by S Mays
“Yes, training and simulations only go so far. You can watch a thousand videos or read a thousand books, but nothing can prepare you for that first moment when a person you called an ally is reduced to nothing in an instant. In that moment, a person’s will can shatter or be forged into iron.”
“Which do you think happened to me?” she asked.
He considered her eyes for a moment before laughing. “I believe your will was forged into iron long ago. It might be one more step closer to steel today. You have no right to be as mature as you are. But you are still just a very young woman, and I know you are hurting inside. There is going to be a guilt within you that will last the rest of your days. It will cause you to question your decisions in the future. It might cause you nightmares on lonely nights. But just remember: you are stronger than the forces of evil because of who you are and the mission you were tasked with. The world can only break you if you let it.”
Suddenly, she wished she could tell him the full truth of what had happened. She feared it might eat away at her, forming a fissure between her and her grandfather. Did she really want to keep this dark secret buried within her for the rest of her life? If she admitted to it now, they might be lenient or even forgive her. She was only twelve. They were all probably feeling their own guilt at having let her participate in the mission. No. She would not lean on the excuse of her age. She’d pleaded with her father to let her train and become a field agent. He’d granted her request, and had even provided her with her own field suit. He had taken that huge step of trusting her. Admitting that she had let Lyle die would destroy his faith in her. She’d have to keep it bottled up forever. She also could not burden her grandfather with keeping that secret, if she chose to confide in him. It would be unfair to ask that of him.
“How have you dealt with it, Grandfather?” she asked, trying to distract him. Given enough time, he might notice she was holding something back. His long life meant he was able to read people very well, even if that talent had been blunted in his old age.
“Well, my girl, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve lost so many loved ones over the centuries. It’s like they say: time heals all wounds. Maybe not completely, but enough so that you can continue to go on. Sometimes I might forget someone I cared very much for, only to remember them again when the scent of a certain flower catches my attention. Then the wound is almost fresh again. I may never recall others. I feel it’s my responsibility to hold on to each memory, because I’m the last person alive who can. Without that tiny spot in my old brain, they won’t exist on this planet. It’s too much for me, though; my mind won’t allow it. The key is to focus on what you have now — what is worth fighting for. The friends and family you still have. The things that are good in this world. Always protect the good, else evil will swallow us all. When that happens, everything we’ve fought for will be for naught.”
Jessica thought about his words. Had Lyle been evil? Could he have become a good person, given the chance? She had a feeling she had done something abominable and was now unable to take it back. True, it had been his fault for grandstanding and neglecting his duties as mission leader, but she could have saved him if she had tried. Perhaps it had been God’s will working through her. Her father always told her that each agent of the Order was God’s sword on Earth. Lyle’s lechery, deceit, and abuse of others meant he had been evil. She had done God’s will. Lyle’s carelessness would have resulted in the deaths of innocents — perhaps many. Logically, it was a sound decision. She had saved others by letting him die. Smiling, she looked at her grandfather.
“I understand now. I feel much better after our discussion, Grandfather.”
“I’m glad this old man’s wisdom could be of at least a little use to someone, my dear girl,” he said, rising from the bed. He didn’t seem quite convinced, but he probably didn’t want to push her so soon after the incident.
“If you need to talk to me about it again, I am here for you. We can also bring in Mr. Yurt if you need to discuss it with a professional,” Bilford said, opening the door.
“Thank you, Grandfather. I’ll let you know if I need anything,” she replied.
He left, closing the door behind him.
She undressed and showered, letting the hot water wash away her concerns. Her grandfather had been a lot easier to deal with than her father was going to be. She’d have to be prepared to defend her actions and get her story fleshed out in advance before he arrived.
After preparing for bed, she looked at herself in the mirror. How would that mission have turned out if she had saved Lyle? Would Sam and the others have survived unscathed? It was her actions that saved everyone, or at least ended the fight promptly. Had it been possible to save them all and save Lyle? With finality, she decided it hadn’t been possible. She slipped into bed and slept peacefully through the night.
***
Her father arrived two days later. There had been a delay in his return that he was unwilling to discuss over the phone. He stormed into the farmhouse, carried his bags into his room, and emerged shortly thereafter. Some of the men went out to the helicopter and returned with crates and research equipment. Jake called everyone into Bilford’s study.
She was the last to arrive. Her father was standing in the doorway to the study, and closed the door after she had entered.
“Jessica, please take a seat,” he said. His tone was flat, containing more than a hint of self-control. She mentally rehearsed her story again.
“I’ve just returned from the Council of Overseers meeting. While I was gone, I believe there was an…incident,” he said, looking at each person in the room as he spoke.
“Look, I’m gonna take full responsibility for it. It’s all my fault —” Sam started, but Jake held up his hand.
“I’ve read the reports. Three void wraiths can present a considerable threat, especially to a group that was set up for a mere passing ritual. I’m the one responsible for this. Lyle was too reckless and needed more experience. There were signs he was not ready yet, and I ignored them. I believed he was maturing with each mission, but that was apparently not the case. That said, does anyone have anything to say about what happened?” he said, slowly turning until he was regarding Jessica.
Did he know? That wasn’t possible. Had there been an unknown camera she hadn’t accounted for? Perhaps one built into her suit? Her father was a master of miniaturized circuitry. It would be simple for him to build an almost undetectable camera into the suit he had given her. Would he have done that? She gambled that he wouldn’t.
“I’m sorry. I was unable to save Lyle,” she said with no hint of emotion.
He studied her for an uncomfortably long time before turning to face the group. “Well, that’s that. We are down a squad leader, and our next Stalker is gone before he had a chance to pass the test. It’s a damn shame. I know not many people liked Lyle, and he had quite a few character flaws, but I believe he would have become a great weapon for the Order one day, and perhaps a fine young man. Father Sydow will handle the funeral arrangements. I expect everyone to show the proper respect to our fallen comrade, even if you didn’t like or agree with him. I just wish there was more to bury.” Jessica noticed sorrow in her father’s voice at the last comment. Her guilt erupted again because she had caused him pain.
He took the death of each of his subordinates extremely hard. It was one reason he chose to go on so many field missions himself. He felt the need to protect each of his people with his own life. He would most likely shed tears once he was out of sight of anyone else. No one had ever seen him cry, but she had heard him once. It was on her parents’ anniversary, when Jessica was younger. She had leaned against her father’s door and listened. She’d thought she heard sobbing. She’d gone back to her room without disturbing him. From that day forth, she had sworn she’d never do anything to make her father cry. She’d already broken that promise with Lyle’s death.
“Lyle’s death is not why I called you here today,” her father said,
interrupting her memories. “When news of his death reached the Council, we held an emergency session to decide on Lyle’s replacement. I-I have to say I am extremely disappointed with the decision. I may submit a formal protest, but I do not think this decision is going to be overturned. They decided that…Jessica will take Lyle’s place as our apprentice Stalker. Faith will remain with us for the next few years to train Jessica.”
The entire room froze as each person turned to regard Jessica. Her jaw dropped. This was what she had wanted, but it was too soon. She didn’t want to be a Stalker because of the death of another. Especially a death she’d had a hand in.
“I fought against this with all of my authority, but I am but one Overseer. Due to her lineage and her rapid training progress, they felt Jessica was the best choice. Faith will return after Jessica’s birthday to begin rigorous accelerated training. Faith will also continue to act as our facility’s Stalker while she is here. She is not happy with this, but she realizes she must go where the Lord leads her. She is strong in her belief, and she will not complain. Please, do not make her stay more difficult than it needs to be.”
“That’s real good news, then. Jessica will make a great Stalker,” Sam said, walking over to pat Jessica on the back.
Bilford crossed the room to stand beside Jake. “Are you sure about this, my boy? No one has entered the Stalker program at such an early age. Not even remotely close. Jessica is quite capable, but…”
“No, I’m far from sure about this. I have utmost confidence in Jessica’s abilities, but she’s entering the training program three years too early. It may be more than she can bear. We have to follow the wishes of the Council, however,” Jake admitted. “What do you think of this, Jessica?”
She looked around the room before collecting herself. “I am humbled that the Council thinks so much of my skills. I will train to the best of my abilities and complete my training to your satisfaction.”
Jake shook his head while responding, “This isn’t like the training you’ve done so far. This will tax your body and spirit to the breaking point. Most people drop out before completing it. Some — some don’t make it at all. Maybe I should step down as Overseer of the facility. We can bring our case before the Synod of Seven. They will see that you are not ready yet. Another two or three years, and I could possibly agree…”
Bilford put his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “You know this can’t be overcome. Don’t throw away your position and research to protect her. We all must make sacrifices for the good of mankind. I believe in her. You know she can do this.”
Jake regarded his only daughter for a long moment before responding. “Yes, you are correct. This is the will of God. Jessica was chosen for a reason. I’ll prepare her as best I can before Faith arrives. After that, you are out of my hands as far as training goes, and I have no authority over Faith in this matter. She will be your master until you pass the final test.”
“I will do all that I can to make you proud and to serve the Order,” Jessica said.
“Well, that’s all great. Everything worked out! Let’s go out for Chinese!” Sam said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together.
“Sam, you and I are going to have a long discussion on the Pickens mission — in private,” Jake said.
“Well, you guys should go out anyway. Maybe bring me back some sesame chicken?” Sam pleaded.
“Let’s go, Sam,” Jake said, exiting the room.
“With three egg rolls?” Sam whispered to Jessica before he left.
“Don’t worry, we’ll get it,” Jessica assured him.
Sam would most likely be indisposed for the next two hours. Although Sam hadn’t been leader of the mission, he did have seniority. Jessica just hoped she would be spared her father’s inquisition. He was as crafty as any prosecutor and could trip up the best liars. Leaving for food would remove her and Bilford from the premises in case her father’s wrath didn’t exhaust itself on Sam.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Jessica’s thirteenth birthday arrived with little fanfare. By now, everyone knew better than to commit any huge mistakes like throwing a surprise party or buying balloons or any such thing. Sam was a slow learner on the topic, but after her tenth birthday had resulted in a bruised shin, he hadn’t tried to throw her another party. She did allow gifts and welcomed Hilda’s chocolate chip cream cake. She only made it for Jessica’s birthday.
Jessica found a small gift outside her bedroom door the morning of her birthday. Opening it, she found a silver necklace linked to a small silver cross. It was plain and inexpensive. It looked familiar, but she couldn’t recall where she had seen it before. Passing down the hallway, she paused again in front of the picture of her mother and father. Her mother was wearing the same necklace. Jake then stepped out of the kitchen.
“That was your mother’s. She saw it in a small shop in Atlanta. We’d just finished destroying a batch of zombies when she stopped in front of the window of a pawn shop and smiled. She said nothing before continuing on her way. The next day, I went back and bought it for her.”
Jessica touched the necklace around her neck, then touched her mother’s in the picture. Approaching her father, she paused before hugging him. He looked down at her and smiled as he returned the hug, holding her tight.
“You just think of your mother when you are training. She completed the training, and so can you. Use your love and faith to overcome any obstacles put before you. I must trust that the Council and Synod know better than I do, even if I disagree. I can’t go against the will of the Order.”
“I will succeed, Father.”
***
Three weeks later, a helicopter dropped off a single passenger before immediately departing. She was six feet tall, muscular, with medium-length wavy red hair. Her rugged jawline did not mar her beauty. Some might have said the woman was too masculine, but to Jessica, she seemed perfect. The warrior strode toward the facility with confidence. Jessica thought the earth might vibrate with each step. Faith had arrived.
“Young Miss Luvkrafft. It’s been a while,” Faith said. “You’ve grown since I last saw you.”
“Hello again, Faith.” She reached out to take the tall woman’s bags, but Faith waved her away. Although Faith had been one of the compound’s Stalkers, she and Jessica rarely interacted. She was too busy training Lyle or out on missions. She never stayed for long at the compound. Despite that, Faith always had a twinkle in her emerald eyes when she saw Jessica.
“I’m not quite so old yet that I need a younger person to carry things for me. Perhaps in another thirty-five years,” Faith said, smiling. “I hear you’ve just had a birthday.”
“Yes. I am now officially a teenager.”
“I also hear you survived an ambush of void wraiths and still managed to complete a passing ritual. I must say, I am impressed.”
“I…just did what came naturally.”
“That’s good. No matter what knowledge you have, you never know what you might face out in the field. You’ve got to be quick on your feet. It’s a damn shame what happened to Lyle, though. The boy had a lot of talent, even if he had the personality of a jackal,” she said, shaking her head as she began walking toward the farmhouse. “I couldn’t beat that out of him. If anything, I think I made him meaner. You witnessed his death. I’m sorry you had to see that, but if you truly intend on following this path, you will see many, many deaths. You will cause many, many deaths. Are you sure you know what you are in for?”
“A Stalker’s duties include infiltration, subterfuge, and elimination of any threats to mankind,” Jessica replied.
“That’s your books talking. A book can’t teach you about cutting the head off a little old lady. It can’t… Well, we’ll save this discussion for later.”
Jessica turned to see her father approaching. He shook Faith’s hand. The handshake lasted longer than Jessica would have expected. A slight grin crossed both Faith’s face and her father’s. Jessica could hear their joints creaking as
they competitively squeezed.
“You haven’t gone soft yet, Jake,” Faith said, releasing her iron grip.
“You’ve still got a pretty good grip for a…redhead,” Jake returned before chuckling. “I’m sorry about this. I know you had your heart set on the West Coast.”
“I’ll go where I’m needed, and you need me once again. I’m going to make sure that when I leave this time, you have a capable Stalker for your compound.”
“Don’t blame yourself for Lyle. I misread that situation as well.”
“As far as I’m concerned, there is no one to blame but the boy. He let his arrogance lead him. As he grew stronger, he grew more careless. But let us not speak ill of the dead. May he rest in peace, by the Lord’s side.”
“Amen,” Jake said.
Faith turned toward Jessica. “We will begin your training tomorrow morning. I suggest you eat well today and rest.”
“Yes, Master,” Jessica said, adopting the formal title given between a trainee Stalker and her teacher.
“Please, no. Just Faith. There is only one master.”
***
The next morning, Jessica awoke to find herself handcuffed to her bed. She thought of shouting for help but didn’t want to be found in the compromising position. Looking around, she looked for objects close at hand. She smashed her alarm clock and picked through the pieces until she located something to pick the lock. She stormed out of her room.
“Who was responsible for —” she started to shout, but noticed Faith at the breakfast table.
“That took you a bit longer than I had hoped, but you did get free, which is better than some trainees. Sit down and eat. I want to get started in fifteen minutes.”
“Why-why did you do that? How did you do that?” Jessica stammered.
Bilford and her father looked at Faith, unaware of what had happened.
“Getting out of a tough situation and using your wits is going to be as much use to you as any weapon skills you learn. You need to expect the unexpected. Be alert. It was simple to sneak into your room and sedate you.”
