by Andrew Grey
It wasn’t like what you read in books or see in movies. That kind of happiness was fleeting. You got it just a few times in your life, when everything was perfect and you know that this was the one person for you. The look might fade, and the love might change over time, but having your soul touched like that by another person… that never ends, ever. I’d been given a gift, and I held still so it would last as long as possible.
Slowly Luka drew me closer. His lips touched mine, gentle at first and then more demanding, starting me on a journey that began with kisses and ended with him inside me, filling me, completing me, and making memories etched so deeply in my mind that they would never, ever be lost. Even after our lovemaking reached its crescendo, I could still feel him. I fell back to sleep in Luka’s arms.
CHET WOKE me the next time, stomping through the house like some demented elephant. At least that’s what it sounded like. It took me a few minutes to realize it was only his suitcase as he went down the stairs.
Luka was awake next to me, and I kissed him, hating the fact that I had to get up, but there was no way around it. The time had come to pay the piper, and I couldn’t put it off any longer.
“I have to be at the station in a couple of hours,” I said softly.
Luka nodded, throwing back the covers. “Our time now gone.” He grabbed his clothes, and I let him use the bathroom first while I finished the last of my packing and put on the clothes I intended to wear home. Everything had a ring of finality to it that I tried to dispel, but it was damn near impossible. I was kidding myself—and him—but I couldn’t bring myself to end it completely. If we could make a go of it, I wanted to. Otherwise, distance and time would do more to bring things to a close than I could ever say.
When Luka returned, he was dressed, and I used the bathroom, cleaning up and gathering the last of my things before packing my kit in my smaller bag. I had everything now, and Luka helped me carry it down the stairs.
There was no conversation; none was really needed. I had things I wanted to say but wasn’t sure how.
“I empty out refrigerator and come back to make sure all is good,” Luka said over a quick breakfast of the last of the eggs and toast on some paper plates I found.
I cleaned up what little mess there was and got the trash out. I needed the activity—something, anything, to do.
We loaded our bags, and I checked the house one more time before locking the door and getting into the car. Luka drove us out of town and into Harrisburg, which took nearly half an hour with traffic, and he found a place in front of the old brick and wood train station from the turn of the century. Chet got his things and went inside. I placed my bags at the curb, standing with them, unwilling to go inside, as Luka closed the trunk.
“I will message you when I get to New York.” I needed some sort of connection. This felt too damn final for me.
Luka stepped up on the curb. “I take care of house and car. Keep cemetery good.”
“Call me if you need anything. And thank you for everything. I’ll let you know when I’ll be back.” I hugged him tightly, soaking in his scent and strength. I hesitated when I pulled back, locking onto his gaze and then backing away farther.
Luka turned and stepped off the curb, heading toward the car. I hated being a coward.
“Luka,” I said softly. He turned, and I walked around my bags and up to him. “I don’t want to leave without…. Dammit… I love you.” I stepped back and turned away, grabbed my bags, and headed for the door.
A tap on my shoulder stopped me. “Love you too,” Luka said when I spun around.
I dropped my bags and threw my arms around his neck, not caring one bit who might see, kissing him hard, needing a last taste of him. Then, knowing I’d never leave if I didn’t go now, I hurried inside to a waiting Chet and followed him to the train platform.
Chapter 10
“WELL, THAT went really well,” Payton said the next morning as we walked out of our meeting. “They really liked you.” He practically skipped down the street. “You came off as very cool and professional. I think Robert liked that.”
I shook my head. Cool and professional? Was that the new way of saying depressed and wishing I was anywhere but there? I had done my best to muster all my enthusiasm, and I thought I’d pulled it off. But I was tired, and my tiny apartment seemed foreign, sanitary, lonely. Of course, it was missing the most important design accessory possible—Luka’s smile. But I’d made my choice and now I had to abide by it. This was every bit as big an opportunity as Payton had said it was, and I needed to get my head around it fast.
“How soon before we know?”
Payton chuckled as he hailed a cab. We climbed in, and he closed the door. Payton gave the driver the address, and we rode back to his office. “If he liked you as much as I suspect, the offer may be waiting for us when we arrive at the office. He never waits once he’s made a decision. That way his talent doesn’t have a chance to slip away. Robert is a smart man, has a nose for amazing shows.”
I didn’t feel like talking, so I sat back, wondering what Luka was doing right now. Payton spoke on the phone, and I ignored him, getting lost in my own thoughts for a little while.
When we arrived, we went up to Payton’s office and he checked his email and other messages, grinning like a cat. “He wants you. They are going to put together an offer, and they’ll send it over in the next few days.” Payton nearly bounced in his chair. “He did say that the run is for nine months, with an option for extension by mutual agreement for up to a year after that.”
“That’s amazing.” I sighed as the weight of what was being offered settled around me.
“There is also a provision about you moving into the role here on Broadway. This is a stellar offer and puts you next in line to come back to New York in a lead role. I’ll call you once I get the contract, and we can review it together.” Payton’s phone rang, and I stood, waving and receiving a wave in return as I left his office.
I had barely reached the sidewalk when my phone rang. “Hey, Chet.”
“Did you get it?”
“It seems so. Payton got the word when we got back to the office, and he said he’d get the contract in a few days. It’s a nine-month tour, with a possible extension.”
The yell from the other side of the line was nearly deafening. “That’s awesome. We have to go out tomorrow to celebrate. I have a meeting with Payton this afternoon, so hopefully there will be good news all around. I’ll call everybody and make arrangements. Talk at you later.”
He was gone before I could protest.
I needed some time to think, so I decided to walk. It was quite a distance, but what better way to get some exercise and work through the crap in my head, so I headed to Seventh Ave. Blocks passed under my feet, and I was lost in my head, surrounded by people, cars, and horns, being jostled. Still, after I passed the Penn Station area, the sidewalk traffic grew thinner.
For as long as I could remember, when I closed my eyes, I saw myself as an actor and performer. I’d dreamed of Broadway and being on the stage since I saw my first show. I remembered going to dance class, coming home, showing my dad what I’d learned, and then going to the basement to make sure I had it down pat, and had even improved on it before my next lesson. It was part of me, still was.
But as I waited at a corner, I tried to see myself in five years. Before, I always pictured myself taking a bow as a lead onstage. Now the image was muddy, unclear, and that scared the crap out of me. How was I supposed to know where I was going if I couldn’t visualize it?
I reached my building, went inside, and flopped on the sofa, calling the one person I knew I could count on. “Hey, Dad. How are you?”
“Hot as heck, but doing well otherwise. Are you back?” He sighed, and I could imagine him in one of his wicker chairs with a glass of tea.
“Yeah. I’m being offered a great part in a road show. Nine months, with the possibility of taking over the role here.”
“Sounds gr
eat. What you’ve worked for. God, just a minute.”
I smiled as I heard him sipping.
“I drink all the time and sweat it out, air-conditioning or not. It’s humid everywhere.” He hummed. “You don’t sound over the moon about it.”
I could never hide anything from him. “I told you I had a great visit when I took care of Uncle Samuel’s estate, but I didn’t tell you that I had a great visit. As in, I met someone, and….”
My dad chuckled, of all things. “You finally fell in love… for real. Not one of those infatuations led by your bits. But real, heart-involved love.”
“And I left him behind. I was thinking I could go back to see him during show break and things. But this is going to require me to be on the road for nine months and possibly longer. I’ll get a few weeks at Christmas, but other than that, it will be work and more work.”
“You never minded that. The theater gave you energy. You fed on it your entire life.” Ice tinked as my dad drank again. “What do you want to do?”
“Both….”
“Smartass. You can’t. You’re an adult, and you know you can’t have both. If you take the show, you need to be honest with the man you met—tell him how things are and set him free.” Dad suddenly became very serious. “Does he love you too?”
“He said he did.”
“I see.” Damn, I wished I knew what he meant by that. “This isn’t a movie or a show where everything works out so you get everything you want. That doesn’t happen. You get one or the other. It’s the oldest choice in the book, career or love… and you have to choose.”
“I know, and I….” I couldn’t say I didn’t know, because my choice was becoming clearer.
“Bullshit, Jonah. You look at yourself in the mirror and be honest. You know what you want to do and you’re worried about disappointing your friends or me. Well, screw everyone. You do what is going to make you happy. Not your agent or this guy….”
“Luka,” I supplied.
“Or what Luka wants. If you take the show, then be honest with him and step away. Let him move on with his life. It’s the right thing to do, and you know it. But for goodness sake, be happy.”
I heard him making kissing noises and figured Mona was with him.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she said into the phone, and I greeted her in return.
“Like I was saying, do what makes you happy. Don’t wait. Life is too short.” My dad was full of clichés today, but that didn’t mean he was wrong.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Did I help?”
I rolled my eyes. “Not really. But I appreciate you listening.”
“Then you weren’t listening closely enough. Decide what you want, make your decision, and don’t look back or second-guess it. Just be happy, no matter what you do.”
THE FOLLOWING morning I felt like I hadn’t slept a wink, but I got up and worked around the apartment, catching up on the mail and bills, cleaning after my time away, and airing the place out before it got too hot.
The bell sounded, and I went down to open the door. Chet stood outside and hurried through as soon as I stepped aside.
“Good news?”
“Yeah, they want me for Boq, so you and I will be working together again. I think Payton worked his magic.”
I closed the door and followed him up.
“I was thinking that, with us both gone, there was no need to maintain both apartments here in New York. I mean, I have my place and you have this one, but we’re rarely going to be here, except maybe at Christmas. This is rent-controlled, and mine costs a fortune and it’s smaller.”
“You want to move in?” I hadn’t thought about it at all.
“Sure. I don’t have much, other than clothes and stuff. The one big selling point of this place is that there’s closet space, so I could put my stuff in one of them and split the rest. You’ll go to your dad’s for the holidays because it’s what you do, and I’ll stay here. Basically, when we come back, one of us can stay here and look after the place. It would be cheaper, and it isn’t like we’d ever be here at the same time, at least not very often.”
“Sure. Once we find out about the schedule and things, we can figure something out.” I sat down, and Chet did the same.
“We’ll be working and we’ll have minimal expenses, so we can really build up bankrolls for the next time we aren’t working.”
I nodded. What he said made sense.
“What’s going on? This is great news.”
“I know.”
Chet’s gaze narrowed. “It’s him, isn’t it? You’re moping over Luka. This is the chance of a lifetime.”
I sighed. “Chet….” I leaned forward. “I know this is a big deal, but what if he’s my chance of a lifetime? What if what I have with him is my one chance?”
My phone tinged and I picked it up, glancing at the notification that said I had a new text message and then another. I read the one from Charles and then called him right away.
“The borough made an offer. It seems they were prepared, for once. Basically, they will take over management of the cemetery ‘for the good of the community.’” I could see his air quotes. “What do you want to do?”
“Did you get a feel on anything else?” I asked him. “How far do you think they’re going to go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay.” I turned to Chet. “Tell them this. Right now, I’m keeping it. I’ve seen how they maintain their other assets—walls falling down, markers broken and unmaintained, gates rusting and falling off, lawn not mowed and taken care of.” I leaned forward. “Tell them that as of today, I’ve got plans for Ashford and I’m not interested in selling now that we’ve done a ton of work and found something of interest.”
“And if they press?” Charles asked.
“You tell them that I have a lot of media connections.” My resolve hardened. “You tell them that they don’t want to take me on. That I will make their reelectable lives pure, unadulterated hell if they try any crap at all.” I held my cool. It was a bit of a bluff, but it was worth a try.
Charles chuckled. “You don’t pull any punches, do you?”
“They only reason they’re interested is because we’ve cleaned it up and found Quinton’s grave, and that plays into the historical narrative of the town. If they had come to me at first, I probably would have sold, but not now.” I had a connection to the place. God, I could hardly believe I was actually deciding I was going to own a cemetery. But Luka was depending on me, and dammit, the place was part of my heritage.
“I’ll deliver your message, but only if I have to,” he said, and I could tell Charles was smiling. “And I’ll hold on to their offer as added insurance.”
“You’re the best.”
He gave me a quick update on where things stood otherwise, and then we ended the call. I was really growing to like Charles.
“You really are going to own dead people,” Chet said when I set the phone down. I shrugged. “You know you’re weird to be doing this.” Chet came over and hugged me. “I think that’s why I like you. If you were the same as everyone else, you’d be completely boring, and that’s an unforgivable sin.”
I shrugged him off as I brought up the other text. It was a picture from Luka. I waited until Chet wasn’t looking before opening it in case it was a very “special” kind of picture. It wasn’t. Instead, it was a stained marble marker surrounded by grass that had grown over the edges. Corporal William Westerland. He’d been twenty-three years old. Another picture came in, showing a wider view from near the very edge of Ashford.
I clear away branches and leaves, find it, Luka sent. It couldn’t have been completely covered for that long.
“What is it?” Chet asked, but I shook my head. There was no need to go into what this meant. But suddenly a vision flashed into my mind, an idea sprouting. Maybe it was just the tendrils of an idea. I wasn’t sure yet. But I wanted to share it with Luka first if it came to anything.
“Not
hing,” I said.
Chet peered over at my phone as the screen went dark.
“Nosy.” I put my phone in my pocket.
“Are you really worried about Luka?”
I shrugged, still trying to figure things out.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“God, no.” I was going to have to figure this out on my own.
THE FOLLOWING afternoon I went into Payton’s office and we reviewed the contract in detail so I understood everything I was signing up for. Rehearsals would begin on a temporary stage, and then we’d get some time to work with some of the cast here before final run-through. And then we’d leave for our first location. The rehearsals were set to begin in two weeks, with our first performance in Ann Arbor, Michigan, six weeks later. It was a compressed schedule, but we were all professionals.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been as excited about this as an old cheese sandwich. Talk to me.”
So I did. I told Payton everything. By the time I walked out of his office, my path was set and I had taken the first step. My second one was to book a train ticket. Luka deserved to know.
Chapter 11
IT WAS a little strange to be sitting on a train again so soon, but I was happy. I’d messaged Charles, and he agreed to pick me up. I had things I needed to discuss with him anyway, now that I had made some final decisions on what I was going to do moving forward. He met me at the station, and I loaded my luggage in the trunk. Then he and I talked the entire drive back and I shared my plans with him.
“I like what you’re thinking,” Charles said after I’d nearly talked myself hoarse. “It sounds like a real plan.”
“Awesome. Let’s get started on all of it as soon as we can.” I smiled as he pulled up to the house. I thanked Charles for the ride, then carried my bags inside.
The house was stale, so I left the front door open to let in a little fresh air. I took my bags up to the second floor and stopped at the room I’d been using before continuing on to the master bedroom. I opened the door and placed my suitcases next to the made bed. I had plenty of things to do here, but there was one thing that was so much more important.
