by Robin Gianna
Time for a new plan. He couldn’t take advantage of Bree any longer. Tomorrow, he’d make other arrangements for Will and figure out the future. A future without Bree.
Again. And he knew with certainty it was going to feel every bit as unbearable as the first time.
* * *
Bree paced Sean’s house, first with a fussy Will, then more after he’d gone back to sleep. Sitting to read the baby book, she found she couldn’t concentrate. Tried to watch TV, and gave up on that to pace some more. Hours passed, and still no sign of Sean. He’d called from the hospital to say his mother was being admitted to the cardiac care unit. The echocardiogram had shown a stricture, and they were going to perform angioplasty on her tomorrow.
How was Sean going to cope now?
Thank heavens it looked as if Gwen’s heart attack had been a comparatively mild one, but still. She’d likely be in the hospital an extra day to recover from the angioplasty procedure before they released her. It wouldn’t be the best plan for her to go to her own house right away, unless she had someone to check on her as she recovered. And even if she was feeling all right, there was no way she should have the responsibility to care for Will alone until she was stronger.
If his mother had to come to Sean’s house, then what? She’d have to stay in the room Bree was currently sleeping in. Surely after this latest catastrophe, both Gwen and Sean would realize it was time to hire a nanny. And how exactly did a person go about doing that? Getting the right person was important, and she had a feeling that might not be easy. Thinking of an inadequate caregiver for Will made the pit of her stomach feel queasy.
Still, the unexpected and overwhelming intimacy she’d shared with Sean made it obvious she absolutely shouldn’t stay in the house alone with Sean while he was home and on call. Their kisses, the touch of his hands, the memories of how good it had been between them for a while, all had made it impossible to resist how wonderful it felt. And resisting wanting to take it further. Sean had obviously had the same problem. And she was certain he felt just as she did—that getting physical right before she moved away would just bring all the buried pain to the surface again.
At that moment, it hadn’t mattered. If his mother hadn’t come in when she did, there was not one doubt in Bree’s mind that common sense would have flown out the window. They would have ended up naked on the floor, mindlessly kissing and making love then probably doing it all over again in the bedroom, like old times.
She’d missed all of that so much. More than she’d even admitted to herself until tonight.
Will squawked, and she got him from his bassinet, pacing the room some more as she absently jiggled him, her mind going right back to the oily delight she and Sean had shared. Except history had proved great sex didn’t fix a problem relationship, hadn’t it? And what did it say about her that she couldn’t get sex with Sean off her mind, when the man had just had one more worry piled onto him? She had to somehow concentrate on how to be here for him as a friend. Just a friend.
In the middle of her scolding lecture to herself, she heard the click of the doorknob. Sean stepped through the doorway from the garage, and her gaze zeroed in on his broad shoulders, his slightly messy hair, the sexy five o’clock shadow on his jaw.
And the beautiful brown eyes that looked beyond tired, the creases at the corners noticeably deeper. His body moving slowly into the room looked fatigued, too, his measured steps so unlike his usual easy gait. Her heart tumbled over and flattened at what this man she would never stop caring about was going through right now.
He stopped a few feet from her, his weary eyes looking at her with an odd expression. “Have to say, you’ve gotten darned good at taking care of Will. Look beautiful holding a baby. Seems like you’ve got him sleeping like a rock.”
She looked down at the child in her arms, and had to smile at the way his little rosebud lips were parted as he breathed slowly and deeply, his surprisingly dark lashes fanning his round cheeks. “He’s so precious. I...I’m going to miss him.”
Sean just kept looking at her, his expression somber now.
She moved to put Will in the bassinet they’d decided to set up in the living room, then turned back to Sean. Closed the gap between them and lifted her hand to his stubbly cheek.
“To say you’ve had a terrible week doesn’t quite describe it, does it?”
He put his hand on top of hers. He slowly turned his head to press his lips to her palm.
“No. But here’s the thing. There’s you, in the middle of it all. You’ve been part of what’s made it terrible.” His mouth lingered on her hand, his warm breath a caress. “And you’re the only thing that’s made it less terrible. Made it possible to handle it all.”
Oh, my. His words against her skin sent a shiver down her spine and a warmth to her heart. “I’m glad to have been here to help.”
“I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here to pick up the slack when I couldn’t. Which I probably shouldn’t have asked you to do, since you’re not exactly in tip-top shape yourself. I’m sorry to have been so dense about that.”
“Not dense. Busy. And that’s what friends are for,” she whispered, her throat closing, because what she felt for him was so much more than friendship. “We’re still friends, even if we aren’t a couple anymore, right?”
He shook his head slightly, and as he did his lips slipped across her palm before he dropped their hands to his side, fingers entwined. His unguarded gaze lifted to hers. “I can’t be just friends with you, Bree. Maybe someday, but not now. Not when I’ve been wanting you, wanting to hold you and make love with you every minute we’ve been together the past few days. Not when it still hurts so bad that you left me.”
“I didn’t leave you. It just...couldn’t work out. You know that.”
“I know.” The eyes staring into hers held stark regret. A deep ache. She recognized it. Felt the same bottomless sorrow in every crevice of her heart, and she knew it wouldn’t be whole again, truly happy again, for a painfully long time. “But I’ve missed you so damned much.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” Her bruised heart seemed to lift and lodge in her throat. So true. So much. And if he could admit it, why couldn’t she expose her pain to him, too? Her horrible sense of failure?
“You felt more right than anyone ever had,” he said. “I’d be lying if I said I don’t still want you more than I can handle.” He wrapped his arm around her waist. “I promised myself I’d keep my distance from you. Apologize for earlier, and have you head on home. But looking at you now, I can’t. I’m too worn down to fight it anymore.”
And then he kissed her. Exerting just enough pressure to weaken her knees and send her kissing him back with something that felt a little desperate. Wanting him so much, as she had when he’d kissed and touched her earlier. Wanting to make him feel better. To make herself feel better. To toss aside, for just this moment, all worries and just feel.
His arms brought her closer as their kiss deepened, and she could feel the hard, fast thump of his heart beneath her palms as she pressed them against his chest. She moved her hands down, sliding them up inside his scrub shirt to feel his warm skin, feel the soft hair on his hard stomach and chest. Sent one hand lower to caress his erection, gently squeezing, and loved that he trembled at her touch.
He grasped her hand and brought it back to his stomach, pulling his mouth from hers to track its moist heat up her jaw to her cheek. “I don’t have much reserve strength right now, and if you keep touching me like that I can’t promise what might happen.”
“Fair’s fair. You made me come apart a little earlier, if I recall. My turn now.”
“No, it’s our turn.” His gaze hot, he had her T-shirt up and off before she could blink. He dropped his mouth to kiss the curve of her breasts, his hands cupping them through her bra. “I didn’t get to give the
se enough attention earlier. They’re every bit as beautiful as I remember.” He suddenly lifted his head, his eyes darkened with desire. “I don’t remember this bra. Sexy.”
“Had to buy a few new ones, since I didn’t have you around to make me feel sexy.” She regretted that admission the second she said it. Until his talented surgeon hands had the bra flicked off in two seconds, and she instantly forgot about it as he resumed his slow exploration of her breasts with his hands and tongue.
“That makes no sense.” His breath brushed warmly against her skin. “Believe me, sweetheart. You’re the sexiest woman in the universe no matter what you’re wearing.”
One hand slipped around to the bare skin on her back to pull her close as he drew one nipple into his mouth. Gently sucked as he rolled the other within his fingers until it peaked and tightened at the same time everything inside her reacted the same way. She held his head in her hands, gasping as he moved to moisten the other nipple, already aching and quivering, making her feel as if she might orgasm just from his mouth and teeth on her breast. “Are you trying to make me come again? Because that would be embarrassing.”
“Embarrassing?” He lifted glittering eyes to her as a slow smile curved his lips. “Gratifying would be my word. Beyond gratified is exactly how I felt a few hours ago.”
“But I want you to feel something else right now.” She drew a breath and managed to pull back, away from the sensual feel of what he’d been doing to her. She took his hand and he let her guide him to his bedroom, taking the baby monitor with her. “You realize you’re making my knees so weak, I need to sit down or lie down before I fall down. And making love in your big bed sounds a whole lot better than the cold tile floor.”
She yanked back the sheets, turned him around next to the bed and pulled his shirt up to expose his taut stomach, thankful he took over and pulled it all the way off much quicker than she would have managed. She slid her thumbs into the waistband of his scrubs, lowering them to the floor. His erection pushed hard against his underwear, and she shoved that down, too, leaving him breathtakingly naked in front of her as she pushed him to sit on the side of the bed.
For a long moment, she just stood there, taking in the view of his beautiful body. The body she’d explored so thoroughly all the times they’d made love, she could be blindfolded and still find every dimple, every small scar, every one of his most sensitive spots. Let herself savor the sight of his sinewy muscles, his tanned skin, the jut of his erection. Revel in the way he was looking at her now. As if she were all that mattered, and the world had shrunk to just the two of them, being together again.
She’d missed this. Missed him. Her heart dancing double time, she waited to be singed by regret, by the ache of failure, but it didn’t come. All she felt was a deep want for him, to share with him once more the kind of shattering intimacy she’d never felt with another man.
“There’s a problem here,” he growled. “I’m naked, and you’re not.”
He reached for her, but she evaded his grasp. “My turn, remember?”
“Even with sex, you can’t control having to win.”
“I plan on it being a win-win.” She shimmied until the sweats she’d put on in the evening chill slid to the floor, revealing the thong she’d stuffed into her backpack with her other clothes. She gave a little kick, but the wide band of the sweatpant leg stayed on her ankle, and she intentionally bent over very slowly to wrest them off her feet one at a time.
“You’re trying to torture me.” His voice was hoarse, his gaze hot. “Since when do you wear a thong when you’re getting comfortable?”
“It was all I brought. Sorry.”
“You’re not sorry. I seem to remember that sexually tormenting me was one of your favorite pastimes.”
“You want me to apologize for that?”
“Hell, no.”
She had to laugh at the expression on his face as she pulled her thong off before closing the gap between them to straddle him. Pressed her body close to his naked torso and kissed him. Stroked his tongue with hers as she reached for him, caressing him everywhere possible, thrilled at the way his erection throbbed beneath her palm. At the groan her kisses and touch pulled from his chest.
Then thrilled even more when his hands slid up over her breasts, down her sides and inside her thighs to touch her the way he had earlier. It all felt so good, her brain got sidetracked and her hands paused in their caresses before she remembered she was seducing him.
He paused momentarily to get a condom from his nightstand. “I need to be inside you. Now.”
And with just that much warning, he lifted her as if she weighed nothing, and settled her against him. The feel of his hardness rubbing her moist flesh had her moving against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her breasts to his chest and kissing him for all she was worth, having completely forgotten anything but how he made her feel.
“Now, Bree. I’m sorry.” He lifted her up and slowly brought her down on his erection, filling her until she gasped with the intense pleasure of it. “We’ll go slower next time, I promise.”
As he moved her up and down in a rhythm that started out slow and steady, the tiniest corner of her mind heard his words. Next time. Which caught her heart with a sharp barb.
There wouldn’t be a next time.
“We only have tonight,” she said, staring into the darkened depths of his eyes.
“I know.” He kept the slow pace, drawing out the pleasure, as his mouth met hers again. “Doesn’t mean there can’t be a next time. And a next. With Will probably interrupting us in the middle somewhere. Right?”
She had to laugh in surprise, breathy though it was. “Right.”
“Glad we’re in agreement. For once.”
His words might have stabbed, but the way he stepped up the pace left no room for regret or anger or sadness. Only sensation as he filled her completely, stealing her breath. As if on their own, her hips caught the devastating rhythm, increased it, until both of them were gasping. Moving with a speed that felt frantic, as though they were chasing something they’d lost. That they knew they’d never find again.
“Bree.”
Her name came from his lips on a reverent sigh, and she knew he felt it, too. And as they stared into one another’s eyes, her body convulsing with the ecstasy of their physical pleasure, her heart convulsed with something else altogether. An overflowing fullness, pricked by the terrifying conviction that no one would ever do for her heart and body what Sean could do. She knew it with every ounce of her being.
Why, oh, why couldn’t their brains have been on the same perfect plane as the rest of them?
CHAPTER NINE
SEAN PROPPED HIMSELF on his elbow and looked at the warm humans lying asleep in his bed. Beautiful Bree, with her satiny skin, her amazing hair tossed around her head like a shining halo of strawberries and gold. The delicate arch of her brows, and lips even sweeter than he’d remembered, which seemed impossible. Waking up to her there, like so many times before, had sent a sweet ache to his heart, and he’d taken as long as possible to slip a strand of silken hair away from her eye, loving how the softness of her hair and skin felt beneath his fingertip.
Wilson was tucked between them, his little face smiling at some baby dream, or maybe it was gas, but either way it made Sean smile, too. The child had woken an hour ago, and Sean had jumped up to get him, wanting Bree to get a solid night’s sleep for a change. Luckily she’d stirred only a moment, then gone right back to sleep, much like Will after he’d had his bottle.
Looking at the two of them put another funny feeling in Sean’s chest. This was what he wanted. A beautiful woman in his life and in his bed. A special woman to cherish and grow old with. Children to love and raise the best he could. The kind of life his parents had always said, had proved through living it, was the most importa
nt thing in the world. That his dad had wanted him to experience, too.
The kind of life Bree did not want.
He rubbed his hand over his face. Tried hard to remind himself it was Bree’s right to have a perspective on life he just didn’t understand, and never would. Tried to remember it was important for her to follow her own path when it had become clear hers and his diverged in a way that left a relationship between the two of them hopeless.
Of course it was fine for a woman, or a man, to not want children. He’d tried hard to respect that, but in the end, had to respect himself, too. It wasn’t wrong to want children any more than it was wrong to not want that. He’d figured Bree would change her mind, and told her so. She’d accused him of wanting her to be someone different than who she was, and he couldn’t deny that was probably true, when it came to that one thing. Otherwise? She was perfection in human form.
When she’d tossed the ring he’d given her back in his face, as much as it had hurt, as much as he’d still loved her, he’d told himself it was for the best. Their differences had gotten more and more obvious, until the child conversations had been the final straw that had broken the engagement.
Leaving him bleeding.
As he watched her sleep, he felt a little like that now. As if some part of his insides would be slipping away with her when she left. He stared at her beautiful lips, parted slightly in sleep. Moved his gaze to the bruise he should be used to by now. That still made his gut tense when he looked at it.
Maybe she sensed him watching her, because she suddenly stirred, looking as if she was going to roll over onto Will. Sean’s hand shot out to keep her in place, but she stilled before he touched her. Her hand lifted, fluttered as though looking for something, before it lowered softly onto the baby’s tiny body. Almost as though she knew, even in her sleep, that he was there. He let the feelings wash over him, the longing and sadness and regret, and wished he could take a picture of her so sweetly touching the baby. Show her that, inside, maybe she did have the soft maternal instinct she claimed she couldn’t have and didn’t want. Then told himself he was being stupid. That it would be like trying to convince someone who hated their job that they’d love it if they just tried.
