by Gus Frazer
‘Dad’s right,’ Jess said, leaning against the foot of the bed. ‘Since the attacks you lot have been doing, the Chinese are out of control. They’ve been attacking towns and homesteads all over the place — we’ve been lucky so far.’
‘Can I have water?’ Finn whispered, his throat dry and parched.
‘Oh, yes. Of course. Jess rushed out of the room and returned with a glass of water, lifting it to Finn’s lips. ‘Sorry — here.’
Finn gulped greedily. Water had never tasted so good.
‘Are you hungry?’ asked Jess.
Thinking about it for a second, Finn realised that he was famished. ‘Yes, yes very.’ He’d barely finished speaking before she was out of the room, going towards the kitchen, he assumed.
John walked closer to the bed and called out, ‘Not too much, Jess. His body has been shut down for days.’ Turning back to Finn, he added, ‘and you go easy on the water to start with.’
Finn nodded, looking up at John. ‘Thank you for helping me. I understand that this is dangerous for you both. I will be on my way as soon as possible.’
‘That’s all right, mate,’ John said, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed. ‘We’re happy to help out anyone who’s doing their bit to reclaim our land.’
‘Have you heard anything of the attacks? We were part of a much larger operation to destroy their transportation lines. Has anything been reported?’
John looked down at the floor. ‘Son, the only thing in the news at the moment is the attack on Sydney.’
‘Sydney? They attacked Sydney? What happened?’ stuttered Finn, unsure what he meant.
‘The Chinese sent a couple of jets down the harbour and blew up the bloody bridge. Killed 300 people, the bastards,’ John said, looking disgusted.
Finn stared up at the ceiling, mind reeling from what he had just heard. He couldn’t help but consider it fitting — he had been part of the operation to blow up one of their bridges and they retaliated by destroying the Sydney Harbour Bridge. He couldn’t help but feel responsible in some way.
‘My parents,’ he said, suddenly realising they could have been affected. ‘I’ve got to call home. I’ve got to see if they’re okay,’ said Finn quickly.
‘I’m sorry, the Chinese have shut down the phone and internet lines in these parts. We can only receive radio, but no transmission.’
Jess came back in carrying a tray. On it was a bowl of soup and two slices of toast, cut in half. ‘I’ve got veggie soup and toast. How does that sound?’
Finn looked away, a feeling of sickness creeping in at the realisation that his actions may have been partly to blame for the attack on the bridge. His mind spiralled out, trying to work out everything that had happened. What about his mates in the squad, what happened to them? Christ, Carver! He’d left his body there in the bush. The Chinese wouldn’t do anything with him, just leave him there to rot. His parents? Chris? His other friends? Innocent people being attacked in Sydney — what was happening? It wasn’t meant to be like this. It was supposed to be a war fought in the desert, not like this.
‘Finn, do you want to eat?’ repeated Jess, gently, looking at him with concern. Finn just continued to stare in front of him, eyes wide, not seeing her.
‘Leave him be Jessie,’ said John gently. ‘Come on.’ he put his hand on her shoulder to lead her out.
Finn lay there contemplating what had happened, confused and uncertain of everything he had fought for, wondering how far it would go, how many more innocent people would die for this barren desert that had nearly killed him. What was the point in continuing the fight?
Forcing himself to eat, he played with the food Jess had left. Sleep eventually took over again, but this time it was filled with horrific visions and dark dreams. Images of what he had seen and done, Carver’s head half blown-off, the river, the young Chinese bloke he’d shot in the back, his parents, people drowning under the bridge.
Finn slept fitfully the rest of the day and night, but the next day he woke feeling much better. Sitting up, he was able to ease his feet off the bed and onto the polished wooden floor. Slowly he stood, naked, looking around for his uniform. Noticing a pile of clothes on a chair, he dressed, gingerly guiding his wounded arm through the sleeve of the cotton shirt. Hunger was taking over now. He felt ravenous, his stomach hurting from the thought of food.
He shuffled out of the room, his right hand cradling his wounded arm against his stomach. Looking around the unfamiliar house, Finn could tell that it was big and old, but beautifully restored and maintained. He decided to go left. ‘Hello, anyone there?’ he called.
No answer. The house felt empty. Finn walked into a spacious lounge room, decorated comfortably with traditional furniture. The next room was clearly a bedroom. With a grin, Finn thought it must be Jess’s, judging by the underwear lying about.
Heading back down the hall, back the way he came, he went to the back of the house and found what he was looking for — the kitchen.
Opening the pantry door, Finn reached for a loaf of bread and thrust slices of it in his mouth, barely chewing. His mouth was still dry and he nearly gagged on it. Coughing painfully, he headed for the sink. Filling his hands with water, Finn bent over the sink and drank. Standing upright, face flushed, eyes watering, he looked out the window above the sink and saw Jess near a shed. She was brushing a chestnut horse, which stood motionless while she worked on its hind legs.
Taking another piece of bread, Finn went out the door, onto the veranda. ‘Hey there,’ he called, coughing again.
Jess looked up and came over to meet Finn between the house and the shed, still carrying the brush. She had a smudge of dust on her nose — she’d clearly been outside for some time. ‘You’re up. How’s the shoulder?’
‘Doesn’t exactly tickle, but it’s okay.’
Jess smiled, looking at the piece of bread in his hand. ‘Bit hungry, huh? Not surprised. Come on,’ she said, cocking her head toward the house. She headed to the veranda. ‘Think we can do better than that.’.
Finn looked at the piece of bread, shrugging his good shoulder. ‘Sounds good to me,’ he replied, following her back to the house.
For the rest of the day Finn caught up on the news on the radio and rested, feeling infinitely better for being up and eating and drinking. He felt alive again, like he had been waking up slowly from a bad dream.
That night, after the three had dinner, they sat in the lounge, sipping red wine and talking. Finn was slouched back in a large comfy chair. The room was dim and warm, a light breeze billowing the muslin cloth hanging over the open windows. Finn noticed old family pictures on the walls and in photo frames on the mantle of the big fireplace.
‘So, I know you said we’re a long way from town, but exactly how far?’ asked Finn.
‘We’re not that far in distance from Winton. Probably 80 kilometres, but it’s a hard road. It takes a good three hours each way, and that’s when the road’s in good nick,’ replied John.
‘Do you mind if I take your truck to town tomorrow?’ Finn asked, feeling bad for imposing but unable to spend another day without knowing if his parents were all right. ‘I need to make a few calls, tell people that I’m okay.’
‘I’ll take you in tomorrow,’ John replied, without hesitation. ‘The road in places isn’t that obvious and you wouldn’t want to run into a Chinese patrol. If I drive and we get pulled up, you can hide or make a run for it.’
‘You really don’t need to do that, John,’ said Finn, suddenly worried. ‘You have both taken a huge risk already, having me here. I don’t want to be responsible for getting you into trouble,’ he finished earnestly.
‘Finn, it’s fine. We’re happy to help, and the risk is acceptable,’ replied Jess with a smile. ‘It’s great just to have a new face around here — believe me.’
‘Thanks, but I’d still rather go alone tomorrow, if it’s all the same.’
‘Well, we’ll see in the morning,’ said John, pushing himself out of
the chair. ‘I’m off to bed. I’ll see you both in the morning.’
‘’Night, Dad,’ said Jess.
‘Good night, John. And thanks again,’ said Finn.
‘Yep, ’night, both. And you can stop saying thanks now, Finn,’ John said reassuringly.
‘Fair enough,’ replied Finn with a smile as John left the room.
‘Another glass?’ asked Jess, lifting her wine glass in his direction.
‘Sure, why not,’ Finn said, settling back in his chair. ‘I haven’t had wine in months. Think it’s already going to my head.’
‘That’s a point. You probably shouldn’t have any more, given how dehydrated you were,’ Jess said, looking over her shoulder from the table where she was pouring her wine.
‘Yeah, but one more can’t hurt,’ Finn said, holding out his glass.
Jess poured him a glass and placed her own back on the side table as she curled her long legs up underneath her, sitting back down on the deep couch.
‘So, how long have you lived here for?’ asked Finn.
‘I grew up here as a kid until I was about 12. Then Mum and Dad shipped me off to boarding school in Brisbane. I used to come back every holiday. My brother and I used to have a brilliant time playing around on the farm.’ She looked a little sad and was silent for a few seconds, then resumed her story. ‘After school I went to uni in Melbourne and I spent less and less time back here. I finished uni, went travelling, as you do, and then settled back in Melbourne, working in finance for Lampton Construction.’
‘So when did you come back here, then?’ Finn asked, wondering how she could reconcile a finance career with this outback Queensland location.
‘A couple of years ago. My mum passed away and Dad was alone out here. I took extended leave and came back to help out. After a while I realised that I didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to go back to city living,’ she looked around the comfortable room with clear affection. ‘I love it out here, being on the farm.’
‘Don’t blame you. It’s a stunning place,’ said Finn, finding himself staring at Jess, noticing her long slim fingers wrapped around the wine glass. Her short but perfectly groomed fingernails seemed far too manicured for someone who lived on a farm.
‘Yeah, it’s a very special place,’ she said softly, nodding.
‘Still, must have been a hard transition from city life to being back on the farm, and in such a remote place?’
‘No, not really. I never actually sat down and thought about it too much. It just felt like the right thing to do. In my heart I felt that this was where I belonged, not in some grimy city. It’s funny. It was only after I’d left the city that I thought perhaps it wasn’t for me. Guess I didn’t really know any better,’ she said, raising her glass and taking a sip. She turned to Finn, changing the subject. ‘So how did you end up in the army? Got to say, you don’t come across like a testosterone-fuelled army boy,’ she said with a smile.
‘Hmmm, no,’ Finn said, laughing, ‘I grew up in Sydney on the Northern Beaches. Lived a pretty charmed life, worked in finance, cruised along. Then, when all this happened, something kicked in and I decided I wanted to do something, to fight for something, rather than keep living what was really a pretty vacuous life.’
‘A “vacuous life,” huh?’ Jess said, raising her eyebrows. ‘That sounds pretty harsh. Was it really that bad?’
‘Well no, it wasn’t bad as such,’ Finn said, trying to express his feelings. ‘But it was devoid of meaning. Looking back, I think I was pretty lazy, selfish, and didn’t really do anything useful. I mean, I was very good at my job, but I was never challenged by it, and that job did nothing to better people’s lives. I just made rich people richer. It was like this war — as bad as it is — was my chance to prove to myself I wasn’t a complete waste of space.’
‘So you had an epiphany and just came out here to fight a war — that’s a pretty extreme change. Why didn’t you just go work for a charity or do something else in the city that gave you more of a sense of meaning?’ said Jess, brow furrowed, looking curious.
‘I can’t explain it. I just knew, I didn’t really decide, it just happened.’ Finn trailed off and shrugged at Jess helplessly.
‘Kind of like me staying here,’ she said, nodding. ‘I didn’t decide to stay. It just happened.’
‘Yeah, I think that’s when you know you’re on the right path, when it just happens,’ said Finn thoughtfully.
‘That’s very poignant, I like it,’ said Jess, lifting her head high with a slight smile. ‘The warrior philosopher.’
‘Well, I guess that’s what red wine does when you haven’t drunk in over six months,’ Finn said, embarrassed.
‘Ah, the miracle of red wine,’ she said laughing, holding her glass up to the light.
‘So, you mentioned your brother earlier — where’s he based?’ asked Finn, wanting to change the subject.
Jess shifted on the couch. ‘He died a few years ago in a car crash,’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘It was pretty tough on the family, Mum especially. She didn’t deal with it at all really. It was strange. Growing up, Mum always seemed so strong — she was the one who pushed us to challenge ourselves, to step outside of our comfort zones, to go with our hearts. Then when Aaron died, she became completely reclusive. Overnight, she just cut herself off from everyone, including Dad. It really broke Dad’s heart. He ended up losing a son and a wife at the same time.’
‘God, I’m so sorry. That must have been tough,’ Finn said softly.
‘It was. But you know,’ she said, turning the wine glass in her hand, ‘some good came of it all. I came back home and Dad and I have never been closer.’
‘So did your mum pass away not long after Aaron?’ asked Finn, surprised at his own question.
‘Um, yes. Mum actually took her own life not long after Aaron died,’ said Jess, staring into her wine glass.
Finn’s mouth was open, but he was silent. He had no idea what more could be said.
‘Jesus, red wine, huh?’ said Jess, holding up the glass. ‘Gets you to talk about the craziest things.’ Flashing a forced smile, she took a deep breath and exhaled.
Finn was still, staring directly into Jess’s eyes. He did not buy the fake smile or the obvious deflection to the wine. ‘I’m so sorry for your family’s losses. I can’t imagine what you and your dad must have been through, even though I do understand what it is to be around death.’
The smile was gone from Jess’s face. ‘Thanks. It’s strange: I’ve never actually spoken about it with anyone. I mean Dad and I have talked around it, but I’ve never actually told anyone what I just told you.’
A moment of silence descended. Finn didn’t know where to take the conversation next.
‘Um, it’s late. Think I might go to bed now,’ said Jess, putting her glass on the side table.
‘Yeah, you’re right,’ said Finn, standing up.
‘Okay. Well, I’ll see you in the morning then before you and Dad head off to town,’ said Jess standing to face Finn.
‘Yeah, sure. Hey thanks for everything,’ Finn said, twisting his wine glass in his hand. ‘I really mean it. You saved my life. I’m beyond grateful for everything you guys have done for me.’
‘Don’t mention it — seriously, we’re just glad to help,’ said Jess with a smile.
‘Okay, well goodnight then,’ said Finn, watching her walk down the hall.
‘Goodnight, see you in the morning,’ she replied, glancing back at Finn as she walked down the hall.
The next morning after breakfast, John and Finn took the Nissan Patrol and headed towards town. Finn wore some of John’s clothes, which were a bit big but would do the job. Finn’s plan, when he got to town, was to call his parents first, find out if they were okay and let them know he was safe, then call the army to see if he could arrange an extraction.
The ‘road’ to town was barely a track in places. Finn was grateful that John had insisted on driving, sure he would have wound up lost aga
in on his own.
There was no sign of Chinese patrols, which was good news. They had decided that, if stopped, there was no point in hiding Finn. Their only hope would be to convince them that he worked on the farm for John.
‘So it must be good to have Jess out here with you,’ said Finn, making small talk.
‘Good and bad really — selfishly for me, it’s great having her on the farm, but really I wish she had stayed in Melbourne. There’s nothing here for her, no future,’ replied John, watching the road ahead.
‘Talking to her last night I didn’t get the feeling that she’s here just for you. I think she genuinely loves being on the farm,’ Finn said, trying to reassure John.
‘Finn,’ John said, turning to look at his passenger, ‘women have an ability to convince themselves of something that might not be true, purely in order to justify their decisions.’
Finn smiled, ‘You might have something there, John.’
‘Her life isn’t going anywhere out here in the middle of nowhere,’ resumed John.
‘I don’t know. She didn’t give me that impression. Sounds to me like city life was going nowhere for her and that out here she could really live life her way.’
‘What Jess says and what’s really going on in that head of hers are two very different things — just like her mum,’ said John, with a distinct edge to his voice.
Finn let a moment of silence grow, not wanting to push the conversation any further.
‘So, when we get to town, can you drop me at the post office, or council building? I need to make some calls.’
‘Yeah, of course. The post office should be open, otherwise the pub has a pay phone.’
‘If it’s okay with you,’ Finn said, ‘depending on what the army wants to do about getting me out of here, I might come back to the farm.’
‘Of course, that’s fine. You can stay as long as you like.’ John said, looking Finn reassuringly in the eye.
‘Great. Thanks, John.’
After a good three hours of rough driving, Finn spotted the township. Winton was a fair-sized town, considering where it was. Driving down the sealed main street was eerie. The town was deserted — no people, no cars, no signs of life whatsoever. John pulled into a car space outside the post office. ‘Strange, it looks closed,’ he remarked.
