“Last I heard, he’s still carrying the baby,” Cole admitted. “I don’t know how—how long he’ll be able to carry it for.” Levi still hadn’t texted him. Cole could only hope that things were going better for Levi now.
Gran bowed her head. “I visited the graves,” she said. “Levi’s mom was shocked and upset, too. He never told us.”
Cole swallowed. He’d visited the graves, too. The dolls from the last time had been replaced with little plastic cooking toys, and there had been a trace of jasmine and honey in the air.
“He’s sorry about everything, you know,” Cole said. “Levi never meant to keep the mansion for himself. He’d figured he was going to lose this baby, too, and—” Cole swallowed, his chest too tight “—and he was gonna return the keys to you next year. We just... we were pretending. That things could go right.”
It seemed like such a fool’s dream, thinking that their pretense could last for long.
“That’s what you came here for?” Gran asked. “To apologize on his behalf?”
“Yeah. And to ask you to give him a second chance.” Cole grimaced. “He never wanted you to find out about the miscarriages. He hated the thought of disappointing you.”
Something flickered in Gran’s eyes—maybe disappointment, maybe something else. “Why did you break up?” she asked.
Cole didn’t know where to start. “I’m not good enough an alpha for him,” he said eventually. “It seems like all I do is mess up.”
Gran was silent for a moment. “The times I’ve seen that boy happiest,” she said slowly, “are the times he was with you.”
“There’s probably someone better for him out there,” Cole muttered. “An alpha who doesn’t fuck up.”
He realized too late that he shouldn’t have cursed in front of her. But Gran only gave a tiny smile, and said, “Everyone fucks up, Cole. It’s in the way you recover from your mistakes—that’s what matters in the end.”
He met her eyes, surprised. And Gran took a step back, making to shut the door.
“But I’ve made another mistake,” Cole blurted. “One that hurt someone else. It’s scarred him for life. He can’t walk properly now. I don’t know what to do about it.”
He hadn’t talked about it to anyone else. He didn’t have grandparents, and he wasn’t about to broach the subject with his own parents. But Gran was wise, and maybe... Cole hoped she had a solution for him.
Gran paused in the doorway, thinking. “Have you done your best to undo the wrongs?”
“Everything I can think of,” Cole said. “Except for being his alpha. Levi wanted me to, but I couldn’t.”
“Sometimes, that’s all you can do,” Gran said after a while. “You can do everything to help correct a mistake, but how everyone else feels—that depends on how much they want their happiness. Life’s like that.”
Cole thought about Micah’s misery. “The guy’s still suffering now for what I’ve done in the past.”
Gran paused, reaching up to squeeze Cole’s shoulder. “That’s almost like an illness, isn’t it? When an incurable ailment afflicts you—no one caused it, sometimes not even yourself. But it’s your decision how you want to react from there. Whether you let it weigh you down, or whether you roll with it and get things done anyway.”
“Except he’ll always blame me for it.”
“Does he?” Gran looked seriously at him.
Cole hesitated. Micah had said he didn’t, but... “I don’t know,” Cole said eventually. “I blame myself for it, too.”
“You’ll have to learn to get over it,” Gran said. “Think hard about what the important things in your life are. The future can always be changed, Cole.”
Then she shut the door on him, leaving Cole alone on the porch, the summer air blowing hot around him.
Could the future really be changed? Could Cole be an alpha worthy of Levi?
He got into the car, his heart thumping.
First, he had to get to the station for his shift. But after that, if Levi wanted to talk... was it possible for them to work something out?
21
LEVI
MEET me at Wy’s Drive-In tomorrow. Dinner?
Levi glanced at his phone for the umpteenth time, his stomach flipping. He should ignore the message. He should delete Cole’s number off his phone, maybe even block him.
But Levi had been starved for attention this past week, craving his alpha’s warmth.
He’d moved most of his things out into a self-storage unit. He’d been crashing in the backroom of Olivier’s Strings ever since he’d returned the mansion’s keys, looking for a new place in town to live.
He didn’t make so very much as a cashier, and ordinarily, that was okay.
Except Levi was also pregnant, and he didn’t want to move into one of the dingier places in town for cheap—not when he didn’t know if the place would affect his pregnancy.
He carried Cole’s baby. Gods, Levi wanted this child. He thought about his baby with hope and fear, remembering the chisels he’d left out of the storage unit—to engrave the next stone with.
And then he wanted Cole to hold him so he could cry, and maybe part of his life would still turn out okay.
Somehow, it seemed as though the happiest times of Levi’s life happened when Cole was around. Just that Cole wasn’t an alpha Levi should have.
Levi gulped, glancing out the shopfront windows. It was early afternoon, the sun’s rays slanting into the store. Ollie had been muttering about the summer heat, and having to compensate for it with more air conditioning. In the distance, sirens wailed.
It was probably the police, or maybe a fire engine. Levi remembered green eyes and maplewood, and his heart pattered.
“The news says there’s a high fire risk,” Olivier said, scrolling on his phone. “That’s mostly in the recreational area campgrounds, but I think it might affect any fires here, too.”
Levi remembered the time he was at the station, Cole and his team hopping onto the fire trucks, not knowing if their lives were in danger. Cole hadn’t even given a second thought to his own welfare.
“Is—” Levi hesitated, squirming when Ollie looked up with a raised eyebrow. “Is Cole on duty today?”
“You could ask him,” Olivier said pointedly. “He was moping around this morning.”
He isn’t upset about me. He can’t be. Levi fiddled with his phone, glimpsing the message from Cole. Cole had been thinking about Levi when he’d sent it, hadn’t he? Levi’s heart fluttered. Gods, I’m desperate.
Then a fire engine roared through downtown, sirens blaring, a flash of red whizzing by the shop. Levi jumped.
Had Cole been on that truck? Levi craned his neck, his heart pattering.
“You could follow it,” Olivier suggested.
“It’s against the law to follow emergency vehicles,” Levi mumbled.
But his mind was on that truck, and the time Cole said, I know there’ll always be a risk. But I’m gonna do the best I can to get me and the victim out alive, ‘cuz I know there’s someone waiting for me back home.
Cole’s someone was Jenn and Taylor now, wasn’t it? He had the sense not to take unnecessary risks. He knew he had to keep himself safe.
All the same, Levi couldn’t help but worry.
Deep down, despite whatever he tried to tell himself... Cole was still his most important person. Hell, he would probably always be Levi’s most important person. That had never changed, ever since the day Cole saved Levi from his bullies in middle school.
Levi fidgeted, thinking about Cole’s gentle hands, his warm gaze. His throat tightened. Now that he’d fallen back in love, how long would it take to get over his alpha?
“You know you want to see him,” Olivier said softly. “He doesn’t message me to tell me if he’s okay, but maybe he’ll do that for you.”
Levi touched his phone, his heart pattering. “I’m working right now.”
“I can manage the shop fine.” Olivier shrugged. “It’s
a slow day today.”
Levi wavered, still distracted by the fire truck. “I’ll just be a while.”
Ollie waved him off. Levi hurried to his car, craning his neck to see which street the truck turned at. Then he drove after the truck, his thoughts clamoring in his head.
Maybe he’d follow the truck to the accident, and Cole wouldn’t even be there. Or maybe Levi would witness them doing something mundane, like saving a cat from a tree. Cole would scowl at Levi like Levi didn’t belong.
Levi’s heart squeezed. It was okay if Cole hated him now. He’d hurt Cole so Cole would free himself, and seek a better future.
Levi slowed down when he neared the fire truck. It had stopped at a business district, pulled up to a multi-story building with a fire on the fourth floor. A ladder truck had pulled up next to the building, firefighters scaling the ladder to reach the burning floors.
Levi caught a glimpse of blond hair and strong shoulders, before Cole pulled his helmet on. Cole was there, so close to Levi.
Levi parked across the road. He touched his belly, trying to stop worrying. Except the fire had swallowed all of the fifth floor, billowing dark smoke into the sky.
He’d heard Cole speak a couple times about structure integrity, and how much time the firefighters had to get people out of a fire. It wasn’t a lot.
What if Cole was trapped in there? There had been times when Ollie had said that Cole almost didn’t make it out of a fire.
His heart in his throat, Levi crossed the road—only to have a car blare its horn at him from yards away, speeding toward him.
It hurtled at Levi too fast for him to react. Levi’s mind blanked. He forced himself to move.
Levi staggered to the next lane, the car whizzing by just inches away.
He could have died.
Weakly, Levi crossed the rest of the road, shaken. A couple of firefighters had turned to look, but with their helmets on, Levi didn’t know which Cole was anymore. He hugged himself, stepping away, trying not to draw attention. He wasn’t supposed to be here.
If Cole had seen that... He would be so pissed with Levi, wouldn’t he?
Levi shrank into himself, praying that Cole had been focusing on the fire instead of him. He didn’t want Cole to be angry now, too.
One of the firefighters took a step toward him, then turned away.
It wasn’t Cole. It couldn’t be. Levi watched as the alpha hurried toward the fire, focusing on his job.
Levi should leave, too. He shouldn’t be here. Except... he worried for Cole. He needed to know that his alpha would walk out of the fire safe. Even if Cole was no longer his.
22
COLE
THAT CAR HAD ALMOST CRASHED into Levi. Levi had almost died.
Cole had almost lost him.
Over and over, those thoughts swirled in Cole’s mind, clouding his focus. He needed to concentrate. There were people to rescue, there was a fire to put out. Except Levi had been seconds away from death, and Cole couldn’t stop trembling.
Last year, Cole’s mom had been in a car accident. There’d been blood—so much of it. Eric had told Cole later what the scene looked like, and Cole had known from experience the puddle of blood, the way their mom’s face had paled to almost-white.
After the accident, Mom had become bedridden. Every time Cole visited her, he couldn’t help remembering the accident. How close she’d come to death.
If Levi had been hit... Who knew if he would’ve survived? And he would almost certainly lose their baby from that impact.
Cole almost turned back to Levi again. He forced himself to listen to the radio in his helmet. Harris was telling them where to go, who was clearing out which floor, and, to his chagrin, Cole had missed his orders.
“I’m on the ladder, right?” Cole asked, biting down a wince when Harris turned to him, eyes narrowed.
“Third floor.” Harris nodded at the burning building, glancing toward the street. “I’ll check on him. Need you in there right now, Cole.”
Cole nodded, his neck burning. He stepped into the building, looking for survivors. The protective suit was clunky like it always was, the oxygen tank weighing down on his shoulders.
Through the thick smoke, he found a woman collapsed on the ground, then a child. Brought them both out, his steps slow and steady. Needed to get them to safety. Needed to get out alive himself, because Levi was out there.
Cole didn’t have a home with Levi to return to, but... he wanted to make sure Levi was safe. Their baby, too.
Over and over, he stepped back into the burning building, watching out for falling beams, listening out for cries of help.
Faintly, someone screamed. Cole sucked in a deep breath, his nerves jangling. It wasn’t Levi, because Harris was with him. But the scream reminded Cole of Micah, and Cole’s mistakes.
The uncertainty lurked. Cole shoved it away, glancing at the fire creeping through the ceiling. It had devoured one end of the corridor, the summer heat feeding its wrath. He made for the next room, finding a young man pressed against the wall, terrified.
Cole’s instincts flared. He pointed to the rest of the doors in the office. “Anyone?”
The man shook his head. Cole scooped him up, carrying him through the smoky hallway. The man was probably an omega, with his thin body, his slight frame. It reminded Cole of Levi, how Levi had felt in his arms.
Levi had almost died.
Cole’s heart stuttered. What if he’d lost Levi right then? What if Cole never got to see his omega’s face again, never got to tell Levi, I still love you?
Because there was no one else like Levi in the world, no one who made Cole’s heart skip and his spirits soar. Levi was someone Cole had sworn to protect. Levi did his best with the children, he’d looked at Cole, all eager and shy, and he’d gone through so many miscarriages and he was so strong.
I shouldn’t have let him leave.
That single thought rang through Cole’s mind, echoing with each step he took through the increasingly-warm hallway. I should’ve asked him to stay.
Gran had said, It’s in the way you recover from your mistakes.
I can be better than this. I need to try. Because losing Levi was so much worse than not trying at all.
If Cole couldn’t control his movements in his sleep, then he would sleep on the floor. He’d ask Gran again to forgive Levi. He’d do everything, because a life without his omega would be like a hearth without a fire.
“The roof is collapsing,” Harris said over the radio. “All men, be on alert.”
Cole clenched his jaw.
The flames grew around them. Then the fire ate through the ceiling over the exit, and a burning beam fell into their path, yards away.
Levi was out there. And if he wanted Cole back, if he could forgive Cole for those mistakes...
The man in Cole’s arms screamed. Cole held on tight so the man didn’t squirm off.
“We’re getting out,” Cole told him.
Out there, somewhere, was an omega Cole’s heart yearned for. He needed to return to Levi.
23
LEVI
COLE WASN’T STEPPING out of the building. Levi trembled, unable to look away from the exit.
Other firefighters were walking out with victims. Levi had to strain his eyes to tell who it was behind the face shields, but each time, he was disappointed. Cole was still in the building somewhere.
Next to Levi, Harris monitored the situation. He seemed calm, all salt-and-pepper hair and shrewd eyes, speaking into his radio. When he had a moment, he glanced at Levi. “He’ll be fine.”
Levi bit his lip, twisting his shirt between his fingers. Cole was on the third floor, too far away from the exit for Levi to be comfortable. And the fire spread to the lower floors of the building, but Harris wasn’t ordering his men to quench the blaze.
“Shouldn’t you be putting out the fire?” Levi blurted. Then he could’ve kicked himself—Harris was the experienced firefighter, not Levi.
; Harris shook his head. “We only douse the flames when all victims are out. The steam will cause severe burns otherwise.”
“Oh.” So the fires would continue to burn, on and on, until they’d saved every last person they could.
Somehow, that only frayed Levi’s nerves even more.
The roof had collapsed into the fifth floor. Levi could see the sky through some of the shattered windows, and flames flickered further below, on the third floor. Where Cole was.
Please get out alive. Please don’t get hurt.
Harris sent Levi a meaningful look. Then he spoke into the radio, “Cole—update, please.”
There was a pause. Then Cole’s voice, tinny over the speaker, “Obstruction to exit. Working on it.”
That took a moment to sink in. Cole... couldn’t get out. He was trapped in by the fire, and Levi whimpered at the horror of it.
“We’re trained to get around that,” Harris said, but Levi only half-listened to him. He couldn’t help the growing panic in his chest, the mental image of Cole surrounded by fire, with no way out.
Levi held onto himself, swaying on his feet. He almost turned away from the fire, except Harris set a hand on his shoulder.
“Stay here,” Harris said. “I can’t keep an eye on both you and the fire if you run off.”
Levi wasn’t sure why Harris needed to keep an eye on him. He couldn’t move if he wanted to, though. Couldn’t help hoping Cole could get through that obstacle.
But what if he couldn’t? What if the other firefighters weren’t in time to rescue him?
Levi’s stomach twisted. Over and over, he imagined the scenarios Cole could be stuck in. Maybe the ceiling had collapsed in his path. Maybe something had fallen on him, and he couldn’t get it off. Maybe the stairs had broken and there was only a sharp drop to the next level.
What if... what if something happened to him while he was trapped, and Levi never saw him again?
Levi bit down his whimper, cradling his belly. He couldn’t lose Cole. He just couldn’t.
The Pretense (Men of Meadowfall Book 7) Page 18
