She started out and turned back to say, "Men."
I was just as confused as when Daddy said, "Women." Did that mean she was no longer angry?
A little while later, she came in to help me fix my hair and then she went to dress. Despite the argument earlier, it did still feel like it was going to be a very special night. Ian put on his suit and tie, too, and then surprised me by giving me a birthday present that was just from him. I didn't know and neither did our parents that he had ridden his bike to the department store and bought it for me. Before we all went out to dinner, he came to my room to give it to me.
I started to unwrap it.
"I confirmed the reading level before I bought it for you. Jordan," he said, so I knew it was a book.
It was called I Was a Girl and Now I'm a Woman. I opened it slowly and saw there were pictures, too, and a page that had the tadpoles.
"It does a better job of explaining everything than I could do for you right now," he said. He glanced back from the doorway and then looked at the book. 'Maybe for now you shouldn't let Mother or Father know you have it and especially that I gave it to you."
Another secret, I thought, another brown moth to keep locked up in my own Pandora's box.
I carefully folded up the gift paper and then put the book into my toy chest, the one that had my dolls and teacup set as well as some board games and other toys I never used anymore. Na one ever bothered to look in it. If I left something out. Nancy might put it in there, so I had to be sure I was very neat about my things and didn't leave anything on the floor.
"Thank you, Ian," I said.
"You're welcome. You look very nice in your new dress," he added, which was the first time I could ever remember him giving me a compliment.
"Thank you."
"You're going to be a very pretty woman. Jordan," he predicted. It nearly took the breath out of me. "That really shouldn't come as any surprise to anyone. Father is very good-looking and Mother is beautiful. Even though I don't approve of how she uses it, Grandmother Emma is correct when it comes to the influences of genetics."
"What's that?"
"What you inherit, what's passed along. At one time people wanted to marry within their families to ensure they wouldn't lose their good genes. It was like breeding show dogs," he added with a smirk.
He paused and looked intently at me again, fixing those dark eyes on me like I was one of his specimens under his microscope.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing's wrong. To the contrary, despite the many criticisms and complaints we all have about Grandmother Emma, we would have to admit she has good taste when it comes to clothes."
"Taste? How do you taste clothes?"
"That just means she knows what looks nice, what looks right. She knows quality, perspective. I've made a study of this house, its contents, and I can tell you that everything she has bought and placed in it complements something else," he said.
How could things complement each other? I didn't know what he meant, but acted as if I did. He knew so many words and even amazed Grandmother Emma when he did the Yew York Times crossword puzzle. Ian was smarter than my teachers. I thought.
We heard Mama and Daddy coming out of their room. Mama laughed at something Daddy had said.
"Looks like they made up," Ian said.
"Smoked the peace pipe.," I added, and he actually laughed and not because I had done something he thought silly, but because I had said something he thought was clever.
"C'mon," he said, holding out his hand for mine.
When we stepped into the hallway, our parents stopped and looked at us both with an expression of amazement.
"You look very nice, Ian," Mama told him. "Thank you."
"He's dressed as well as I am and ties a tie better than I do. That's for sure," Daddy said. "And look at the beautiful birthday girl. We've got to show you both to Grandmother Emma. Wait until she sees the dress actually on Jordan."
"She's already seen her in the dress,
Christopher," Mama said. "Remember? She ordered it put on right away."
"Still, it's going to be good to show her all of us together," he emphasized.
Actually. I did think we all looked wonderful, especially Mama, who had put on one of her nicest dresses and fixed her hair so it looked pretty again. She wore makeup and earrings, a matching bracelet and necklace, too. It had been a while since she had dressed like this. I was happy it was because of my birthday, because of me. Instead of thinking about myself as the cause of new trouble. I could think of myself as the reason for good things.
I thought I understood what Ian meant by genetics, too. Our parents were attractive people. Ian was good-looking and I was going to be pretty. Maybe we were a family to be put on magazine covers after all and maybe the people who envied weren't wrong to do so.
We marched down the hallway to the stairs and then descended as if we were about to enter a grand ballroom as people did during Grandmother Emma's Golden Age. Ian continued to hold on to my hand, which surprised me. I was happy to see Mama keeping her hand on Daddy's arm. They did look like they had made up and loved each other again.
Grandmother Emma was in the living room sitting and waiting and looking like she had expected we would first come for her inspection. I think Mama thought Daddy had warned her because I heard Mama mutter, "How convenient she just happens to be waiting here and expecting us."
"Well, Mother," Daddy said, ignoring Mama, "how does the March family look?"
She ran her eyes over all of us like a general inspecting her troops on parade, pausing to look and nod approvingly at Ian before fixing her gaze solely on me. Her expression changed. She made me feel like she could set my whole future and what she saw filled her with concern. After another moment, she turned to Mama and Daddy.
"You had better gird up your loins." she said. "She will soon become a heartbreaker and keep you both on your toes."
Daddy smiled, but Mama glared back at her.
"There will be plenty of time before we have to concern ourselves with any of that," she said.
"Not the way children are brought up these days," Grandmother Emma insisted.
"You sure you won't join us, Mother?" Daddy asked her, obviously hoping to quickly change the topic.
"Thank you but no thank you. How anyone can enjoy smoke in his or her face before eating is a mystery to me."
"Let's go," Mama insisted, even tugging at Daddy's arm.
"Well then, we're off." he said, and we left the house and all got into his Mercedes sedan.
It had been so long since we had gone anywhere as a family. When we were together like this. I felt safe. I felt like Ian's caterpillar, protected, hopeful.
On the way to the restaurant. Daddy talked more about our impending trip to the cabin on the lake. We were going there in a few days. He said he would spend the first two or three days with us and then promised he would return on weekends whenever possible.
Mama said little. She listened and kept her face forward. The only thing she said about our
preparations for leaving was we had to be sure we had what we needed first from Dr. Dell'Acqua.
"I have to be sure we have enough," she said.
I looked at Ian. He wasn't supposed to know.
"'What do we need from Dr. Dell'Acqua?" he asked, winking at me first.
Daddy and Mama looked at each other, and then Mama turned and said, "Something I need. Nothing to worry about, Ian,"
"Good," Ian said. He smiled to himself and looked out the window all the way to the restaurant.
At the restaurant, my parents gave me my present. It was a gold locket on a gold chain. Inside there was a picture of two babies. At first I thought it was Ian and I. but my mother surprised me by telling me it was her baby picture and Daddy's.
"We thought that would be something you might cherish,'" she said.
Ian inspected it and nodded his approval like a jewelry expert. Then he helped me put it on, fasten
ing the clasp. I ran my hand over it and smiled at how wonderful it made me feel to have both my parents close to my heart, always.
Our dinner was great fun. The chef tossed the food in the air and did wonders with his knives. He built a volcano out of onions and it puffed with a small explosion that brought cheers and applause. Afterward, the restaurant brought out a small birthday cake for me with seven candles, and everyone, including waiters and waitresses, sang "Happy Birthday" to me. Even Ian sang, and loudly, too. I thought it had been the best birthday party I had ever had. Maybe if Grandmother Emma had come, she would have been pleasantly surprised. I thought.
On the way home Daddy wanted to stop at his supermarket to check on the night floor manager. The market was open twenty-four hours and he had three floor managers now for three different shifts. We were going to wait in the car, but he took so long. Mama act out and went in to see what was happening. When she came out with him, she didn't look happy anymore.
They both got into the car without speaking.
"When did you hire her?" Mama asked as Daddy pulled away from the market.
"Just a few weeks ago," he said.
"What qualifies her to be the manager of a supermarket, Christopher?"
"She's had a great deal of experience in the business world. After she left Bethlehem, she ran a department store in Philadelphia for nearly a year."
"And why did she leave Philadelphia? Was she fired?"
"No, no. She hated living in the city. Why are you so disturbed about it?"
Mama looked at him, looked straight ahead and then out the side window. I didn't think she would say anything else. Both Ian and I were fixed on each and every word.
"You have to be kidding," she finally said.
Daddy was quiet until we drew closer to Grandmother Emma's house. Then he turned to Mama and said, "It's just business, nothing else. Caroline. Don't read anything into it."
"I don't care," Mama said. "Do what you want." She turned away, but I could see she was wiping some tears before they could make much of an appearance.
What had happened to make her cry?
Grandmother Emma was up in her bedroom by the time we arrived. The house was very quiet and Mama didn't look like she cared to say another word to anyone. We all went upstairs. Shortly afterward, Mama came in to wish me a happy birthday one more time. I was already in my pajamas and crawling into my bed, still thinking about how sad she had become after we had stopped at the supermarket.
"Why were you crying in the car?" I asked her.
"Adult talk, honey. Don't worry about it," she said. "Happy birthday and many, many more." She kissed my cheek, fixed the blanket, and left, switching off my light.
I really wasn't tired. I thought I would be, but my mind wouldn't stop twirling and spinning, thinking about the events of the whole exhausting day. I remembered my present from Ian and got out of bed to take it out of the toy chest. Then I went back to bed, switched on my night lamp, and slowly turned the pages. The girl in the book was older than I was. She had just had her twelfth birthday and had all sorts of questions about herself. I skipped ahead.
I couldn't help looking at the tadpoles. I wondered if females felt them swimming around inside them. How long did they swim? Where did they go if and when they missed the egg? There was so much to know. Would the book tell me everything?
A whole new world had suddenly opened in front of me just because things had happened in my body that weren't supposed to happen for a while yet, maybe for years and years.
Why did Grandmother Emma say I would break hearts and what did she mean when she told my parents to gird their loins? Would that be in the book? Why was Mama angry about a new floor manager? How could that be adult talk? Did Ian know the answers? How was I supposed to fall asleep ever again with all this bouncing about in my head?
I finally did though. The words and pictures grew fuzzier and fuzzier until I couldn't keep my eyelids from shutting. I fell asleep with the book opened and sprawled over me, which was a big mistake because Mama was in my room before I woke up and found it. I felt her lift it off me and look at it.
"Where did you get this?" she asked as I opened my eyes and sat up. "Jordan?"
Now Ian was going to be angry at me. I thought. I ruined a secret and I had made him a promise, taken an oath. He would stop coming about me again. Could I lie?
"I found it," I said.
She smirked. "Jordan. I asked you a question. I know this book was nowhere in this house. I want an honest answer."
I started to cry. "I wasn't supposed to tell you," I said.
She stared, her eyes brightening. "Ian," she said. "Did he give you this? Jordan?"
My answer was written on my face.
"Why did he give you this? How did he find out about you? Did you tell him?"
"He heard about me going to see Dr.
Dell'Acqua and he wanted to know why." I was determined not to tell her anything more about his research and all his "Holy schmolies." "I promised I wouldn't tell you he knew. Now he's going to be mad at me."
She thought a moment. The fear left her face and her body relaxed. Then she smiled. "It's all right. I shouldn't have kept it from him anyway. If anyone in this house is mature enough to understand what's going on, it's Ian. I'll speak to him. He won't be angry at you for telling me. In fact," she said, turning the pages and looking at the pictures and information in the book, "this was a very smart thing for him to do for you."
"It's my birthday present from him," I said.
"Your birthday present?" She looked sad again. "Yes, it's a nice birthday present, only I wish it had been years from now," she muttered.
She looked around my room and pressed her lips together. Then she said a strange thing, whispered it as if she wasn't sure she wanted me to hear it.
"It's this house. Everything changed once we moved here."
She realized I heard her and quickly smiled again. "It's all right, honey. Everything will be all right," she said, and kissed me. "Go on and get up and dressed. There's lots to do before we leave for the lake."
I couldn't help but think about what she had said about the house. Was it true?
She left me listening for the whispering I now thought she surely heard as well.
8 The Sister Project
. Mama did talk to Ian and complimented him on his intelligent birthday present. She explained why she didn't want anyone else to know just yet. However, he wasn't entirely pleased. When he came to my room I had just finished getting dressed. As soon as he came in. I could tell from the expression on his face that he was upset with me and surely thought I had violated our oath.
"I fell asleep with the book on me," I moaned before he could utter a complaint. "Mama came into my room and found it. I didn't show it to her. She made me tell her how I got it, Ian. I swear.
He grimaced. I had still disappointed him. "You can see how important it is to always think first and act second, Jordan. I know you didn't want to break our oath, but there will still be things we'll do that Ed rather we kept secret between us. I'm making you my special project. Jordan," he added to impress me. "I'll still do other things, but you will be the most important. I will call it my Sister Project, okay?"
"Yes," I said, even though I couldn't imagine now why we should keep anything secret from Mama. She had gone to the drugstore to get the medicine Dr. Dell'Acqua had ordered for me. It was a nasal spray and I was to use it every morning. I had to spray twice into each nostril. Mama said she would be sure to remind me and help me do it. Later, Ian came in to see what it was. He copied down the name and quickly returned to his computer to find out
everything he could. A little more than an hour later, he came back into my room to report to me.
"The doctor is obviously diagnosing your condition as central precocious puberty," he said. "It just means you're having what's normal too early in your life, so don't worry about getting cancer or a heart attack or anything like that," he told me.
"The medicine should work. However, it won't work overnight, Jordan. Don't expect everything to change right away. In fact, you might have some side effects first. I printed out the list so I'll watch for them with you. Did Mother tell you about that?"
I shook my head.
"She probably just didn't want to worry you," he said, and I wondered, so why was he telling me? Now I would worry.
He read my thoughts on the page of my sad and troubled face. "Don't be upset. Knowledge is never a bad thing and you can never get too much of it, Jordan. It's better people know everything they have to know about themselves. Remember, don't go blabbing everything I tell you to Mother, okay?"
"Okay." Even though our first oath had been broken. Ian didn't ask for another promise.
Then he looked at me in a strange way and said, "It's interesting, that this happened to you and not to me. Very interesting. The causes of this are not really nailed down yet. As I said, some think it has to do with all the growth hormones in meat and poultry today, but I just read that the problem is occurring even with people who don't consume meat and poultry heavily in their diets. Who knows? Maybe by doing my Sister Project and studying you and keeping track of it all. I'll come up with something the medical world will appreciate."
Ian was not quite fourteen and he was already thinking he could solve medical problems adults couldn't. Maybe he could. Maybe I was lucky to have a brother who was such a genius. I thought. I vowed to myself to keep his secrets and be grown-up about it.
My own thoughts wound around and back to what had happened between Mama and Daddy in our car on the way home from the supermarket. Ian knew so much. Perhaps he knew why Mama was so upset and why she cried about a floor manager. That still troubled me because it almost ruined my birthday and she was so upset. I asked him.
"The woman father hired for that shift was one of his old girlfriends," he said.
I had never thought of Daddy haying any other girlfriend besides Mama.
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