“Some of my friends are here and want to know if we all want to go out for a bit. We head out at three a.m., so I figured we could go to a bar for a bit instead of staying around here. You two up for it?” He seems excited, which makes me as well but my happiness is short lived when Ariel gives him a concerned look.
“Chase...a bar? Are you sure that’s smart after today? I don’t-”
She seems really worried, but he cuts her off and steps back, breaking our touch.
“Look, I had a bad morning, but I’m good now. I just want to hang out with some friends for a bit, I’d like you guys to join, but you don't have to. I don’t plan on getting crazy.” I crosses his heart with his hand and Ariel nods.
“Okay, give us an hour and we will meet you at Hope’s bus.” She grabs my arm and leads the way to my bus before either of us can speak. We get ready in pretty much silence other than discussing what to wear. I pull on a black lace dress and matching heels, while she throws on a red skirt and crop top.
I’m excited since this is the first time in a long time I’ve been out, let alone with celebrities. We all take an Uber to a local club and excitement fills me as we walk in. The crowd starts chattering as people realize Chase and some guys from other bands are here and I can’t contain my excitement as we are led to the VIP section. Being with the band is opening a whole new world for me, but I don’t want him to think this is the only reason I like him. I briefly wonder if the issue with is dad will cause him to drink tonight, but my question is answered when I hear him order water.
My phone buzzes and I smile when I see it’s my sister.
“Hopppee!! I miss you. Love you! Call me soon.”
I respond with a kiss emoji and promise that I’ll call her tomorrow. We are all sitting around a large sectional in the VIP area chatting and Chase comes and squeezes in between Ariel and I.
“I have not had a chance to tell you how amazing you look tonight. I mean you always look beautiful, but that dress is something else.” He kisses my cheek and I can’t help but smile.
“Thank you, you look pretty good yourself.” I say, and he does in his dark, fitted pants, a blue button up that brings out his eyes and a leather jacket. He puts his arm around me pulling me closer to him and I don’t know if it’s the alcohol, but I shimmy closer to him, enjoying the feeling of his body touching mine. In that moment I decide I want to show off my new life a bit. I haven’t really talked to anyone but family and close friends, so I figure tonight is a good chance to announce I’m staying with this band after the tour is over.
I waive down a waitress. “Can you take a picture of all of us please?”
She smiles, “Of course.”
Chase looks at me with a smirk, winks and tells everyone to scoot together.
I put my arm on his leg and Tyler, the lead singer of The Destroyed, leans in next to me. She snaps the picture and hands my phone to me.
I glance at the photo, damn I look happy, really happy. For a minute I am stuck staring at the photo. I can’t remember the last time I looked that happy. I knew that I have been excited and happy ever since this whole thing started, but part of me wondered if I was just trying to make this work so that I wouldn’t hurt any more. Part of me wondered if it was an act to convince my family and myself that this was right. Looking at this picture I get my answer...this is right.
“Hey if you post that, tag me okay?” I hear Chase in my ear and his voice brings me back.
I smile, “Add me on Facebook and I will tag you all.”
A few minutes later, I upload the picture tagging everyone, with the caption ‘Well, I’ve been offered a position to stay with Ignite Records! After this summer I will be moving to become a permanent part of the Rising Aggression crew. Cheers to this new adventure’.
I use my caption to answer Ariel’s question to join full time. As soon as it posts, my nerves go haywire. Now everyone will know. I hadn’t even told my family, so to save my ass I send a quick group text to my parents, sister and Anna.
“I just wanted you all to know how great things are going here. I have been offered a full time position with Ignite Records! I am so excited, I am celebrating now, but I’ll call you tomorrow with details. Love you all!”
I take a deep breath and immediately wonder what everyone is going to say and how people will react. I don’t want to admit it, but Josh is one of the first people that cross my mind. Everything is piecing together in my life now, and the fact that he is no longer a piece still bugs me slightly. I’m angered at that fact, but I tell myself that eventually he will just be a memory.
Chase:
Today started horribly. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked though, I knew deep down that my dad probably wouldn’t come to the show. I just figured we’d at least have some time together to talk, but I knew as soon as I got to his house that would not be the case.
“Hey dad.” I say when he answers the door, showing no emotion at all.
“Well, don’t just stand outside.” He grumbles as he walks to the kitchen.
“How have you been?” I say, trying to lighten the mood as I sit at the kitchen table. He hasn’t changed a thing in this house since mom died. Every decoration she put up, the way the furniture is arranged, hell this old wood table and chairs I’m sitting in, are probably older than me.
“I’m fine. Just working a lot, started construction on a new house about an hour away. Not all of us can travel all over singing and partying for a living.”
I grit my teeth, trying to hold in my response. I know I pissed him off when I got in my accident, but damn how long is he going to hold a grudge? It was my fault for drinking, but it’s not my fault Mom is not here.
“Speaking of singing, are you going to come to the show tonight?” I ask, trying to hide the hope in my voice. I doubt he comes, God forbid he show some support for his son, but I had to ask.
He looks at me with sorrow filled eyes, that are starting to crinkle around the edges from age. I feel the pain in my stomach from nerves, his answer is all over his grief ridden expression. Finally after a few moments of silence he takes a deep breath and answers.
“I’m sorry son, I have a side job to finish tonight. I’ll try to make it, but I doubt I can come.” Then he quickly gets up and grabs a cold beer from the fridge and we continue to sit making awkward small talk.
“Of course..” I say in a barely audible tone. “I just figured my first show home, you know soon you won’t have to work like you do. I want to help you, Dad.”
He shakes his head, “I’m the man of the house son. You may be grown and on your way to becoming some big rock star, or whatever kids call it these days, but it’s my job to take care of myself and this house.”
I don’t bother to argue, as we barely speak as it is. Anger starts to rise in my stomach and I don’t want to hate him for not being a more active parent, but some days it’s so fucking hard.
I get back to the venue and hurry to change for the show. Everyone is probably going to pissed that I’m so late, but Ariel knows where I went. I get to the stage right as everyone is setting up. I’m trying to hide my mood and just stay quiet but then Ryker asks me about the set list. All the anger I was holding in from earlier just overcomes me and I lose it.
“Well did it fucking change overnight? Unless you guys changed it in the last few hours while I was gone, it’s the same man.”
When I realize I flipped out loud instead of in my head, I slam the mic into the stand and hurry back stage before anyone can say anything to me. I take a glimpse back and see everyone stunned. I look at Hope and I’m gutted. Her bright blue eyes are wide with shock. Fuck, I don’t want her to see me like this. I head to the bathroom and throw water on my face to cool off. After a few minutes of quiet I head back to stage and I hear the crowd from a few feet away. I gather my thoughts and run on stage throwing everything emotion I have been trying to subdue into my performance.
After the show I am amped. That was the best show we’ve had i
n a long time, probably even before the accident. I get a text from Keaton, one of my friends from home asking if I want to go out with some people tonight and bring the band. At first I want to say no, partying is not a good thing for me, I haven’t since last year, but I would also like to show Hope the other side of this business, not just the work. So I tell him I’ll let him know and run over to Hope and Ariel. Without thinking I put an arm around each of them and ask them about tonight. Secretly wishing Hope wants to go. Then Ariel looks at me questioningly and I know immediately what she is thinking.
She must read my mind because sure enough the next words out of her mouth are questioning my decision to go to a bar. I know she is worried, especially because she knows I saw my dad today, but I know what I’m doing. I just want to have some fun after today and I’d really like to see Hope let her guard down a bit and have fun. I know she loves this job, but I want to see her out of this element.
“Look, I had a bad morning, but I’m good now. I just want to hang out with some friends for a bit, I’d like you guys to join, but you don't have to. I don’t plan on getting crazy.” I say mean everything I say, but I really want Hope to come, so I’m crossing my fingers she does even if Ariel doesn’t go.
Ariel looks from Hope to me and nods. She probably thinks going with me is better than me going alone. Hope smiles as Ariel grabs her arm and pulls her away telling me to meet them at Hope’s bus in an hour. I am slightly nervous, but more so for the reaction I’ll get when people see me there.
“Chase we have about twenty minutes until we need to meet Ariel and Hope, are you ready?”
I hear Cole yell from the front door.
I grab my black, leather jacket and head towards the door.
“Yep, let’s go.” I check my phone and Keaton texted that he will meet us at the club downtown.
We reach Hope’s bus and Aiden knocks, I grow slightly anxious as we wait for the door to open. I’m trying to make sure my face doesn’t show my every thought tonight, because when I’m around Hope it takes everything I have to act natural. When all I want to do is feel her skin on mine and have her in my arms.
Ariel answers and for a second I don’t recognize her, obviously she is attractive, but I have never really seen her outside of her tour attire.
“What are you looking at me like that for?” She says questioningly.
I laugh, “Um, sorry. I just have never seen you dressed up. You look nice.”
She rolls her eyes, “Well dressing like this while being in ninety degree weather with hundreds of people is hardly correct attire. You’ve only seen me outside of work a handful of times, loser.”
“Whatever, I was trying to give you a compliment ass.” I say and flip her off.
“Are you two ready? Where’s Hope?”
I question, looking around, before I get an answer I see her walking from the back of the bus.
“I’m here!” She says cheerfully as she walks closer. It takes me a second to speak, because all I can do is stare. She looks gorgeous in a little black, lace dress that fits every curve of her body like a glove. Her long, toned legs are on display as she walks towards me in black matching heels.
“Gr-great. Let’s go.” Is all I manage to get out.
“You look fantastic Hope.” I hear Cole’s voice from behind me.
She smiles so big it radiates through her entire face.
I grab her hand and lead her towards the parking lot where we meet the Ubers. We all cram in the two cars and head downtown. Once we get to the bar, I start to rethink this idea of going out. I hope everything goes smoothly. This will be the first time I’ve been in public really besides performing, I’m slightly wondering how the crowd will react. I’m really wondering how Hope will react.
When we head inside and I gesture for Keaton to come over.
“Hey man, it’s crazy in here isn’t it?” He says loudly over the music and people talking.
I grin, “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting it to be this packed.”
The bouncer comes over and tells me they have a VIP section available. I almost turn it down thinking that would be too much attention, but I look back at Hope and see the excitement in her eyes taking everything in. So I accept his offer and tell everyone to follow me.
As everyone else sits, I hang back to watch Hope. I just can’t get over how beautiful she looks tonight. She looks pretty every damn day, but tonight...tonight I can’t keep my eyes off of her. So, I take a deep breath and go sit beside her and tell her how great she looks.
I lean in to kiss her cheek and inhale her sweet scent trying to not make it so obvious to everyone else around that I don’t want to keep my hands off of this woman. If I could I would just take her home right now and see what she has underneath the tight black dress that leaves me wanting her more every second.
She blushes as she replies, “Thank you, you look pretty good yourself.” I use that as an opening to put my arm around her and pull her body close to mine. I may have imagined it, but I swear she just scooted in even closer and it’s taking everything I have to not rub my hand down her slender thigh that is on display. When she moves away as she calls over a waitress I immediately miss the feeling of her body next to mine.
I hear her ask the woman to take a picture of us and I wink at her, then tell everyone to squeeze in. When she lays her arm on my leg as she leans in for the picture I have a hard time keeping my composure. I don’t know if it’s the environment were in or what, but I have never wanted someone so bad in my life. When she gets her phone back I glance at the picture and it’s clear that Hope is exactly where she wants to be.
I lean in and put my mouth close to her ear, “Hey if you post that, tag me okay?”
I pull out my phone and send her a friend request on Facebook, then turn to talk to Ariel next to me. A few minutes later my phone dings, notifying me of her add and picture tag.
I turn to her, “You’re joining us full time!?”
She immediately smiles and starts giggling. “Well, after we talked at the fire I thought about it and I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather do. I’m really excited, just trying to figure out where exactly I’ll move. Plus, Ariel has to get it officially approved from the label.”
“Hell yes! Okay, we need to celebrate.” I order a round of shots for the table, I don’t drink, but I want to celebrate her and not be awkward about drinking. While we wait for our drinks I see Hope’s phone constantly lighting up. She unlocks her screen and shock is written all over her face. I glance to her screen and see her Facebook notifications are constantly going up.
“Welcome to the spotlight.” I whisper in her ear and pull her in for a one armed hug. She laughs, “Thanks, I think. I’m not going to get used to this any time soon. My sister just commented, great, now my phone is really going to blow up. My family will be texting any minute.”
I laugh and pull up the post on my phone. I see her sister’s comment saying we can’t keep Hope without bringing her with and I like it, then reply.
“Well she is here for the long haul, looks like you better join!”
Hope looks at me and laughs.
“Great, now she definitely won’t leave me alone, thanks for that.”
I smirk, “You’re welcome.” I reply sarcastically.
“Cheers to Hope joining us for the long run and to her moving. Cheers to Hope.” We all raise our shot glasses and although I’m hesitant I shoot back the liquid and it warms my throat. Everyone is laughing and enjoying the night, but I immediately feel the need to clear my head. I excuse myself to go to the restroom and I don’t miss the concerned look on Ariel’s face. It was only one shot, but I know she’s wondering if that is all it will take.
Once in the bathroom I splash water on my face and take a long look in the mirror. I’m overreacting I know, but I can’t deny that I was enjoying being out and being recognized, I especially was enjoying the reaction tonight has given Hope. I just can’t let this go to my head again, I won't lose i
t all.
Hope:
Last night was one I will never forget. I mean let’s face it, this whole summer is going to be one I’ll never forget, but going out last night was a blast. Seeing for the first time a little glimpse of this life outside of tour and how people react was insane. I’m still on cloud nine this morning. We’ve been on the bus for a few hours but finally reached Chicago. I am in my bus relaxing because yesterday was a long day and we don’t have a show for a few hours. I woke up to more messages, requests and comments than I’ve seen in a lifetime.
Mom: Hope, first of all I know that you’re an adult and it’s your life, BUT you don’t make life changing decisions without talking to your family about them! Please call me, I just want to know the details and know that you’re taken care of. I love you.
Holding On To Hope Page 7
