Bucky kept on grinning, letting Red—surprise, surprise—do the explaining. Richards looked vaguely uncomfortable, but so far, he’d watched the exchange with avid attention, making me guess that he was taking notes, just like I was.
“Emily Raynor is probably the only reason why any of us are still alive,” Red started. Nobody disagreed, which surprised me. “There was an incident two weeks before that sent her into red alert. She pestered everyone who would listen—which were far too few people—before she grabbed a bunch of scientists, every scrap of lab equipment that she could get her hands on at short notice, and holed up in the Esterhazy base. One of the reasons why she’s one of the power players is that her warning hit way closer to the truth than anyone could have expected. She insisted that special troops were sent to key stations to ensure that in the event of a fatal catastrophe, we would be able to prevent worse from happening.” He cocked his head to the side when all he got from me was a bland look. “Have you never wondered why the US didn’t turn into a nuclear wasteland when the grid went offline and no one was alive to power down the reactors?”
Now that he mentioned that…
I shook my head, unease of a different kind taking over for a second. I sure hoped our European counterparts had used the extra time allotted to them thanks to the slower onset of the apocalypse to take care of that.
“Not getting eaten or infected seemed like the much more pressing issue at the time,” I admitted. “And guess I forgot about the rest when no one else brought up any possible dangers.” I didn’t need to look at Nate to indicate who I was referring to.
“We had teams of two to five people stationed at every single possibly volatile point,” Richards disclosed. “That’s part of why we lost so many in the first weeks of the outbreak. And why a lot of them chose to set out on their own, ending up on your side of the playing field this year.” Bucky’s lips curled into a slight sneer. Red ignored him. “I’m not sure how long you’d been on Raynor’s radar; probably only for the brief time when you were about to be hired by Raleigh Miller to join his team, but since you never actually got to work on his research, you likely ended up as a note in a file. Yet when she was scrambling to secure all the resources she could, she must have remembered that one of the most brilliant scientists to have ever worked on the serum project thought you a worthy candidate. It took all the favors she could call in to set things in motion. There wasn’t enough pull left to escalate your retrieval. If I hadn’t accidentally ended up in Lexington as we had to pull back, no one would have spared a second to try to pick you and your girlfriend up.”
Gee, wasn’t that a nice reminder. That, inevitably, I hadn’t needed their help to survive didn’t seem to matter to Richards now. That he seemed to be the only reason why Sam was still alive did matter to me.
Tired of someone stealing his show, Hamilton took over once more, raising another finger.
“Your second mistake was showing up on the playing field once more when you thawed out from your bunker in spring.” I must have looked surprised that he knew about that, making him laugh—harshly. “Yes, I knew where you were hiding. Never wondered why they had a set of overwhites around that was a few sizes too small for all of them? That was intended for my sister.” He grimaced, as if he’d bitten on something unexpectedly bitter. “Back when we built that bunker, we were still tight, but even then we were paranoid enough to keep the undertaking under wraps from everyone who didn’t strictly need to know. I didn’t have a reason to rat you out. On the contrary. Would have been so much easier for me if you’d just remained dead like everyone thought you were.” He barked a short laugh. “But no, you had to be fucking morons who set out to save the world! Some people absolutely deserve the shit that comes raining down on them.”
A dramatic pause followed. No one spoke up. This was getting tedious quickly, but considering I kind of knew what was coming next, I could see why he was drawing this out. I had to admit, I was kind of curious about getting his side of things. Not that I expected any huge revelations that could dwarf the bomb he’d already dropped, but so far, none of this had really impacted me. That was about to change.
“Your third and final mistake was to make your return from the dead official,” Hamilton recounted. “Maybe they would have ignored you if you’d let her take over the lab in that town in Kansas. What’s it called?”
“Aurora,” Red and I offered in unison. Hamilton snorted at my glare, easily holding it now.
“That one. Not saying you didn’t have a target painted on the back of your head by then, but if you’d stayed behind, Raynor would have put everything in motion to bring you up to her little kingdom, and you would have been out of harm’s way at the very least.” He chuckled to himself as he focused on Nate again. “Serves you right that of all the billions of cunts in the world, you find the one that matches your crazy—and your utter carelessness, borne from the conviction that you’re invincible. Not only did she, quite publicly, throw her lot in with you, no. She had to go the whole nine yards and stress to everyone who wanted to listen, and those who didn’t, that you two were a thing. Not going to repeat that quote for sensitive ears here, but that was pretty irrefutable.”
“What, you keeping a file on all the shit I say?” I huffed, more intrigued than annoyed.
“Huge file,” Bucky succinctly told me. “You signed your death warrant that day.”
Now didn’t that sound dramatic? I would have loved to call bullshit, but I had the strong—and quite uncomfortable—feeling that, for once, he was telling the truth.
“Then why am I still alive?” I would have loved to proclaim that with a taunting lilt to my voice, but it came out more like a dry rasp.
Bucky’s smirk was back in full force. “Why do you ask questions that you already know the answer to?” And fuck, did I hate that he even did a very good imitation of Nate’s voice asking me that. He dropped it as he went on explaining. “Guess there are still gaps you’re not quite sure how to fill. The moment they knew your dear husband was back on the playing field, they wanted him back in the fold. Not without consequences for his transgressions, but nothing like the end of the world to offer up some second chances, right?” His gaze dropped on Nate. “It was only due to the drag in communication speed that let you get out of both Dispatch and the Silo before they could send me there to fetch you. What comes next, you already know.” He allowed himself another chuckle. “Damn, it was great to see the desperation on your face when we cornered you in that factory. Kudos to you. I didn’t expect that you’d have it in you to blindly sacrifice several of your men to save her. You still failed. How did that make you feel?” Nate didn’t deign to respond.
“The official orders were to bring you both in, and whoever else could be persuaded to come along. Goes without saying that I received my personal orders directly. A kill order for her and anyone you’d ever worked with for more than a single assignment, or who I thought might mean something to you. In the unlikely event of your immediate surrender, I was to take her into custody alive, but we all know that neither of you would have wanted that.” He graced me with a sidelong glance. “You think almost dying of getting savaged by zombies was bad? That was child’s play compared to what would have happened to you otherwise.” He paused, this time to consider, not just for annoying effect. “Guess there was a slim chance that they would have decided to try to use you later on, but nobody thought you’d be useful as a fighter back then. Be glad. You would have hated the husk of your former self that they’d have turned you into. You would have survived that, I guess, considering that you didn’t give up just because you started rotting from the inside out. Had they known you were cut from that cloth, they never would have let you go.”
“Not much of that ‘letting’ actually happened,” Nate pointed out. “We beat you fair and square, against all odds.”
Bucky laughed, for once amused. “Ah, now, did you? Or did I let you go? Let me think.” He went as far as to pensively scra
tch his chin, his eyes never leaving Nate’s. “Right. I let you go. Because the last thing I needed was you back in the game, and likely twice as insufferable once you got out of the re-education camp. Or was it sheer sentimentality that made me give the order to fall back and not kill every living soul in that damn building just to hunt you down? Can’t be, right? Because we both know they beat that shit right out of us both.”
Another nugget, and judging from the harsh set of Nate’s jaw, not something he liked to be reminded of.
“You really didn’t suspect that they sent us there to get you back?” Bucky asked. “Come on. You turned into a veritable U-boat after that. You must have suspected something.”
Nate took his sweet time responding, and I didn’t miss that, twice, he cast a cautious look my way. “Suspected? Yes. But the chances that anyone was still alive who had a personal grudge against me were nil. And why would you have let me go in Aurora if you’d still wanted me back in the fold?”
“Why indeed,” Bucky drawled. “You know that’s not how Decker works.”
“I didn’t think he could still be alive,” Nate echoed his previous sentiment. “Or that anyone would be stupid enough to put him in charge.”
Hamilton chortled with mirth. “I don’t think it was a conscious decision. You missed out on a lot of infighting behind the scenes. At first, everyone was scurrying to survive. Then there were so many different factions to unite, each one trying to make a grab for control while not giving an inch of what they’d already secured. Trade had to be established, settlements secured, troops redistributed. Who would have paid one single old man much notice? He wasn’t stupid. He reached out to us first, secured his base. And by the time anyone else was aware of his return, it was already too late.” Another pause. “Not that most minded. The worse the times get, the more people look for a leader, particularly one who pretends to leave them a little more independence than they ask for and is happy to remain in the shadows. Sound familiar?”
It did, and I so didn’t like Bucky throwing me that bone to chew on. That sounded a lot like the shit Nate had been pulling for most of the year, if on a smaller scale. I could tell that he knew the damage was done, but Nate didn’t give Bucky the satisfaction to look at me, apologetic or not.
“Are you done yet?” he asked instead.
“Not by a mile,” Bucky confided. “But I don’t want to bore you with the details. Long story short, when I returned empty-handed, they decided to let someone else prove his competence.”
“Taggard,” I guessed when Bucky didn’t volunteer the information right away. I had been wondering where he came onto the stage.
He nodded. “He and Alders—that senile of fuck of a doctor—already had their sick little serum farm set up. No need to ask me about the details, that’s one of the factions I never had anything to do with except reading the files after the fact. All it took was to set a trap using that girl from the other scavenger group, and of course you waltzed right in.” Another dramatic pause followed, until I was close to going back on my stance not to try to physically harm him. “Far as I know, the kill order on you was still active, but I don’t need to repeat that Taggard was barely more than a sock puppet with about as much intellect. Rather than kill you, he took his sweet time locking you up in that tiny cell so he could torment you, and what happened after that he sure had comin’. Still baffles me how he managed to take out most of your merry band of misfits when he was already limping back to the only one who still had his back, for her very own morbid reasons.”
Listening to him so casually refer to us losing everyone but the four of us who’d been in the settlement to talk while Andrej had taken up the pursuit—killing one, and severely maiming several others, not the least Andrej and Martinez—made me gnash my teeth hard enough that the enamel should have cracked. I swallowed my ire, instead forcing myself to focus on the new information.
That last bit he’d offered up I could guess at. “So Raynor really knew I was infected back then.” Question was, whether or how she’d been connected with Taggard—and Alders—before that.
Bucky graced me with a bright smile. “As soon as one of the lab techs called her from the Silo, after you resurfaced from not biting it. She heard about Taggard’s undertaking by accident, and let’s just say that she wasn’t too heartbroken to get some extra lab results ahead of him delivering you personally. She must have known that was never his intention until she ended up being his only option, but he was an alternative to me. Damned if I know why that woman doesn’t like me.” Judging from his ongoing smile, he was very aware of said reason.
“So they sent you to the Colorado base to make up for your previous failure, seeing as Taggard hadn’t had much more success?” I ventured a guess.
“See, you can be smart if your fucking misguided idealism doesn’t get in the way,” Hamilton jeered. “Command wasn’t happy about the developments that happened over the summer. It was a close to serendipitous moment when we got the news that you were rallying everyone who would follow to come after us. Nobody would have profited from slaughtering the lot of you, and some factions were lobbying that having all the misfits rally under someone they knew had leadership qualities was in our best interest.” Nate didn’t react to his smirk. “Raynor’s insistence got more urgent that you were on borrowed time, so my kill order was rescinded. Why bother when we could just let nature take its course? One invitation, lost in the heat of battle. Stranger things have happened.” And he’d likely gotten a commendation for what I’d believed was one of his greater missteps. Ah well. In the light of recent revelations, I didn’t give a shit about that anymore.
Nate cleared his throat after a few tense seconds. “What changed?”
Bucky shrugged. “She didn’t die quickly enough,” he offered. “And the snow storm you encountered on the way to the Silo might have hampered communications.”
Wait, what were they talking about now? What change was Nate referring to? Proving once more that he could pretty much read my mind, Nate shrugged. “They could have easily killed you at the Silo. And we never would have made it to the base on our own after the cars broke down. Those ATVs didn’t plant themselves out there, fully operational.”
“Let’s say that I was personally motivated by the idea of gloating into your rotting face one last time after you realized that it was thanks to me that you were dying,” Bucky provided conversationally. It was my turn to sneer at him, but I regretted that a second later when his eyes lit up. Uh oh. Dangerous territory. I cast around for what to say to cut this short, but Hamilton was already talking, explaining with glee once more taking over his voice. “And my, did you look pathetic when you couldn’t even undress yourself anymore without help. But I have to hand it to you, I hadn’t expected you to be such a tenacious bitch. Color me impressed. Impressed enough that I figured you deserved a chance to live.”
I bit down hard on my tongue to keep myself from responding. Sadly, Nate had other ideas.
“Like you had anything to do with that,” he bit out, heat returning to his tone.
Bucky snorted, unimpressed. I absolutely hated the smile spreading on his face. “You really think that her undying love for you would have been enough to get her through that shit? Guess again. I know, Richards here agrees with you. His idea was to kill you both with kindness. Figuratively speaking, of course.” The way he laughed let me guess that he didn’t think Red capable of cold-blooded murder. “He wrote your psych profile, just saying,” Bucky told me. “Lots and lots of bullshit in there that’s absolutely useless. He wanted us to welcome you with open arms. To shame you into cooperating because all of your many misconceptions had led to deaths that weighed so heavily on your soul now, boohoo. That was obvious from all the data they’d managed to gather on you. But they were lacking one crucial detail that, somehow, everyone overlooked.”
I didn’t want to, but I just had to bite. “Which is?”
Bucky’s smile brightened. “That he”—he indic
ated Nate—“is the one who indoctrinated you. The one who made you into his perfect little murder doll. Whether consciously or just on instinct, he taught you how to survive, and that at whatever cost. Only makes sense. That’s his one defining trait that rules over everything he does. I never found out if he’s actually a highly functioning psychopath who’s absolutely perfect at pretending to be a semi-moral human being, or the other way round. It doesn’t matter. You took your clues from him and made his template yours. Decker never really understood him, not like I did, because some things you only learn about someone if you’re really fucking tight. Until that very last resort, you may delude yourself that it’s positive thinking that gets you through the day. But once you’re at the end of the line, the only thing that will let you survive is cold, hard anger. And my, didn’t I give you enough of that to last you for a long, long life?”
I didn’t try to refute his claim, not even to myself. Especially not to myself. I couldn’t remember when that had occurred to me, but all the denial I had in me hadn’t been enough to convince myself otherwise. Yet it was one thing to know, deep down, but quite another to stare the truth in the smirking face.
Uncustomarily for him, Hamilton didn’t dwell too long on that, but instead made a grandiose gesture with both arms. “Aren’t we all glad I did? I’m not saying I was acting altruistic here. You dying on the operating room table would have turned your husband into a walking bomb. Me killing you outright would have done the same. Decker turning you into a broken and barely put-back-together assassin would have done the same. Anything that would have ended with him losing you would have done the deed. It pains me to admit it, Miller, but yes, you are better than me at one thing: you would have deceived the master deceiver. You would have pretended to roll over and take it, then waited, forever holding your breath, until you were close enough to kill that old bastard and rid the world of him. There wouldn’t have been any consequences for me for doing that except having you back around with your superior attitude and your fucking need to excel at everything. Why would I want that? Can’t be that, old sentimental fool that I am, I felt like my old friend deserved a shot at a life I’ll never have? No, I’d never do that. They made sure that compassion isn’t on my list of emotions that I’m still capable of.”
Green Fields Series Box Set | Vol. 3 | Books 7-9 Page 66
