‘Well, what do you think?’
‘I think we’re going to have to stop them.’
‘And how do we do that?’
‘If it’s necessary, an accident.’
‘That’s what everybody always says. I’ve been going around in circles trying to come up with some idea. Seems to me that’s the hardest way to do it. What kind of accident did you have in mind?’
‘Car crash?’
‘How?’
‘They rent a car—’
‘They aren’t going to need one. But say we could talk them into it, then we’ve got the Hertz people and the insurance and everybody in on it. Police experts measuring the tyre marks. That’s no good.’
‘I don’t know why we’re talking like this. I’m sure we can persuade them. Especially the girl. She’s bound to understand how it would affect the children.’
Herb opened his side window a notch and wiped the back of his hand down the windshield, where the glass was misting up. He said, ‘You’re right, it’s no use talking about it.’
The other cars were waiting for them by the entrance of the estate. Dave honked his horn as they approached. He turned off on to the newly tarred drive. At the gatehouse he let down his window, leaned out and said to the guard inside, ‘Hi, Charlie. It’s OK.’ Charlie waved his hand. The three cars moved on, coming to the end of the hard surface in the middle of a pine grove and reaching the old rocky dirt road, muddy from all the rain. They went slowly.
Dave pulled up outside the front walk of the house. Tall pine trees, which the architects had insisted on preserving, screened the other houses from them. The front lawn had been seeded with grass that was already growing. There were several bushes dotted around the brick walk.
They got out of the cars and raced for the house through the downpour. Dave unlocked the door with his keys and held it open for the others.
Everything was there: welcome mat outside, one inside to wipe your feet on, a stand for umbrellas, curtains on all the windows, new rugs wall-to-wall, lights and lamps, tables and chests of drawers, chairs and sofas covered in materials chosen to match the rugs and curtains.
Dave took the coats and said, ‘Go on in and sit down. Sherman, get everybody a drink.’
‘Gee, this is nice,’ the girl said. Herb looked at Joe, who had his face bent over the coat he was handing to Dave; he looked as if he were trying to concentrate on something different from his surroundings, trying to remember a phone number or repeating something to himself.
Dave went into the kitchen. The rest of them entered the living room. Sherman introduced everyone. He started with Joe, who put his hands in his pockets and said, ‘Hi, Bill.’
The girl stuck out her hand to be taken by him. Joe ignored it.
‘This is my wife, Nancy,’ Bill said. ‘Aren’t you going to shake hands?’
‘What for? You’re the ones planning to send me to jail, aren’t you? That’s going to be fun. A lot of fun for my wife and kids, too.’
‘Oh, I don’t think it’ll come to that,’ the girl said. ‘And if it did, it wouldn’t be for very long.’ She had a flutey, pleading voice that went with her appearance: very thin, pale, with thin, mousy hair parted in the middle and dripping down her back; a narrow, almost noseless white face and eyes so light that the blue or grey seemed nearer to white. She looked undernourished, almost ill; or, if you wanted to think of it that way, ethereal. The expression on her face was sweet and enthusiastic, although not relaxed. She stood in a nervous way, too. Joe disregarded her. He walked into the kitchen by the other door.
Herb stepped forward. ‘Hello, Bill,’ he said. ‘It’s been a long time.’ He held out his hand, knowing what he was doing. He’d thought about it ahead of time and he didn’t mind.
‘Sure has,’ Bill said. He took Herb’s hand in a dry, desperate grip. ‘My wife, Nancy,’ he added.
Herb shook her hand, too. It was cold, reminding him of his first wife, who had always had cold hands, even – like this – in the spring; it was probably a matter of poor circulation. But she also failed to give any kind of returning pressure. She offered him the limp hand like a dead fish, and then tried to remove it quickly. He let her go, but smiled. He’d been careful not to hold on too hard. She returned the smile beatifically. He was puzzled. Most of the newly converted people he’d met went out of their way to pump everyone’s hand like politicians. She had the fervour, all right, but she appeared to be averse to physical contact. He wondered if she was really, seriously, ill.
‘And a new wife,’ he said. ‘A lot of water under the bridge.’
Bill rose on his toes a couple of times and grinned. ‘Best thing ever happened to me,’ he said. He must have gone grey very early. He looked at least ten years older than the rest of them, and thin, and fairly bloodless, although nothing like his wife. That was what a clear conscience did for you. Or maybe, Herb thought, they were on some kind of religious diet.
Dave came in from the kitchen, followed by Joe. They were both carrying trays. Dave nodded, said, ‘Hi, Bill. Hi, Nancy,’ and looked for a place to set things down. ‘What’ll you have?’ he asked.
‘We don’t drink alcohol,’ Nancy said. ‘Do you have any mineral water?’
‘Tonic water.’
‘That’s artificially sweetened, and it contains drugs.’
‘Drugs?’
‘Quinine. Maybe just plain water.’
‘We’ve got tomato juice.’
‘That’s got additives, too. It’s artificial.’
‘Just plain, ordinary water out of the faucet?’
‘That’ll be fine,’ she said.
‘Ice?’ Dave asked. He was smiling a special, polite smile he used for idiots. Herb wondered if Bill would remember it. Probably not; he was beaming at the girl like a man who’d been hypnotized.
She did her own welcome smile back and said yes, please, ice would be wonderful. Joe’s eyes flicked over to Herb; he looked as if he’d had a couple of stiff drinks out in the kitchen. So did Dave. Both of them were building up for an outburst or something – anger or laughter.
‘Well, let’s sit down,’ Sherman said. He mixed drinks for himself and Herb and sat in a comfortable chair that stood a little way removed from the surrounding furniture.
Herb said, ‘Well, it’s nice of you two to come on out and get acquainted, let us talk everything over, put our point of view.’
Nancy and Bill simpered. She turned to Dave and asked, ‘Where’s your wife?’
‘She’s at the old house. I thought Sherm said: we haven’t even moved in yet. It’s going to take a couple more months still. I’ve just been using the place for entertaining clients, till we get organized.’
‘Oh,’ she said. She leaned forward and clasped her knees.
‘You want to meet our families?’ Joe yelled. ‘Jesus Christ. Isn’t it enough for you, you got us by the balls – you want to put the rest of them through it, too?’
The girl went grey. Herb, Sherman and Dave shouted at Joe.
He didn’t pay any attention. ‘Me shut up?’ he went on. ‘Why the hell should I?’
Herb stood up. ‘Joe,’ he ordered. ‘Just go sit it out in the kitchen for a while, will you?’ He crossed the room and put his hand on Joe’s shoulder. Nobody spoke. ‘Come on,’ Herb whispered. Joe stood up. They went into the kitchen together.
*
Herb held a finger to his lips. They could hear Sherman smoothing things over behind them. Herb pulled Joe over to a counter lined with stools. He pushed him down on one of the straw-woven seats.
‘We aren’t going to win against that one,’ Joe whispered. ‘I recognize the type. Power trip. She’s got this thing in her head like a rear end, that just won’t give up. Look at her: no tits, no ass – he’s the one guy she could get. Old enough to be her father, too. Religion, my foot. She’s just another ballbreaker, that’s all.’
‘OK, OK,’ Herb said.
‘Listen, you give me the word and I’m ready to do it
, right now. Just go in there and chop them both.’
‘Let’s see what we can do by talking,’ Herb said.
‘Oh, nobody ever—’
‘Hang on. Wait. We don’t know yet. This may be a blind. They may be planning to hit us for a little loan, right? Wait till we know. If it’s no good, I’m with you. I’m only worried about making it look good. We’ve got to be able to explain everything afterwards.’
‘Screw that. Knock them out, take them home to my place, cut ’em up with a power saw and feed the pieces into the disposal, burn the bones in the back yard.’
‘I guess Cathy’s going to love that.’
‘I’ll fix Cathy.’
‘We’ve got to plan it.’
‘You all are so worried about plans,’ Joe hissed, ‘you’re never going to do it. Let’s do it first and worry about it afterwards, for Christ’s sake.’
‘We’ll see,’ Herb told him. ‘You stay here for a while.’
He went back into the living room. Dave was talking about how the city had changed since their college days.
They all looked up. Herb took his drink from the table and sat back down. He said, ‘I guess you must have thought about this before you came. You don’t have a family yet, but we do. All of us. We haven’t told our wives. And we don’t want to. It was only an accident, after all.’
‘We killed him,’ Bill said. ‘You can’t get away from that. I tried for years to forget about it, but it wasn’t any good. I don’t understand how you can feel this way: just – let it go, think it was something trivial. That boy died, and we killed him. It was a terrible thing. I know now that it was the most important event in my life.’
‘But not in ours, Bill‚’ Sherman said. ‘Herb’s right. It was an accident.’
‘Maybe on the surface. But if it was really so accidental, why didn’t we go to the police afterwards?’
‘Because that would have been extremely unpleasant for us and for everyone connected with us; and we thought we could get away with not having to.’
‘And we were right‚’ Dave added, ‘until you changed your mind.’
‘It was a change of mind and a change of heart, too. I kept having that dream again, falling.’
‘That was a metaphor‚’ Nancy said delicately, ‘for sin.’
‘I kept remembering, too. That night. It was a beautiful night. Trying to keep him from hitting us, holding him tight. He didn’t have any clothes on. All that noise from Rockwell’s. And the smell of the trees, leaves.’
‘And you were drunk out of your mind‚’ Dave said.
‘I was so drunk I was ready to do anything. Really excited, and I hated him. I was ready to throw him over. I wanted to.’
‘You were giggling drunk‚’ Herb said, ‘and then crying drunk. You weren’t doing much of anything at all, either to help or to harm.’
‘It was a long time before I knew what a horrible thing it was. Then I felt pity. A young life like that.’
‘In the abstract‚’ Dave said. ‘In the particular, he was a son of a bitch and we all thought so.’
Joe came in from the kitchen and sat on the arm of the sofa opposite Bill and Nancy.
‘It wasn’t right‚’ Bill said. ‘I had the feelings of a murderer.’
‘But not the deed‚’ Sherman told him.
‘I also had an erection. That made it worse.’
‘He remembers’, Joe said, ‘every time he gets one. That must have been a red-letter day. Dear Diary: guess what happened today?’
‘Joe?’ Sherman said.
‘We got to listen to this? He just wants to keep confessing till he runs out of listeners. He isn’t going to be happy till it’s in the papers. Public confession. You’ll see. Just wait.’
‘We killed him‚’ Bill said.
Nancy put a hand on his arm and said, ‘He’s right. You know he is.’
‘How old are you?’ Herb asked.
‘Twenty-two‚’ she said.
‘And you don’t have children. But we do. Think of our children.’
Her face became transformed, as though something had been poured into it. ‘That’s just what I’m thinking about‚’ she told him.
Bill said, ‘Nancy’s had more experience with children than any of you. She used to teach handicapped kids.’
‘Now she’s stuck on handicapped grown-ups‚’ Joe said.
‘How would you like’, she asked Herb, ‘those poor children to know their daddies were murderers?’
‘It wasn’t murder‚’ Dave said. ‘Quit using that word. It was an accident. And nobody’s going to know about it unless you tell.’
‘And’, Herb added, ‘their suffering would be on your head. You’d be responsible for it. Why would you want to bring that on our families? If you don’t tell, they won’t know.’
‘When you tell the truth‚’ she said, ‘they’ll know you were big enough to own up.’
Joe threw his glass across the room. It hit the side of the coffee table with a loud crack. Bill and Nancy recoiled into the cushions.
Joe shouted, ‘Oh, you dumb namby-pamby bitch!’
Bill jumped up. ‘You always did hate women‚’ he said, ‘and anybody that had decent feelings. Anybody who’s even slightly above your level.’
Dave and Herb started to haul Joe out into the kitchen again. ‘It makes me sick‚’ he said as they pulled him along. ‘You’re going to tell me what’s good for me while you ruin my life. To make you feel the truth’s been told and everything’s all nice and clean now, you bastards.’
Bill called after them, ‘You always were an oaf.’ He sat back down and put his arm around Nancy.
She said to Sherman, ‘I think we’d better be going soon.’
‘So do I‚’ he said, ‘but let’s give it about fifteen minutes more. We’ll talk about something else while they straighten themselves out, out there. Don’t be too hard on Joe. He went through a pretty hard time in Vietnam.’
‘He was always like that‚’ Bill said.
‘I don’t think so. He was very good to his family. He worked hard all through college, remember? And kept sending money home to help his mother and sister. He’s a little unruly, but not as bad as you think.’
‘He was always like this‚’ Bill repeated primly. ‘A violent man.’
‘We’re all violent, Bill.’
‘No.’
‘Yes. We try to keep it reined in, that’s all. To control it, and to put it to use. It’s energy, and energy can be a good thing. All the vices can be used. Greed, for instance – greed can build a prosperous land out of nothing but forests and plains. It’s the making of any frontier country.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I’m talking about tolerance. I think you should let other people lead their lives according to their own standards.’
‘We killed him. Whether it was conscious and deliberate or subconsciously desired and not admitted – that doesn’t matter. Either way, he’s dead.’
‘Of course it matters‚’ Sherman said. ‘They’re two entirely different things. Even the law distinguishes between kinds and degrees of motive.’
‘But does God?’ Nancy asked.
‘Well, as to that, God’s got a tougher job. He’s supposed to forgive everybody everything.’
‘Only if you repent‚’ she said. She hitched herself forward eagerly. Once more her face became transfigured by the intensity of her beliefs. She said, ‘I know you’re all afraid, but you don’t realize – there isn’t anything to fear. This is going to be a good thing. It isn’t going to be easy, but when it’s over, you’ll be clean. You’ll be free.’
‘We’ll be in jail. We’re free now.’
‘I mean, in your hearts. Better a free man in jail than a guilty one outside. Bill knows that.’
‘But Bill was that way before the accident.’
‘What?’
‘How’s that?’ Bill said.
‘You reacted that w
ay because you brought it with you. When Carmen died, that just gave you something to pin it all on to. You know what I’m talking about.’
‘But I’ve straightened all that out now. And she’s right. You can’t be free if you’re living a lie. I know you’re scared of the publicity and all that. But the truth is more important.’
‘To whom?’
‘To God‚’ Nancy said.
‘Well, God knows the truth already, and if you’ll forgive me saying so, God isn’t going to get thrown in the slammer and neither are you. The rest of us are in a better position to talk about how we feel about truth.’
‘God—’
‘That’s another thing. The god you keep talking about is your god, isn’t that right? It might not be mine.’
‘Oh, He would be,’ she pleaded, ‘if only you’d open your heart to Him.’ She held out her arms in a stagey gesture. She looked half-demented.
Sherman said, ‘That’s going to take a lot longer than fifteen minutes.’
‘We’ll stay,’ she said. ‘We’ve got all the time in the world for that. That’s the truly important part. What does life hold for any of us, without the spiritual side?’
*
In the kitchen Herb moved the bottle away from Joe. Dave lit a cigarette and said, ‘I can’t do anything against a girl like that. She’s so frail and helpless. She’s like a child. I hadn’t expected her to be so pretty.’
Joe snorted. ‘That whiney, rabbit-faced woman – you call that pretty?’
‘Are we going to go to jail for the rest of our lives’, Herb asked, ‘because she’s pretty?’
‘It won’t come to that.’
‘Near enough. Whatever it comes to, they’re both in it together.’
‘I couldn’t.’
‘It’s up to you, Dave. You know what it means if we don’t stop them.’
‘If we all go to the police together—’
‘Jesus, are you dumb,’ Joe said. ‘We aren’t going to get away with this till we’ve been washed in the blood of the lamb and had the baptism of fire and all the rest of that crap. She’s off her head. And she’s got him right where she wants him.’
Dave shook his head.
‘I know what you mean‚’ Herb told him. ‘I actually think she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, like he said, only it’s extremely unfortunate that we all have to get dragged in, too. She should have been willing to stick with just one.’
The Pearlkillers Page 8
