like the Chiffons. You know, this is really creepy, having you here.”

  “Vilma, you frenched me in the dark, and now you’re upset I followed you home?”

  “You didn’t follow me home for that,” Tilda said, looking at him over her glasses. “You’re up to something.”

  “You know me well.” Davy went back to the pictures. “Who’s the third girl? Louise?”

  The silence behind him was deafening.

  “Louise?” she said.

  “Yeah,” Davy said. “Dorcas warned me about Louise. Who is she?”

  “My… cousin,” Tilda said. “She works with Andrew at the Double Take. She’s not here very often. She doesn’t live here.” She was close to babbling, which meant she was lying. Again.

  “What’s the Double Take?”

  “Andrew’s club,” Tilda said. “The floor show is impersonators, all kinds, and people come dressed up like other people, and there’s a Karaoke Night on Tuesdays that really…” Her voice trailed off as if she’d realized she was talking too much. “You should go there sometime,” she finished. “Nobody there is what they seem to be, either.”

  He turned back to the Rayons photo. “Louise doesn’t look much like you and Eve.”

  “That’s not her,” Tilda said. “That’s Andrew.”

  “No, the girl in the middle.” Davy looked closer. It was Andrew. A teenage Andrew in big hair and a puffy skirt, but still Andrew, looking prettier than either Eve or Tilda. “Oh. He makes a really good-looking girl.”

  “He makes a really good-looking guy,” Tilda said.

  “So, does your sister know you have a thing for her husband?” Davy asked.

  “Had,” Tilda said.

  “No, it’s still there.” Davy moved down to look at a more recent picture of Andrew, this time dressed as Marilyn Monroe.

  “She had a husband,” Tilda was saying. “They’re divorced. And I had a thing, but it’s over.”

  “I don’t think so,” Davy said, moving on to one of Na-dine’s grade-school pictures. Very cute. “Why’d they get divorced?” He went down the line of photographs until he found their wedding picture. “Did you get grabby?”

  Tilda opened the last file drawer. “Andrew fell in love with somebody else.”

  “Andrew has no brains,” Davy said, looking at Eve, smiling like a dewy angel, her face fresh and clean under her blonde curls.

  “Andrew is gay,” Tilda said, “and Jeff is a great guy.”

  “Andrew didn’t know this before he married Eve?”

  “He says not. He says it was God’s way of making sure there was a Nadine.” She took a card out of the last drawer and tipped Steve gently to the floor as she stood up. “That’s it for here. I have to go downstairs. You are not invited, and you can’t stay here.”

  “Tell me about this painting.” Davy swung around to confront her. “Why are we stealing it?”

  “You do not need to know that,” Tilda said, starting past him.

  “Oh, yes,” Davy said, catching her arm. “If I’m stealing it, I need some information. Who painted it?”

  Tilda took a deep breath and then turned those eyes on him, glaring with intent.

  “What?” he said.

  “You know,” she said coldly, “there are people who are afraid to cross me.”

  “And what a shame none of them are here,” Davy said. “Who painted it?”

  She sighed. “Scarlet Hodge.”

  Davy looked at her, dumbfounded. “Somebody named a helpless baby Scarlet Hodge?”

  Tilda pulled her arm out of his grasp.

  “Of course, Gwennie named you Matilda,” he said, reflecting.

  “My father named me Matilda,” Tilda said. “After my great-grandmother, so show some respect.”

  “Uh-huh. And your middle name?”

  “Veronica.” When the silence stretched out, Tilda added, “After Ronnie Spector. ‘Be My Baby.’”

  “You have my sympathies,” Davy said.

  “It was almost Artemesia Dionne,” Tilda said. “You may keep your sympathies.”

  “Okay,” Davy said. “So Scarlet painted them and Clea bought one. Where’d the other one come from?”

  Tilda shrugged. “Mason Phipps, I guess.”

  “So we take that one back.” He watched her stiffen. “Betty, you’re keeping things that don’t belong to you,” he said sternly. “That’s bad.”

  Tilda stared back at him, unblinking, as Gwen came in radiating tension and said, “It’s set. They’ll be here at eight. Mason is thrilled?” She sounded not thrilled. “Did you get the files?”

  “Going down after them now,” Tilda said, equally tense. They both looked miserable.

  “Not used to crime, huh, girls?” Davy said.

  “Good heavens, no,” Gwen said and went back out into the gallery.

  “You may go now,” Tilda said to him, and he thought, I could be chasing divorced Eve right now. Then the light caught Tilda’s crazy blue eyes again, and she looked stubborn and difficult and exasperating and infinitely more interesting than Eve, if he could keep her from maiming him. And he already knew she could kiss.

  “So,” he said, sliding down the door to sit on the floor. “Talk to me, Matilda Veronica. Tell me all about it.”

  ❖ ❖ ❖

  ACROSS TOWN, Clea sat at her bedroom vanity and fumed, mostly so she wouldn’t panic. Mason was besotted with that horrendous Goodnight woman.

  If Gwen had been twenty, it would have made sense.

  Clea looked in the vanity mirror. Forty-five years of taking exquisite care of herself couldn’t make her twenty. The way she’d squandered her youth appalled her. Rich men had wanted her, but she’d wanted to be an actress. She’d wanted to show everybody she was somebody.

  The problem was, you needed money to be somebody.

  You don’t have much time, she told her reflection savagely. You made stupid choices and now the clock is ticking. This one has to be the one. Do something, you dumb bitch.

  The contempt she felt for herself was making her frown. That added a good ten years right there. She smoothed out her forehead, shoving away her anger, and with the anger gone, all that was left was panic.

  No. Clea straightened on the vanity bench and smiled at herself. Her competition was not a twenty-year-old, it was Gwen. Gwen was old. So maybe it wasn’t the woman, maybe it was the gallery. In which case, why didn’t he buy a damn art gallery? Honestly, men.

  The phone rang and she picked it up, ready to mutilate whoever it was on general principles.

  “Clea!” Ronald said. “Darling!”

  Darling, my ass. “Tell me Davy Dempsey is on his way to Tibet,” she said through clenched teeth.

  “Why would he go to Tibet?” Ronald said.

  “You were supposed to get rid of him, Ronald,” Clea said. “You’re failing me, Ronald.”

  “I don’t know where he is,” Ronald said, panic making his voice rise. “But it’s okay. I talked to somebody-”

  “I don’t want you to talk to somebody, I want you to get rid of him,” Clea said. “Do not call me again until he is out of the way.”

  “But I did-”

  Clea hung up on him, taking savage satisfaction in smacking the receiver down hard. Those phones where you pushed the button to hang up were never going to last. People needed cradles to smash receivers into to let fools know they were pushing their luck. Fools like Ronald. Her eyes narrowed. And Gwen Goodnight.

  She needed
a contingency plan. She tapped her foot for a moment and then picked up the phone and hit star 69. “Ronald?” she said a moment later, her voice much softer. “I’m sorry. I’m just so worried about Davy.” On the other end of the phone, Ronald made soothing noises. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Clea thought. “There is one way you could help. You know so many things, so many people. Could you be my darling and find out everything you can about Gwen Goodnight and the Goodnight Gallery? Especially Gwen Goodnight.” Ronald babbled all over himself. “You could? Oh, thank you, darling. I’ll be thinking about you.”

  She hung up and thought, He’ll get something. That was one good thing about Ronald. He was efficient. She caught sight of herself in the mirror. Frown lines again. She looked forty. Her face blanked out in panic -she was not aging, not yet, she didn’t have any money, she wasn’t going to be alone and poor- and then she took a deep breath and looked again, smiling.

  An angel smiled back from the mirror.

  “Don’t do that again,” Clea said to the mirror, and went to her closet to find something to wear that would make Mason forget all about galleries and Gwen Goodnight.

  TILDA FROWNED AT DAVY, sitting calmly against the door to her escape, looking pretty damn good for a stalker-thief. “I don’t want to talk to you. Move.”

  Davy smiled up at her. “So tell me, Matilda, was Dad slightly crooked?”

  “Hey!” Tilda straightened, flustered with what she hoped looked like indignation. “Listen, you, my father had an impeccable reputation, my whole family does, for generations. We’re Goodnights.”

  “Good for you.” For the first time, Davy looked a little taken aback. Steve walked over and sniffed him, and Davy scooped him into his lap and held him there like a shield.

  “He used to warn people about some of the paintings,” Tilda said, on a roll. “He’d tell them to wait, to get more documentation-” She broke off as Davy perked up.

  “Documentation. That’s how he knew if a painting was real?”

  “He traced its provenance,” Tilda said, her voice full of forged virtue. “He found out where it originated, who sold it first, got letters from people who had owned it. He-”

  “He was trusting a lot of people, then,” Davy said, patting Steve. “All he’d need is one crook in the bunch and only the artist would know for sure.”

 

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