by Jill Shalvis
“Whatever it takes,” she repeated with a choked laugh as he kissed his way to her other breast. “You sound like you know what you’re doing.”
“When it comes to you, Lily, I think I do.”
“You can’t say that. We haven’t known each other long enough. This is just—”
He slid a hand between her thighs and she sucked in a breath as she opened them for him. “Sex?” he asked softly.
She gasped when he stroked his hands unerringly over the denim. “You know it’s supposed to be light and casual between us. We’ve talked about it.”
“You’ve talked about it,” he said, and bent to her breasts again. “Me, not so much.”
“But…” She blinked rapidly, as if she needed to in order to see past the sexual haze that surrounded them.
Good. At least he wasn’t alone in losing his mind.
“So you’re saying this isn’t just…”
“Hell, no. Not for me, and if you’re being honest, not for you either.” He curled his tongue around a nipple while his hand skimmed down her rising and falling belly, slipping into the waistband of her jeans.
She sucked in a breath to give him better access. “Jared…we’re wearing too many clothes.”
Lifting up, he tugged her pants off, tossed them over his shoulder, leaving her gloriously bare.
She squirmed, then shot him up a little smile. “Now you’re wearing too many clothes.”
“We’ll get there. I like you naked, Lily. I like the smooth feel of your skin…” He stroked a hand over her ribs, rasped a thumb over a nipple. “And I love the scent of you.” He stroked a thumb over her wet, hot center, making her gasp and rock her hips for more.
“When I’m with you,” she managed. “I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
“Oh, you’re coming.” He slid a finger into her while his thumb made another passing sweep over her creamy flesh. “You’re going to come again and again and again…”
“Jared—”
“Right here.” With each stroke of that thumb, she rocked her hips against him, urging him into her rhythm, but he was already right there with her. Damn, she was hot. Hot and wet, and his. He was crazy to want her this way, a woman who’d just as soon never face the undeniable growing emotions they had for each other, even after only a few days.
But he did. He wanted her for always.
Hell of a fix, given that she’d run for the hills if she knew his thoughts. So he kissed her deep. He had his tongue inside her mouth, his fingers inside her body, was as close to her as he could get, and yet, it wasn’t enough. Hell, they could do this every night until they were old and gray and he had a feeling it wouldn’t be enough.
Because he loved her.
“Jared…please. Please, now.”
“Yeah, now.” He stroked her again, heat coiling low in his belly when she gasped his name like a prayer, a mantra.
He definitely liked the sound of that, and let himself look at her, soak her in. Her eyes were closed, her hair wild around her face, falling around her pillow like shiny silk. Her mouth was open, as if she needed it that way just to breathe, and with her head back, her throat was exposed.
He’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life.
Leaning over her, he put his mouth to her neck. She sighed, the soft sound going straight to his gut.
And lower.
Her hands came up to his shoulders, running restlessly down his back as she murmured some wordless plea.
She wanted him. She wanted him inside her, and maybe, just maybe, she wanted inside him, too.
He kissed his way to her shoulder, then a breast, and she cried out his name in a voice he knew would headline his dreams for the rest of his life. Beneath the hands he had on her, he felt her muscles tense and tremble, felt her hips rocking with pure, mindless pleasure.
She was close.
He nudged her over with his fingers, feeling the tension rumble through her, which was erotic as hell, but not nearly as erotic as the taste of her, he knew, so he dipped his head and put his mouth on her. And she fell again, the sharp edge of her pleasure nearly taking him with her.
While she still shuddered, he kicked off a boot. “Condom.”
“Inside there,” she gasped, and pointed to a zippered pouch on her pack.
He had the packet in his teeth, and was trying to lose his other boot and pull off his shirt at the same time.
“Jared?”
Damn it, he had a knot in his damn bootlace. “Yeah?”
Her hair was wild about her face, which was flushed. Her body, sprawled out beneath him, was damp and dewy, and the most mouthwatering thing he’d ever seen. “How about now? Can you hurry now?”
He’d never laughed while being hard enough to pound a nail through stone. “I swear I’m trying.” Finally he got his boot off, and she helped him with his jeans, taking a second to glide her tongue along his length, leaving him a quivery mess of sensation, and then…oh, God…and finally, finally, he pushed her back, rose over her, and thrust home.
She was hot, slick and so ready for him, he nearly came right then. There had to be a name for this, he thought dimly, this mind-blowing sensation he felt being inside her, feeling her breathe with him, her heart in sync with his.
Oh, wait. There was a name for it. Love. “Lily.”
Arching up, she wrapped her legs around his waist, sending him even deeper within her, so damned deep he could happily drown. Her fingers dug into his buttocks now, urging him on. Her hips were rocking, her muscles tightening on him as she came again, or still, it didn’t matter because she was taking him with her into the wild current, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
“So good,” she murmured, her breasts pressed hard to his chest, her mouth working its way along his jaw, her breath scraping in and out of her lungs, panting in his ear now. He could feel her heart beating, or maybe that was his. Yes, that was his. He ground himself against her with every thrust, latching his mouth onto her neck and holding on, staking his claim, sinking his teeth into her skin as he…completely…lost…it, wondering if he would even live through it.
From some dim recess in his mind, he felt her go over, and then he heard himself say it, the words he could no longer hold back. “I love you, Lily…”
And then he let himself fall.
LILY OPENED her eyes. She was cradled against a hard, damp chest. Nice. Limp as a noodle, she slowly floated back to earth—
And then remembered.
Had he really said—
No.
No, he hadn’t uttered those three little words. She’d only imagined them, dreamt them up while coming so hard her toes were still curled.
How was it possible that this kept happening between them, that each and every time got more intimate, more deep, in fact so deep that she couldn’t imagine being without him?
Good thing then, that this was their last night, wasn’t it? Yeah, definitely best just to stay right here, in the moment, and she pressed closer to his big, warm body, thinking in the moment was a pretty damn fine place to be…and let herself drift off.
WHEN JARED OPENED his eyes, dawn was just a pink-and-purple ribbon in the sky. He was wrapped up warm and toasty in Lily, which suited him. He pulled her close and breathed her in.
In her sleep, she cuddled closer, putting her face into the crook of his neck and letting out a soft hum of pleasure, her body far ahead of her brain in the accepting-him department.
He just hoped to God her brain caught up with the rest of things soon.
As in today soon.
With a soft sigh, Lily opened her eyes. “I had a dream that you said…”
“Yeah. It wasn’t a dream.”
She blinked once, slowly, and then he felt her body tense as she sat up.
The loss of her body heat was nothing compared to the gaping hole he felt in his heart when she backed from him. “Look,” he said. “I know. I get it. This is scary shit.”
“O
nly because you changed things.”
“Change doesn’t have to be bad.”
She let out a mirthless laugh. “Tell that to my old career.”
He was quiet a moment. “You’re not the only one who’s faced big changes this year.”
She immediately softened. “I know,” she said, touching him. “God, I know.”
“If I managed to change my ways, the original workaholic, to an extremely different lifestyle, trust me. You can do anything, including be whole and happy with a different job, with any job, with people in your life—”
“People? Or you?”
“Hell yeah, me.”
She stared at him for one beat, then began searching the tent. On her hands and knees, she kept her back to him, which was a damn fine view, but not the one he wanted. “Lily, your entire life has been about taking risks. This is just one more in a long line of many. And actually, a helluva lot safer than most—”
His shirt hit him in the face. When he pulled it free, she was searching for the rest of his clothes. She patted the sleeping bag, finding her jeans but not his, then looked at the zipper of her tent, which had been pulled, but not the horizontal one, and with all their…physical exertion, some things inadvertently been shoved outside.
Mainly his pants.
“Sorry.” She was so sorry she shoved his boots out after them. He’d have pointed that out but she had that look on her face, the look of a woman heading directly toward Panicville but trying desperately to maintain an illusion of calm.
“Better go get them,” she said.
With a sigh, he brushed past her, sticking his head and bare torso outside.
The sky had lightened now, to a pale baby blue. His jeans had actually made their way far enough from the tent that he couldn’t reach them from the safety of inside. Didn’t that figure? He was going to start the day bare-ass naked outside. He hoped nothing would freeze off.
One quick look around assured him he was alone, and he slipped out of the tent. Naked. Behind him, he heard the zipper, and turned just in time to watch it slide down, shutting him out.
The equivalent of being shoved out the proverbial front door after a bad date.
Only this hadn’t been a bad date. Nothing had gone wrong at all, except his mouth had gone off without written permission from his brain and he’d let his feelings slip.
He figured since he’d been in the throes of an orgasm at the time, he should be given a break, but that wasn’t going to happen. Damn, it was chilly, he thought, bending for his jeans. Goose bumps rose over every naked inch of him.
From behind came a rustle, then a gasp and a low whoa-baby whistle.
Wincing, he turned, and faced a grinning Rose. He held his shirt and pants over himself.
“Well, good morning there, cowboy,” she all but purred.
Perfect. He did his best not to squirm, but that proved difficult as she lapped him up with her eyes as though he was a bowl of spilled milk.
“I knew it,” she said silkily. “I knew you were hiding an amazing body beneath those clothes of yours. Hot damn, I was right.”
Jared wished it wasn’t quite so cold. He wanted to dive into his tent, but to do so, he would have to go prancing right past her nose, his bare ass frozen solid.
The polite thing for her to do, of course, would be to vanish back inside her tent and give him a moment of privacy.
But Rose wasn’t interested in giving him a moment of privacy. “You had a nice evening, I take it,” she said with a waggle of her eyebrows, running her gaze very frankly over him.
Then, above her head, appeared Rock. He took in the situation with a good amount of amused sympathy. “Let the guy go by, Rose.”
“Ah, but you’re no fun.”
“Come on, I’ll show you some fun.” With a nod to Jared, Rock pulled Rose back into their tent.
“Oh, Rock,” he heard her sigh with pleasure. “Oh, now there’s a most excellent way to distract me.”
Jared sighed, too, not exactly filled with pleasure because the cold air was seeping into parts unknown, and he had a feeling, despite his wishes to the contrary, he’d just been unceremoniously and officially dumped.
16
IT WAS their last day. The thought never left Lily’s mind as she led the group through Alpine Pass, slowly making their way back to the trailhead where they’d begun four days earlier.
It went well, even if Lily didn’t absorb anything they did, not the trail, nor the rugged peaks all around her, nor the way the river sparkled and raced at their side.
Jared loved her.
Loved.
Her.
She understood the concept. Hell, she’d even seen it up close and personal. Hadn’t her parents been in and out of love all her life? Hadn’t her friends found love, then occasionally lost it, and if they were particularly into torture, found it again?
It was all around her.
But she’d never imagined it happening to her. Had never really wanted it to. Her life had been adventurous and wild enough, without adding that to the mix.
Behind her Michelle and Jack held hands. At the beginning of this trek they’d been barely speaking, and now they couldn’t stop staring into each other’s eyes.
She didn’t give herself any credit for that. The mountains and the air and the sheer glory of the Sierras had done it. That, and some damn hard work and understanding on their part.
But somehow, it was just a little painful to look at them now.
What did that say about her, that she’d been able to enjoy them more when their relationship had been in trouble? It said she was a bitch, that’s what. She sighed and kept moving.
Rose laughed at something Rock said, and Lily smiled a little grimly. Rose had confided in her that Rock had been a fabulous diversion, just the extra fun she’d needed on this trip, but when it was over, it was over.
Now see, there was a woman after her own heart. Lily glanced at Rock, who didn’t look nearly as happy and carefree as Rose, or nearly as happy and carefree as he’d started out being four days ago.
Seemed Lily wasn’t the only moper around here.
She felt for Rock, she did, but damn it, hadn’t Rose laid out the ground rules, making him understand that fun was fun, and now that fun had to be over?
Bringing up the rear was Jared. She could feel his presence without looking at him. Mostly because in spite of her best efforts, her heart had been snagged by his.
Damn him.
She hadn’t wanted ties. Strings. Attachments. She’d been only looking to find herself. And she’d said so, too. She hadn’t wanted anything more than a couple of beautiful nights, which they’d had.
But—and here’s where it got tricky—somewhere along the way, things had changed. She had changed. She’d realized she wasn’t the same woman she’d been, and she probably never would be again.
But it didn’t mean she wasn’t strong. Strength could come from within, she’d learned that firsthand. She was strong. Just not the type of woman to want a forever with a man. “Damn it.”
“That’s the third or fourth time you’ve muttered that to yourself.”
Startled, she looked up into Jared’s hazel gaze. He’d come up alongside her, and she’d been so busy analyzing and stressing, she hadn’t even heard him.
He didn’t shoot her his trademark grin, and she felt compelled to say something, anything. “Jared—”
But he kept walking. A little stunned, she slowed to stare after him.
“Oooh, look,” Rose called out, and pointed to the alpine meadow that had just opened up in front of them. “A place to take a break—Ohmigod, check it out!”
She pointed to a high ridge, and they all looked up at the five big-horned bucks watching them, their taupe coats blending perfectly with the talus slopes. Beyond them, on a sheer fringe of rock, the sun created halos around their magnificent heads.
“Wow,” Jack said to Michelle. “Your dad would sure love to be here with his long-rang
e.”
“If my daddy shot Bambi, I’d never forgive him.”
“Not Bambi,” Lily said. “Those are big boys, not babies. But I’m glad no one’s here taking shots.”
“What are they doing?” Michelle whispered, as if the deer could hear them from all the way across the valley.
“They’re just watching us silly humans walk,” Lily said, “in their woods.”
Silly, and stupid she silently added, not looking at Jared. God, she hated to be wrong.
And she was wrong, about so many things. Too bad she wasn’t any good at admitting that.
They walked some more, and after a while, stopped for lunch.
“It’s so beautiful,” Michelle said with awe, sitting on a rock eating a sandwich, for once her yellow rain gear nowhere in sight. “All of it.”
It was. The air was so clear and crisp they could see each individual jagged edge on the rocks. The river widened into yet another of the hundreds of small lakes in the area, and thanks to the rocky cliffs jutting high into the sky, shadowed by a thick growth of lodgepole pines and bush, the place was a little spot of heaven.
They begged Lily to start a little campfire so they could make s’mores with the last of the chocolate. She got a small fire going, then glanced over at Jared.
He’d moved away from her, staring into the water.
Well, damn it. Didn’t he know that this was all his fault? Throwing around those three little words that were guaranteed to strike terror into any woman’s heart—
Okay, her heart.
“Look.” Rock pointed to one of the tallest redwoods, where a huge rope swing had been set up.
“Careful,” Lily said. “We should check—”
But Rock had kicked off his shoes, grabbed the rope and took a flying leap.
“—the rope,” Lily finished with a sigh.
Rock’s momentum took him high over the water, where, with a loud “Woo-hoo” he let go with wild abandon, and hit the water with a huge splash.
Jared went next.
Jack quickly moved to join them.
“But your clothes—” Michelle began, then when Jack surfaced in the water, she just sighed. She had a sweet smile on her face. “Oh, well.”
