by Anton Strout
“Well?” Mina shouted over the low moaning coming through the glass.
I kept my hands firm on the lock, but it was no use. “Nothing.”
I turned to face her. Maybe there was a way to get my psychometry back. Stress had always been a trigger back when I couldn’t control it, so maybe …
“I have an idea,” I said. “Pistol-whip me.”
Mina turned from looking out the door. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Just do it.”
“Simon, are you crazy? I’m not going to pistol-whip you.”
“A second ago you were willing to shoot me,” I spat out.
She shook her head and sighed. “I wouldn’t have really shot you.”
“Looked like it to me,” I said, moving closer to the door she held shut. I reached for its handle. “Now, pistol-whip me or I’m going to pull this door open and let the undead have their merry way with us.”
Mina started to argue, but gave up when she saw how dead serious I was. “This is the Simon I remember,” she said with a smile. “Reckless and steeped in crazy. You realize it’s a fine line in pistol-whipping between rendering you unconscious and killing you, right?”
I hadn’t really thought of that. Pistol-whipping just seemed like one of those great movie clichés to try.
“I suppose irreversible brain damage might not be worth the risk. Fine. Just hit me like you mean it.”
“No problem there,” Mina said, and pulled back her arm. She let fly with a right hook, catching me upside the head. I stumbled back, stunned and a bit shocked at how jarring the blow was.
“Again,” I mumbled.
“Again, no problem,” Mina said. There was a perverse anger on her face now, and my ire was rising as well. She drew back, this time missing my face and punching me in the shoulder while still keeping the door secure.
The blow spun me around and I was once again facing the lock. I reached for it.
“Agai—” I started, but I felt a sudden sharp pain in my ass as Mina drove her foot into it. I fell forward into the glass from the kick’s impact, clutching onto the lock itself to keep my face from smashing into it. Mina was in pure vengeance mode, and all my years of repressed anger toward her flooded my mind. Female or not, I wanted nothing more than to get up off the floor of the foyer and take a swing back at her, but all these emotions overwhelmed me like I had been hoping they would. I felt the tiniest electric spark of my powers returning, building until it washed over me. I could only hope that by the time I came out of this fresh vision, Mina wouldn’t have beaten me to death by accident.
As I expected, the life of an electronic locking system wasn’t an exciting one, but it certainly got a lot of action. Multiple flashes filled my head—fingers, chubby, wrinkly, young, old, keyed their pass codes into the system. Each of their IDs was different, but the numbers were flying by so fast I couldn’t make out any single code. I slowed the psychometric vision as best as I could, like I was watching it on replay. A harsh-faced woman with an armful of books paused by the electronic lock and keyed her code: 24601.
When I pulled from the vision, I found myself passed out on the floor of the little lobby, and the first thing I noticed was how sore my ass was. The second thing I noticed was a tickling sensation by my nose, accompanied by a wretched smell. I tilted my head, only to see one of the severed zombie fingers wiggling far too close to my mouth for my liking. I shot up to a sitting position, the pain in my ass screaming now, and I found myself shaking with low blood sugar. I hadn’t expected the return of my powers, but there was half of a lint-covered roll of Life Savers in my coat pocket, and I crunched them down as I went to stand up again.
Three arms were poking in through the door now as Mina struggled to keep the rest of them from coming in as well.
“Jesus, my ass,” I said.
“Sorry,” Mina said. “Got a little carried away there with the kicking. Didn’t realize you were out for the count.”
“Enough of this shit,” I said, batting the one zombie arm away. “Time to go.”
I ran to the lock and pressed in 24601. Tomorrow, the security people might wonder why their favorite scholar’s code was being used this late at night, but I was more concerned with the guards patrolling the museum right now. If we didn’t get the hell out of the vestibule before their return, our choices would be fighting them or fighting the zombies. Probably both.
The light went green with a pleasant beep, and the magnetic lock clicked. I pushed the door open all the way. Mina was still concentrating on holding the outer door shut against the zombies and wasn’t aware of what I had done at all.
“Mina! Let’s go.”
She craned her head around and her eyes lit up. When she saw me inside the museum, she slammed the glass door on the zombie arms once more, eliciting a bone-cracking crunch, then ran toward where I stood just inside the main lobby. As she ran past, she grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me with her.
“No,” I shouted, pulling free. I had wanted to shut the inside door against the zombies, who were already stumbling over one another as they streamed into the foyer. I ran back toward the door, but there was no way I was going to get to it before they entered the museum. I looked back over my shoulder. Mina stood there watching me, dumbfounded.
“Go,” I said, raising my bat and turning back toward the oncoming zombies. “Do what you came here for. They won’t bother you. They’re after me.”
Mina hesitated for a couple more seconds, then ran up a set of white stairs leading to the next level. Now that she was out of the way, things would be much easier. Zombies in small numbers were easy to outrun, and if I led them off into the museum away from her, I should have no trouble playing keep-away. And there was always the bat to fall back on. If I got lucky, I’d be able to pick them off one by one. I had never dealt with zombies all by myself, but I really couldn’t call in the D.E.A. to help me with this one. I was in the middle of a crime, after all.
I started backing off in the opposite direction from the one Mina had gone, jumping onto one of the dark wooden blocks of a bench … only to watch the entire pack of zombies start shuffling off toward the white stairs instead.
“What the hell … ? Hey! Dicks! Over here!”
I leapt off the bench and crept to the edge of their pack, my bat choked and ready for action. Not a one of the monsters swiped at me. I poked my bat at one of them. It pushed the bat away, but ignored me and my juicy, juicy brains.
They continued toward the stairs. Definitely going after Mina.
“Crap on toast!” I said, and ran ahead of the pack. I took the stairs two at a time. The next floor had even less light than the main floor, but was lit in dim little pools here and there. I spun around, looking for signs pointing to the traveling exhibition that held The Scream. I couldn’t read anything in the dark, but I did see a pool of light move across the wall off to my left and I ran toward it as quietly as I could. I didn’t want to run up too boldly thinking it was Mina, only to startle a guard.
I stopped at the arch near where the light had come from and peeked in. Mina stood there in front of The Scream, the lone figure in it looking horrified that it was being stolen for the umpteenth time. Jane finished unfolding a painting-shaped soft case from the bag she had brought with her. She then pulled out pieces of an adjustable frame and started assembling them.
“You want to speed this up?” I whispered.
Mina jumped.
“What are you doing up here?” she said. “I thought you were going to take care of your friends.”
I shook my head.
“Apparently, they’re not my friends; they’re yours.”
“What?” She stopped what she was doing and turned to me.
“Seems like I’m not the only one around here with major secrets. You been pissing off the wrong people, Mina?”
She wouldn’t respond, and turned back to her now-assembled frame, which was roughly the size of The Scream. “Shit.”
“You didn’t just figure out I had psychometry all on your own, did you?” I said. Mina remained silent. “Because normal people don’t have zombies coming after them, do they, Mina? You want to explain just what it is that you’re into here?”
“Nope,” she said, and continued working. She started attaching tiny blocks of weight to the interior of the frame she had just assembled.
Low moans came from one of the other rooms. The zombies were no longer downstairs. Contrary to popular culture, zombies weren’t stair-challenged.
“Fine,” I said. “It’s not going to matter once they shamble their way over here.”
“Quiet. I’ve got to counterweight this for the switch out,” Mina said. “I’m going with forty-five pounds, more or less.”
“Are you even listening to me?” I hissed. “They’re coming.”
Mina looked at me, her eyes calm and her voice evening out.
“So deal with it,” she said. “Listen, this next part has got to be pretty precise, and if they ruin it for me, we’re both going to get caught.”
I turned away from her and stormed off toward the zombies. I was going to have to be creative if I was going to stall or beat down an entire pack by myself without disturbing any of the art or setting off alarms. I prayed that some of my new training with the Fraternal Order of Goodness would be of use.
The zombies had all but ignored me before, but I was pretty sure that if I stood between them and their target, they’d try to rip me apart. Still, I couldn’t just wait for it. I’d have to dodge them and play to the fact that I was faster, despite being outnumbered. Stalling them until I could thin their numbers was my best chance for survival.
I backed myself just to the left of the arch leading into the room that Mina and I occupied. I could make a stand against the first few before they tried to converge on Mina. I counted heads. Six of them, one sans fingers. All of them had made it up the stairs. Damn.
Given the width of the opening into the room, only two could force their way in at the same time, and I came down hard and fast on both of their heads with the bat.
In my short time doing all this, I’d never quite gotten used to braining something so identifiably human, but the dull crunch of the skull caving in did the trick on one of them, and it collapsed. The other was more resilient and stumbled into the room with two more right behind him. I backed away, tracking the damaged one, and swung down at it again. It dropped to the ground and stopped moving. I backed up and stepped to the side of the arch.
The zombie closest to me made a beeline for Mina, which was what I had hoped for. I grabbed it by its rotting arm and used its own momentum to swing it off into the open space of the room. I did the same to the others as they entered. As long as I could keep moving and using my brain as more than snack food for them, I might get through this.
I shifted myself back between them and Mina. She was taking forever to swap the weighted adjustable frame with The Scream on the wall. Any bumps or pushes from my fight, and she’d set the alarm off.
I pushed one of the zombies away from me with the tip of my bat. A closer one lunged for Mina, and I swung around and down with a strike to the back of its head as I sidestepped. There was a crunch and it dropped. I paused for a moment. My arms were shaking. I realized that despite my adrenaline rush, I was still truly terrified.
“Almost done,” Mina said. She had the frames swapped out and was busy stuffing The Scream into the padded bag. Cold, rotting breath filled my nostrils. I turned and one of the undead was inches from my face, its lips peeled back as it moved in for a bite.
“Ready,” she said, and I felt a tug at my arm as she whisked me away. I felt slimy teeth brush against my skin as she pulled me along behind her. I shuddered and felt at my neck to see if the skin was broken anywhere. I couldn’t feel anything, but it did cause me to go weak in the knees, forcing me to lean on Mina. By the time we hit the top of the stairs, I started to feel a little stronger and made it down without breaking my neck. When we reached the main lobby, I looked back up them to see the three remaining zombies just coming into sight.
Mina stopped. I thought she was winded since she was breathing heavily, but there was a lustful sparkle in her eyes. I remembered that type of high from back when I was a thief. I felt the sensation a little now and realized that I had missed it. Mina gave me a wicked smile.
“Thanks for keeping me safe,” she said. Then she kissed me. Her mouth was warm and inviting, but it wasn’t what I wanted from her. Not now, not ever. I pushed away from her.
“Mina, I …”
I stopped myself. I was at a loss for what to say.
Mina turned away from me and slid the painting bag over her left shoulder. The moans of the remaining zombies came from the top of the stairs.
“Oh, and Simon?” she said, turning back.
“Yeah?” I was still somewhat dazed.
She raised her right hand. Her gun was in it, this time held by the barrel like a set of brass knuckles. “For the record, this is how you pistol-whip someone.”
She swung, hitting me squarely above the shoulder blade, right in the neck meat. If it hurt, I wasn’t sure. I was already unconscious and falling.
28
When I came to, I was thrilled to see that I didn’t have a sudden craving for human brains. I did, however, find myself in the back of a cab parked outside my apartment in SoHo with the driver giving me a gentle shake into consciousness. The side of my head throbbed to a bossa nova beat and I felt dizzy when I tried to reach for my wallet, but the driver waved me away. Apparently, the ride had already been paid for. I guess it was the least Mina could do after giving me a potentially life-threatening concussion and making away with a multimillion-dollar painting. How she had managed to drag me out into the street while carrying the painting and fleeing the zombies, I had no idea. But at least we hadn’t been caught, and now I hoped I’d never see her again.
On my way up to my apartment, I almost passed out several times as my head swam. After I let myself in, I shuffled across my darkened living room, surprised to find my psychometric powers triggering off everything I touched. Apparently, they were back for good … or at least until I ran into the gypsies again. I felt oddly comforted by their return, less alone.
I lowered myself onto my couch, letting it swallow all my pains and kinks from the night. I sat there for a long while, enjoying the quiet. It was nice for a change not to get jumped or find someone lurking in the shadows. My head still ached, but I could live with it.
I made my way to the kitchen and fished some aspirin down from one of the cabinets. Then I noticed my answering machine blinking.
Seventeen new messages.
My stomach tightened. Given my less-than-savory dating history, over ten messages usually meant that I was being dumped. With some hesitance, I hit play and was relieved to discover that only three were from Jane, which meant the likelihood of us still being a couple was high. Those messages were fine, more concerned and checking up to make sure I hadn’t gone off the deep end after hanging up with her. It was messages four through seventeen, though, that had me freaked. All of them were Connor asking me to call him back, and he did not sound happy. Still a bit groggy from my evening, I pulled out my cell phone. Sure enough, there were even more messages from the both of them. The last one simply said to meet Connor at the office; he’d be working late.
Although it was past two now, I ditched my disguise and cleaned myself up in the bathroom before heading over to the Lovecraft Café. A few night owls were sitting in the coffee shop and movie theater, but I paid them only cursory attention as I headed out back to the office. It felt like a long, slow march to the gallows. We hadn’t talked since the gypsies had cursed me earlier in the day, but I had left the show floor all freaked-out.
Connor was at his desk, working his way through a stack of case folders.
“Hey.”
“Ah,” he said, looking up from the file he was writing in. “I was wondering when
you were gonna check in with me, kid.”
“Sorry, busy night,” I said, averting my eyes to my own desk. I sat down. “Got a friend in from out of town. We were at dinner.”
“I see,” he said, then fell silent. He went back to work on the file. “So you didn’t catch the news yet.”
“What news?”
“Thought you might be interested in this story they’re running,” he said, “you being all into the art scene. Somebody, or should I say somebodies, broke into the Museum of Modern Art tonight.”
He looked up from his desk and met my eyes. I didn’t dare look away.
“Really?” I said, forcing as much surprise into my voice as I could muster. “Anything interesting stolen?”
He stopped writing, sat back in his chair, and folded his hands over his chest.
“The news isn’t saying what, exactly,” he said, “but here’s the interesting thing. They’ve got David Davidson handling all the press coverage of it.”
“Over a burglary?” I said. I was afraid I knew where this was going.
As far as I knew, Davidson only handled politicking things for the mayor that fell into supernatural jurisdiction.
“Well,” Connor continued matter-of-factly, “the news is already showing footage from the security tapes at the museum. Looks like a small gang of people broke in, at least that’s how Davidson is spinning it. Thing about the footage, though, is how herky jerky most of the gang members look … and with Davidson out there running a denial campaign to the local networks, I’m thinking we’ve got a little shuffler and shambler action going on there.”
“Zombie robbers?” I said, once again trying to sound more surprised than guilty.
“That’s the way it looks to me,” he said. “From the footage, it appears that only two living people were the ring leaders on this, a blond couple.”
“How clear are the security tapes?” I asked. “Can you make out their faces?”
“Barely,” he said, and I felt a small wave of relief cool my nerves a bit. “It’s a guy and a girl. From what I can tell, the girl’s kind of hot. I’d hit that.”
