by Ruby Scott
Trey turned off the television and focused his attention back onto me. His eyes seemed ever bluer than I’d remembered, if that’s even possible. Of course it’s possible.
“Sorry, I just needed my daily dose.” He laughed.
“Oh me too. That one’s my favourite.” I said this sarcastically, but Trey’s face lit up with surprise and a pinch of hope.
“Really?”
He leaned forward in excitement and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I was joking. Hogan’s moustache is sexy and all but I definitely could live without seeing it ever again.”
Trey looked at me in shock, as if I had just personally attacked him.
“You think moustaches are sexy hey?” He said stroking his own with his hand and laughing.
Phew, he wasn’t offended by my response. And he wasn’t actually looking for a response to his question about his own moustache thank goodness. He got up before I could say anything and this actually made the situation not nearly as awkward as it could have been.
“Just getting another cuppa, you sure you don’t want anything?”
“I’m sure, thank-you.”
***
“Sorry I’m late babe.”
Jack came walking into the lounge and threw his bag off his shoulder.
“Totally forgot you were comin’ over.”
“That’s okay.” I said even though it wasn’t, never was, and never would be.
“What’s the plan?”
“You said you were going to take me out?”
“Did I?”
“Yes, Jack.”
“Shit okay, no need to get your large panties in a twist.”
I sighed inside and I felt myself being crushed further by his compulsive insults towards me.
“Well, what you want to do?”
“Whatever you want Jack.” I immediately regretted my automatic reply. Why did I just say that?
“Awesome, the bedroom it is. Let’s get it on babe.”
I rolled my eyes and felt my stomach twist on itself.
“Fuck, don’t be a bitch, Kaitlin. You said whatever I want.”
“I know, sorry. I had just got my hopes up that you were taking me out tonight.”
He laughed at me. “You should know better than that.”
It was true. I should have known better and I was so angry with myself for giving him the benefit of the doubt once again. But what was even more upsetting was the fact that he so carelessly admitted that he knew this too but yet didn’t do anything about it.
I smiled weakly and followed him upstairs.
“You should be happy Kaitlin. No one else is gonna hold those thighs up like I do.”
I was too angry to say anything. I was too angry to fight him off. I was too angry to feel the pain. I was too used to it to care.
***
“Are you okay?”
Trey looked at me sympathetically and I immediately knew he had heard me and Jack arguing last night.
“Yeah I’m fine.”
It seemed like a lie, but it was kind of true. I had lost my ability to feel deeply anymore and I was already over Jack’s harsh words that he spat all over me in last night’s wars.
“I know he’s my son, but I don’t want you thinking I like how he treats you, Kaitlin.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Thanks,” I guess was the only thing I remotely thought would be appropriate.
“You don’t have to be treated like that.”
“It’s fine.”
“It isn’t.”
I looked at Trey shocked that he was being so direct. I knew he didn’t like the way Jack treated me, but he had never pushed it like this before. I knew he had always held back because Jack was his son so I was confused why his questioning this time was any different.
“It’s really not that bad.”
He sighed and sat down next to me.
“Can I trust you with something Kaitlin?”
“Of course.”
I smiled, unsure of what I was getting myself into.
“I don’t want to scare you or make you think differently of me, but I used to be a lot like Jack you know?”
I looked at him shocked but let him continue.
“I treated Jack’s mother very badly. I loved her very much and I didn’t realise how much I was hurting her. And when I did realise, it was too late. Jack knows Janette isn’t his birth mother, but he was too young when his mother died for him to remember her.”
Trey’s eyes started to well up with tears and I could see a lot of pain rising to the surface. I felt very uncomfortable, but this time it was because I wanted to comfort him and I knew I couldn’t. I gave him his space and waited for him to speak again.
“Sorry, sorry. I miss her a lot. I won’t go into any more detail here, but I’m just trying to say that I completely broke the love of my life’s spirit and I don’t want that to happen to another person that I care deeply about.”
I swallowed down a lump of nerves and looked at his weeping eyes. I don’t know what I came over me, but I reached out and wiped one of his tears away. Trey slowly raised his hand to mine and I felt a rush of emotions shoot through me. I pulled my hand away and stood up abruptly.
“I have to go. Thanks for the chat.”
I walked away before he could answer. I was feeling feelings that I knew weren’t right. I had wanted to kiss his falling tears, and his lips. I wanted to hold his manly body and feel what it was like to be cared about. But then my thoughts rushed to our conversation and I was left so confused. How could someone speak so truthfully about the pain he had caused but then look at me with so much desire, if I’m not mistaken, and therefore once again cause pain to all he loved around him? How could he preach about his son’s misdemeanours against his own ‘changed for the better’ person, but then try to seduce his son’s girlfriend? I know he hadn’t seduced me. I am not that ridiculous to think he was doing that, or that he would even want to, but I don’t think that the way he had been looking at me lately was in line with the good character he so desperately was trying to portray.
***
I woke up suddenly and I was drenched in sweat. I had been having dreams about Trey wrapping his arms around me and we were making love, like real passionate and emotional love. Sex like I had never experienced before. I woke up with the sweat from my dream actually being real, along with other moist areas that I would rather not admit too. I couldn’t control myself. Even as it was happening I was trying to stop it, but my ‘dream mind’ had its own idea of what it wanted, and it made me finish the entire ride. I can’t believe how real it all felt and how real my feelings felt. I took in deep breaths relaxing myself back down to my pillow, trying not to let my guilty conscious take over. It was just a dream, just a dream. I closed my eyes and prayed to see nothing but the blackness of a deep sleep.
***
I was back at Jack’s again but this time I went straight up to his room so I could avoid Trey’s piercing eyes all over me. I edged the door open expecting to see Jack holding his play-station controller in his hand, and his tongue poking out in concentration, but to my shock, his tongue was out for other reasons. The girl’s face was hanging backwards, her eyes closed and her mouth wide open as if she wanted to scream, and there was Jack buried between her perfect model legs that went on for days, his hands reaching up to rub against her perfect petite tits. I stood there, still holding onto the door handle, unable to decide what I wanted to do. I just stood there watching as they moved against each other and Jack’s tongue slapped against her lips below. I was in disbelief but at the same time I completely expected it. Why would I ever think that this wasn’t what Jack did when I was not around? I was angry, so angry but I surprised myself by not making my presence known to them. I simply retreated quietly and walked in a trance to the bedroom at the end of the hallway. I walked straight up to the door, opened it with no hesitation, saw his eyes looking at mine in complete shock, and I w
alked up to him, grabbing his face between his hands and I pushed my lips against his, releasing all my anger into one passionate kiss. I felt him kiss me back momentarily but then his hands softly pushed me back and our lips were ripped apart, and that’s when my trance broke and I realised I had just kissed Jack’s dad. I had just kissed Trey. He looked at me quizzically and my eyes began overflowing with tears, and the pain from all that had just happened shot through me like a knife. He tried to console me but I was so ashamed of myself. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t want to hear him speak. I didn’t want to feel his warm arms holding me as if everything was going to be okay. Nothing was going to be okay; nothing. I ran out of the room and down the stairway. I could hear footsteps close behind me but I kept running. I was outside now and the rain was pelting down on me, mixing with my tears and then washing them away. I stopped in the middle of the driveway and I looked up to the grey clouds above, letting the raindrops fall all over me. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder and I was pulled into an embrace. My head rested against the beating chest of Trey. I could smell his aftershave and I could feel his manliness; his physique, and I hated myself more for noticing this. I continued to cry and he held me until my body stopped shaking. I pushed away and started walking towards my car but he stopped me.
“I’m sorry Kaitlin.” He yelled through the rain and my heart sank with the weight of embarrassment I felt and the rejection I was experiencing.
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Are you okay? What was that?”
I wanted to get in my car and drive away. I didn’t want to answer his questions and see his eyes pleading with me. He deserved answers though and I told him the truth.
“Jack is in his room with another girl, and I don’t care or anything. The moment just got the best of me and I acted out. I was stupid and rash and I’m sorry. I should never have done that.”
He looked at me and I could see how sorry he felt for me. I could see his pity that I so desperately was hoping he wouldn’t give me.
“I’m sorry.”
That’s all he could say and I slowly turned and opened my car door. My heart felt like it was being strangled and I couldn’t tell whether or not it was the hands of Jack or that of Trey. I couldn’t work out who I was angrier at and why my anger was making me more confused with every second. I lingered at my door for a second and I felt Trey’s presence closer.
“I hate that I can’t ever experience that again Kaitlin. I hate that I loved every second of it more than you will ever know.”
My throat closed, my heart tightened, my stomach cramped, and somehow this pain was even worse. I got into my car and drove away without saying another word.
***
I lay on the couch in Jack’s arms as we watched a movie. I wasn’t concentrating on the movie, though. My head was having a war between being nervous at the thought of seeing Trey, actually wanting Trey to see me in Jack’s arms, and wanting to punch the stupid grin off Jack’s face because he still had no idea that I knew he was a cheating arsehole. Unfortunately, my priorities had gotten a tad skewed and my mind was telling me that making Trey jealous was probably what I wanted to do most, although I was trying desperately not to admit it.
Keys jingled at the front door and I heard footsteps heading my way. This was my chance. I whipped my head to face Jack and stuck my tongue between his lips. I definitely caught him by surprise but he obviously didn’t stop me and he welcomed the surprise with open arms (or an open mouth might we say). I felt his tongue moving around mine and I almost felt sick knowing that Jack would actually be thinking I wanted him, but I pushed through just long enough so I could be sure that Trey would see us. I had no idea what sick game I was trying to play and when I opened my eyes and saw a glimpse of pain in Trey’s eyes, I automatically was disgusted in myself. I had no idea who the hell I was trying to be or what I was trying to do. All I knew was that I was just hurting myself even more. Trey walked out of the room without saying anything to us, and the television had already won back Jack’s attention. I peeled myself out of Jack’s arms and made my way to the kitchen, where I assumed Trey would be. I went to the sink and poured myself a glass of water, pretending I was actually in there for a reason. Plus, I couldn’t see Trey anywhere and I didn’t want to stupidly turn around straight away and walk back to my horrible boyfriend. But then I heard a noise coming from the kitchen pantry and I realised that Trey wasn’t as far away as I thought. They had one of those butler cupboards that was the length of the kitchen wall so that you could pretty much do an entire catwalk down the middle. I braced myself and walked into the cupboard. Trey was shuffling through some bags of chips and he looked up at me as I entered.
“Oh hi Kaitlin. How are you? Good to see you again.”
He was acting like his normal self; upbeat and happy, pretending that nothing weird had happened between us. He played this part quite well, but I could still see the tension in his neck and his forearms as he spoke.
“Fancy seeing you in here.” I played back. “I just was getting some chips for me and Jack.” I lied stretching over him and grabbing a couple of bags.
I didn’t want him thinking I was cornering him in here.
He laughed politely and then cleared his throat.
“How are you…ah feeling today?”
I felt a rush of blood in my cheeks as he brought my attention back to the real reason I was in here.
“Much better, thanks.”
We stood awkwardly staring at each other.
“Sorry about all that stuff the other day. Really wasn’t feeling myself you know.”
“Not a problem.”
We stood in silence again.
“So you are sticking around then?”
I looked at Trey confused.
“With Jack I mean?” He explained.
“Oh, yeah.”
I looked around feeling embarrassed that I was actually staying with Jack after all I had seen.
“I love him.” I lied.
“That’s good. I’m happy for you.” He lied too.
And then a thought swam into my mind and I suddenly realised that maybe if I wasn’t with Jack, that this wouldn’t all be so wrong and before I could really think it over seriously, my mouth was producing words I couldn’t take back.
“I don’t have to be with him.” I tested the waters.
He looked at me, now more confused than I was.
“Like I could break up with him?”
I don’t know why I said this like it was a question. I don’t know what I was looking for from him. Well, okay that was a blatant lie. I knew exactly what I wanted, I just wasn’t sure that I was going to come out of this unscathed or, more cut up than I already was. I had started it now though, and there was no more harm continuing with what I had started I guess, right?
“I’m not sure what you are asking me?”
“Me neither.” I laughed, again unsure of myself.
“Do you want to be with Jack?”
“Do you think I should be with him?”
“I can’t answer that for you, Kaitlin.”
“Why not?”
His head fell down as he let out a sigh at my deliberate naivety.
“We shouldn’t even be having this conversation.”
“But we are.”
“We don’t have to be.”
“I think we do.”
“What?” He questioned me.
I really didn’t want to be the one to admit that something was going on between us, but I started to understand that it was worse if Trey was the one to make any sort of approach on me. I was just a random girl. Yes, I was Jack’s girlfriend, but Trey was his dad, and it was finally becoming obvious to me how much harder this situation possibly was for Trey compared to me. I didn’t want Trey to feel like he was betraying his son but when I thought about the real facts, about mine and Jack’s relationship, it was clear that Jack didn’t really love me, and if I wasn’t with him, he would just
partner up with the next girl. I guess what I was trying to say was, on paper, in the literal sense, this might make myself and Trey look like incredibly horrible people, but in actual fact, Jack and I didn’t really have any real connection so there really was no problem.
“You know that Jack doesn’t love me.”
“Yes he does.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
He sighed again and rubbed his forehead.
“What do you want me to say, Kaitlin?”
I stepped closer to Trey and I could feel my heart jumping like it had just been injected with ecstasy.
“I don’t love Jack.”
I grabbed Trey’s hand and placed it on my chest.
“Feel that? That is because of you.”
He rested his head against my forehead and I could feel his laden breath on my nose.
“Why Kaitlin? Why are you doing this to me?”
He said this in a whisper as if he was asking his own mind rather than actually directing it at me, so I kept quiet.
“Kiss me Trey.”
I looked into his eyes and pleaded with him and I could see him struggling against his desires. I moved my lips closer to his so we could feel each other’s breath on each other’s mouths and he bit his lip, still besieged with doubt. I didn’t let my eyes stray away from his though, and soon enough his lips closed in on mine and I felt their release, like they had been wanting to do this for so long. I moved my hands between us and rested them on his chest as his hand moved up to my face, cupping it in his warmth. He pulled away from me and slowly walked over to the door, closing it so we were now completely ‘locked’ in our own world. He walked back over to me and grabbed my face, kissing it again but this time with more aggression and need. I was taken aback by his forcefulness. I moved backwards so my back now pushed against the shelves of pasta, and Trey pressed his body up against mine. I could now feel his pulsating hardness growing in his pants and I let out a small moan to show my appreciation. Trey lifted me up and lay me on the cold ground while food fell around us. His weight lay on top of me and his hands travelled every curve of my body. He slid his hands under my top and clung onto my hips and for the first time, I actually didn’t want him to let go. I felt sexy and confident and wanted. I encircled his tight waist in my arms driving him harder against me. He moved his mouth down my jaw line and quickly pulled up my top, pushing my bra up at the same time so his mouth could feel my nipples. I arched myself towards him letting him devour me. Trey quickly pulled my pants down and opened his zip so he could introduce his penis to the deep wetness between my thighs. Trey didn’t hesitate, he didn’t wait. He pushed inside of me and our breathing moved up a gear; short quick pants as I felt him move further and further inside of me. My toes curled and I desperately clawed at his back trying to keep the incredible sensation going. His groans bellowed in my mouth and down my throat meeting with the aggressive tug between my legs. My body began to sporadically move under Trey’s touch as the feelings got more and more intense. Trey moved harder and faster and we reached our explosions simultaneously. He collapsed on top of my bare chest and we lay with our pants loosely around our ankles as we waited to catch our breaths back. Trey moved his fingers over my breasts and moved them across my fleshy curves, embracing my entire body. I watched his pleased face as he traced over me and I felt flattered; I felt beautiful under his touch, under his watchful eyes. He brought his fingers to my lips and stared up at me.
