by Alexis Daria
Stone’s stomach twisted in knots, shying away from the idea of even one more episode. Rolling onto his back, he stared at the hotel room’s white popcorn ceiling, lit only by the thin sunlight seeping around the corners of the shades. The bed was nowhere near as comfortable as the one he’d slept on in LA, and nothing compared to Gina’s mattress—with her cuddled against him, her cold toes pressed to his calf.
Missing her left a physical ache in his chest. He loved her. He could freely admit that here, far from the moments they’d shared in Los Angeles and ever farther from her home in New York City. She was probably still there, making enormous strides in her career.
He dragged his laptop onto the bed with him and flipped it open. In his fever-induced delirium, he’d taken to watching Gina’s interviews on YouTube. It made his heart hurt to see her, but he needed his fix.
After finding a new talk show clip, he started the video. Gina’s smiling face appeared on the screen. Longing bloomed in his chest, leaving a bittersweet ache.
“Gina, tell us about your choreography style,” the host in the video asked.
Stone listened with half an ear while Gina replied, her voice washing over him in a soothing wave.
Gina was incredibly talented, and a hard worker. She was going places. There was no room in her life for a guy with an engineering degree and a shitty reality show on his resume who wanted to live in Alaska, of all places. His ex-girlfriend, who’d been born and raised in Juneau, hadn’t even wanted to stick around. Why would Gina? There was nothing for her here.
Except him. And he wasn’t enough. The whole time, she’d wanted their relationship kept secret. Maybe it was because she knew he would never fit into the life she wanted.
“And how did you get started?” the host continued. “Tell us about your journey as a dancer.”
When they’d first met, he’d thought the same of her, that she would never fit in here, in his life. But it turned out the opposite was true. He could never reach the heights she aspired to attain. She had values that ruled her decisions, and as she’d pointed out, he’d sold his integrity to balance out his family’s debt and fulfill his role as the silent protector. Here he was, back in the fold, yet he’d never felt more alone. A Gina-shaped space had been carved into his life, and it was empty.
He’d hoped the hole would be filled by all the things he’d missed about Alaska—the quiet, the fresh air, the peace and simplicity. Except it was all a lie. There was nothing simple about his life here. Everything his family did on TV was scripted. The whole time he was in LA, he’d longed to return to something that was a fantasy all along, the idea of a quiet, peaceful existence in the wilderness. He didn’t even truly live in the bush, and there was nothing quiet or peaceful about being on a TV show.
“And what about Stone?” the interviewer asked. “You two seemed to be very . . . close, during his time on The Dance Off.”
He grabbed the laptop and stared at it through bleary eyes, all his attention hinged on what Gina would say next.
On the screen, Gina hesitated. Her eyes flicked toward the camera, then down to her lap. She bit her lip.
“Yes,” she finally answered. “We were. Dance partners always get close but this . . . this was different.”
“What happened?”
Gina straightened her shoulders and shook back her hair. Her lips curved in a tight, closed-mouth smile, and Stone knew whatever she was about to say would be holding back a wealth of feeling.
“Let’s just say letting him go back to Alaska was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” Gina’s hands twisted in her lap. “I feel like . . .”
“What do you feel like?” the host prompted, when Gina trailed off.
His spirits fell. There was no way she was going to answer.
“I feel like . . . something’s missing.” Gina’s hands broke apart and she tapped her chest, quickly, an involuntary gesture. Then she shook her head and waved it off. “Never mind. It’s silly. I think it’s just a lot of changes all at once and—”
Stone slammed his laptop shut.
He’d seen it. The naked vulnerability had been there for a second before she remembered where she was and shut it down, but he’d spent every day with her for three months, and he knew her tells. He knew how she looked when she was feeling more than she could put into words, more than she wanted to reveal. The lip-biting, the tapping, pressing her lips together as if to hide what she really felt.
Letting him go back to Alaska was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
He had to get out of his contract.
As soon as he had the thought, something closer to real peace descended on him. Yes. That was the answer. Winning The Dance Off had solved the financial issues keeping him on Living Wild. If he could work with the show’s lawyers, maybe hire a good one of his own . . .
Someone knocked on his door.
He cleared his throat. “Who is it?” Still a croak.
“It’s Mom.”
Instead of looking for underwear, he dragged the blankets with him. When he opened the door, her face became a mask of concern.
“Oh, honey. You’re still sick?”
“Mm-hmm.”
He fell back into the bed while she filled a mug of water for him from the bathroom sink.
“Reed said you were, but you know he is. He likes to joke.”
“Fever’s gone, anyway.”
Pepper brought him the water and pulled a chair closer to the bed. After he took the mug, she pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. “You still feel a little clammy, but not warm.”
“I should be okay tomorrow,” he rasped. “Maybe.”
She dropped her hand. “Stone . . . I came in to tell you something.”
“What?”
“Apparently, that figure skater poked around too much.” Her shoulders slumped. “Your father and I just had a meeting. They’re canceling the next season.”
“Wait, really?” He struggled to sit up. “This is the last one?”
“I’m afraid so.” Giving his leg a pat, she got to her feet. “We always knew this might happen. Surprised we made it this long, if you want to know the truth. And don’t worry, your father is already pitching a few ideas for a new show.”
Stone blinked.
“Feel better, son.” The door whispered shut behind her.
Stone sat on the bed in a tangle of blankets, staring at the hotel room door.
He was free.
* * *
“I can sublet my room,” Gina said while Natasha poured two glasses of wine.
“We’ll figure it out. Did you decide whether or not you’re going to do The Dance Off again?”
“Not yet.” Gina took the wineglass Tash handed her. “I know this is show business, and there will always be someone trying to manipulate me, but if I return, I don’t want anything to do with Donna.”
“I wouldn’t blame you for telling them to go fuck themselves, but I’ll miss having you there.”
“It’s going to be weird being alone in New York while I’m doing the musical. I’ve gotten used to LA.”
“And you have a kickass roommate.” Tash clinked her glass to Gina’s. “Are you going to live with your mom?”
“No, I’m hoping to find a place in Hell’s Kitchen, or somewhere else in Manhattan where I can get to and from the theater easily. It’ll depend on what I can afford. What are you going to do in the off-season?”
“While you were gone, I booked a gig on a cable show filming this summer. Nothing big—I’m playing a teenager, if you can imagine.”
Gina laughed. “A mean girl?”
Tash pursed her lips and shrugged a shoulder. “I play the sassy Latina bitch so well.”
“If only people knew what a softie you are.”
“Don’t tell anybody, or I’ll cut you.”
Gina snorted and drank more wine. It was a nice, sweet Pinot Noir, something she’d missed while filming. “We live in a world of seasons, do
n’t we? We could be living different lives every few months.”
Natasha flashed her knowing grin. “You mean you could fit in a season in Alaska?”
“Maybe.” Gina tried to squash a smile. “Summer, of course.”
“Does that mean you forgive him?”
Gina swirled her wine, watching it splash up the sides of the glass. The dark, fruity scent filled her nostrils. She missed the scent of pine.
“My sister pointed out that it was probably for the best that he didn’t tell me, considering how I probably would have reacted.”
“You mean how it would have made you an anxious mess?”
Gina glared at Tash from the corner of her eye. “Yes.”
“I was wondering when you were going to come to that.”
“Gracias, amiga.”
Tash grinned like she hadn’t caught the sarcasm. “De nada.”
“And my mother . . .” Gina stopped. Absentee fathers were a sore subject in this apartment. “Mami thinks I didn’t want to get close to Stone because . . .”
“Because your father left?”
“Yeah. And I knew Stone would be leaving.”
Tash shrugged. “Mira, I know I have daddy issues. I was wondering when you were going to cop to yours.”
“I started thinking, what if I just don’t want to be alone? A few months ago, that didn’t seem like a good enough life goal. But now . . .”
“Now you’ve met someone you wouldn’t mind being not-alone with.”
“Exactly.” Gina sipped again, then set her glass on the coffee table next to her trophy—slightly smaller than the one The Dance Off gave to the celebrity winners, but no less tacky. “I think I’d like to be not-alone with Stone. I don’t know how we’d make it work, but I’m willing to try.”
“Aww, look at you, sounding like a rational adult.” Tash smirked and raised her glass.
“Oh, I also found this on my phone.” Gina pulled up a video and pressed play. Natasha watched over her shoulder.
Stone’s face appeared on the screen, too close, and shooting nervous looks over his shoulder. He was in the hallway of The Dance Off’s rehearsal studio.
“Gina, I’m . . . fuck, I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I hope you never find this. Or at least, I hope you don’t find it until I’m back in Alaska.”
He let out a sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face.
“I just want to say, I think the world of you. You’re smart and funny, beautiful and determined. For months, you’ve pushed me to do better, be better. You’ve helped me learn a lot about myself along the way. I have you to thank for that.”
He shook his head and muttered something like “that sounds cheesy” under his breath. His face was bright red. When he looked back at the camera, though, his eyes were dark and filled with pain.
“I’m hurt, Gina. Really hurt. I was hoping we could . . . well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I understand why you’re angry, and I’m sorry. If I could go back and do it differently, I would, but . . . I don’t want to hide. I want to love you in the open.” He swallowed hard. “If you ever . . . well, you know where to find me. Glacier Valley Inn, room 107.”
The video ended.
Natasha screeched. “When did you find this?”
“This morning. While waiting for my flight back.” It still gave her a warm, tingling rush every time she watched it, even though she’d played it over and over on the flight to LA, grinning like a fool the whole time.
“This is some romantic comedy shit right here. You know what, I think it’s summer in Alaska right now.” Natasha flipped open her laptop on the coffee table and sat on the floor in front of it. “What if I just happened to look up flights?”
Gina grinned. “I have over a week before rehearsals start . . .”
“Nearest airport?”
“Check Juneau.”
A heavy knock sounded from the apartment door.
Tash got up, giving Gina a quizzical look. Gina shrugged. She wasn’t expecting anyone.
After looking through the peephole, Tash spun around with a huge grin on her face. “It’s him,” she mouthed, then grabbed her wineglass and tiptoed into her bedroom.
Him? Did she mean Stone?
Hands trembling, Gina set her glass on the coffee table and went to the door. After taking a deep breath, she pulled it open.
Stone stood on the other side, wearing dark wash jeans and a navy button-down that made his eyes look like they glowed. His hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and he carried a duffel bag slung over one shoulder.
Gina’s heart gave a hopeful thump in her chest. Before she could greet him or ask what he was doing there, he spoke.
“I’ve been watching your interviews.”
“Oh.” Damn. She’d done so many. But if he was here, that meant he must have seen the most recent one, where she slipped up and admitted she wanted him to stay. “I saw your video on my phone.”
He blushed. “When?”
“This morning.”
“Did you mean it?” they both asked at the same time.
His brows creased. “Of course I did. Every word. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”
And that was the truth of him. Yes, he’d lied for his family, and he’d kept their relationship secret because she’d asked him to. But she’d never doubted his feelings for her were genuine.
How had she repaid him? With unfair accusations. She’d said hurtful things to push him away, all because she’d been too scared of what she saw when he looked at her, and what she felt when she looked at him.
All because she’d been too scared of what would happen when he left her.
She was about to apologize when he launched into a speech.
“Gina, please try to understand. My family has had a hold on me my entire life. I’ve always been the responsible one who drops everything to rush to their aid, and I’m tired of it. I hate being on Living Wild. I thought I would hate The Dance Off, too, except it was the most fun I’ve ever had.”
She couldn’t hold back a dopey grin. “Really?”
“You light me up. You helped me remember who I was before, and see clearly who I am now and who I want to be.”
“I like who you are,” she cut in. She wished she’d reassured him the first time he’d brought this up, but she’d been too busy breaking up with him at the time. “Since the beginning. In every dance, the goal was to show who you really are—even if you didn’t know who that was yet.”
“I know.” His eyes were earnest and clear. “You saw me. You’re the first person who has in a long time. I wanted to help you win because you deserved it, but I was also trying to shoulder your burdens for you. I should have told you what Donna was doing and let you be part of deciding what to do about it. Maybe part of me wanted everyone to know about us, but that was the wrong way to do it. I should have respected your boundaries.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
“For what?”
“I’m sorry I was so adamant about hiding our relationship. I’m not ashamed of you, and never was. I was scared. It was easier to focus on our differences and tell myself it would never work, rather than figuring out how it could.”
His lips quirked. “Meanwhile, I kept telling myself we weren’t right for each other, because our lives and goals are too different. Then I realized I’m the one who wasn’t right for you. I get why you want to be in show business. You’re good at it, and you didn’t need that kiss footage to get votes. You deserve to be a star, and you deserve a man who will help you make your dreams come true, wherever those dreams take you.”
Everything he said was magical and lovely, but she’d made mistakes, too, and she had to own up to them. She jumped in. “And you deserve someone who won’t try to keep you hidden behind the scenes. I was scared of what people would think of me. But it’s my life, and I can’t live it according to what other people might think. My fears and ambitions got in the way, but success is meaningless if it requires me to
be alone.”
“Gina.” His blue eyes held everything she’d come to miss in the days they’d been apart. “You don’t have to be alone. I won’t make you choose. I love you, and I’ll follow you wherever you want to go, to the ends of the earth, if need be. Let’s chase your success.”
From the bedroom, Natasha let out a whoop.
Stone’s cheeks flushed red—more visible than they’d been the last time she’d seen him. “I didn’t realize Natasha was home.”
“Don’t mind her.” Gina pulled him into the apartment. Shoving the door shut with her foot, she yanked him down for a scorching kiss. He still smelled like pine and clean, crisp air, and his arms still felt strong and protective around her. How had she ever let him go? That was a mistake she wouldn’t be making again.
“Did you trim your beard?” she asked, petting his cheeks.
“I shaved it off the day I quit Living Wild.”
She squinted at him, trying to imagine him without the facial hair.
He scrunched up his face. “It looked weird. I’m not used to seeing myself without it, so I’m letting it grow back.”
She scratched at his chin with her nails. “I’ve always liked it.”
“Does this mean you forgive me?”
In answer, she led him to the coffee table and spun the laptop around, showing him the airline tickets Natasha had researched. “I can learn to compromise.”
“So can I.” They laughed together, and it was the most beautiful sound.
Gina closed the laptop. “How do we start?”
“However we want. My next season has been canceled, thanks to Lauren D’Angelo. I managed to get out of the rest of this season, too, since I missed most of it anyway. I’m free, Gina.”
His eyes were alight, devoid of tension. But one thing worried her. “You love Alaska. I can’t ask you to leave it behind.”
“I love you more. I’ll make do with visits. I was hoping you’d want to go with me, so I can show you what I love about it. Without a camera crew this time. I bought a plot of land there, to build a house of my own—or our own, if you want it to be. Not right away, but—”
“I’ll help you.” She threw her arms around him. This was a big deal for him. He’d gotten his life back and come to her door with his heart in his hands, and he was willing to travel with her wherever her career took them. “I’ll help you build the house. I don’t know how, but I’ll learn.”
