“I used to play football in middle school.”
“Not anymore?”
“I only did it to impress my dad,” he admitted, taking a sip of his sweet tea. “He couldn’t give a shit though. Never once attended my games. My mom and sister did. Never missed a single one.”
“Sorry about your dad.”
He waved it off. “Honestly, it doesn’t really bother me anymore. It did then. He was all about sports. He talked about his other son, my half-brother, playing baseball all the time. I just assumed if I joined the football team he might actually like me a little more.”
“But he didn’t?”
“Nope.” His tone was clipped.
I frowned. “Well fuck him. He sounds like an asshole anyway. Who needs that in that their life?”
He laughed. “True that. So what about your parents? You said they stopped by the other day?”
I took a sip of water before answering. “Yeah they wanted to stop by to see how I was. You know, my knee and all.”
“What do they do?”
I made my straw wrapper into an accordion. “My dad is a truck driver hauling construction materials to different sites,” I explained. “And my mom is a nurse.”
He smiled. “My mom’s a nurse too.”
“Small world.”
“Are you close with your parents?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
He waited for me to say more.
“I’ve always been somewhat close to them, but after my sister died I think I talk to them more often. Keep in touch and update them and all that.”
“Is that for their benefit or yours?”
Good question. “Both? I know losing their baby girl was hard, and I wanted them to know they still had me. And obviously losing my sister was hard, so it seemed like getting closer to them was important. Like we had to make sure we’d still be a family even if our family wasn’t complete anymore.”
“I can’t imagine losing someone like that.”
I took a deep breath. “It was…the worst day in my entire life. I was in my dorm room ready to go to the dining hall to get a late dinner when my mom called in tears.” I shook my head. “This probably isn’t date material to be talking about, and I don’t really want to start crying.”
“Do you like pie?”
I laughed at the abrupt subject change. “No, actually. But I do like cake. Chocolate, with chocolate frosting.”
“Sweet tooth, huh?”
I nodded.
“I more of a vanilla kind of guy.” His eyes darkened. “Well, with some things.”
My eyes widened.
Was it suddenly hot in here?
“So um…” My throat was raspy. “D-do you like pie?”
He grinned. “Yup. Apple mostly, but my grandma can make a mean strawberry rhubarb. You’re missing out. That woman can cook.”
“My sister used to be able to eat an entire pie by herself,” I said without a moment’s hesitation.
I barely spoke of Bryn, but at times it came easily. And right now I was thinking about the fair we went to right before I headed off to college. She wanted us to do the pie eating contest even though she knew I hated pie, so she entered herself. She ate the whole pie in twelve minutes and won against three very large men.
I smiled to myself.
“You thinking about her?” he asked.
I nodded. “I usually don’t talk about her, and try my best not to think about her. It’s just hard because then I remember everything about her. Including the times that weren’t so great between us. Things I wish that I could change.”
“Believe me, it’s best not to do that to yourself.”
“Sounds like you speak from experience?”
“Similar situation,” he said quietly. “We can’t change what happened in our past. We can only make the best of our present. I know how cheesy that sounds, but it’s the truth.”
“You’re right.”
Our food came over then, followed by refills of our drinks.
“So your mom and you sound close,” I said, changing the subject and poking my salmon around with my fork.
He followed along. “Yeah, we are. I think it’s hard not to be since she raised me alone. For a while, it was just me and her. Then she met somebody when I was about eight and they ended up getting married when I was thirteen. That’s where my two younger brothers came from.”
“Do you like your step-dad?”
“He’s a good guy. Makes my mom happy.”
“But he doesn’t make you happy?”
“No, he does,” he said, piling another forkful of pasta into his mouth. He swallowed and added, “I just don’t like getting too close to people I guess. The important thing is he’s good to my mother.”
“Is it because how your dad treated you?”
His expression darkened. “Partially. I was so used to it just being me and my mom. When she started dating Brian—that’s the guy’s name—she started going out more. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy that she found somebody, but it just changed things a bit. I had bad anxiety for a while because I didn’t know if the guy would like me. Why would he? My own dad didn’t.”
“Your own dad is a total douchebag.”
“True,” he agreed. “But it was enough to make me draw back a little from really having a relationship with the guy. He took me in like his own son, and I could tell my mom really appreciated that. But I wasn’t interested in doing the father-son bonding thing.”
“I’m sorry.”
He waved it off. “Don’t be. How’s your seafood platter?”
It was actually delicious. “Good. Thanks for lunch.”
“I figured we’d start small,” he answered. “I thought we could see a movie later. Is there one you’re interested in seeing?”
“You want to see a movie with me?”
He leaned forward. “I want to do a lot of things with you, Ashley. Most of them highly inappropriate to do in public areas. But you’d like them.”
He winked. I gulped.
“But yes,” he continued, focusing back on his plate of food. “I would like to see a movie with you, and buy you popcorn with extra butter, because it’s not worth it if there isn’t extra butter.”
“What about an Icee?”
“Depends,” he said. “Red or blue?”
“Red, of course.”
“A girl after my own heart,” he all but sighed. “I think I may love you, Ashley.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure.”
He chuckled.
We finished our food and that debated on dessert. Once we decided against it, he paid the bill and then guided me out the door. When we came into view, Mary perked up and eyed Ezra.
“I hope you have a great rest of your day,” she practically purred.
What a ho.
Ezra startled me by taking my hand in his and intertwining our fingers together. “We will, thank you.”
She frowned when she saw our hands, and then went back to the front counter and acted like she wasn’t just rejected.
Score for me.
When Ezra and I got back to his truck, he led me to the passenger side but didn’t let me in. I leaned my back against the side of the cool material and looked up at him. He studied my face and put his hands on either side of my body, leaning his weight against the truck and boxing me in between his arms.
“Ezra?” I said quietly, noticing how his eyes dipped to focus on my lips.
“Fuck it,” he said, crushing his mouth on mine.
It wasn’t a gentle kiss, and it wasn’t what I was expecting. My arms wrapped around his neck as his hands fell to my waist. I pulled his closer as his tongue ran against my bottom lip, making me open for him to welcome him in.
I moaned into his mouth, making him tug my body close to his. His fingers dug into my hips, making my hips shoot forward.
He tasted my lips and inside of my mouth in every way he could, his hands moving up my back
and tangling into my hair. He pulled back and then gave me one more quick peck on the lips before leaning his forehead against mine, letting us catch our breaths.
“Damn babe,” he whispered. “That was…”
“Yeah,” I breathed.
“I wasn’t going to do that,” he admitted, drawing back and looking me in the eyes. “But you drive me crazy, Ash.”
I sucked in my bottom lip. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Crazy is good.”
I smiled. “Really?”
“Crazy is fucking perfect.”
And then he kissed me again, this time softer. His lips grazed mine once, twice, and then a third time. He tasted me in every direction, our heads moving together and our tongues sweeping in perfect rhythm.
I gathered a fistful of his shirt in my hands, pulling him toward me so our bodies were pressed against each other. He took my bottom lip in his mouth, biting down on it gently. I made a noise in response, feeling my body heat up.
He pulled back. “We should probably stop.”
I made a sound of protest.
He chuckled. “We’re in public, Ash.”
I sighed and looked around, momentarily forgetting. My body was so overheated from that kiss, not even the cool air nipping at us could draw me back to reality.
He towed me away from the door so he could open it for me to get in.
Once I was in my seat, he leaned in. “Do you usually get lost in a kiss like that out in public?”
I blushed. “No.”
He grinned. “And if memory serves you never talked about pre-dating with guys before.”
“N-no.”
His grin widened. “And you’ve never been out on a date with any other guy before…”
I just nodded along.
“Interesting,” he said, brushing his lips against my cheek. “It seems like you’re giving me a lot of your firsts, Ashley.”
I stared at him, feeling my heart flutter in my chest.
“Not any of the firsts that count,” I whispered.
His eyes softened. “Baby, I can promise you that our first time together will feel like nothing you’ve ever felt before. It’ll be like your first. With someone who matters.”
The very moment those words were out there, I knew part of my heart belonged to him.
11
I was half asleep by the time Monday morning rolled around since I was up late every night texting Ezra. We’d gone to a movie, an action one that we both enjoyed, shared some popcorn, and then he walked me to my door like a gentleman in the movies.
Although, his door happened to be right there too, so it was more of a convenience than anything else.
Nonetheless, I was happy. Actually happy.
Except this morning. This morning I felt like I was drug out of my grave and brought back to life by some would-be scientist and half of my body didn’t work from the failed experiment. I was like a Frankenstein reject.
Monday’s sucked. Monday’s could kiss my ass.
When the professor called on me to answer something in my world history class, I was pretty sure I was drooling and in my own la-la land. Needless to say, I didn’t know the answer. Per usual, my lack of conscious understanding of the history of our world made my peers laugh. I didn’t care though. The fact that there was a guy in the back of my class who had his face down and was snoring, just like during every class, made me feel better about my less than impressive state of mind today.
I blamed Ezra.
I’d have to punish him later.
And that thought woke me up.
“Ms. Morgen,” Professor White called as the other students were piling out for their next class. “I would like to speak with you for a moment.”
I grumbled to myself as I stuffed my notebook and textbook into my bag, throwing it over my shoulder and walking up to his podium.
“I was very impressed with the paper you turned in,” he told me, taking me by surprise.
“Oh.” I smiled. “Well, thanks.”
“It made me realize that you’re much smarter than you let on in class,” he added, giving me the professor eye. It’s the type of look that makes you feel guilty for not speaking up more in class, or listening when you know you should be.
I squirmed a little where I stood. “Well I’ve had a lot going on lately…”
It wasn’t a lie. Not totally. And I wasn’t about to admit that the reason I was zoning out today was because of a guy, because why would he care?
“I’m not interested in excuses,” he informed me calmly. “I’m interested in seeing improvement. That paper proved that you know your stuff, but you’re not putting in any effort. Remember that participation is worth twenty percent of your grade. Whatever young adult angst that’s making you believe you can’t do better is bullshit, and you know it.”
Well damn.
I cleared my throat. “Well, I’ll try better.”
He nodded once. “Good. Now I expect you to bring up your grade by midterms, because I know what you’re capable of now. You were the only student who received an A on that paper.”
My eyes widened. An A? That grade was foreign to me at this point.
He passed me the paper, with an A+ circled in red ink at the top of it. I stared in disbelief.
“Don’t look so surprised, Ms. Morgen.”
I met his eyes. “Honestly, I haven’t gotten grades like this since high school. I’m not used to them anymore. I don’t expect them.”
He studied me for a short moment. “Perhaps you don’t expect them because you don’t put the effort into them as you did when you were younger.”
I shrugged. “You’re right, I don’t.”
He chuckled. “Honest, girl. I like that. But answer me this. Why go from getting top grades at your high school to letting them slip now? Getting good grades is just as important, if not even more so here for getting decent jobs after graduation.”
“I just…” I put the paper in my bag. “I said that I’ve got a lot going on lately, and I wasn’t lying. It practically started when I was a freshman. Some family stuff happened that made me lose my focus, and I never really wanted it back.”
He nodded. “Well I won’t pry, but it sounds like whatever happened is worth talking about to somebody. You know where my office is if you need somebody to talk to.”
I smiled at him, thankful he wasn’t going to make me explain. Maybe one day I would open up more often, but it would have to be when people didn’t expect me to. The more people tried carving away the walls I built up, the more I cemented new bricks in place to hide behind.
Everybody needed time to process things. I just happened to need a lot of it.
I thanked him and walked out of the classroom, bumping into somebody as I turned the corner to head toward the stairs. My bag fell off my shoulder and my books fell out since I wasn’t smart enough to zip it up.
The paper I was handed back was on the top of the scattered mess of textbooks and notebooks, like it was showing itself off.
Somebody chuckled. “Well, well. Looks like little nerdy Ashley is still the little brainiac she was in high school.”
My eyes darted to Jayce.
I started gathering my books at a quicker pace, shoving them back into my bag. I reached for my paper but he snatched it up before I could get my hands on it.
I stood up. “Give it back,” I growled.
My bag was still on the floor, as well as the pens that were scattered on the tile.
Jayce looked at the paper and then back at me. “I have to say, Ashley. You’re much hotter now than you were in high school. Losing those hideous glasses did wonders for you. If you had showed off your figure back then, I’d tap that. I even hear you put out now.”
My jaw clenched.
“Not that I want any from you. Not now.”
“Like I’d ever sleep with you,” I snarled.
He stepped toward me. “Oh, please. Don’t act like I’m not your type.”
&n
bsp; I puked a little in my mouth.
He twirled a piece of my hair around his finger, making me flinch back. I slapped his hand away and he laughed.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded.
“Don’t be so uptight,” he replied. “I’ve heard the dirty little things you do. You’re just like your little sister used to be. She was quite the whore.”
I lost it.
My fist connected with his jaw in an instant, and with everything I had in my body. It wasn’t much, and I was pretty sure that my hand was sprained if not broken. How come nobody ever mentioned how much punching people hurt?
“Fuck,” I growled, clenching my hand.
Jayce had stumbled back, his hand flying to the area I punched him at. It was already turning red, and I sure as hell hoped it left a bruise. Something to show off that I meant business.
His eyes were practically black with anger when he focused on me again.
“You’re going to fucking pay for that,” he growled, coming at me and pushing me back into the wall. “You think you’re so strong? You think you can just hit me and not get away with it? What? Can’t handle the truth about your sister. She was a whore. You want to know something? That night she was at the party.”
“Don’t talk about my sister!” I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t budge.
“She was at the party that night,” he said, ignoring me, “with me. Spicy little thing, that one. She was practically begging me to take her upstairs.”
I bashed my fists into his chest as he stepped closer to me, pinning me against him and the wall. “Shut up! Don’t you dare keep making up lies about her you sick son of a bitch!”
He continued anyways. “I’m not lying. I remember exactly what she was wearing. She had on a short blue dress that clung to every curve of her body. Her legs looked fucking amazing in those black heels she had on. Like I said, spicy. But apparently she didn’t like me talking to any other girl there, so she ended up leaving.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Tears were springing out of my eyes, as I rammed my knee into the one area I knew would hurt him the most. He buckled over and cupped himself, cursing my name.
I quickly dove toward my backpack and ignored the pens that were lying on the floor. I just needed to get away from the shit that was spewing from his mouth.
A Hard Place to Breathe Page 12
