“Actually, before she disappeared, I’d been thinking of that sweet little number you’ve been spending a lot of time with,” Bob said with a wink. “She’s some kind of world traveler, right? There was definite chemistry between the two of you. I had been hoping she’d be here for the grand opening so you could do a repeat flogging demo together.”
You and me both, buddy.
“She had to help out a friend in Mexico City,” Evan said aloud, keeping his voice light. “She might be back in Portland soon, but not in time for the grand opening.”
Now, why had he said that? He had no idea if she’d be back or not.
Wait a second. Why did he have no idea? Why the hell hadn’t he tried to pin her down? Why had he just let her waltz out of his life?
Because Evan Stewart doesn’t…
“Fuck that,” he said aloud. Who cared what the old Evan used to do? Everything had changed since Ruby had exploded into his life.
“What’s that?” Bob, who had turned away to look at something on his phone, shot him a funny look.
“Nothing. Sorry. Just talking to myself.” He forced a smile. “So, when do you need an answer?”
“Mull it over for a few days. Get in touch with Ruby if you think she’d be interested. We’ll talk after the grand opening.”
Bob liked to spend his evenings at Hardcore, and to distract himself, Evan had tagged along a few times. When he was there, he enjoyed the casual BDSM play well enough, but Ruby’s lovely face and gorgeous body kept insinuating themselves into his mind and heart. More than once, a play partner had asked if he was okay. He’d apologized, aware he hadn’t been giving them the attention they deserved, and done his best to stay focused.
On Thursday, Evan flew to San Francisco for the day to meet with the latest tenants he’d found to stay in his house for the next few months. As he stood on the old wraparound porch, an image of Ruby suddenly leaped into his mind, though that wasn’t unusual, since it happened about six hundred times a day. She’d love the old house with its cozy rooms and the wildflower gardens in back and front. If they ever decided to settle down for a while, San Francisco was as good a place as any. They could walk to nearby coffee bars and local hangouts, or take a streetcar into the city.
Settle down?
“Okay, Stewart,” he muttered to himself. “You’re definitely losing what little is left of your mind.”
Though Ruby and he continued to keep in touch, texting once or twice a day, they kept it light. He composed much more elaborate texts and emails in his head, but managed to pull himself back from the brink each time.
He wanted to tell her about the London opportunity, but something held him back. If she had already moved on in her mind, he didn’t want to come across as begging her to come back to him. If there was a way to work it casually into a conversation, he might consider it. But this way, as long as he didn’t ask her directly, her joining him in London remained a possibility, however unlikely. If he asked outright and she refused… No. He would wait until the time was right. And if the time never seemed right, then that was what was meant to be.
Saturday night arrived at last. The vendors were in place at the various booths, the toys he’d tried out with Ruby set up and ready for action. If only she could have been there to help him demonstrate the wares…
Stop it, he ordered himself. He’d traveled that path of thought way too often over the past few days. No point in rehashing it now. He had a lot of work to do to make sure everything went smoothly.
They’d set up scene stations in the dungeon area, and Matt, Bonnie, Allie and Liam had all volunteered to oversee the play. Taggart did several whip and flogging demonstrations, his lovely partner volunteering as the subject of his attentions. Evan’s heart ached as he watched them, and he turned away.
Ruby texted him around nine, wishing him success with the grand opening. “I wish I was there with you. It would have been fun.”
So, why aren’t you, damn it?
Strike that. No pressure. Everything was cool.
Except that it wasn’t.
The turnout for the event was excellent, the place packed nearly to capacity. People had arrived with their wallets, and by the end of the night, most of the gear and toys Bob had bought for resale had been sold, along with much of the inventory in the various independent booths.
When the party finally ended and the doors closed at midnight, Bob pronounced the grand opening a resounding success. “I already have signups for every weekend for the next two months, plus a few events scheduled during the week. The new manager will be coming on board next week.” He looked around the large space with satisfaction. “Let’s leave this mess until the morning.”
As Evan nodded his agreement, Bob added, “I’m too keyed up to go to bed. What say we head over to Hardcore to celebrate? The place should be hopping about now.”
“I can’t keep up with you, Bob,” Evan said with a laugh. “You run rings around me.”
Bob beamed at the compliment.
“I’ll handle cleanup in the morning,” Evan added. “I’ll be sure to tiptoe out so you can sleep in.”
“Unless I get lucky and don’t come home at all,” Bob said with a wink.
The next morning, Evan woke before eight and was unable to fall back asleep. He grabbed his phone and stared at the screen. Nothing.
“Everything went great last night,” he typed. “How are things in volunteer land?”
He held the phone in his hand a while longer, willing her to reply, but the screen remained blank. It was two hours later in Mexico City. She was probably already teaching.
Setting the phone back on the nightstand, he got up and showered and shaved. When he walked past Bob’s ajar door, he couldn’t help but grin. The bed was made, no sign that Bob had ever come home. Good for you, Evan thought. At least someone got lucky.
Evan had bagged all the garbage and debris left over from the event and was just about done sweeping when Taggart appeared at the warehouse door. He had a cardboard tray with two cups of coffee in one hand, a bakery bag in the other. “Hey there. I was hoping I’d find you here. I brought you coffee. Allie told me how you like it.”
“Hey, Taggart,” Evan called back, setting down his broom. He had always liked the big, gruff man, ever since they’d met on the BDSM convention circuit, where Taggart used to regularly sell his amazing impact toys, before his online business took off. Evan headed toward him and accepted a cup of coffee. “Thanks, that was thoughtful of you.”
Taggart held up the grease-stained white bag he had in his other hand. “I also picked up these awesome egg sandwiches from my favorite food truck. Fried eggs with ham, avocado and cheese and a good dose of hot sauce on toasted sourdough. You got time to take a break?”
Evan, who hadn’t bothered with breakfast, realized he was hungry. “Sure. That sounds great. Let’s go out back to the picnic table.”
As they walked to the back door, Taggart said, “So, things went good last night, huh? I practically sold out of my inventory. I already have two full time guys working with me. I’m going to have to hire more if things keep up at this pace.”
“Yeah, sales were brisk all around,” Evan agreed. “People really enjoyed the live demos with the equipment. The whole event was a success. Bob’s pleased.”
The morning was still cool, the sun glimmering through the trees in a clear blue sky. As they sat on opposite sides of the picnic table, Taggart said, “It was good to finally see you last night. We missed you at dinner on Wednesday. And we missed you again Friday night at Bonnie and Matt’s house. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were avoiding us.” He flashed a grin. “Is Bob really that hard a taskmaster that he had you working nights?”
Evan shrugged, looking away. It was true, he had passed on the various invitations that came in from Ruby’s friends once she’d gone. As nice as they all were, he would have felt like a fifth wheel if he’d hung out with the couples. It would have made Ruby’s absence al
l the more difficult to handle. “There were lots of last minute things to attend to. You know how it is.”
“Uh huh.” Taggart didn’t sound convinced. He handed a sandwich across the table. “You look like shit, Evan.”
Evan barked a laugh as he took the sandwich. “Gee, thanks.”
“I’m serious, dude. I’ve seen that look before.”
“Oh, yeah? And just where have you seen this look, whatever it is?” He kept his tone light, but he couldn’t quite meet Taggart’s discerning gaze.
“In the mirror. Before Rylee kicked some sense into me.”
Now Evan looked back, curious. “What’re you talking about?”
“Before she burst into my life, I lived alone and scened with strangers on the road, or at anonymous clubs. I used my work to isolate myself. I kept anyone who might actually see past the armor of my defenses at arm’s length. If a woman pushed too hard, or threatened to get too close, I kicked her to the curb. Sound familiar?”
“What?” Evan said, pretending not to understand.
“You, my friend,” Taggart said firmly. “I was a lot like you. Now, I’m not saying we’re identical or had the same life experience or anything like that. But from the outside looking in, you sure as hell look familiar.”
Evan’s face heated. Instead of answering, he took a bite of the breakfast sandwich. “Hey, this is really good.”
“Let me ask you something,” Taggart persisted, apparently not to be deterred. “When was the last time you had a relationship—one that lasted longer than the time it took to finish a gig and move on?”
“Whoa, what is this? Why’re you giving me the third degree, dude?” Evan countered. He held up his sandwich. Taggart had yet to touch his. “You gonna eat your breakfast, or what?” He took another large bite and followed it with a swig of coffee.
Taggart shook his head, a half smile quirking his mouth. “Okay, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want. I’ll put the focus back on me. Before Rylee, I liked to think of myself as footloose and fancy-free, as the old saying goes. I’d pick up hot girls at clubs, share a spicy scene, and move on. But the truth, one I had a hard time accepting, was that I was hiding my heart because I was a chicken shit who was afraid of getting hurt. Even with Rylee, I did my damnedest to fuck things up.”
“Yeah?” Evan said, interested in spite of himself, as well as touched that Taggart would open up like that with him.
“Yeah,” Taggart said emphatically. “I was so fucked up that I actually tried to break up with her. To throw away the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“No kidding.” Evan thought of the pretty, athletic girl who clearly adored Taggart. “So, what happened?”
“She tore me a new one, that’s what,” Taggart said with a laugh. “She called me on my shit. She made me see that being loved, and loving someone back, wasn’t only okay, but a wonderful thing. She helped me accept that I was worthy of love, no matter how fucked up I thought I was.”
His words pierced Evan’s heart like a sharp dagger. Maybe that’s why Ruby had left. Maybe he hadn’t done a good enough job of letting her know how much she meant to him.
How much did she mean to him?
Taggart’s confession threw a bright light on the secret Evan had been keeping from himself.
Holy shit.
He was in love with Ruby Beckett.
He’d been in love with her from the second he’d met her.
And he’d never told her.
What was he so fucking afraid of?
Aloud, he said, “I’m really happy for you guys. But what’s this got to do with me?”
“Ruby Beckett, that’s what.”
Evan drew in a sharp breath. Even hearing her name hurt.
“You miss her, don’t you?” Taggart asked, his voice suddenly gentle.
To Evan’s horror, tears filled his eyes, one of them slipping down his cheek. He brushed it quickly away. “Fuck, yeah,” he admitted.
“So what’re you going to do about it?”
“Huh?”
“She went to Mexico, right? Some kind of volunteer gig?”
“Yeah. Some dude had a family emergency and begged her to step in for him.”
“For how long?”
“Five days.”
“Five days,” Taggart repeated. “So, she left on Tuesday, and today’s Sunday…” He looked up at the ceiling, apparently doing calculations in his head. “So she should be done today, right?”
“Yeah, but we hadn’t talked about the future at all. She’s a traveling gypsy, just like me. For all I know, she’s already got another gig lined up in some other part of the world.”
Taggart shook his head. “Listen to me, Evan. Don’t do what I almost did. Don’t fuck this up. There was something between the two of you that is rare and wonderful. Something that needs to be nurtured, not tossed away the second you face a little bump in the road. We all saw it. Even if the two of you are too stupid to admit it, you’re crazy in love with each other.”
“What, are you guys sitting around discussing me and Ruby?” Evan tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a bark.
“You bet your ass we are, buddy. Because we all know real love when we see it, and we’ve all had our issues getting there. A love like this comes along maybe once in a lifetime if you’re lucky.”
Love.
The word lodged deep in his heart, sending a sharp, sweet pain of longing through his being.
He looked up at Taggart, no longer trying to hide the tears that had welled again in his eyes. “But what do I do? She’s gone now. I let her go.”
“I’ll tell you exactly what you’re going to do. You’re going to get your ass on a plane and you’re going to fly down to Mexico City. You’re going to find Ruby Beckett, and you’re going to tell her you love her. If she has a problem with that, you will tell her to cut the shit and face the truth, just like Rylee did me.”
Chapter 15
As the days passed, Ruby tried to keep Evan from constantly infiltrating her thoughts, but she never quite managed it. Like a cat, he had a habit of slinking back and curling up in the warm corners of her mind, no matter how she tried to distract herself with teaching and revisiting her favorite haunts in the city with her old friends.
She finished the last day of training at two o’clock on Sunday. She had decided not to stay on as a volunteer for the literacy program. She hadn’t made any plans for the next great adventure because she’d been waiting…hoping…
Why hadn’t he asked her, not once, what her plans were after the teaching assignment was over? Didn’t he care enough to even find out what she might be doing?
But then, why hadn’t she asked him about his plans? Early on, he’d said he’d be leaving after the grand opening. Was he already on a plane heading to his next adventure?
Ruby’s cell phone vibrated in her pants pocket, the continuing buzz indicating a phone call. She pulled out the phone, excited in spite of herself. Maybe he’d just been waiting until Sunday, now that both of them were free.
Yes! That must be it!
But it wasn’t Evan calling. Allie’s picture was on the screen. Ruby stepped out into the hallway to take the call. “That’s good timing,” she said by way of greeting, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice that Allie wasn’t Evan. “We’re just finishing up here.”
“Good. Because you have about three hours to get yourself to the airport.”
“Huh? What’re you talking about?”
“I bought you a ticket. A direct flight to Portland on Aeromexico. You need to get your ass back here.”
“But—” Ruby began.
Allie cut her off. “But nothing. You’re in love with Evan Stewart.”
It wasn’t a question, but rather a declaration. Though Ruby hadn’t allowed herself to even think those dangerous words, the truth of them resonated like a tuning fork inside her, the sound pure and filled with longing.
“Yes,” she whispered in agr
eement, tears filling her eyes. “Is he still in Portland?”
“Yes. That’s why you need to get back here pronto, before he heads off to who knows where.”
“But—”
Again, Allie cut her off. “But nothing. Evan’s been mooning around like a lost puppy since you left. Oh, he tried to put up a good front, pretending to smile, going through the motions, but he’s a mess. The guy is crazy in love with you, but too stupid to figure it out on his own. It’s up to you, Ruby. You need to get back and knock some sense into his head, just like I’m trying to do with you.”
“But—” Ruby tried again, to no avail.
“Take it from me, I know firsthand—men can be total jackasses when it comes to admitting they’re in love. Don’t join him in the donkey ranks, Ruby. You’re a strong, courageous woman. So use some of that courage. Get your ass back here and face him. I’ll forward your ticket info as soon as we hang up. You pack your things and get your butt to the airport. Now.”
Her Mexican hosts weren’t happy to see her go, having planned a party for that evening, during which she was pretty sure Isabella was going to press her to stay on. Ruby felt bad for leaving them so abruptly, but when she explained that she had an emergency and had a flight scheduled, they seemed to understand.
On the way to the airport, the cab driver tried to take her on a rather circuitous route through the city. But when she barked directions at him in Spanish, he behaved himself.
She arrived at the terminal with an hour to spare. Even as she was checking in, she kept telling herself this was crazy. Here she was, flying back to confront a man about love. She’d never done anything like it in her life.
What if Allie’s plan backfired? What if she was wrong, and Evan had already moved on to the next conquest? After all, he hadn’t dropped the slightest hint of this supposed love during their texts over the past five days.
But then again, neither had she.
The thought of seeing Evan again slung her heart sideways. To distract herself while waiting at the gate, she watched with idle curiosity as the passengers disembarked from the plane that would soon take her back to Portland. It was mildly amusing to guess which ones were tourists and which were native, not that it was really difficult. The dark man in the business suit and sunglasses was native. The large, garishly dressed couple who were talking loudly in English were not.
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