His gaze followed instantly to where Lady Davenport had pointed. Julianna looked stunning in green. Her hair was swept up to display the expanse of neck he had hoped to kiss for the rest of his life. Nash's blood roared in his ears. She was smiling as she looked up into Trevelle's face, and damn the man, he had one hand resting on Julianna's bare shoulder and the other low on her back. Possessively low. As if she was his.
Every muscle in Nash's body tightened. His lungs constricted but he forced a breath. He had lost her. Anger and bitterness pounded through him. He wanted to kill Trevelle. He wanted to stalk over there and take Julianna away from the man and throw him in the Thames. Nash made himself form the question that was going to kill him to hear answered. "When were they married?"
Lady Davenport frowned. "When were they what?"
"Married," he said on a growl.
She eyed him knowingly and placed a gentle hand on his arm. "They are not married, Mr. Wolverton. Is that what you thought?"
He grew perfectly still, not even breathing, simply letting the relief flow through him. Then his eyes found her again and drank her in. Her gentle smile. The tilt of her head. The way her hair caught the light and shimmered like fire.
She was his, and he was hers. They belonged together, whether she liked it or not. After her broken heart came a new start. A new chance. That's what he was going to tell her. She was not dead. She had to make the choice to love, to really live. He took a step toward her, and Lady Davenport grabbed his arm.
He glanced down at her, and she smiled. "I'm so happy to see how much she means to you."
Too many emotions clogged his throat to talk yet, so he nodded.
"You must listen to me," Lady Davenport said, leaning in. "As much as I'm sure you want to go over there and yank her out of his arms, you must let her come to you."
"She won't do that," he said, as much as he wished she would. "And there is no way I can walk away from her and leave her in his arms. I can't just let him take her from me."
"Silly, man," Lady Davenport sighed. "He could never take her from you, and just so you know, she has no interest in him in any way other than friendship. And you are not walking away from her. You are leading her to you. She must be made to realize that living without you now is worse than the possibility of losing you someday."
"And if she doesn't realize it?"
"I suppose you'll have to kidnap her then and refuse to release her until she admits the truth."
"You cannot be serious?"
Lady Davenport simply stared at him. He glanced at her husband. "Is she serious?" The proposition actually was quickly growing on him.
"Probably," Davenport replied. "But I suggest you try all noncriminal measures to win her first. My wife is not known for being the most rational person."
"Please recall that I am standing here," Lady Davenport said with a wicked smile at her husband.
"What do you think I should do?" Nash asked her.
"That's simple. Do what you do best—dance and flirt. Do you see those women standing over there?" She nodded to the corridor to his right where the Duchess of Primwitty and Lady Whitney, his new shipping partner's wife, stood huddled.
"Yes."
"We will make sure Julianna is in the perfect position to see you as you dance and flirt. I predict she'll be by your side before the supper bell is rung."
"All right," he nodded. But if she wasn't, he was going to go with the second suggestion and kidnap the daft woman and pray she accepted that she loved him and could not live without him for however long they had.
After Forever: Chapter Twelve
FROM THE SIDE OF THE BALLROOM where Sally had led her to talk and then promptly scampered off, Julianna bit her lip on her cry as she watched Nash dancing with yet another woman. He twirled Lady Jayne around the room, and Julianna's stomach wound into a tight, hard knot.
She had not outrun love. It was impossible to run that fast. This was a disaster.
Since the moment she had left Nash's home, she had felt as if someone had died. Yet again. Losing a love who was still alive felt dreadful in its own terrible way. She may never recover from it even. It had taken all her will to dress and come here tonight, reminding her very much of how she had felt after Henry had died. As if breathing took entirely too much effort.
Lord Cameron leaned close to her. "Do you want to leave, Julianna? You look rather pale, and I'm sure Lillian will be all right with going."
Julianna glanced over to where Miss Lloyd, the woman she was a secret companion to, was standing amongst a group of growing admires. "She's done quite well tonight."
"Yes." Lord Cameron smiled as he looked at Miss Lloyd. "She's like a sister to me. It's been very hard to watch her suffer."
Julianna thought about the past week. Lord Cameron had been very kind to her. She had gone to see him right after returning to Town, and he had not hesitated to recommend her to Miss Lloyd who was her same age. Julianna had liked the woman at once. And when she had heard the story of how Miss Lloyd had been kidnapped several years ago and abused, which had led her to shy away from men and Society ever since, Julianna's heart had gone out to her. Miss Lloyd needed someone by her side when she went out in public because she was now prone to panic attacks and severe bouts of stuttering ever since her ordeal. She wanted someone her age, not one of the matrons her father kept hiring to help her.
Julianna suspected Miss Lloyd secretly liked Lord Cameron, but she was unsure of his thoughts on the matter. What she knew for sure was that he was a good man. He had been willing to marry her out of a sense of duty to Henry and what he felt was his part in Julianna's financial predicament. Also, he had not brought up Nash once, and for that, she was very grateful. It hurt to think about him. To talk about him would be torture.
Julianna watched as Nash took another dance partner in his arms, and it felt as if someone had reached into her chest and ripped her heart out. She turned away and when she did, Audrey appeared behind her, linked arms with her and turned them both to face the dance floor once again.
"I believe I'll go see if Miss Lloyd is ready to leave," Lord Cameron said.
Julianna nodded, because that was all she could do. A sob was lodged in her throat, caused by the pain of watching Nash dance with another woman.
As Lord Cameron departed, Audrey leaned her head next to Julianna's. "You are a fool."
Audrey never had been one to mince words.
"I'm not sure I know what you mean," Julianna lied.
"You know exactly what I mean. You left him because you were afraid of falling madly in love with him, but one look at your pale face and trembling hands as you watch him and I think we both know you are already madly in love with him."
It was true. She was. Heaven help her. She had tried to convince herself she had only been on the cusp of great love, but it was a lie. She had been teetering on the edge of melancholy all week. And now, she was terrified to go to him but also terrified to let him go to another. The question was which was the larger fear?
"How will you feel if he marries another?" Whitney demanded, appearing out of nowhere at Julianna's other side.
Julianna blinked at her friend and then gave Audrey an accusing look for spilling her secret to Whitney, the wife of Nash's business partner. Still, with sigh, she answered her friend's question anyway She was sure, whether she replied or not, the woman could read the answer on her face. "Like I'm dying."
Both women huddled close to her. "Darling," Audrey said, "if you feel like you are dying now, then have you really spared yourself by running from love? Your heart is breaking now, but if you go to him, even if he is someday taken from you by fate, you will have this time and whatever glorious memories you make."
Whitney hugged Julianna. "If you could do it all again, would you chose not to have married Lord Barrows, knowing what you now know?"
"Of course not," Julianna immediately replied. The noise around her faded to nothing for one moment, then crashed back in as she c
lutched Audrey's arm. "I would not change it. Even after everything, loving him was worth the pain. Oh, dear, heaven."
She glanced toward the crowded dance floor but did not see Nash. Her heart raced as she scanned the room. Where had he gone?
Whitney pointed to the terrace. "He went out the door. Alone."
"I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to realize I would not take back loving Henry," Julianna said past the emotion clogging her throat.
Audrey smirked. "I'm sure you just needed our guidance, and now we are guiding you to go get Mr. Wolverton and really start living again!"
Julianna pulled both of her friends to her. "Thank you for putting up with me."
"You're quite welcome. Now go," Whitney shooed.
Julianna turned on her heel and looped in and out of the crowd, waving to different people she knew as she went. As she neared the terrace, her steps faltered. What if it was too late? What if he couldn't forgive her for leaving him like she had? No, she had to try. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and started forward once more, only to be rudely shoved aside as she reached to open the terrace door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Lavinia demanded and yanked her into a dark corner.
Julianna tensed and pulled her arm out of the woman's grasp. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going on to the terrace for some fresh air."
"My husband passed. Did you know that?"
Julianna shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not," Lavinia said. "He was a decrepit, dreadful man."
"I suppose that's no more than you deserved, considering I remember you saying you married him for his money."
"Yes, I did. There's no crime in that. But now I'm free, and I've decided this time I'll marry for desire, and there is only one man I desire." Lavinia looked at the terrace door.
Julianna's stomach dropped at the news. If Lavinia told Nash she wanted to marry him, would he? Would he because, no matter how awful she was, she was the mother of his child and he knew what it was like to grow up without one's mother? Did Julianna have the right to put him in such a terrible position as to pick between his heart and what he felt was his duty? Uncertainty filled her.
Lavinia ran her hands over her dress then sighed. "I want to try to be the mother to my daughter that I should have been from the very beginning. Will you take that chance away from me and my daughter? I was watching Nash tonight, and I saw him watching you."
The news was both awful and wonderful. He wouldn't watch her if he didn't still care for her.
"Please." Lavinia grabbed Julianna's arm and squeezed it. "Please give me a chance to at least have him hear me out. If you go to him first, he won't listen to me. I just know it. If he doesn't want me, well, then giving me this time to talk to him won't change that."
Julianna nodded. She had to believe that Nash would not choose this woman, even for his daughter's sake, but she had to let him make that choice, just as he had tried to let her choose him. As Lavinia moved out of the corner and slipped onto the terrace, Julianna leaned against the wall to wait. The minute Nash came back into the ballroom she would go to him and tell him of the mistake she had made and how much she loved him.
WHEN THE TERRACE DOOR opened and Nash saw a slight figure of a woman moving through the shadows and heard her whispering his name, his heart exploded with happiness. She'd come to him. She'd decided to live and love.
"Julianna," he called out and rushed into the shadows of the alcove, only to come to a shuddering halt when he came face-to-face with Lavinia. "What do you want?" he demanded.
"You, of course." She ran her hand down his arm.
He jerked away, and she smiled in return.
"So testy, Nash. I've come to offer to be a good, obedient wife."
"No, thank you. The offer is no longer on the table."
Lavina's eyes narrowed. "But I've decided I want to marry you. You've made quite a lot of powerful friends, and all the ton is atwitter about how wonderful you are and about your partnership with that American. It seems no one cares that you are a commoner."
Anger burned Nash's gut. "So now you no longer care?"
"That's right, love. I'll marry you, and we can be one little happy family like you always wanted. Me, you, and our darling daughter."
God, Lavinia made him sick. He couldn't believe he had ever thought Maggie would be better off having her as a mother than no mother at all. Maggie was far better without a mother than this vile creature, but his daughter would have a mother if he could help it—Julianna. "And what would you teach our daughter, Lavinia?"
"Me? Why would I teach her things? We'll have nannies and tutors, and you know sending children away to school really is the best experience for them."
"Your motherly instincts astound me," Nash replied, just barely keeping the snarl out of his tone. He stepped around Lavinia and headed toward the door, determined to find Julianna, but as he reached to turn the handle, Lavinia grasped his arm and clung.
"Why the hurry?" she demanded. "If you're rushing to get to Miss Prim and Properly Forever in Mourning, I do believe I overheard her say she was going to leave with Lord Cameron. Maybe he has broken through her gloom?" Lavinia smiled wickedly.
Nash shrugged Lavinia off and yanked open the terrace door. He was going to give Trevelle the beating of a lifetime, and then he was going to beg Julianna to love him. He didn't get a step before Lavinia dashed in front of him, threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him.
JULIANNA LEANED DOWN TO retrieve the earring she had dropped, and as she came up, she saw them. Nash and Lavinia—her hands around his neck, his hands on her hips, and their mouths locked together in a passionate kiss. The room around her seemed to spin as her heart cracked wide open. With a cry, she spun on her heel and raced through the crowd, stopping long enough to wrench on Lord Cameron's arm and beg him to take her home.
Thank goodness, he had been a step ahead of her and had already called the carriage around. It was not until they made their way hurriedly out and she alighted into the carriage and it started to rumble off, that she realized Miss Lloyd was not with them.
"Dear heavens, we forgot Miss Lloyd," she choked out, while trying to hold back her tears over losing Nash.
Lord Cameron shook his head. "Audrey insisted they could bring Lillian home, and I relented because Lillian appeared as if wanted she to stay. But I went ahead and called the carriage because earlier you really did look as if someone had just died."
She winced at his choice of words, even as he paled.
"Good, God, that was a deuced stupid thing for me to say. I'm—"
The carriage jerked to a halt, cutting off his sentence.
"Julianna!"
Her heart lurched at the sound of Nash's voice calling her name. She jerked open the carriage door and fairly fell out. She landed against Nash, and he scooped her up against his chest in a most improper show of emotion that she loved. He freed one hand and rapped on the carriage.
Lord Cameron stuck his head out.
Nash curled his fingers possessively around her arms as he held her tight and glared at Lord Cameron. "I suggest you leave Julianna with me or I will show you exactly how I earned the nickname Beast.
"I've seen you in the ring, and I'm well aware how you got the name. Still, if Julianna wants me to stay…"
"No." Her voice was a breathless whisper. That would not do at all. She cleared her throat. "I daresay I'm in good hands, but I thank you."
"As you wish," Lord Cameron said, inclining his head to her. "Then I bid you both goodnight." With a smile, he commanded his driver to depart as he settled back into the carriage.
Nash set Julianna on her feet, but did not let go of her. He cupped her face in his hands. In the distance, the notes of the waltz drifted from the house, but other than that, the only sound filling the night was her heart thumping in her ears.
"Where did you think were going, Julianna?" Nash demanded in a low growl. "I love you, and damn it, I
know you love me, too. I know you're scared, but isn't it scarier to think of living the rest of your life knowing what we could have had? Knowing that you turned your back on us?"
He loved her! He'd said it just then plain as the night was black. She'd known it but had tried not to see it, and now it was all she wanted to know. See. Hear. Taste. Feel. She raised her hands to his face and brushed her fingers down his cheeks. The slight prick of emerging whiskers tickled her fingers, but she loved that, too. She loved everything about her most improper man. "Yes," she said simply.
"Yes?"
He looked so shocked that she giggled. "Yes. It terrifies me to think of my life without you. I realized tonight that I couldn't avoid giving you my whole heart because I already had. But more importantly, I realized I didn't want to avoid it. I was coming to tell you, but then Lavinia intercepted me and said she wanted to marry you and be Maggie's mother. I didn't see how I could not let you have that choice, though I prayed you would choose me. But then I saw you kissing her, and I thought—"
He crushed his mouth to hers in a claiming, toe-curling, soul-awakening kiss. Slowly, he pulled away enough to talk. "She kissed me. There is no one for me but you, if you will but have me. I know I'm not a gentleman—"
"I rather prefer that," she said, and kissed him squarely on his lips.
He grinned down at her. "And I cannot promise to outlive you. In fact, I pray I don't."
She frowned at that.
"But I vow to you that every day we have together, I will love you passionately, improperly, and with every fiber of my being. And though we may not have forever, the joy we have in the moments we are granted will be worth anything we have to withstand. And we will always, always have the memories of each other."
He ran his thumbs over her cheeks where tears ran down her face. She took his hand in hers and pressed it to her heart before speaking. "I promise to love you forever, even if forever is not as long as we hope. I will hold you in my heart all the days of my life until my last breath leaves my body and my soul departs the earth."
Once Upon a True Love's Kiss Page 13
