by T. Anderson
“No. It’s okay, Vern. I understand. Really.” And she did understand. Not exactly sure how it was happening, she felt it too—what he was describing. She resisted the temptation to put her hand on his to comfort him. Before she could allow herself to give in to the voice inside, she sealed the deal. “I mean, I know it’s not right too. There is no possible way that we could or should be together. Right?” She needed to hear him agree with her.
“Right. Right.” He agreed, as if trying to convince himself. It was sinking in. He felt rejected, but relieved at the same time. At least he wasn’t left wondering what “could” happen. He had his answer. It was out of the question. Realistically, he already knew it, but he needed to hear it. He felt like he was being dumped. And in some ways, he was. His wife was dumping him. Wow! What a realization. His ego jumped in to rescue him. “You’re absolutely right, Stella. I’m glad we could get this straightened out.” He did his best to disguise the pain.
Stella felt a jumble of emotion. On one hand, she too was relieved. But on the other hand, she felt guilty—almost like she’d made a mistake. But she knew it was the right thing to do. She told herself that in a few days, things would seem clearer and she would thank herself for doing this.
“I’m glad too,” she smiled.
“So, no more awkward staring—I promise.” Vern placed his hand over his heart and made the vow, trying to lighten the mood. It immediately made Stella feel better.
“Touché. It’s a deal, professor.” She extended her hand to make it official. But when his skin touched hers, it was like an electrical aphrodisiac flowing between them. She recoiled and tried to hide the exchange. She wondered if he felt it too. She averted her eyes and looked down at her own cup.
“Should we get back?” He noticed her expression and decided to do the “right” thing—ignore it.
“Yes. I’ve got some homework to finish tonight.”
The drive back to the dorms was quiet. Stella could have cut the emotional tension with a knife. Both were wondering the same thing—was this agreement really going to work?
“Thanks for the coffee, Professor Hanson,” Stella said as she climbed out of his car.
“You’re welcome, Stella.” He shook his head in resignation. “It’s just never going to feel normal saying your name.” She gave him a sympathetic look as if to say she was sorry. “It’s fine. It’s my problem,” he said, resolutely. “I’ll get over it. Have a good night, Stella. Say hi to Dane and Aron for me, would you?”
“I will.” She watched him drive off. Had she really accomplished anything? Hoping she had, only time would tell.
Inside, Aron and Dane were twisted around each other like a pretzel while Aron clicked away on her laptop. Stella was distracted, trying to figure out just how they managed to get in that position—must be the yoga. Aron asked her, “So, how’d it go?”
“Oh, well, you know… boy meets girl, they fall in love, girl dies, comes back to life and 20 years later, girl rejects boy. The usual. Fun times.” She kicked off her shoes and threw herself onto her bed.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Stella,” Aron offered.
“Easy for you to say.” She grabbed the nearest pill bottle beside the bed and popped four in her mouth. “Damn headache. Is there ever an end to it?”
Dane asked delicately, “Stella, how many of those have you had today?” He was ribbing her, but he was genuinely concerned. Aron and Dane had discussed it earlier and both were noticing the unusual amount of pills she took.
“I lost count. It’s like the never-ending headache lately. I think I need a vacation.” She grabbed her own laptop and spent the rest of the night not on homework, but surfing the net. She’d been meaning to research a few things.
Aron and Dane glanced at each other knowingly. They needed to figure out what was going on with Stella. Aron had a bad feeling about it. When she looked at Stella, she felt a dark looming cloud surrounding her. What was that called again—an aura? Aron was just learning about some of her newfound abilities. She was trying to pay more attention to her intuition. Yes, she thought, Stella’s aura was definitely bad.
All of a sudden, Stella interrupted the concentration in the room. She’d found something on the internet that she felt compelled to share.
“Hey! Did you guys know the Indian word for ‘alchemy’ loosely translates to ‘the way of mercury’? That is so bizarre!”
“Random,” Dane suggested while spinning his finger around his ear.
“Stella, what are you talking about?” Aron asked, as amused as Dane.
“Remember when you told me about the ‘Legend of the Alchemist’s Assistant’? Well, to be honest, I don’t know much about alchemy. You’re the scientist. I’m a psychology major, remember? I just Googled the word ‘alchemy,’ and this popped up. I think I figured out a clue from one of my dreams.”
“What dreams?” Aron and Dane asked at the same time. They had no idea what she was talking about. She’d never mentioned anything about dreams to them before. Stella had their full attention. This sounded interesting.
“Oh, sorry. I was kind of thinking out loud. Whatever. I might as well tell you guys. I have these dreams. I’ve had them forever. The same ones, over and over again. None of them really make sense, but lately they seem to be getting clearer. I see more detail in them.”
“Cool,” Dane said. He was intrigued. His world had been rocked in the last few weeks and everything was just blowing his mind.
“Do you think they have something to do with your past life, Stella?” Aron asked.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I do think that. But there are these other dreams that seem much older than only 20, 30, even 40 years ago. Much older. Like centuries older. I don’t know—maybe they’re just dreams. Right?”
“Well, what were you talking about before? Alchemy or mercury?” Aron was trying to help Stella think through it. Sort it out.
“Oh. It’s just—there’s a dream where I’m looking at this…stuff…and I never realized what it was until just now. I think it’s mercury. What do you think it means? “
“Hmmm…I don’t know, Stella. But I have a feeling you’ll figure it out. Just stay focused. Follow your heart. That’s what Dad always tells me. You’ll find what you’re looking for. I have a feeling things will start to make sense. Just keep looking. We’re here to help, okay? Whatever you want to talk about. Whenever.” Aron was reassuring. Dane smiled in agreement.
“Thanks Air. You’re right. I’ll keep looking. Something’s gotta make sense.” She clicked away on her laptop, teaching herself about mercury. Maybe it was a key. She learned that the ancient Chinese used mercury for medicinal purposes. They used it to heal fractures and maintain good health. They believed it would prolong life—even grant immortality. Curious, she kept hunting. She was determined to figure this out.
************
The next two weeks drifted with seemingly normal routine. The twins attended their classes. Dane protectively watched. Aron regularly saw Professor Hanson in his genetics classroom. He appeared depressed, despondent—going through the motions of teaching. She read his aura and was concerned for him.
Stella corresponded with her “mom,” Petra, back in Minnesota. Aron texted her parents daily. She and Dane had officially become “a couple.” To her delight, her parents approved. Stella did some damage to her “father’s” credit card and bought herself a scooter.
The twins signed up for a regular yoga class together. It helped Stella relax and focus. Her headaches didn’t improve, but she was able to manage some of the pain. She even tried to meditate on her own a few times, but it was just too loud and distracting in the dorms. Her dreams were steadily becoming more vivid and consistent. She continued researching clues, but to no avail. She was sure she was missing something. The voice inside urged her to seek help.
Approaching the last weekend in September, they decided to make the trip over the bridge to visit the Ericksons again. This time Vern wasn’t interested
in going along, but he agreed to loan them his car. Dane and the twins pile into it on Friday, promising to return by Sunday morning, at the latest. Vern was not concerned—he had nowhere to be. He told them to take their time.
12
Diagnosis
Late Friday afternoon, Dane and the twins escaped the chaos of campus to the serenity at the Erickson’s. The ever-loyal Gram greeted them, tail wagging. The girls spoiled him with belly rubs and delicious treats.
“Did you miss me, Gram?” Stella whispered in his ear. He confirmed with a soft nuzzle against her neck. She wondered why she never had a dog growing up, something she missed out on. As Stella stood up to follow everyone into the house, she wobbled unsteadily. Her vision doubled and she saw two Grams sitting side by side, heads tilting inquisitively. Nausea consumed her, but the sensation passed momentarily. Gram nudged her hand with his cold wet nose. She must be hungry. Her head was pounding more than usual. She shrugged it off and headed inside. Cybele was standing at the door waiting for her.
“Stella, honey, are you all right? You don’t look so good. You feeling okay?”
“Just a little dizzy. I have a feeling my headache is becoming a migraine.”
“Let’s get you inside and get something to eat. Then you can lie down for a while. You need some rest, hun.” Cybele’s voice was soothing as she guided her inside.
“Thanks…” Stella didn’t know what to call her. They hadn’t officially worked that out yet. But she did know that it was nice to be taken care of. She felt better already, unaware that Aron had been telling Cybele about her pill-popping behavior. Behind Stella’s back, they were all concerned. She didn’t realize she was walking into an intervention.
Stella couldn’t eat. After dinner, she staggered into the guest room and crumpled onto the bed. The pain was paralyzing. Gram paced around the bed, whining. Unable to relax, her muscles were tightening uncontrollably, her entire body spasming. She had a bad taste in her mouth, like metal. It was difficult to swallow—she felt her throat squeezing closed. She thought she smelled something burning…what were they doing out there, lighting candles or something? She couldn’t think straight. Her eyes were so sensitive that even the light peeking under the door was too much to take. Gram’s agitation grew. He pawed at her from beside the bed. She tried telling him to go away, but couldn’t speak. Suddenly, her neck uncontrollably wound up, throwing her head back forcibly into the pillow. Her back arched and her legs and arms began to twitch. What was happening to her? Panic set in. She couldn’t catch her breath. Time stood still. She faintly and distantly heard Gram barking and scratching at the closed door—like she was spinning in a dream.
The others had been sitting quietly around the table, whispering strategies on how to approach Stella and confront her about the painkillers, when they heard Gram frantically calling for help. Gunnar sprang into action and the rest of the posse followed.
They discovered Stella in a full seizure, her body convulsing and thrashing erratically. Aron gasped in horror. She wasn’t expecting this. Gunnar and Cybele were at Stella’s side, making sure there was nothing on the nightstands or around the bed that could hurt her if she lashed out.
“What should we do?” Dane urgently asked Gunnar.
“Let’s just stay calm. She’ll probably come out of it quickly. Seizures don’t typically last very long.” Gunnar was the epitome of calm. He made everyone relax.
Like he predicted, Stella eased back to life. Her body changed from a rigid knot of tremors to a loose, exhausted puddle. Her eyes returned to their normal position and right before she closed them, she looked to Aron and said, “I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”
Aron buried her face in Dane’s chest, sobbing. This whole night had gone from bad to worse. Dane tried to console Aron as Cybele and Gunnar discussed whether they should take Stella to a doctor. Cybele strongly felt that she should be examined. Gunnar feared the possibility of compromising security with MONAD--they were bound to be discovered. If they were going to do it, they needed a doctor who was in the Fifth Circle. He went to search his database of members to find someone nearby.
“Aron, go get a cold compress for her head. Hurry up now,” Cybele directed. Aron caught her breath and hurried to do as she was told, grateful for a task to keep her occupied and composed.
“Dane, come over here and help me straighten her out.” Stella’s thrashing had left her body sideways, toward the end of the bed. They managed to scoot her up into position with her head resting on the soft pillow. Cybele checked her pulse again. It seemed fine. Stella had either fallen into a deep sleep or she was unconscious. Cybele wasn’t quite sure. Aron returned with the cool, damp cloth and tenderly placed it on Stella’s forehead.
“Oh, Mom…I had a strong feeling that something bad was about to happen. I wish I’d known it would be this. I feel terrible,” Aron said, almost near tears. “What do you think is wrong with her? Is it bad?”
“It’s not your fault, Aron,” Cybele reassured her. “I don’t know what’s wrong. Let’s just stay calm. I’m sure your father will find someone who can safely see her. Okay? Everything’s going to be fine.” Cybele wasn’t divulging the whole truth—that she had a bad feeling about this. She’d seen this happen before, a long time ago, but she didn’t want to jump to any conclusions or scare Aron so she kept her racing thoughts to herself.
Gunnar entered the doorway. “I found someone across the city. This guy’s in a quiet clinic in an affluent suburban neighborhood. He’s got all the equipment there to give her a full check-up. The clinic’s closed right now, which works out for us. He’ll meet us there in an hour.”
Everyone was relieved to hear this news. If Stella heard it, she was not responding.
“I’m coming along, Dad,” said Aron. “I need to be with her.”
“Of course, Air. Why don’t you go get yourself ready and Dane and I can get her into the Subaru?” He nodded to Dane for his assistance. “Your mom and Dane will have to wait here while we go with Stella. We shouldn’t be that long.”
Reluctantly, Cybele agreed. She didn’t want to let Stella out of her grasp. She was her mother. Stella needed her. Dane easily lifted Stella into his Herculean arms. He was protective of her, like a little sister. Gunnar followed and together they laid her comfortably in the back of the Subaru. Aron hopped in the front seat and they pulled out into the street.
“We’ll call when we know something,” Gunnar called out the window as he stepped on the gas.
Cybele put an arm around Dane as they watched them drive away. “She’s going to be fine,” she said to comfort Dane, but mostly to comfort herself. She hoped it wasn’t what she suspected. They would soon find out. After surveying the neighborhood to make sure no one had been watching them, they went back inside with Gram loyally following at their heels.
“Good boy, Gram,” Dane praised. “You did a good job, buddy.” Gram still looked worried. He obviously knew more than they did.
Sometime after Stella passed out, she fell into a dream.
Her lover was speaking in a frantic, raised voice to her teacher. Unable to understand the language, she only knew they were arguing. Her lover sounded desperate, pleading. Finally the teacher stopped, apparently surrendering. She felt her body being placed on a table but she couldn’t open her eyes. A woman’s voice softly spoke her name. She heard glass bottles and metal being handled, making gentle tinkling sounds. Her lover whispered in her ear. This time she understood his words.
“We will heal you, my love. Be still. Sssshhh.” He caressed her forehead. A strong-smelling cloth touched her lips and nose. Then, again, the dream faded from her grasp. Sinking, sinking below herself, gliding above.
“Stella. Stella? Are you awake?” Aron gently shook her arm, rousing her back to reality. She was groggy and felt like she’d been hit by a tidal wave. Where was she? She desperately tried to open her eyes. They were so heavy. Her vision was blurred. “Stella, you were talking in your sleep. It wasn’t
making any sense, though.”
“What? Where are we? What’s going on?”
“We’re at a clinic. You had a seizure, Stella.”
“Now I remember. It happened so fast. I thought I just had a migraine and before I knew it, I couldn’t call for help. It was like I was paralyzed. I must have passed out or something. Was it bad?” she groaned.
“Yeah. It was pretty bad. I was scared. I’m so glad you’re awake and talking to me,” Aron breathed in relief.
“Where is everybody?”
“Dad is with the doctor. They’re going over your test results. You had a CT scan to see if they can find out what caused your seizure. Everyone else is still at home.”
“Hold my hand,” Stella told Aron.
“Okay.” Their hands fit so perfectly together. It was like they were one person. Aron forced a rigid, trembling smile for Stella and their eyes met as she fought tears.
“It won’t be good news, Aron. You know that, right?”
“I know.” She paused and wiped a tear from her cheek. “Deep down, I’ve known all along. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I just found you. I can’t lose you now.” Her voice faltered, but she didn’t break her gaze from her twin sister’s eyes.
“Don’t cry. You’re not going to lose me yet. I can tell. I might be sick, but I’ve got some things to take care of and my body will not rest until I do. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Be strong for me?”
“Yes, I’ll try.”
“Good. Now, tell me what I was saying when I woke up—when I was dreaming.”
“I couldn’t understand your words. You were afraid, mumbling something. But it almost sounded like another language. I don’t know.”
