by M. Merin
“I need to find her,” I snarl at him.
“You need to calm the fuck down, is what you need to do,” Gunner responds, grabbing my arm and walking me away from the group he’s with. Turning us so he has eyes on Riley, he waits until I’m ready to talk.
“Rosy. I made that name up for her, her name is Jessa. She lives here, I just saw her,” I pause, taking another deep breath, unsure of how to continue. “Roy interrupted us, warned me away from her.”
“Fuck. I know who she is. She applied for a job at the store when she first got here. We didn’t have anything with the hours Jessa needed since she works nights at the station,” Gunner says then lets out a bark. “Her last name is Hall,” he grins at me.
“Well, that’s fucking convenient,” I laugh at the unexpected news. Not having asked her what her last name was, I had no way of knowing we share the same one.
Jessa
Racing back across the square, I get to where my aunt is sitting with Danny. She’s distracted, talking to someone beside her so I quickly start packing up our things.
“What is it, Jessa?” Ellie asks, turning back to me.
“I have to get him home,” I say. “You stay, we’re good.”
“But, honey, we haven’t been here that long?” she pleads with me. “Maybe you’ll meet a young man?” She whispers, overly loud.
“I have a young man, Auntie, I’m good.” I sass back, snapping Danny’s car seat into the stroller. “I’ve got to go. Can Roy give you a ride home?”
“Good idea for us all to head out now,” Roy says, having come up behind me. “Ellie, come help us get her car packed up.”
My aunt is no fool and she trusts Roy, so she folds up her chair and grabs her bag to follow along. I keep a look out for Shade as I make it to my car and transfer Danny in. I can hear the two of them whispering as they walk a few paces behind me and whatever Roy said has caused my aunt to go pale.
Getting into my passenger seat, she immediately asks, “Is Shade Danny’s father?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, dear,” she sighs. “Why didn’t you ever say anything to Roy?”
“I didn’t know Shade was from here and he was more than clear that he only wanted the night.”
“So, you’re his Rosy,” Ellie murmurs as I pull off onto Main Street.
“WHAT!” I almost serve off the road. How the fuck does she know what Shade nicknamed my tits?
“Shade was gone for a while, I don’t know where or why. Club business and all. Well, anyway, when I saw him again he had this tattoo on his hand that says Rosy. Roy has said the guys have been after him about who Rosy is, because he rubs at it all the time. Roy’s talked about how standoffish Shade can be. That it’s not like him to fixate on a woman,” she finishes her monologue as I’m pulling into the driveway of her house. “I just never would have put you two together.”
“The two guys I had gotten a ride west with were pushing me for sex. He got me out of that situation, he didn’t need to interfere but he was good to me. Honest with me about what we were doing that night. After the year I’d had, I wanted him and I just went for it.”
I park the car and wonder if there’s a hole out back I can just go bury myself in and not have to face anyone in this town again. Shade’s MC and God knows who else, apparently know of me by the color of my nipples. Fuck. My. Life.
Chapter 6
Jessa
Danny starts to fuss in his car seat so I pull myself together one more time and get him inside. Roy is parking his bike at the curb and, as always, comes over to help with the bags.
“Get him settled, then we should have a talk,” Roy says in his usual calm way.
I take Danny up to his room, changing him before I release one of the cups of my bra and start to feed him. God, if Shade thought my nipples were rosy before…his son would live attached to my chest if he could. Danny will take a bottle out of necessity but if my boobs are anywhere close by he has to be snuggled against them or feeding.
My little man definitely takes that ‘like father, like son’ thing a little too far. With his light tan skin and green eyes, the only part of myself I can see are his soft brown curls.
As soon as Danny is sated and his eyes are half-mast, I lay him in his bassinet and head downstairs to face Roy and Ellie. Like the early days of my pregnancy, they stop talking as soon as they hear me approaching.
“Have a seat, please,” Roy begins and I stiffen at his tone. “Look, I’m just going to speak my peace, take it or leave it.”
He waits until I get settled.
“Shade is my Brother, he’s proven himself to the MC time and again,” he pauses, obviously trying to figure out how to say what he’s thinking.
“But?” I prod him.
“If you want me to help get you and Danny away from here, I will do it but we have to leave now.” That was not what I expected. I tilt my head, not even sure how to respond to him. “He doesn’t know about Danny yet, correct?”
“I didn’t exactly have a chance to tell him before you found us.”
“I saw him carrying you and…” he stops again and I can see him wrestling with himself over what to say next. “I’m worried about how he’ll react, Jessa. He’s…volatile.”
“Is she in danger, Roy?” Ellie cuts in.
Roy loudly exhales, “I’d say he’s obsessed with you, Jessa. He got a tattoo as a reminder and he touches it so much, it looks red sometimes. Look, I don’t have much to do with him but I can guarantee that when he finds out you had his child, he won’t want to let you go. I don’t know how…reasonable he’ll be.”
“I’m going to call Michaels,” Ellie stands to look for her phone and it’s like they’ve forgotten that the adult in question is sitting in front of them.
“Stop,” I demand and they both turn to me. “Do not call the Sheriff. Roy, thank you for your input. I just want a day or two to process this. That Shade’s here, I mean. I will have to tell him about Danny. It would be wrong not to. I’ve never felt right about keeping that to myself.”
“Jessa, you don’t know him like I do…”
“And, Roy, you don’t know him like I do, or did, rather. He won’t hurt me.” Not again, I promise myself.
Shade
I’m in my old truck at the end of her block, Wrench pulled her aunt’s address for me without any hesitation and I’ve been waiting for Roy to leave. Nearly giving up on getting to her tonight, I’m surprised when she exits the house and gets into a car that must have come off the assembly line when she was in middle school.
Waiting a moment and trying not to consider where she’s going at this hour, I eventually start my truck and follow her down Main Street. Releasing a breath when I see she’s heading to the station, I take up my next watch outside that building.
Jerking awake sometime later, Michaels is standing at my window glaring at me.
“What can I do for you, Sheriff?” I ask innocently, once I manually roll down the glass.
“Something you need, Mr. Hall?” He leans towards me and takes a whiff, making sure I’m sober, no doubt, and I shoot him a knowing grin. “Or are you here to confess to something?”
“Was hoping to get a word with Jessa.”
“No.” His eyes flash with surprise as he quickly answers.
“No?”
“No. Fucking. Way, Shade.” He snarls at me. “Fuck! You out of all them are the last fucking person who should be anywhere near that girl.”
Just as I move to open the truck door, I hear her voice.
“Sheriff? Give me a few minutes with him, please?” Jessa stands on the bottom step of the station, watching us. I tap down on the anger that I feel at the Sheriff’s words and wait while he walks back to her. Seeing him bend to whisper in her ear, his hand on her shoulder, has me clenching my fists. She briefly makes eye contact with me before asking him for privacy again.
He retreats inside the glass doors and I slide out of the truck as she walks towards me, tossing her long braid ov
er her shoulder. Her arms across her chest to shield herself from the crisp night air, and possibly me.
“What do you want, Shade?” Jessa asks, her eyes not making it up past my chin.
“You. I fucked up and for a goddamn year, you’re all I’ve thought of. That I should have turned back when you said my ‘shade was perfect’. That I should have taken you with me,” the words pour out of me and I’m not surprised to feel the truth in them. When I try to continue, she holds her hand up.
“Did you seriously tattoo Rosy on yourself?” she growls and I laugh, stepping closer to her and holding my hand up so she can see it.
“No one knows what I meant by it,” I say quietly, throwing her a wink. My eyes float over her shoulder for a moment to make sure the Sheriff hasn’t moved. “And I gotta say they seem bigger than I remembered.” My eyes fix on her breasts until I hear her grumble.
“Not winning any points right now, Shade.” She snaps her fingers to pull my eyes back up to hers.
“Can we try this, Rosy? Can we see if this thing between us, can last?” I plead with her.
“I, shit, I can’t stay out here much longer,” she looks back over her shoulder. “Can we meet tomorrow afternoon? Just to talk?”
“Give me your number and I’ll text you an address,” I offer, not wanting to push my luck.
“Now you want my number…” she mutters, but takes my offered phone to enter her number. “One shot, Shade. If I don’t hear from you tomorrow, I don’t want to.” When she hands my phone back to me, I try to pull her into my body but the fucking Sheriff is out and yelling at me before I can kiss her.
“Tomorrow, Rosy,” I promise. Wariness flashes through her eyes and it bothers me that I put it there. I stand back, watching her go inside until I lock eyes with Michaels. He looks ready to shoot me if I make a move forward and I get angry at the thought of what their relationship might be.
Looking down at the entry in my phone, I quickly change her name, from Jessa to My Rosy. Fuck Michaels acting like her protector, I’ll do anything necessary to make her see she belongs with me.
*
Knowing Jessa works nights, I wait until eleven the next morning to send her a text with my address. She confirms that she’ll be by around three. Suddenly an optimist, I head to town to pick up groceries and condoms.
She calls just before three. “Is this your house?” She immediately asks.
“Yeah, Rosy. Just come up the drive.” I unlock the front door and look out.
“I meant we should meet someplace, well, not sooo private, Shade,” she replies and when I walk outside I can see her sitting in her car, biting her finger nail.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle with you,” I smile widely in the direction of her car.
“You weren’t the last time you said that!” She tartly replies but drives towards me, parking the car right beside me. I get the door for her and pull her into my arms, threading my fingers through her hair as I lean down for a kiss.
“No, Shade. No expectations,” she cups her hand over my lips and I groan, leaning my forehead against hers.
“I want them,” my words are muffled by her fingers and she quickly tugs me towards my porch.
“Show me your home?” she asks.
So, I do. I walk her around, telling her what my plans are for the bedrooms that still sit empty, until we’re back in the living room. Pulling her down on my lap, I get irritated with how aloof she’s holding herself.
“What are you doing here, Jessa?” I ask, loosening my hold on her.
“Remember the last time we…” she blushes and stops mid-sentence.
“I think about those sweet lips on my cock all the time,” I say, moving my hand up to her cheek, hoping she’ll look me in the eyes.
“After that…”
I look at her blankly.
“The condom broke,” she’s studying her fingers and I hold her hand, waiting for her to finish her sentence…oh shit. No. I lean away from her.
“You said you’d get Plan B.” I bite out as my pulse shoots through the roof.
“I did,” she says and I exhale. “I did, but it didn’t work.”
I yank my hand back and move her off my lap, pacing the length of the room. Tears fill her eyes as she sits there watching me and I’m filled with dread over any of the possible things she could say next. I don’t even fucking know if I want her to say she got an abortion or she had the kid.
Finally stopping myself, I look back at her and man-up, “What did you do?”
Jessa stares at me, her lower lip trembling and I can see how scared she is. I cross back to her and kneel in front of her, resting my chin on her lap.
“You don’t have to do anything, Shade,” she whispers. “I’m fine now.”
“Tell me what you did, Jessa, please?” I move my hands up to her hips and hold her tight, even though I can’t seem to lift my eyes past her neck. “Tell me.”
“I have a son.” She says it so softly, I can barely make out the words but when they register it’s like I’ve been kicked in the balls.
I try to catch my breath and make sense of all the thoughts and feelings shooting through my brain but I know I don’t have time. I know that she needs something from me.
A son. Jessa said she has a son. And I know instinctively that the boy is mine. That she wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t. I can’t help thinking the worst fucking part is that I had never kissed her before yesterday.
Finally looking up into her eyes, I see tears streaming down her pale cheeks and I can imagine that she must have spent a lot of time crying this past year. All because of me.
“We,” I finally respond, smiling up at her. “We have a son, Jessa.”
Chapter 7
Jessa
The look on his face and the words he says are exactly what I’ve hoped for a million times and relief shoots through me.
Unfortunately, the warnings from Roy and the Sheriff are running through my head and I know we have to take this slow.
“I named him Daniel. Danny, you know? Like how your grandfather thought you were named for him?” I offer him and finally cave in when he pulls my mouth to his. Shade’s lips against mine are soft yet possessive all at the same time.
Leaning further into his arms, I’m immediately startled when Shade pulls me onto the floor with him and can’t stop giggling once I start. He gives me a goofy smile of his own before laying kisses around my face. His hands are busy also, unbuttoning my shirt so he can reach down and cup my breasts.
“OH Shit!” I squeal, turning bright red as I feel my milk stream out. Jolting me out of this crazy kissy-faced dream of him I’ve had hundreds of times.
“That’s so fucking hot, Rosy,” Shade’s eyes are locked on my decidedly not-sexy bra. I shift it back up to catch the milk that hasn’t already soaked the right side of my top. His head moves down and I grab his forehead to stop him from lapping it up.
“Don’t!” I yell, startled at what he was about to do. I can feel the milk continue to leak and I look toward his kitchen, hoping there’s a dishtowel. I twist away from him, grab some paper towels, and head out towards my car, desperate to get my pump from the trunk.
“Don’t leave, Jessa,” his pulls me back into his arms. “Please?”
“I need my pump from the trunk. I make bottles for when I’m not home,” I explain and he quickly goes to get it for me and I high-tail it to the bathroom with the bag.
I look up from the first bottle I fill to see his eyes locked on my chest and shift away in embarrassment.
“Look at me, Rosy,” he whispers as he steps forward and tilts my chin up. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.”
“How pissed are you at me?” I ask, knowing I have an unfair advantage with my boobs mostly exposed.
“Honestly?” Shade’s eyes flick between my breasts and my eyes. “I’m trying to process this. You could have tracked me down when you found out. You should have…”
“You’re right, Shade
. But you didn’t ask for this and you were clear about what you wanted that night. I know it sounds like I’m just throwing out excuses but I was pretty fucking shell-shocked when I found out. Then, I just stuck to my decision.” I shrug and look up to his face. “I was terrified that if I asked Roy to track you down, that maybe you’d ignore me anyway and I couldn’t deal with that.”
“You understanding why I might be pissed and having all these reasons ready, doesn’t make it all better, Jessa,” he says quietly, maintaining eye contact with me. I can almost feel his emotions, rolling off of his body. There’s no doubt that he’s upset, but I get the feeling he’s hopeful also.
“I’m sorry, Shade,” I lean my head against his abs. “I just can’t believe you live so close to us.”
“I want to be his dad. I want to meet him, ok?” He asks and I smile up at him. “But I don’t know shit about kids so you’re going to have to help me with this.”
“Before we get to that, can you tell me why Roy and Michaels are so worried about me letting you into our lives? I mean, I know from my aunt that you guys don’t ever talk about MC stuff but neither of those guys are cowards and there was something in their warning, Shade. Something that united both of them.”
My eyes dart between him and the bottle I’m pumping. I can almost see the internal battle he’s fighting right now so I just wait him out.
“I won’t hurt you, Jessa. I promise I’ll always protect you and our son, alright?” He finally replies as I’m dismantling the pump equipment. “There are things I will tell you, I just can’t do it today. I know you probably trust the Sheriff and Roy a hell of lot more than you do me, but I’m asking you to be a little patient as we figure this whole thing out and I will tell you.”
“That’s fair,” I concede and take a deep breath, nervous about the next questions I have for him. “Do you have any other kids? A woman in your life? Or is there anything else I should know about you?”
“Well, if someone would have asked me an hour ago if I had a kid, the answer would have been, Fuck No.” He leans in to kiss my cheek. “No offense, Jessa. All I can tell you is that Danny’s the only child I know of. And besides you, I don’t think I’ve had a ripped condom since high school.
